#Status: It's complicated (the black baggage)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a recovering love addict making her way through this new digital age with a complicated Facebook status and an even more complicated view of life and men. She's here to discuss today her latest and greatest, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Tiffany Davis

The black bag has officially been laid to rest. What does that mean you might be wondering? 

The black bag is a hobo style bag that I purchased from Old Navy on clearance in 2006 for $5.00. It was a steal, such a steal that I bought one in brown too, but the brown bag hasn’t gotten much play. I guess it goes to show how often I wear things that match with brown. That is probably something else I should think about after this. I digress.  I bought the black bag during my 5 year stint as a sales rep selling beauty products to salons and spas. I was so in love with this particular bag because it was a fashionable way to carry around all of the crap that is needed when doing business to business product sales. I used the black bag day and night. I toted it along in and out of every salon I entered, it went with me from home to work, and coast to coast. It was my main bag. It is such a large bag that I put a smaller, more practical purse inside of it.  The black bag eventually transitioned into the main mode of transportation for everything this girl could need on a day to day basis. At any given time you could find perfume, deodorant, a small wristlet purse holding all of my credit cards and cash, hair ties, you name it, I had it in the black bag. This was the best $5.00 I had ever spent. I have even been made fun of for carrying around such a large bag, to which I simply replied “hey, I come with a lot of baggage”. Yes, sometimes I do crack myself up.
It is now 6 years later and up until today I still used the black bag every single day. The bag has become tattered and torn, the faux leather had started to peel off leaving behind remnants of the bag wherever I went. Don’t think I didn’t notice the bag was falling apart, I did. I even started the search for a bag that would replace my beloved black bag, but nothing compared. While there are black bags out there that were just as nice, if not nicer than this particular black bag, none compared in price. I can’t imagine spending $50 or more on a comparable bag, so I haven’t.

Last night I was spending time with “Someone” and I asked him to hand me my black bag. When he handed it to me, I noticed it’s tattered, sad state and said “I need a new bag, this one is falling apart”. He replied “I know, it’s disgusting, it leaves little black pieces everywhere”. “I can always tell you were here when I find little pieces of the black bag laying wherever it was”. I busted up in laughter. It was just so funny, because he stated what I already knew, but didn’t want to face. I wondered how many remnants of my black bag had been left behind in other places I had been. As I started to picture other people finding random little black pieces of some unexplainable material reality set in. It is time to put the black bag to rest.

The black bag represents a lot to me and got me thinking about the obvious, baggage. What other kind of baggage am I carrying around, leaving remnants everywhere I land? It represents holding onto something that is old, and beat up, that once served a purpose, but no longer does. Whether it be an old story or belief that I have, a pattern on repeat, or things left undone that do not go unnoticed, yet are ignored. It is so ironic how this old bag truly represents my old baggage.

In yoga we are often reminded to let go of things that no longer serve us. That is easier said than done. Often times it is so much easier to stay in the same old patterns. It becomes less difficult to face things that are right before our eyes, to ignore what we don’t want to deal with. Sometimes it takes having someone point something out before we really decide to toss out the old baggage we have been lugging around for years.

As I emptied the black bag and threw it in the trash, I felt a sense of freedom. I finally did what I knew I needed to do. Yes, this means I will be temporarily using a bag that won’t match with everything. But- I would rather be mis-matched then leave behind black remnants of my baggage everywhere I go. Besides, it is high time I lightened my load anyway.

What is your black baggage, and how long are you willing to carry it with you?

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: 3 Things That Have Made Dating and Sex Obsolete

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS

I've been on this wild dating ride for a few years now since my ex and I broke up, and I must say that I'm ready to start looking for other options.  Certainly, "dating" and "love" and "relationships" aren't the only answers in life, right?

