#NerdsUnite: Dispelling the myths of pick up and taking steps towards a happier life

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

When you think of pick up what comes to mind? For most it’s the image of outrageously dressed former dorks using magic tricks and manipulation to seduce women. I however found something very different. It is unfortunate that the industry has moved further and further into douchbaggery, only focusing on who fucked the highest number of the hottest women. There is so much substance that has been lost.

Yes I have slept with a lot of very attractive women but if you ask me what I value from the process, the bedding of women is not it. I value the self-esteem that I garnered, the comfort I feel in my own skin, the friends that I may not have met had I not known how to display my value to them and the list goes on and on. The truth is that the exploration of social dynamics is an exploration of yourself. It is finding your inner awesome, determining what makes you unique, discovering what you value in others, being able to find that value through social interaction and holding yourself to higher standards.

I recently had a discussion with my Mom about where her life is at. After some digging she confessed that she doesn’t feel as though she has any real friends. I then asked her what she saw her life looking like 10 years from now if she didn’t fix this problem that was obviously causing her distress. Her answer was that she saw herself becoming my grandfather who lives in the country alone, volunteers at a golf course, prays and reads in solitude. To each his own, but this was not what my Mom wants for herself. There are three areas of our lives that we must keep healthy; our psyche, our body, and our heart. If one of these things is lacking then it’s time to ask yourself the same question, What will your life look like in 10 years if you don’t augment your life? And even more importantly, what will your life look like if you DO make changes? Comfort does not birth change but on the other side discomfort does. So no real change happens until you decide to get out of your comfort zone and do something.

If love is one of your deficits than I am excited to say that I can help but if you are overweight or depressed I urge you to take action. Start by grabbing a piece of paper and when we’re done filling it out tape that shit to your bathroom mirror so that it stares you in the face every morning. On that piece of paper ask yourself;

Is there an area that is lacking in my life (psyche, body, love)?
What will my life look, sound and feel like 10 years from now if I don’t fix it?

What will my life look, sound and feel like 10 years from now if I do fix it?

What is my macro goal?

Ok, so now that you’ve reflected on your life and determined an area that you’d like to improve it’s time to look at micro vs macro goals. Remember that time you started a new workout plan and didn’t finish. We have all done it. Here is where most people falter, they get through the early stage of determining an area that they want to fix then they jump in. Well the problem is that without the celebration of small successes the long road to the big (macro) goal seems to drift further and further away. It is important to set tactical micro goals on a daily basis ESPECIALLY at the beginning of starting something new. Every morning you should ask yourself, What can I do today so that I can go to bed feeling like a success? Stay present and take it one day at a time.

For my friends out there that want to be better socially here is a micro tactical goal that I propose you start taking now. Look everyone in the eye and hold that contact for at least three seconds. When you look them in the eye stand tall and smile. If you are feeling self-conscious, fake it. Just the act of standing tall, smiling and holding eye contact with make you feel more confident. It’s kind of backwards but it works. For guys that have little experience talking with women that could be defined as a 9 or 10 (out of 10) make a conscious effort to engage with them in aforementioned way.

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

RT: #WTF: About this weekend ... can I get a rundown?

AHHHHHHHHHH you guys!! I got like the greatest mo batest email EVER last night from one of my students from the Neil Strauss StyleLife/ Wing Girl Method conference I went to last weekend.

Seriously, I asked him if I could post it here as it moved me so much. I love it when you can have multiple people telling multiple sides of the same story. Social media has taught me how SHOCKINGLY insular we all are, and by expressing what you are feeling, others will then have this subtle permission to tell you what they are feeling and so on ... and so on ... and so on ...

Loves me some life. Here have a read! It's completely unedited minus me removing some of the other duderino's names. Enjoy!!!

