#FileUnder: Things that keep me up at night ...

i dont get mad at the guys for whistling - i get mad at the ONE GIRL back in the day that slept with the guy that whistled at her. ::smf::

#thatisall

#NerdsUnite: Around the world with @HeatherReusz

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Heather. She's a nerd who is currently living in Japan by way of Chicago. Yep, talk about a culture shock. She's here today to talk about her life, love (which she is currently balancing long distance) and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT HEATHER!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @HeatherReusz

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Being away from America and my boyfriend, I must admit that I totally forgot today was Valentine’s Day. I’m also 15 hours ahead of American time, central time zone at least, so I’m often on a different day than you all are. That means I didn’t get the onslaught of Facebook and Twitter well wishes until about midnight on Valentine’s night for me. I was dutifully reminded though by one of my students this morning that it was Valentine’s Day. I teach every age range from 6 months old to high school. This little boy is 5 years old. He strutted into the school this morning with his mom and as soon as he opened the door, he just shouted “Happy Valentine’s Day!” to me. Beaming with pride, he ran to class and I’m pretty sure he told me “Happy Valentine’s Day” about seven times in the 45 minutes that I had class with him. It was absolutely precious and made my day. There is nothing quite like the love a child to really make you feel what real love is.

To clarify, Valentine’s Day is celebrated here in Japan. The department stores and grocery stores were selling all kinds of wonderful looking gourmet chocolates in all sorts of flavors including some really unique Japanese ones like green tea and red bean paste which are both delicious. However, most people in Japan hand make their chocolate. By hand make I mean they pretty much just melt some chocolate, put it in molds, and decorate it but that’s still more impressive that what most people I know do in America. Most stores were only selling these molds, chocolates, and assorted gift bags. No cards are sold since it is expected that you deliver the gifts straight to your Valentine. In Japan, the roles are a bit reversed on Valentine’s Day as well. The guys are the ones who receive all the presents for Valentine’s here. Ladies spend hours making these chocolates and cakes to give to their boyfriends or crushes. The funny thing is that I would have never guessed that if no one told me. Everything is so pink and frilly things we normally would not expect guys to like. But they are flattered to receive something like this. In fact, the frillier and cuter it is the bigger the honor of receiving it since it shows that the girl clearly put a ton of effort into making the sweets. The ladies get their own special day as well though. A month after Valentine’s Day, March 14^th, Japanese folks celebrate White Day. On White Day, guys shower their ladies with expensive gifts or buy a small gift for their crush to show them their appreciation for the chocolate and sweets given to them on Valentine’s Day. I think it’s kind of a cute system and tradition.

I pretty much didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. I did get a couple of homemade chocolates from my older junior high and high school students which were delicious! I also was greeted by a package from my boyfriend this morning which was a special little touch to the day. He sent me some epically nerdy and sweet gifts. Nerd love is the best kind of love after all. It was hard to be away from him today. I hate to sound like I am whining but its days like this where maintaining a long distance relationship just sucks. This is the first time in three years that I have not had him by my side. While I know it’s just a commercialized holiday, Valentine’s Day is still a blast to celebrate. You get to pause and reflect on your relationship. We enjoy each other’s company and revel in what brought us together and what makes us grow in love. I know that sounds corny and I’m not normally a really romantic person but Valentine’s Day tends to bring that out in me. We did get a chance to Skype today to open gifts which was great but it’s totally not the same. It almost makes me want to see him that much more.  I wish that I could even just be over at his place cuddling on the coach and exchanging gifts but that won’t happen for another 86 days. Sometimes I wonder why I even did this to myself…On a more positive note; he also used this day as an opportunity to let me know that he has officially booked a flight in May to come see me! Best. Present. Ever! Yay!

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Heather on Twitter!

#Question: Are you in love? (a love and happiness guru wants to know!)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Dr. Jennifer Jones. She's a clinical psychologist and a love and happiness guru. No, really! How amazing is that!! This is her take on life, love, and all things nerd. HIT IT DR. JENNIFER!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @DrJenniferJones

Let me share a secret: on the couch, most people admit that they are not sure if they are in love. Even those who are sure they love their partner are afraid they are not "in love" with them. This uncertainty brings anxiety, guilt, or worse, rash decision making. This is somewhat the fault of Hollywood brainwashing, but people still wonder what happened to the butterflies, the crazy sex drive and the obsessing over? Then they ask, with deep fear: have I fallen out of love? 

The answer is yes and no. 

You see, love is not really one emotion--technically it is three. Evidence from neuroscience outlines that there are three systems of love: Lust, Romance, and Attachment (typically in that order). Each system is associated with very different brain chemicals and parts of the brain. 

