Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (the dating slump)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you, I’m sitting at home, alone on a Friday.

Oh, hi.  I didn’t see you there.  Come on in and have a seat, I’ve made Bagel Bites.  I’m so glad you made it.  Look how far we’ve come, my baby.  No, WAIT, COME BACK!  Sorry, I won’t do that again.  I swear…  by the moons and the stars in the sky.

Seriously, L-O-L-J-K, K?  I want to have a chat.  Please stick around for awhile.

The reason that I invited you over here was because I’m in a slump.  Yeah, that’s right.  A dating slump.  I don’t know what to do but maybe we could talk it out.  How’d I get into this slump?  Well, ever since January when I had a trio of dates that went varying levels of nowhere, I can’t buy a good date.  And trust me, I’ve tried.  The escort service was like “No. Stop calling.  We no want your business.” 

The last girl I went out with invited me over to her place and then rejected me when I tried to make a move.  I’m still trying to remove the dagger from my heart on that one, but it’s stuck in there like the sword in the stone.  The girl before that was great up until the moment she told me that she didn’t see a romantic relationship in our future.  Oh, the girl before that?  She was awesome!  I wonder what ever happened to her, since she stopped returning my texts.

What’s a guy to do?  Get back on the horse?  Oh yeah, that wasn’t a problem.  I did get right back on the horse.  It’s not like K-Steins was about to give up, ya dig?  I kept moving, kept shaking, kept the booty quaking.  At least I tried and I tried to try.  What happened?  Not a single response.

It’s like the K-Man was throwing bait in the water over and over again and kept catching tuna cans.  I cannot eat a tuna can, I am not a goat.  Maybe I should convert to Goattism. 

However, as a current non-Goat, a man must figure out what to do when his dating life has hit the skids.  He must realize that not only does one ride the horse (or the goat, or a goat riding a horse flying on the wings of an eagle) but that man cannot ride horse if man does not mount horse.  I’ve been flailing and jumping trying to get on the horse as if I am Peter Dinklage, but I can’t give up just because I failed.  Eventually I’ll get onto the horse and mount the horse.  The horse may not ride, but with enough trying I will have success.

It’s like anything else in life; hard work breeds success.  Nothing comes for free.

It’s like Martha Washington once said: “Gotta get that.  Gotta get that.  Gotta get that BOOM BOOM BOOM!”

Been awhile since you’ve had a good date?  Don’t worry, they will come.  It’s like they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take…

Wait, that doesn’t really make any sense.  How can you miss something you don’t take?  Doesn’t seem fair.  How about this: You will never have sex again if you never have sex again.  You miss 100% of the girls or guys you don’t date.  You can’t find love if you’re lookin’ for a porcupine sitting on a tuffet.  (That last one is something I just imagined Paula Deen saying.)

Don’t fret pets and I won’t fret either.  Slumps happen but you have to break out of a slump, it won’t happen on it’s own.  You’re a baby raptor, trying to break out of it’s little baby shell so get out there and attack some people.  Wait, that doesn’t sound right.  I mean in the metaphorical sense of a raptor attacking it’s prey, but like, instead of that I mean knocking boots and stuff.

Does that make more sense?

Thanks for listening.  Thanks for sharing.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.  Seriously.  How do I live without you?  I want to know.  How do I breathe without you?  By sucking in and out air?  Not good enough.  Must suck love. 

Wait….

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

#NerdsUnite: Online dating confessions w. your host @datestable (To Beard, or Not to Beard)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Datestable. Thats obvi not his real name, but what he chooses to go by in the on that there thing called the "internet." He's super chill, super smart, and super freaking nerdy. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT DATESTABLE!!! </editorsnote>

“He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man.” -- William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

A few months back, I contacted a very comely lass on OkCupid with whom I’d had a few flirtatious exchanges. We didn’t have a terrible lot in common but—and unfortunately—as a man, this didn’t stop me. In fact, my mind works in such strange and mysterious ways that it can twist what is an ostensible and fundamental mismatch into an exciting challenge. After a few exchanges, and due to her taking a week to respond to 2-line messages, I could tell the thing was going into pithy pen pal mode. So I requested a face-to-face. Her reaction to this was not quite what I expected:

“Sure, it would be fun to go out. But I must ask you, do you have a beard? Some of your pictures suggest that you do and others suggest you do not. Sorry to be blunt, but I’m not a fan of facial hair.”