So we reached back in the conference room to meet our wing girls. after a brief introduction by JGatz we were put into groups of 5. our wing girl was Jen. she is a jewel of a person. We started off with some improv exercises to build comfort among the group and bond with each other. It somehow including dancing (..not a big fan of dancing without music!). Anyhow, we got to know each other a lot better with a period of 15min, and headed up to the rooftop bar of the Standard Hotel. In my group was H ( a man with a stunning and mysterious personality, no wonder he is a profesional magician), T ( Intense guy, he is just so centered in the way he carries himself it draws you to be around him), B (chilled out guy who just radiates fun by his mere presence), F ( a shy person, who is funny, he still needs to accept to use his humour out in the world, but a very nice guy), Jen (our wing girl, she is just so full of life, and a really really authentic person, you feel the warmth of humanity when you meet her, no bull shit just one human interacting with another human) and then there was me, Hash ( I'm brown and I'm from India...more to come on this).

As it turned out T and I were wearing the exact same shirt, though i wore a vest and he had a sports blazer on. Initially i thought this is going to awkward, wearing the same shirt in the bar, but i made my peace with that thought for a while. We took the elevator and reached the rooftop. I felt hollow inside, just imagining that I will be approaching in a few minutes now, and there is a person who will make sure i do. So we walked in found a spot, Jen started assigning sets to us, and man she changed into this army general, who knew what she was asking everyone to do, no questions, no doubts. "H, go talk to those 3 girls, B, go open the group on that table, Hash, go talk to those 2 girls sitting there...".. "Who, me?!" 'fuck, what am i gonna say' .. I walked up with my stomach trying to dig deeper in itself with fear, "Hey, I have a quick ques,.. "..  I delivered the jealous girlfriend opener, and asked for their opinion. The 2 set were asian girls, so one of them started talking to me, saying she just came here from Korea a month back, for an english course through an exchange program. 'like come on, my first set and they dont speak english,'. I anyways made small talk with them.. talking about Korea, the different foods around the world, and politely ejected. I saw Jen, who was for some reason, very glad to see me back. She had passed me, when i was talking to the set, and responded by saying that i was awesome. Both of them had very open body language, and hair play included. It made me a little happy to know, that wasn't shot at, screamed at, or anything at my approach.

Jen, then pointed out another 3 set and said go talk to them, and then walked off. She doesn't even give you a second to feel AA, as she walks off, you have 2 options, either to stand there frozen in time, and look like a creep staring into oblivion or your set, or you could walk and open the set. 

So i walked up to the 3 set and opened them with the jealous girlfriend again, and this time i must admit felt much easier and a little more fun. i spoke to the 3 set for like 20 minutes, landing DQs, sharing stories, the conversation ended with which is your favorite star wars movie, and who loved the yoda's fight in the clone army. As i ejected from the set, i bumped into T, who had just opened a 2 set. 

I felt there was an awkward silence coming so, on cue, somehow my brain started talking. "Hey guys, tell me.. so both of us landed up in this bar wearing the same shirt. does it look awkward, i mean you know how girls get really upset if their friends land up in the bar wearing the same shoes, or skirt or similar dress, does the same go with the guys in the bar?" 'it was a random sequence of thought which found the right words somehow'.. ( both T and i used this as an opened through out the night, opening set saying we are having a vote out, we would both wing each other, walk into the set 45 seconds later saying 'oh come on, not you again'.. it worked pretty well)...

Next, Jen again found me, and this is what she said "You are fucking glowing! Go! Dont talk to me! Go! spread this glow, its contagious" .. Wow, i loved it, the fear had now turned into an excitement, I  opened a 5 set this time, 3 girls 2 guys, (my first mixed set), with the same shirt in the bar opener, i completely ignored my target. They were a group of exchange students as well, form  sweden, russia,scotland, england.. so i had a 5 minute conversation with them, cracking up a few jokes, 'i was still nervous about what i was saying so i wasn't paying attention to any IOI's or the people's body language', as i ejected i found Gigantor (Stylelife Intern, man this guy is huge and so calm, but hell a lot of fun and energy to be around). He pointed out that i was owning the set. Just through my target's body language, i was getting an insane number of IOI's. 'damn i need to calm down and be present in the sets'.

