#Argh: The Anatomy of Expectations

The following is a nerdy rant on expectations and their poopy poopy nature ...

<rant> AHHHHHH!!! T minus 24 hours until the International Badass arrives in good ol' Los Angeles.

Seriously ... in 24 hours, a guy is flying down from Canada to kick it with me for the weekend. Like seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!?! Border crossing?!?! AH-MAZING!

Our sexual chemistry on skype has been OUT OF THIS WORRLLLLLLDDDDD ... but I'm still kinda scared. So, he jives with what I do for a living (which has been a MASSIVE hurdle in me dating), he digs my brain, he digs my butt, I equally dig all of his-ness ... but AHHHHHHHH I feel like these expectations are just off the CHARTS!

Seriously!!! My brain wants to tell me that this guy is too good to be true, and to tone it down a notch - but I dunno. I don't feel like I should have to. Life is about moments like these ... waiting for that guy, being THIS excited over the simple sight of someone. If it weren't for these moments, life wouldn't be nearly as sweet as it is!

THAT I know to be true. FACT!

I can tell he's definitely different, and we're totes gonna be besties either way. No matter what, the mutual respect for each other professionally is superly duperly high ... but chemistry is intangible. He's not flying all the way down here to hang out with a new best friend, he's coming down here to make out with me ... a lot. And I want to mutually make out with him ... a lot. We've gotten to know each other SO well, and obviously there is the professional connection as well, so we're in each other's social space ... but I dunno man. I hit it off with so very few people in this world, it scares me. Looking at this from a logical perspective, yeah this dude has the highest chance of anyone in the last year - but let's face it, that doesn't say much!

I can very literally quote statistics and say out of 103 dates there were only 11 second dates and 4 that I wanted more from. That's IT!

BUUUTTTT, he is also the VERY first dude that has ever given me butterflies over skype. Seriously! SKYPE!!! We chat for hours and it seems like seconds ... but I have so many walls up in general; I don't have a lot of people in life I am close to. I'm trying to be more conscious of said walls, but it's hard, and honestly had it not been for the documentation of my life in general I might not have even acknowledged them being there in the first place. Having a guy like this in my life in ANY capacity isn't just something different, it's actually a pretty big adjustment. And I'm not even talking about dating him, just being in this headspace - it's incredibly foreign. Wait, I WANT to tell someone about my day? I don't just want to sit in the living room with a hoodie on and headphones in? Which btw, I am less anti-social if I am sitting in the living room and not just locked away in my bedroom. I am fucking socially awkward, man. Being social was a skill that I HAD to learn as a kid since I never fit in, I at least wanted people to talk to occasionally. So, I CAN talk to people - I just don't always like to.

Now this leaves me in a mighty predicament ... I like a boy ... I'm 99% positive we're gonna hit it off ... and pretty hardcore. Like see this bed?

This is my bed. And he's going to be the first person in it.

I don't like bringing people back to my apartment; I share my world with everyone always, there has to be some bit of something that I keep for myself. This weekend however, I'll be sharing that. And I'm clearly SUPPPERRRR excited, but it's kind of a big deal for me.

I don't want to fuck this up, but I recognize in any capacity I am going to be weird, and awkward, and I'm going to hope he talks more than me because I can be shy when I really like a boy ... I just ... want to go into my little hole ... and stay there ... but that's also no good because I get lonely ... really lonely. BAHHHH!!! Oh hairy ball sack. Why oh why do I have to like a boy!?!? Why does he have to be so cute, and so smart, and so understanding.

UGHHHHHH he's a hustler too ... so he not only like does things ... but he does, does things. He moves - and well. I have massive respect for the duderino.

But here I be. Lil ol' me. Still scared. But a little more accepting of that fact now more than ever. I am owning it ... sometimes I just need to remind myself of that fact. 

</rant>

#kthxbye

Time to Effing #GetItOn: First rule of running a website, do not talk about running the website

Alrite, something just clicked in my brain, and I have @thenakedredhead to thank for it. No literally, she has a pretty cool blog - you guys should check it out: www.thenakedredhead.com

(FYI, I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.)

First off - need a song. I am laying on the couch with my feet up in my little tiger slippers, and still in my bathrobe. Only one song I can think of ...

