#Nerdy Neutrons Presents: Change the Guy, Keep the Girl

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ashleighmayes and @saintpepsi

Jordan: Hey, all! It’s time again for another edition of Nerdy Neutrons. I’m SaintPepsi and we got Ashleigh Mayes in here as well, of course. This time we’ll be diving into the relationship thing. A guy dates a girl hoping she’ll never change, and a girl dates a guy seeing him as a work in progress.  Keep the girl, change the guy.

Ashleigh: I think we’ll be in complete agreement on this one. I personally can admit to taking part in this. BUT, with growing up, I’ve realized that with TRUE love, it just doesn’t happen. Often, the problems with relationships ARE that the guy won’t change or that the girl DOES. It’s funny how that works. Instead of arguing points tonight, we’ll dive into the reasoning behind this phenomenon.

Jordan: Sounds like a plan to me! I think we can both give some pretty decent insight into this.  Seems like every time you get into a relationship that you aren’t really sure of, these two things get in the way. When you meet a girl and you know she’s into you, those first three months you’ll have a great experience because the girl is trying to be everything you want her to be.  It’s like the relationship starter kit. The sex is crazy spontaneous and when ever you want it or can justify it.  You go out and experience all new things or even old things you both enjoy but they are new because you’re doing them together. It’s when the lies stop and all the fronts and walls you put up come falling down to the reality and truth of who you both really are.

Ashleigh:  I think you’re right, to a certain extent. I don’t believe it’s a deceitful as you’d have everyone believe. I believe that the perfectness of the relationship is due to testing the waters and not quite being comfortable with each other. When the newness wears off, the people get comfortable with each other. When you reach that level of comfort, who you really are comes out. But why do we find things to change about guys? Why don’t guys want girls to change?  

Jordan: Personally, I think it's from the amazing first impression you gals leave on us.  I look at girls like a form of drugs. That first moment is magic. You become completely dumbfounded by the power and grace a girl holds. Those luscious curves, the dark dreamy eyes drawing you in, the intoxicating aroma from whatever perfume she happens to be wearing and that whimsical smile playing with our hearts.  Like a Christmas present all put together and daring to be opened. Or perhaps like one of those Russian dolls. Each time you take it apart, a new and more exciting thing hides inside. You girls are all together enticing and it's that magic that we find in the beginning that sparks our hearts to bend to your every will and desire. Also, why I think before we even know it we have started changing little things to keep you gals happy and smiling is you catch us unsuspecting and we are powerless before your charm and smile.

Ashleigh: So you're all about the first impression, eh? Well for me, I have to know a boy. Yeah...it's cute  to have a little smile or whatever when I'm people-watching a boy, but getting to know him and having him tell me what he thinks/feels is what really, REALLY hooks me. I'm the type of girl that replays a compliment/sentiment in her head for days after it's said. Yes...I know...I'm cheesy as hell. But really! The little things really do matter. In my case, though, it's the little things that make a connection...not my first impression. To me, if a boy is good with words, I'm GONE. I've actually had a relationship not really work before because the boy sucked with words. True story. I think that most of a girl's desire for hearing these sweet things comes from mother effing fairy tales. Seriously??? It's SO warped to get a little girl to believe that someday, her "prince" will be speaking lines of rhyme! As if! I'm not bitter, but I know unrealistic when I see it! I think that THAT is part of the root of the problem. Girls are led to believe that their "soul mates" will be absolutely perfect. Pretty much made for them... I believe that part of what makes relationships so successful is knowing that your partner has faults and loving them despite it! Working with them and understanding that you yourself has faults too! Too many girls don't realize that. They just think their man is going to be perfect. Period. They're trained on this point from the time they can be read to and it's hard to break a habit or idea that's engrained into their minds.
 
Jordan: I can get behind that. In fact, I make it a point to speak in rhyme... Stop all that rhyming and I mean it. Does anyone want a peanut? In all seriousness... That's something I came across in a recent relationship. I would say sweet things all the time but it would get a partial smile and that was about it. I never really saw how much my words could mean.  In that realm I throw in fishing for compliments. This is one of those things that starts to happen when you get comfortable in a relationship and a dumb guy stops being as flirty as he should with his girl. Lesson one boys: always flirt with your girl from day one till death do you part. Let us know with kisses sweet and smiles so mischievous. For the most part we are walls that you have to break down. Men won't get subtly at all and really need that point blank sentiment. So princes we may not be, but if we are there and trying, we are in it with you because we want to be the prince you are looking for. We want to compliment your soul and seek to do so avidly. I agree so much though that Mr. Perfect doesn't exist. In fact I think girls should be in search of Mr. Gets Me! Clicking with someone is far more practical and important. So long as you haven't settled for Mr. Right Now and keep your standards for love high, you'll find him.

Ashleigh: Another thing I'd like to bring up is "daddy syndrome". Ladies, DON'T be looking for a man to make into someone that reminds you of your father! That's just WRONG! Your father was an individual. There's no two people in this world that are alike. If you were meant to marry your father, you wouldn't be his daughter. That's called incest, my dear! Don't try to make your boy be your dad!

Jordan: So long as we're throwing out advice, guys, open your eyes. Girls don't tell you when things are bad in their life.  It's all in their mannerisms. If you ask a girl how things are going and she shrugs and gives you a half hearted answer, she’s not feeling well. Something’s up and it's your job to make her smile again. It's all in the mannerisms and the tonality. Inflections in voice will tell you more tales of how she is feeling than any solid answer would. Learn to read her face, her tones, and her demeanor. That's where clicking comes in so much use.  You can tell just about all you need to know from every little thing she does. Wow! this became a little more than I suspected. So I'll take it upon myself to wrap this one up. In general let’s say that chances are the person you meet isn't the person you'll get to know and love. We all have walls we put up to protect our hearts and its brining those walls down that allow us to get to the real relationship we will treasure. Patience and acceptance and the two greatest attributes you can apply to any relationship. Let the person you are starting to understand be who they are so you can accept them.  Ashleigh will you sign us out with your sage like wisdom?

Ashleigh: In honor of the snow that most of the U.S. has just had: don’t eat the yellow!

 
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