Some of the greatest minds and historical figures in the history of the world were celibate for part of or all of their lives:

Nikola Tesla

Gandhi (from age 36)

Kierkegaard

George Frideric Handel

J.M. Barrie

Sir Isaac Newton

Queen Elizabeth I

And many others.  For different reasons, all of these people and great minds went without sex.  Can you imagine for a second that in today's world of mass communication that modern-day entrepreneurs, geniuses, and billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates would go forever without sex?  Do you think that Steve Jobs died a virgin?

Can you believe this...

The guy who created The Little Mermaid fell in love with many people (both men and women) and somehow went his entire life without ever having someone love him back!  Hans Christian Anderson, who also created stories such as Thumbelina, The Emporer's New Clothes, and The Ugly Duckling, once wrote this in his diary:

"Almighty God, thee only have I; thou steerest my fate, I must give myself up to thee! Give me a livelihood! Give me a bride! My blood wants love, as my heart does!"

 

Hey, this guy wrote The Princess and the Pea... somebody please sleep with him!

But then again, we must consider for a moment that these people would not have been as great if they had been boning (or in the case of Elizabeth or Mother Teresa, been boned) the whole time.  Clearly much of Hans Christian Anderson's literary genius came from the fact that he felt pain in his heart and it inspired him to write from that pain and give the world something beautiful.

It's certainly no different than this article I'm writing right now by one of America's greatest current authors, you'll see how this piece becomes as great as Thumbelina. :-/  Based off of the fact that like Anderson, I couldn't get a girl to love me if I paid her.  (Of course, this will change when I move to Nevada someday.)

So thanks ladies for disliking me so much and finding me so repulsive.  If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be able to give you this list of reasons as to why relationships have become obsolete in 2012.  All of you that are married right now, way to go suckers!  You could have just had....

Netflix

It's amazing how far this DVD home delivery system has come.  From going to a service that mailed (not e-mailed, but go check the physical mailbox mail) movies to your home to being a service that eliminates the need for human companionship!

It used to be that people didn't have anything to do, so they would get bored and go tell someone that they loved them so that they could have someone with them to be bored.  I know because I watched the first part of Hatflied & McCoys.  People would get so bored that they would tell the daughter of a rival family that they loved her just so they could have some action in their lives.

But now we have plenty of shit to do.  Almost too much shit.  With a Playstation 3 or Xbox 360, the needs to eliminate boredom are taken care of.  Every single day of my life, I can go home and turn on that machine and have 1,000's of movies and television shows instantly streamed to my picture box.  I literally just re-watched seasons six and seven of The Office again this week rather than finding love.

But it's cool because now instead I have the firm knowledge that the moment Pam and Jim became unwatchable was the episode right after they had gotten married, re-affirming the belief that marriage is dumb and ruins everything.

Netflix ruins nothing.  Netflix just got Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie.  Did you get Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, love and sex?  I didn't think so.

Friendship and Dudes

The love between a man and a man is at an all-time high right now, and I don't mean gay marriage.  I mean just a couple of bros, sitting around, watching some 'flix, and drinkin' some brews.  Bros, Brews, Betflix.

Even chix can get on the flix with each other.  There's no discrimination when you're just trying to enjoy a nice Saturday with people that you're not trying to screw, or date, or "love."  Waste of time if you ask me!

It used to be that the only people you congregate with were your family.  The nearest family might be four miles away, up there on Old Man McGuffin's farm.  Then when you turned 15, you got married and got your own farm or something.  Now, the nearest person is right over there and everybody goes to school so you grow up with a lot of friends!  Or in my case, a couple of friends!

 

Human companionship was once only met by family and love.  Now you have your fellow dudes or ladies to keep you laughin' and lovin'.  You don't need a sexual partner to be mentally stimulated during the non-sex parts of your day anymore.  I see movies with my bros.  I'll go see Prometheus with my Brometheus.  I'll go get a nice hamburger with my Homie-Bro-gers.

Don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to keep you company during the days anymore.

The Internet and the Naked People On It

Have you seen this?  Have you heard about this?  Apparently, thousands of people are using the internet, the same thing that you and I use to send free e-cards to our relatives and to look at pictures of cats with, to look at pictures of.... naked ladies?!?!