I am not fairing so well in my latest social experiment - and I am not sure what my next doable action is. See, what I love about documenting things as I go along is that it allows for me to psychoanalyze in a weird detached emotionless manner. I don't sit there and make excuses for people, or for myself - I can see in very black and white this is what I did, this is what they said - this was my state in consciousness in interpretation. Incredibly. Incredibly. Incredibly. black and white.

So, I met this guy on night two of the experiment that was super rad. Like crazy, ridiculously rad. We hit it off. He immediately asked me out on a date (read more about that here), and dude - we even subsequently had a second and third date because we just KEPT hitting it off. Statistically speaking it took me in my OKC experiment over 20 internet dates to find ONE guy that I wanted to go out on a second date with, and out of all of my 103 dates, there were only 11 second dates. This was night TWO at a bar. I was very genuinely shocked it was that easy.

Meeting people is not a problem for me ... at all; meeting someone who I am attracted to is. I'm not very often attracted to people. I know that sounds harsh, but not many people really motivate me. I want someone who can keep up with the weird shit that I do ... I want someone that has so much of their own bit of something going on we totally have to meet somewhere half way just so we can have the hottest sex up against a wall with half our clothes still on. I want ... that.  

I live life in passion, and I am just a ridiculously intense human being. I can't stop being that; it is my awesome, and I own it.

THHHAAATTTTT being said, I was super stoked at meeting this duderino and liking him - but a bit disenchanted by something he said to me the other day. He pretty much flat out told me that he would never date me. And the weirdest part is, I didn't even ask.

So, he knew right off the bat about my website, but he had no idea about the social experiment. I didn't break any rules in that regard, but he obviously knew I was going to write some sort of something about us even going out on a date since I am a lifecaster and that is what I do. He seemed cool with it for the first few dates, but then something changed - my assumption is that the novelty wore off, and he could tell I was starting to like him.

He wasn't the traditional fanboy, he definitely wasn't a starfucker, I kinda felt like I was just this new flavor of something that passed by and he wanted a taste (and TRUST, the feeling was very very very mutual).

Dudes, omg - I gotta say this though ... we had some seerrriioouuussslllyyyyyyy hot boning. Like good. lord. I didn't have an orgasm since we were still working on that whole emotional attachment and connection, but we were anatomically very very very compatible. Again, not something you come across everyday.

But yeah, we sat down to grab a drink the other night and he just flat out said before I had even downed the first beer that he was cool with hanging out (translation: boning) but other than that he couldn't imagine dating me - the documentation of it all was too weird.

I don't know if guys just assume that by going out on so many dates I must be impervious to normal chick emotions or something - but dude, how did he not think it was going to bother me. It honestly at the time he said it didn't even register ... at all ... it wasn't until just the other day that it all sort of clicked.

On Friday I sent him a text just saying I was thinking about him. Nothing like too weird, or chick like - but we had pretty much talked every other day or so, hadn't heard from him in a few days  ... wanted to say hi. And dude, I totally wasn't even looking to do anything ... very literally said "hope you are having a magical day, sexy lover face."

I sent that at like ... 4ish? I dunno something like that - too lazy to find phone and look. I didn't get a text back at all, and I kinda thought that was weird since he seemed to get right back to me ... but whatevs, people are strange when you're a stranger. Shit happens. Then I get back to my computer (as I had been offline for a bit ... SHOCKING) and notice that he had sent me a Facebook chat while I was idle.

Dude, so you send me a Facebook chat when I'm idle instead of texting as to not at all be perceived as a douche since yes, you did get back to me in a reasonable time frame, but you knew I wouldn't answer. SOO LAMMEE!! hahaha - but actually pretty smart. 2 points for doing something I haven't thought of, but sucky that I was on the receiving end of it.

Then, what he said to me earlier in the week truly sunk in. Dude, this guy isn't going to date me. I'm not saying I am looking for a relationship necessarily, but why would I continue to date a guy that takes it immediately off of the table for me? That just seems kinda lame right? Don't get me wrong either, this is a really really really rad mofo - and again, sure, if I was working a 9-5 in an office somewhere, I dunno - maybe it would be different.