Well, this was a new one. She was skipping the phase where we go out and pretend to like/tolerate everything about each other until a meaningful connection is formed and negotiating capital accrues. She was going straight into deal-breaker negotiations! I told her that I do currently sport a beard, but assured her it was well-trimmed, encouraging her to give facial hair a chance. She replied indicating that while it was a dealbreaker for romance, a beard would not stand in the way of friendship, to which she was also open.

Unsure of how to proceed, I dispatched a teasing message suggesting that though her adamant stance might be more flexible upon a live encounter, I was willing to take the chance. She, in turn, burned me by questioning whether my profile, which also indicated friendship among the menu options (just covering my bases, folks), was in fact accurate, and whether I even knew that it said that. SLAM! My ego was slightly hurt, and I was getting a little pissed, but that lizard brain was now firmly in control and wanted to meet this girl, if only to show her how cool I really was.

When the time came for our date, I wondered what the hell I was doing seriously considering trying to “convert” her into a scruff-lover. What to do?  How was I to respond to her all-of-nothing attitude? A quick and informal poll of my male (and some female, even) friends revealed that this was not a tough question at all: “Shave it,” was the most common answer to my predicament. At this, I bristled. Pardon? I should shave off my prized beard as a first-date investment? Maybe if we met, clicked, and fell in love, then I could grudgingly renounce and subsequently shear off my furry mask. But this was a FIRST DATE!

So after taking immaculate care trimming my shaggy blanket into a well-manicured stubble, I went out into the night to meet her, on Christmas eve of all times (neither of us is Christian). She had already asked for 2 short extensions, which I granted, but when I got off the train I got another text asking for another 30-60 minutes. This should have been a major red flag but I had already schlepped into the City from Brooklyn, so this was happening. She texted to see if I wanted to do it another night and I tried to keep my reply from sounding too pissy. After about 20 digital pages on my iPad and getting lost, she finally showed up. We had a nice time sipping fancy brews and chatting about our very different backgrounds (she’s from North Africa and I’m from Eastern Europe). At the end of the night, unsure of how to address the elephant in the room, I made a joke about her mulish beard ultimatum. It cracked a smile but not her firm position. With neither of us able to compromise our positions, we were in a holding pattern. We hugged, said goodnight, and went to our respective homes, her holding on to her pride and I to my beard.

#kthxbye

click here to follow datestable on twitter!

and

don't miss out on his blog over yonder - he handicaps his chances of scoring on dates by blogging about them. 

Fun with #OkCupid: There are more active local users in NYC than LA

OHHHH Okcupid. You are the peanut butter to my fluff, the pepperoni on my deep dish, the torch to my lady liberty. 

I heart OKC, but I actually haven't been using it to date as of late. I'm pretty much over it - I just have yet to find a fesible alternative that tickles my tastebuds. 

Either way, it's gnarly that today I'm working out of the Mirror office in the flatiron district and the little buggar keeps buzzing my phone with interested dudes. 

See, the local function on OKC allows you to meet up with other users close to you. It's pretty genius actually, and basically takes all of the BS out of the back and forth that online dating can lead to. 

I'm surprised that I'm getting flooded with so many requests today since I have yet to set a broadcast. Volume of course is one thing, quality is another. Look at some of these most recent broadcasts ... 

Who does this seriously work on?? Like the topless avatar right there, how many times has he published that broadcast and out of that, how many women was he able to close? I'm curious as to what the ratio is. Hmmmm hold on, I think I'm going to ask him. 

#brb