That's right.  In this breaking news story, millions of Americans have typed in "sex video" to the website www.Google.com and found what's being called "pornography" so that they may pleasure themselves while alone.

Federal police are investigating the matter and finding that both men and women, but mostly men, will go to websites such as Sex.com, YouPorn.com, or LactatingMommies.org in order to ejaculate without the help of a partner.  By using a technique that experts are calling "masturbation" these men will jerk their dicks up and down, simulating intercourse, so that the ejaculate comes out even though there might not be a vagina anywhere in site for which to pro-create.

This can leave a sticky mess but men are using all types of materials (rags, socks, towels, t-shirts, boxers, hats, glossy 8x10's, friends backs, folding chairs, egg roll wraps, etc.) with which to clean up afterwards.  

Women will also look at this pornography, or "por" for short, and use their hands or even toys to stimulate themselves and reach orgasm.  No word on whether or not these toys are action figures, nerf balls, or some other form of toy, but apparently some of them vibrate much like your cellular telephone or my mom's "back massager."

This investigative reporter has decided to trying this "jacking off" technique in order to see if it really wor- I am going to go take a nap.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

#NerdsUnite: Around the world with @HeatherReusz

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Heather. She's a nerd who is currently living in Japan by way of Chicago. Yep, talk about a culture shock. She's here today to talk about her life, love (which she is currently balancing long distance) and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT HEATHER!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @HeatherReusz

This week marked the final visitor from America for me in Japan. One of my best friends and former roomie just left this morning. After all the visitors and touring around I’ve done this month, I thought for sure that I would grow tired of the same sights and places. In fact, the opposite happened. As I showed Meg around I felt myself really appreciating everything that I was seeing. I was trying to soak it all in making lists in my head of what I would miss about all of these landmarks. I know I’m going to miss being able to hop a train to Tokyo just because I’m bored on a weekend. I hoped that I wasn’t a downer as this put me in a kind of melancholy day dreamy state. I’m sure that once I come back to America I’m going to have to look at my pictures sometimes to convince myself that I really did live in Japan.

Despite my distracted state of mind, we had a great time! We did a couple of different things from the other visits that stood out. I think we had the most fun though on our night out on the town. We bonded in college over drinking and clubbing so I knew it would be a pretty high priority on her list. I’ve been clubbing in Tokyo a couple of times before. I’m personally partial to either Shibuya or Roppongi. I took her to Roppongi since that is a very foreigner friendly area of Tokyo. It’s also the only place in my life where I have been treated like a VIP and been bumped to the front of a club line. Almost everything is in English in the area and they welcome foreigners very freely. My favorite club on the strip has a nice mix between Japanese and foreigners. It’s small enough to be personal without being packed tight.

Going clubbing in Tokyo is always a BLAST! First of all, the DJs rock. They are mostly awesome. Of course you run into some that aren’t anything special but that’s bound to happen. Second, a lot of the women are a bit shy about dancing here. Makes it more fun for me because I open up the dance floor at a lot of these smaller places I go to while all the other ladies gather up their confidence or I get drunk enough to goad them onto the floor. Third, the guys are more respectful and/or shy. Even when I am dancing all by myself, guys will generally dance around me not grind up on me like I used to experience in America. Only one time have I had a guy get a bit handsy. It was Halloween so I was dressed up and looking a bit slutty BUT he came right up to me and flipped up my skirt. I turned around and slapped him. My friends were a bit horrified. They explained that people don’t really smack the pervs. I shrugged, told them it was instinct, and then added that he was never going to mess with a foreign girl again. Great life moment. Add 300 yen, about $3.50, drinks and shots to this and you will end up with a great night.