This is what I do. This is what I love. I'm ABSOLUTELY and under NO set of circumstances going to change that for a guy - I am more just curious to figure out what I can do about that. I was literally thinking about that for the last day or so, then I got this comment on the 103 thesis post:

AMEN!!! YES!!!!

My problem is that I am so absurdly and FREAKISHLY passionate about this site that I feel like I can't not talk about it; this is my thing ... my baby ... what I live for ... what I will die for ...

I hit the naked redhead up on twitter and asked for some advice ...

No, I know it does. They stop viewing you as the chickadee on the monitor, and the nerderino in front of them. UUUGGHHHHHHH!!! FML!!!! Boys do not make this easy. At all.

Alrite, so next doable action for experiment this week - I am NOT allowed to give the name of the website to boys I meet at the bar that I am interested in. Of course, if they just talk to me or whatevs and I'm not feeling it - sure I can give them my card ... but otherwise no. And yes, I can usually tell within the first 10 minutes if a guy is going to get my number - at that point, it's just a matter of can he not fuck it up.

And dudes, I'm totes not mad at the boy btw for not wanting to date me. I totally get it - again, I wasn't asking to even date him ... but the second anyone just immediately takes that off the table - I'm sorry, no bueno. Life is too short, and I have way. way. way. too much awesomeness to share.

Super grateful btw to this chickadee for that epiphany. If they keep prying, I'll use deflection and put it back on them and get them to change the subject. I need to stop talking about working so much, so this one is going to be tough - but I have a feeling I can do it. Remember from the crashing the Grammys that where there is a will - there is always. always. ALWAYS. a way!!! This, I can do.

Special thanks to Effing Gear for sponsoring my latest social experiment. Check out their shirts over yonder! They totes act as a pretty rad ice breaker at bars ... hahaha that much I know!! WHOOP WHOOP!!!

#namaste

Understanding How to Shift the #Power to Relational Equality

 #TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

A man can be doing his own thing, comfortable in his own skin and then a relational element such as a Playboy model can walk in the room and his behavior changes; his energy and power shifts. This is because of his relationship to her SOCIAL POWER; the illusion, the mask. If he had a relationship with her suppressed alpha NATURE instead of social adaptation, then he would start getting places with women consistently. Sex is a byproduct of a pre-existing relationship, NOT right upfront with women.
 The equation CAN be balanced without being her social equal (which isn’t even sexual).

The single most important thing for men who want to become bona fide ladies’ men is simply not to be thrown off in relation to this power. It’s to accept and represent that he really is her equal and to communicate it. He has to balance out his relationship to her power and represent it behaviorally.
 This is what women want and are desperately lacking in their options today; real men who can be themselves around them.

Yes, this ‘relational equality’ is by far the #1 thing; more important than his looks, social status, pick-up lines, scripts, personality or anything else.  It’s the ability to maintain your behavior around other elements and people of power.  It’s not about being nervous, shifting your agenda, and creepily acting nice or paying for her attention to ‘get somewhere’ with her.  It’s to be yourself but in relation to the most powerful and beautiful people. This rare trait will get you more action than any seduction technique and it’s a RELIEF to women to trust you so THEY can open up.  You have to have this power conditioned because it doesn’t start with your ‘acting’ around her; she already knows. It’s before, during, and after your communication with her. They’re judging you fast when you approach.

Once you achieve relational equality and your energy or physiology isn’t thrown off around the hottest woman in the world, it will open the doors to unlimited pussy, love, affection, joy, memories, and shared experiences with other people of power.  Those men who possess this relational equality (ie. naturals and other people of behavioral power) never have to worry about their love life and have all kinds of women chasing after them with just a little bit of proactive effort.  They don’t have fear of women or of other powerful people. They can approach, attract, meet and communicate instantly with women. Then, other levels of communication can flourish because the woman is receptive.

Relationships of mutual trust can actually start instead of being prevented. Women instantly trust my energy because it doesn’t waver in relation to them. It opens the doors. I am the rock and this one quality has yielded untold results with women in the last 3 years.  Why? Because I have achieved the alpha male trait of relational equality.

How to do it? 2 words: relational mastery.

So, to have the results with women and in life that you dream of, this relational equality is the single most important ‘tool’ you can have; being the behavioral equal to other people or sources of power because THEN a win/win interdependent relationship can start.

