#Status: It's complicated (the theme park called dating)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a recovering love addict making her way through this new digital age with a complicated Facebook status and an even more complicated view of life and men. She's here to discuss today her latest and greatest, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Tiffany Davis

In my little bit of experience in dating, I have found dating to feel a lot like visiting a theme park-Wildly Unfulfilling.

Recently I took my 15 year old son and his best friend to Six Flags. We drove close to three hours to get there, paid $20 to park, took the long trek from the parking lot to the theme park entrance, waited in line to give our grossly over priced tickets to enter the park, then made our way to the first thrill ride. Upon arriving to the end of the line a sign read, “wait time from this point 60 minutes”. Disheartened, we got in line anyway. We stood around waiting patiently and bored out of our minds until it was finally our turn to get on the ride. Filled with excitement, fear, and anticipation; we took our seats, buckled ourselves into restraints that we hoped would keep us secure for the twists and turns we were sure to endure, and away we went. As the ride slowly climbed to the top of the peak, many things went through my mind, but mostly I was asking myself why I had put myself in this place. I knew that the closer we inched to the peak, the closer we were to a decline that would send us into a frenzy of adrenaline, terror, exhilaration, ups, downs, and ultimately would jerk us to an abrupt end.  And to top it all off; after all that work, the waiting, the patience, the anticipation, it would be over in minutes and we inevitably felt utterly unfulfilled. Because just one ride would not quench our thirst for a thrill, we would once again jump into another long line to do it all over again, in hopes that this ride would be the one that brought excitement and fulfillment like no other.

This all got me thinking about the experience of dating. The dating/single scene is by far one of the most interesting scenes I have ever witnessed or been a part of. Of course there are singles who are single by choice and are not looking, but they are the minority. Most single folk are looking for their perfect match. So-they spend lots of money and time to look their best, they open their wallets for nights on the town, waiting in line to get into the hottest clubs, or just simply waiting in line to buy drinks. They wait patiently (and some, impatiently) for that exciting connection that could lead them to the peak of dating pleasure, anticipating that this time, it won’t come to an abrupt ending. Once they make the connection and embark on the ride, they fasten themselves into the comfy space called “hope”. “Hope” will keep them secure enough to endure the ups, downs, twists, and turns of the exciting roller coaster ride that we call dating. After the initial excitement, often times reality sets in and the end of the ride is imminent. Wildly unfulfilled, and jerked back into submission, they get back in line to do it all over again, because the next ride could be “the one”

I realize this all sounds very cynical, but it is what I have witnessed first hand. I don’t like the single scene or the theme park called “Dating”. I have found it to be the most unsatisfying thing I have ever done, besides actually visiting Six Flags. It all feels like such a racket to me. In both experiences I was left feeling violated on many levels. So, what is one to do? As I see it, we have two options. 1. Keep getting on the thrill ride, securely fastening into “Hope”, possibly plunging to your death; or 2. Choose the Merry (Married)-Go-Round, safe, and secure, fulfilling, but not nearly as thrilling. While the Merry-Go-Round seems boring to some of us in line for the single scene ride, there is something really fundamental and sweet about getting back on the horse and enjoying the scenery. Sure, we see the same scenery over and over again, but if you look hard enough, you may see something you didn’t see before. It can be thrilling to look at things with new eyes with each go round’. I guess it is just a matter of what kind of thrill you are looking for.

Where does that leave me in the theme park called “Dating”? After my experience on the single scene ride,  the merry-go-round is looking a hell of a lot more appealing to me. Does that make me any better off? Not necessarily, but  it’s all a matter of perspective. I am happy to be taking this particular ride, right now. That could change, but that’s the beauty of the ride we call “Life”, you can always jump into a different line of thinking and choose a different ride.

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: It's complicated (the black baggage)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a recovering love addict making her way through this new digital age with a complicated Facebook status and an even more complicated view of life and men. She's here to discuss today her latest and greatest, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Tiffany Davis

The black bag has officially been laid to rest. What does that mean you might be wondering? 