Lust is exactly as you think it is and requires little explanation. Have you forgotten? Go to a nightclub. It's alive, powerful and horny!

Romantic love is what most of us think of when we think of love. Think "The Titanic," the number two highest grossing film of all time or Sparks' novel, "The Notebook." It's that constant obsession over your loved one, believing that they are superior to all others, and feels like you are walking on clouds (it's lovely).  

Last, is the brain system of attachment, which is nearly identical to the feelings that babies and connected mothers experience toward one another. It is the notion that you will be with this person forever. Not necessarily because they can do no wrong, but because they are a part of you and because you feel a deep sense of safety with them.

The majority of self-help books and magazine articles recommend focusing on romance--but that advice is only 33% accurate. The secret is integrating all three systems of love so that your brain is receiving not only dopamine, but also testosterone and oxytocin. Specifically, by focusing on sex drive and attachment along with romantic love, you'll feel as if you were falling in love again!

Throughout the course of a loving relationship, most people fall in and out of these love systems the same way that the ocean ebbs and flows its tide. It's psychologically healthy and absolutely normal for couples who are "in love" to move in and out of these three systems. 

Instead of thinking of love as one feeling, it would be more accurate to view love as three "feelings." Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment are all essential to the experience of love. However, rarely does any relationship lasting over a few years score high on all three at the same time. Not to say that you won't feel lust again or that you will feel even more attached over the course of the relationship.

Moral of the story: don't be fooled to think that you have to feel like a lovesick teenager to be in love. Consider yourself in love when you experience any combination of the three love systems. If you feel attachment and romance or attachment and lust, know you are especially fortunate. If you feel all three at the same time--well, you are walking on sunshine! 

So, let's ask that question again: are you in love? If you feel a combination of lust, connection or romance, your answer is yes. Nice work. Enjoy each and every feeling. 

#thatisall

Dr. Jennifer Jones is a Clinical Psychologist, author, and speaker specializing in happiness, love, and parenting. She has been in love with her husband for 18 years and has two amazing children. Be sure to follow her to get the latest insight into love, happiness and parenting: @DrJenniferJones. Get more insight into the science of love at www.DrJennifer.com.

#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick ... (So, about Valentines Day)

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy dudes out by providing a frank (not Shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life. 

Here is one I got last night on Facebook ... 

I very genuinely can't have an opinion on Valentines day since I've never had a Valentine. I pride myself in only talking about shiznat that I've experienced - and a Valentine is one that has eluded me. I can say that when I was in a relationship (but he was out of town working on the actual holiday), he sent me flowers ... so financially speaking he invested more money in the holiday, but when he was home I. Absolutely. Brought. It.

So, financially speaking the holiday DOES fall on the guy, but sexually speaking - the chick brings it. 

Again though, in relation to gender roles men and women play - this might not be a bad thing.

Valentines Day as well is just an awkward holiday for females; there is a general loss of control mixed with a shit ton of anxiety that may or may not lead to anything. Then again, you have to ask yourself what in me seeks that validation, and what in me feels a void - but commercialism is strong, man. I hold a TON of animosity over the holiday, but strictly because I've never celebrated (so what in me needs to let that go!). 

You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. In 100 years we're all dead, so eat, sleep, and be merry. Enjoy life, nerderinos!! Whatever that means for you!!

BUT, financially speaking if things are tighter for you, why not offer to cook for your gal? Dude, some of the best dinners I've ever had were when the guy cooked pasta.

Total investment:

Pasta $1 ... or $1.99 if you're fancy.

Sauce: $3

Bottle of wine: $2 (2 buck Chuck ftw!)

All in all, if you don't have a Trader Joes (which serves Charles Shaw wine aka Two Buck Chuck) near you though, you are still looking at a bill less than $20. Financially speaking, there is no excuse to ever tell a girl that you heart her.  

Love you all so long time it HURTS!!! 

#happyvalentinesday, nerds!!

#Question: When you're dating someone, at what point do you kiss them upon greeting?

Question, nerds ...

This has actually come up a few times for me in my dating-ness, and I'm just genuinely curious if there is a cut and paste answer for this and maybe I just don't know.  

Q: At what point in dating someone do you greet them with a kiss instead of a hug?? 

Emphasis on the GREETING - I'm not talking about the end of the date (which should be played like Hitch with the 90/10). 

IMHO, after you have sex with someone you should totes be good to go with a kiss greeting. I have noticed though that sometimes dudes don't follow suit. Maybe it's because they're nervous, or don't want to over step a boundary? FYI, dude, if your penis has been in my vagina I am all game for a kiss greeting. 

I'm needing help in negating the awkward pause and half cheek kiss/ half hug. Help a nerd out, what do you guys do in this type of situation?? 

#love