Next, Jen walked up, said open that 3 set in corner and walked off again. 'I hated her for doing this every time, walk up give an order and walk off' .. 

BTW, this is the fun part ...

so i walk up to the 3 set, in the back of my mind i was still thinking which opener should i use, i didn't wanna use the jealous opener again. and before i knew it i was there.. 'damnit !' .. so i opened the set with the jealous girlfriend again, and asked for their opinion. one of them looked at me and said "Have you read 'The Game'?'.. i asked " Have YOU read The Game" .. she replied " yeah"... 'FUCK !' .. so i said i was just testing whether the openers worked or not. she asked "so where is your flare, your peacocking?" .. somehow, by the love of god my brain worked fast enough to come with, what i think became my epic line.. I replied " I am brown and I am from India, I dont need peacocking!" bham, they started laughing, and we started talking about india, and indian food and what not..! i again ejected, (with my heart pacing  200 beats/ min) .. i was high on life. 

Jen kept saying " you are owning the place, you are glowing, welcome to life".. Man, i was having fun. the rest of the night all of us kept opening sets, winging each other, and laughing our asses of to our experiences.

This one day of conference and one night of wing girl program, gave me more confidence than i could have ever gathered on my own. (quite a learning curve huh?!!).. and then happened day 2 !!.. 

Hell, my life is now a party.. met some awesome guys, the stylelife coaches, wing girls, steve P and last but not the least, Neil Strauss himself, ( got a few praises from him, fuck it felt good !)

AHHHHHHHH LIFE!!!! I wanna eat you up and then make out with you!!!! No, wait, reverse that. hahahaha dudes that would totally make me a praying mantis. Don't they have to bone first though? I'm not looking to bone life, just make out. Does that make me a prude? Am I still talking? Shut up Jen.

All my love and all my heart Hash!!! Thank you for the honesty and thank you for being so fucking AWESOME in the field!!!!!!! You = amazing. All of the guys were!!! I felt like such a proud mama!!! I'm totes serious btw when I say I want an invite to the wedding. =) =) =)

Click here to read my side of the night

oh and PS. Neil Strauss tweeted me. Um yeah. Way to have like the most full circle life moment EVER!!!

Amazing.

Amazing.

Amazing.

Thank you, life.

Oh and if any of the guys from StyleLife or anyone ... anywhere has any questions on chicas that I can help with totally hit me up on Facebook. I'm kinda weird about Facebook chat since my Droid Charge keeps me logged in - I don't always get the message, nor am I possibly even there. But totally totally totally message me, or post on my wall - I'll get right back to ya!!!!! All my love and all my heart! ROCK ON NERDERINOS!!! WELCOME TO LIFE!!! It's been waiting for you!! =) =) =)

#NERDSUNITE

#Amazeballs: Full Circle Moment

HAHAHAHA!! Omg omg omg ... just got back into LA from my epic adventure in northern cali ... writing the post out as we speak!! ... but looky looky the tweet I got yesterday while on top of a mountain! 

HAHAHAHA Neil Strauss tweeted me. Yes ... this was the dude that wrote the guide for the duderino that broke my heart (read an exerpt here) ... ANNNDDD thennnnn flash forward a year and a half later I am not only a wing girl for him (read more on that here), but he actually tweets me. 

If I haven't said in the last 20 seconds how much I LOOOVVEEEEEE social media lemme just say it again. 

Dear social media, 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I hope one day we can have a home with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids and a golden retriever named Aldus. 

hahaa just kidding, we'll call him Bruno after your dad's dad. 

Hope that is okay ... gosh, I just love you so much.

Sincerely, 

Jen Friel aka That Nerdy Chick. 

xoxo #loveyoulongtime

Life, you are amazing ... abundant ... and you continue to blow me away. Seriously!!! Do you EVER take a break?? I love it ... keep it coming. kthxbye =) 

Click here to follow Neil on Twitter!