The black bag is a hobo style bag that I purchased from Old Navy on clearance in 2006 for $5.00. It was a steal, such a steal that I bought one in brown too, but the brown bag hasn’t gotten much play. I guess it goes to show how often I wear things that match with brown. That is probably something else I should think about after this. I digress.  I bought the black bag during my 5 year stint as a sales rep selling beauty products to salons and spas. I was so in love with this particular bag because it was a fashionable way to carry around all of the crap that is needed when doing business to business product sales. I used the black bag day and night. I toted it along in and out of every salon I entered, it went with me from home to work, and coast to coast. It was my main bag. It is such a large bag that I put a smaller, more practical purse inside of it.  The black bag eventually transitioned into the main mode of transportation for everything this girl could need on a day to day basis. At any given time you could find perfume, deodorant, a small wristlet purse holding all of my credit cards and cash, hair ties, you name it, I had it in the black bag. This was the best $5.00 I had ever spent. I have even been made fun of for carrying around such a large bag, to which I simply replied “hey, I come with a lot of baggage”. Yes, sometimes I do crack myself up.
It is now 6 years later and up until today I still used the black bag every single day. The bag has become tattered and torn, the faux leather had started to peel off leaving behind remnants of the bag wherever I went. Don’t think I didn’t notice the bag was falling apart, I did. I even started the search for a bag that would replace my beloved black bag, but nothing compared. While there are black bags out there that were just as nice, if not nicer than this particular black bag, none compared in price. I can’t imagine spending $50 or more on a comparable bag, so I haven’t.

Last night I was spending time with “Someone” and I asked him to hand me my black bag. When he handed it to me, I noticed it’s tattered, sad state and said “I need a new bag, this one is falling apart”. He replied “I know, it’s disgusting, it leaves little black pieces everywhere”. “I can always tell you were here when I find little pieces of the black bag laying wherever it was”. I busted up in laughter. It was just so funny, because he stated what I already knew, but didn’t want to face. I wondered how many remnants of my black bag had been left behind in other places I had been. As I started to picture other people finding random little black pieces of some unexplainable material reality set in. It is time to put the black bag to rest.

The black bag represents a lot to me and got me thinking about the obvious, baggage. What other kind of baggage am I carrying around, leaving remnants everywhere I land? It represents holding onto something that is old, and beat up, that once served a purpose, but no longer does. Whether it be an old story or belief that I have, a pattern on repeat, or things left undone that do not go unnoticed, yet are ignored. It is so ironic how this old bag truly represents my old baggage.

In yoga we are often reminded to let go of things that no longer serve us. That is easier said than done. Often times it is so much easier to stay in the same old patterns. It becomes less difficult to face things that are right before our eyes, to ignore what we don’t want to deal with. Sometimes it takes having someone point something out before we really decide to toss out the old baggage we have been lugging around for years.

As I emptied the black bag and threw it in the trash, I felt a sense of freedom. I finally did what I knew I needed to do. Yes, this means I will be temporarily using a bag that won’t match with everything. But- I would rather be mis-matched then leave behind black remnants of my baggage everywhere I go. Besides, it is high time I lightened my load anyway.

What is your black baggage, and how long are you willing to carry it with you?

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: single 6 month no man mission (Prone to Shenanigans & Malarky)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

I sent this in a text to three of my girlfriends after a long day at home with my sick son who slept all day due to an illness. Days like today are good, to slow me down, to force me to relax, to reflect, meditate, do yoga on my back patio, and by then end of it go right the fuck out of my mind!

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Overview of my night. 1. My 15.5 year old is sick w/a stomach bug sleeping all day, so I don't leave the house. 2. Bored to death by 5pm after an entire day @ home basically alone. 3. Poor a glass of wine & tune into my ex-husband’s radio show in RI (Rhode Island). 3. Start to get nostalgic for him and proceed to email him once & text him 12 times. Yes, 12 times...with no response. 3. Give up and go sit on my front patio w/a glass of red & bowl of popcorn. 4. Hot neighbor whom I have lived across from for 1.5 years but barely spoke to until the other day leaves his house. 5. Talk to said hot neighbor for over an hour about life, love, relationships, sex, pot, and everything in between. 6. We exchange numbers…but he assures me that he is indeed not looking for anything in the relationship department (sigh). 7. Get text from hot neighbor saying that we talked about sex & pot for an hour (what?) (That is ALL we talked about? I think not) and now he is having a hard time focusing. 8. I consider that the hot neighbor could just want to have sex w/me and honestly that doesn't sound that bad right now if I didn't have an ugly, but unpoppable zit on my left nostril...oh the joys of being single.