Losers with women have disempowered relationships and beliefs. They are predictably the conditioned response to the stimulus of social alpha or inner alpha women instead of being independent and valuable as their equals.  After all, everything is relational anyways and if we’re not ‘aware’, then we’re ‘ignorant’. It’s time to become aware of behavioral relational dynamics to accelerate your real game because otherwise you’d be going blind into the pits.

Women are just more powerful and looking for their equal in power with the men in their life. Isn’t it time to become powerful and be the man you were supposed to be? Countless women are waiting.  But if you’re not dealing with energy and nature and instead focusing on what most of seduction does; social tactics and inner game..it’s going to take a long time to ever achieve the consistency someone like me does with women. That’s because women now have the social and inner power right upfront so you’re left to struggle balancing it out on the 6% of interpersonal and social dynamics.

So, unless the man can truly be centered in himself in relation to all of this social value which he believes is sexuality, there’s going to be a lot more angst, frustration and failure with women. And a LOT of focusing on the skillsets that seem to be where it’s at but actually matter the least.  And, in the mind of man; until there is a balance in his relationship to all female power (before he approaches), the fear is going to be there in the approach because he is haphazardly out of control in relation to her social value and power.

She knows what he wants..it doesn’t matter how he calibrates because his is weak compared to her power and chasing the wrong thing but a woman will never tell a man this. Remember, HE’S SUPPOSED TO KNOW and he doesn’t, it’s not the man for her.  He is not powerful, he is not her equal and thus no matter what pick-up lines, training or scripts he runs, it’s really child’s play. She’ll wait until that powerful man who truly respects her as an equal (in energy) comes along and she’ll be open to him even if he has many other lacking traits.

The fact that I have high value traits across the board on top of relational equality = very effective with attraction and ‘dating’. I’ve got countless stories and I don’t really go for average looking women.  Women fall for bad boys because they have relational equality first and foremost. They also have high natural value which can bring out her own sexuality in relation to HIM. And they’ll do this in spite of his other traits.  Fortunately, now there is great opportunity for real, balanced men that women are looking for…we just have to step up and accept our power to truly BE the equal of women (instead of ie. emulating brute jerk behavior).

This seems impossible when viewed socially because a million men would sleep with her over you. That’s why understanding relational dynamics (relational mastery) and harnessing your nature and energy as a man are more than enough to be the answer to what women go for and desire. Getting physical is the standard.  The value of nature and energy is far greater than your inner game.

With enough physiological congruency (meaning BEHAVIOR, not acting), it doesn’t matter what you say. Yet if you’re lacking the behavioral power the women you approach have, you’re stuck to making up with weaker verbal and social communication where can easily reject you and aren’t attracted.  That’s why there is so much focus on it in the seduction and dating community.  And unfortunately, most men continue to logically look at what ’seems’ to be the thing to do and many dating experts will keep promoting the exact same tactics that will keep selling but don’t necessarily work; what to say, ‘how’ to approach, self-affirmations (that seem like a lie to his brain), ‘acting’ techniques, etc.  You will have to change your beliefs and then condition yourself into a more natural reality and I show guys exactly how to do it.

This is how you become behaviorally powerful and comfortable in your own skin around the women you want and then the magic happens.  It’s when you have a physiological relationship with the alpha nature of women that you too can have insane success with women. This will not happen by anything you do in First World life by default. Even the seduction community is so far off from this. I would daresay say that Zan is the only one that comes close to what I’m talking about. It’s a different direction (yet with masculine POWER) that yields the results men and women are looking for.  I call it ‘Natural Game Dating’ and I teach ‘how’ to achieve this behavioral power.

You have to build and develop a relationship with nature and energy itself to become a true rockstar (ie. without the social status and despite your level of inner game). When you have that confident, stronger (natural) reality (as I do) around women, you become fearless, comfortable, powerful, respected, insatiable, admired, lusted after, loved and chased.The dream can become a reality and the faster you understand that the sexuality of women is nothing like you ever thought, the more results you will have with women and more power to bring out their repressed sexuality smoothly and naturally.

If you liked this post, check out this episode: Episode #103 Value Revisited Part 1

#nerdsunite