We observed something new this time around though. The dance floor was mainly inhabited by men again but this time all the guys were amazing dancers. They were not just break dancing but busting into full on choreographed numbers. I asked some guys at the bar who spoke English if it was a show. They said that it wasn’t. They were regulars on Thursday nights apparently. Having never been out on a Thursday night, I had never seen them. As soon as we tried to dance, they were blocking us out of the floor. We started our own little circle on the outside of the dance floor though. It was just really fun to see these guys going all out. Note to them: if you’re trying to attract the ladies (or guys), you should probably let them dance with you. You never quite know exactly what you are going to experience and that makes it even more fun! Having to drunkenly run to the last train of the night back home is also a blast which seems to happen more than I’d like to admit but also not nearly enough.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Heather on Twitter!

#RealDeal: To the Rabbit and beyond! (an in depth look at vibrators ... pun intended)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Ben! He writes for Passion Online, a UK-based supplier of all things naughty. His speciality is in vibrators and he's here today to talk about the history of every woman's best friend. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT BEN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Passion Online

Masturbation: it's nothing new. The ‘pelvic massage’ as it was known in Victorian times was often prescribed as a remedy for female hysteria, but soon the doctors of the age (who would have administered said massage themselves), soon complained of tired wrists and hands. It was with relief that the Manipulator was introduced to do all that time-consuming finger work.  

The Manipulator is widely regarded as the first vibrator. However, this was a frightening looking steam-powered device but given that this was the only means of power at the time, it became a very popular – if very expensive – alternative. Many variants followed, but it wasn’t until the early 20th century that the first true electric vibrator was introduced to the masses.

Amazingly, the vibrator was one of the first home electronic devices to be patented, even coming before – if you’ll pardon the pun – the vacuum cleaner and the electric iron. It was advertised in the everyday press and periodicals such as a cure for various illnesses from headaches to asthma and frequently cropped up in magazines such as the popular Needlecraft. However, this kind of wide-reaching and respectable advertising soon disappeared once the devices became connected with pornography.

In the late 1960s, the first cordless vibrator was produced, and given the ‘free love’ mantra of that period it's not surprising that this device found a broad audience.  After the cordless version was patented there was no stopping the developers. Like all good engineers they tinkered, adding various speed functions and multi-vibrating surfaces.

There is little that is now taboo about vibrators, dildos and other sex toys. One or two prime time television shows (especially Sex and the City) have embraced them with open arms and open legs.
Sex in the City did a lot for a very particular kind of vibrator- the Rabbit.  The ‘rabbit’ style of vibrator was the first to incorporate both vaginal and clitoral stimulation. The Original Jack Rabbit and the Rampant Rabbit were both produced in the 1990s and still around in various forms.

In 2012 there are more vibrators than even the most enthusiastic collector could hope to enjoy.  There are anal, clitoral and vaginal vibrators, some which attempt all three and even some that provide stimulation for a couple or a threesome. There are big ones (and that's an understatement!) small ones, some for women, some for men, quiet ones, and a few that sound and feel like an oncoming earthquake. One or two can be operated remotely via a smartphone or synched up with an MP3 player.

Although the traditional internal vibrators continue to be as popular as ever, times move on and vibrator designs do too. External clitoral vibrators are all the rage, and with good reason- they can be used during sex or alone and they're non-threatening. A cute little pink butterfly won't bring out the jealous boyfriend in any bedmate. That's the theory any way.

The packaging and sales ethos around a modern vibrator is also very different from the way it was back in the early days of the Rabbit. High end toys now cost serious money, and they're sleek, stylish, and sleeze-free .  What we're now entering is the iPhone sex-toy era. The Mac IIs and Commodore 64s might have kitsch value but as far as functionality and downright beautiful design goes they leave a lot to be desired.

Moves have been made to ban the use of vibrators in certain states and countries, and of course religious authorities have had a lot to say about them. In Japan there are rules against making sex toys that closely mirror the human anatomy, but all that means is that the Japanese brands make some VERY strange and rather innovative toys. Vibrators in the shape of Jesus are fairly easy to find so in most countries it's fair to say that religious censorship isn't hurting the vibe market too much.