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Now, let me be clear. I would not have sex with my hot neighbor. Well, never say never, but the point is, I would have definitely taken him up on his offer to hang out. Also, WTF?! I haven't texted my ex-husband in years. We have had little contact for at least 2 years. We split up 4 years ago. Why the hell did I decide that today was the day that I should text him, not once, but 12 fucking times, and an email! Yes, in this sentence FUCK needs to be used because it is that god damn ridiculous! I am not to be trusted to be left to my own device for this many monotonous hours on end. Don't get me wrong, I had a great day. It was wonderful and welcomed to relax in the capacity that I did. It felt good to be here for my son. Yes, he slept almost all day, but, to know that my only responsibility was to make sure he felt taken care of and to overall just be present for him felt really nice. But-by the end of the day I had lost my mind for sure. I always say that idle time is my enemy and it is. I was able to just chill for most of the day, but by 2pm I was going stir crazy. I started to think of all the things that I could be accomplishing, the yoga class that I was missing which means I will have to double up another day to complete the 31 day challenge, grocery shopping, seeing the sunset, and the fact that I was going to miss the yogi happy hour this evening. Ha, shit, if these are my problems then my life is pretty damn good! Nothing like writing something down to realize how good you actually have it!

Boredom overtook me as I finished an entire bag of Parmesan, basil popcorn and 1/2 of a bottle of red wine and listened to my ex-husbands radio show. I had officially switched into self-destruct mode. It's sad too, because I managed to power through 5 sets each of Sun Sal A & B, meditate, write, and lay out in my backyard throughout the day. With that momentum you would think that I wouldn't fall into that place, but I guess I am fragile right now. I should mention that all the while I still felt pretty damn happy. I felt peaceful all day. I think I just needed to get some malarky out of my system. Hey, at least I have managed to not contact "HYY". That is a victory! There I go taking one step forward and 12 steps back as I text my ex-husband instead! WTF, Tiff?!

The funniest part about all this is when I asked Tim what the hell is up with me to act so crazy and out of character tonight. He replied "I don't know, maybe it is that other broad in your head. What's her name, Autumn?". Ha ha ha. Precisely, Tim, precisely.

My name is Tiffany, or do I blame this whole evening on my alter ego Autumn?

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (mission aborted)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

Yep, you read it right. I have aborted my mission. After 4 months and 4 days, I decided it was high time to scrap this silly mission and I am happy I did. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me, I feel free, alive, and awake to the many possibilities that abound. The new inquiry is to go into all of my experiences with awareness, to ask myself "why" when I have desires to do something, to be aware of the reasoning behind what I choose to do. I have already noticed some patterns creeping in, and that is okay, because I am aware. I believe that so long as I am aware of what I do, I can't really go wrong. Although, that is probably just the same old me justifying.

It feels good to not have to hold back. It feels good to not be using my "NO MAN MISSION" as a crutch. It feels good to feel free to do as I choose. Is a part of me a little disappointed in myself for not completing my mission? Yes, but only the part of me that feels judged by the people who think I should have finished it, but honestly, I can't be bothered with that sort of thing. Only I have to live with the choices I make, and only I know what is right for me, only I have to learn my own lessons. Everyone else can just sit back and judge, accept, love, or leave.

What have I learned during my mission that I can now take with me back into all things "Man"? I have learned to not only value my alone time, but to revel in it. I have created a life of my own. I have become independent, more free spirited, and laid back than ever before. I have learned to be really honest with myself and my dealings with men, so as to not fall head first into the rabbit hole that is a relationship- stay tuned to see how that works out for me! I have learned that I am still just as crazy for men as I was on day one of this mission. Oh, and I have decided to stop saying that I am "boy crazy" because that will indeed attract "boys" into my life rather than men. I want a MAN. I am still a hopeless romantic who longs for true love, but I have also learned that I am not ready for a totally committed, long term relationship. Is that true? I don't know, I am still trying to hash that one out. I have learned that without my mission, I will have to be a big girl and actually tell men I am not interested in dating them rather than using my mission as my safety net. Phew. Most of all I have learned that it is important for me to fall in love with myself first, before I can even attempt to fall in love with another human being. That fact alone makes me know that I still have a ways to go before my true love enters my life.

So, what happens to my blog now? I don't know. What I learned during this time, is that I can't write about my experiences with others, it isn't fair. So, I have no idea what my blog posts will look like after today. Hell, I don't even know if I will have time to write considering I am pretty much on a "Man Bender" right now ;) Wait, I think I just came up with my next blog post. I have plenty to share and have had experiences that I could not have written better myself, so the show goes on-with a twist. Wish me luck!

Salutations to She who fulfills ALL desires!

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (love thyself)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

Just to be clear, this post is not primarily about a man, it is about all people that I desire to have in my life and what happens to me when I actually care if they stick around or not, and until I feel safe from the possibility of getting hurt.

It amazes me how much the idea of love throws me off of my path. How I am willing to completely throw all of myself into the possibility of love. It’s like love and being in love is the primary reason I was brought to this Earth. It controls my every move in life. I am so ruled by my heart that my head feels like it is in a constant battle between reason and feeling. I am in awe of how obvious my lessons are. It almost seems like a cosmic joke. Or- am I just so tuned in that I can see what is being thrown at me and why?  It is leaving me very clear, yet sublimely uncomfortable with dealing with what “is”.

I get so caught up in fantasy and possibility that the moment the promise of that fantasy or possibility goes away I am left in withdrawal mode. Sad, cold, lonely staring into the face of that old familiar feeling. Longing for what has been lost.

It can’t be healthy to be so obsessed with love. Why do I keep searching for love outside of myself? Why is it that I think I am in love with myself until I actually have feelings for someone else? Suddenly I begin to pick myself apart, I become a more reserved version of who I am, I find everything wrong with myself that the other person might see and then I get caught up in that place. Next thing I know, I am a watered down version of the amazing woman that I actually am because I have become so self conscious.. I don’t like it. I have definitely lost myself as of late. That is why I know that although I have aborted my mission, I still have tons of work to do. How can I expect anyone to be in love with me if I am not in love with myself? I need to be in love with and proud of every single facet of my being. I need to own who I am, how I feel, what I think, and not shrink into some mold of what I think someone else wants me to be, just so they stay in my life. That is absolutely ridiculous and I am not usually like that at all. I am pretty outspoken, forward, and unapologetic about who I am and how I feel. I am outrageous, dirty minded, silly, and sarcastic. But, I have been none of those things recently. I have stopped writing, stopped expressing myself, stopped being me essentially.

What I have learned from this awareness is that the right people will love me, for me. I don’t need to cast a veil on myself for the approval of others. In fact, I don’t need approval. Just like Dr. Suess says “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”.

I’m not saying that I have to be any specific way because of anyone else. I do it all to myself and honestly, in the end it probably makes me much less desirable. I have no problem being me and loving me and expressing myself when there is nothing to lose (in the beginning), but the minute I actually care if someone is in my life or not, I shrink. The vulnerability, and possibility of being hurt, not accepted, or completely rejected makes me dim my inner light.

Awareness. It is all about awareness. With this knowledge I can begin to notice it as it is happening and cut it off at the pass. I don’t want to shrink so that someone stays in my life. I need to be me, unadulterated, me....all the time. Because the truth is, you can’t hide from the truth. Everyone’s true nature comes out sooner or later. Actually, when I think about it, I have many amazing friends who have been in my life for a very long time, I have men that have loved and still love me to this day...all for me being the pure, unadulterated, crazy, ME. If that isn't motivation enough to love myself, shine my truth, and dance in the glory of my essence, then I don't know what is!

The question is, am I bold enough to reveal this truth to anyone who reads it? Am I ready to be so vulnerable, so open to the judgement of others, so exposed? Am I ready to let everyone know the inner workings of my insecurities? I think the answer is yes, because I want people in my life who want me, the good, the bad, the ugly. I say that now, but the minute I hit “publish” I will panic. It is the inquiry, the dance, the truth.

My name is Tiffany, and I am willing to bet that I am not the only one who struggles with such things.

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!