#thatisall

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (The Best Part About Endings Is Beginnings)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie

It's been quite awhile since I have written anything. I really needed some time to keep to myself while I tried to figure out what my new 'normal' feels like. Also, I started seeing someone and I honestly wasn't sure what to write about. I didn't want to mess anything up with him. But I'm now ready to update you all on my life. There's also a few nuggets of wisdom I wish to impart upon you guys on the topic of break-ups, getting back on your feet and how to make sure you are actually living life and not just going through the motions.

Soooo...guess what?

This unwed bride has a boyfriend.

I still can't get over it. Just saying that line, "I have a boyfriend" is just...soo I don't even know. Clearly, I'm not used to the whole concept yet. It's nice though.

Me and this dude met through the lovely @meowmistidawn on her birthday back in February. The way we met is pretty funny. We were both at Misti's birthday party at Bar Sinister @clubbarsinsiter in Hollyhood and I don't remember seeing him. At all. I vaguely remember seeing him in the parking lot when we all were figuring out who was riding with who back to Misti's place. It wasn't until we were literally outside of her door that I noticed him and introduced myself. We started off with where are you from and the usual pleasantries. When I found out that he is from Indiana, I laughed inside. The cute, musician I had been dating since November had dropped off of my radar two weeks prior is also from Indiana. (For whatever reason I know a ton of people out in LA not just from Indiana but that attended college at Indiana University, so many that it's officially weird.) So logically my next question was to ask him if he went to IU.

"Yes, you did?" I think I asked him his age. And then, a shot in the dark, "Do you know XXXX XXXXX (fill in with musician I had been dating that totally broke my heart)?"

He said yes and I was completely in shock. No matter how big LA actually is, so often it feels like the smallest city ever to me.

And then, more shock as he said, "Yeah, we were in a band together in college."

NO. FREAKIN. WAY.

The story gets crazier. Not only did my future boyfriend know musician dude and not only were they in a band together but...

"After I broke up with my girlfriend, he started dating her."

So...they dated the same chick.

As he and I are talking I get the sense that he doesn't have the best opinion of musician dude. He checks facebook and realizes that they aren't friends on there and then wonders if they ever were and if the musician deleted him. He makes a comment that, of course, all of their mutual friends are just girls. He says he doesn't hate him or anything but he always struck him as someone who had it easy. Being in my position, as someone who unknowingly a week later would be getting a Dear John phone call from the musician, but could already tell he was over it (and by it I mean me), it was nice to hear someone not have the best opinion of him.

We spoke about what instruments we played in band (me, the oboe for concert and flute and mellophone for marching. Him, the trumpet). The conversation flowed very easily between us.

The next day I got a text from Misti letting me know that he asked for my info. He didn't take very long to text me and ask me if I wanted to hang out. I jokingly asked him if this was a plot a decade in the making to get back at musician dude. A few days later I got tickets to see The Roots and decided to invite him along. He picked me up and opened the car door for me (to this day I've only opened my own car door a handful of times). We spent so much time talking that we missed a good chunk of the show. We talked about everything, including our exes! He also just went through a broken engagement so unlike musician dude, who had no concept of what I've been through, this guy understood.

Our second date was a lot of fun; we went to see The Harlem Globetrotters, which was underwhelming because I think they should still all have afros, but we had fun anyways. At dinner he told me that he thought of these two times we spent together as hangouts, not dates. I was kinda embarrassed, I told him I thought they were dates. I believe it was decided that they officially were dates by the end of that night when we kissed in his car when he dropped me off. I was so worried he would be a bad kisser, many people are, but he wasn't.

Three months later on Cinco de Mayo we decided to become exclusive. I was really scared but he is SUCH A GREAT, KIND PERSON that I knew this gamble would be in my favor. At first it was weird to have a boyfriend that wasn't my ex, but now it feels great to have a boyfriend that isn't my ex. This guy is so smart, talented and compassionate that he makes moving on easy.

#yaylife

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter