<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
This has been another interesting week for me. This week has really been the time that I’ve been most consistently in charge and in a leadership position in the last year or so. I’ve directed shows here in New York a couple of times, but these have been under other producers and certain restrictions and ideas that they in particular want for their shows. This is the first time that I’ve had a show where I’ve had this much control and say into what goes on in the process. I think this sunk in for me when I realized that I was conducting interviews. Considering that I have been on the other side of the interview table for what has to be years now, both before I started pursuing theatre regularly and after that fact. There’s a case of good and bad with this situation, as I suspect a lot of people in my boat would have a case of. The good for me is that it allows me to test my abilities to be confident under pressure and I feel that the further in this process of producing and directing a show that I go along, the more comfortable I feel. On the other hand, there is the drawback in that I think that every decision I make has significant consequences, whether they are positive or negative. There’s a nervousness I feel with this thought that is something that I have to control as much as I can to make sure nothing gets in the way too much. It’s one of those fun little dichotomies that make life more interesting.
So what’s next for me besides that? I’ve been in fundraising mode lately, including launching campaigns and brainstorming other ideas. Theatre is not a cheap venture and so any funds I can raise are helpful and crucial. I am still in director mode as well, working on my script analysis and director’s book in order ensure that everything is understood and clear for the actors and staff during the rehearsal process. This has been quite the ride so far, and it’s something that’s already given me great pleasure, tested me, and so much more. I may be talking about this a lot in my posts, and I apologize if I do, but considering this may be one of my biggest tests of confidence and professionalism and it actually is my biggest test professionally, it’s important for me to discuss.
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy
Being an actor can be a crazy-making thing. Whenever I hear another actor open up about their fears and anxieties I always feel like I’m not alone, and am actually a part of an insane daredevil group.
While it’s true that we’re not doing something as miraculous as saving lives every day, there is still something very brave about the way we put ourselves out there time and time again.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the chatter in my head lately. I recently had a audition for a great network comedy that resulted in a callback. While the callback was fine, I kept thinking about all of the things that didn’t go the way I wanted them to. Of course, ideally I would have left it all in the room, walked away, and not given it a second thought. After all, it’s usually the roles you don’t think about too much or really care if you book, that you end up getting. A lot of people kick around the saying that “you do your best audition in the car on the way home,” which is not a good thing, but I felt like that was the headspace I was in that day.
For some reason instead of thinking about the character and the scene, I had let myself get into the “I really want to book this job” mindset. I was fixated on it, and that never bodes well. Things that don’t usually affect me started to creep in and my monkey brain started to have a party, the vulture on my shoulder started squawking, and before I knew it, I was having that weird experience where I was outside myself watching instead of an active participant in the moment. Despite all of this, I applaud myself for still doing a good job even though I felt scattered, but it did take me a couple of days to dissect what worked, what didn’t, and what I need to do next time I get into this little cycle so I can stop it before I starts,
In part two of Chris Evans’ interview for the new web series “Becoming,” he talks a lot about the fact that when his mind starts spinning out of control, he literally says “shhhhh” to himself. That’s it. “Shhhhh.” For some reason this really hit home for me.
I have my affirmations that I do on a regular basis, and a myriad of other tips and tricks to settle me down when nerves (aka. excitement without the breath) start to rear their trickster little heads, but there is something so simple about just “shhhh.” The whole idea around taking that moment is just to calm down, slow down, see the world as it really is, breathe, and move forward.
So even in this moment, I’m saying “shhhhhh” to any doubts I have in my head, following it up with some great affirmations, and moving on. Thank you Chris Evans. I have a feeling that one little word is going to do me a world of difference.
HAHAHAHA can I just say how HILARIOUSLY amazing this entire trip has been? I'm currently sitting in one of the most private, exclusive members only clubs in all of the world in the most RIDICULOUSLY touristie t-shirt, basketball shorts, and my Nike Plus kicks ...
First up, lemme at least explain how I got here, and what the hell is even going on.
Here's the song that goes with the post ...
So, last week, I got hit up by this duderino from London asking if we could meet up. Sure, I said, but I don't travel abroad just for dates.
<tangent> After spending a year with literally only $10 to my name I know for a FACT that I can be dropped ANYWHERE in this country and not only manage to get a ride, but also get a room, food, and find a party with literally no money to my name. That's just period end of sentence and all courtesy of my connections in social media. I have yet to be brave enough to test this theory abroad since my worst case scenario could be me not being able to get a flight back home. As a strategist, there are just WAY too many variables that make me feel uncomfortable. </tangent>
Let's meet in Vegas, I suggested.
Eh, he shot back, I don't want to go to Vegas. How about Miami, he suggested.
Miami is GREAT, I said.
He then booked my flight last week, and then came Friday night at the Abbey where my cell and debit card got stolen.
NOOOOOOOOO, I thought.
In hindsight, however, it gave me tremendous perspective on what everything means, but I was PISSSEEEDDD. They cleared out my entire checking account (courtesy of charging a shit ton of drinks on my card) AND they stole my freaking iphone!!!!!!! I was grateful that I had forgotten to put my ID back in the Speck credit card iphone case, but MAN - what a violation and a total pain in the ass that there was nothing the bank could do until Monday morning at the EARLIEST.
I laughed Saturday morning thinking I joke over and over and over how I can get around without any money and now I LITERALLY have -.74 cents to my name and I now have to travel across the country.
Fortunately, because of twitter, my buddy (and fellow TNTML writer)@Jtwebman hit me up and told me he'd happily take me to the airport.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I said.
He then picked me up at 7:30 and dropped me off at LAX for my red eye.
FTR, I've done some SUPER dumb shit before - but this is up there. To travel across country with LITERALLY no money, and NO phone is extremely, extremely ballsy. I talked to my parents beforehand and my dad was COMPLETELY freaking out at my perdicament.
Daughter, why are you still going to Miami? he inquired.
Because I have my ID, I said. From a very literal perspective that is all that I need to travel. The rest I can figure out.
Yeah, my parents weren't pleased to say the least.
I figured I had my iPad so as long as I could continuously find wifi throughout my trip I'd manage to be okay, and at least check in with people as often as possible to let them all know that I was alive.
I then arrived in Miami at 5:45 am and had arranged again via twitter, a ride at the airport from @JnAStudios.
I told him I'd meet him outside when I arrived but upon my arrival I was nervous that he wasn't going to be able to find me.
Sure, he knows what I look like and what I'm wearing, I thought - but what if I'm at the wrong pick up area? I've never been to the airport in Miami before in my LIFE so to just say to some "I'll meet you outside" and to be truly confident that you will be able to meet them outside is the most insane thing ever.
Trusting my travel instincts, and trusting the fact that I've never put myself in a situation I couldn't talk myself out of - I had to had to had to know that everything was going to be okay.
I then arrived in Miami and after only about 10 minutes of waiting, Al arrived.
Holy shit, I thought completely relieved when I saw his car.
I then put my bag in the back and gave him the BIGGEST hug ever.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for this ride I said.
Where am I taking you, he asked as I got in the car.
I'm not sure, I said.
See, my date still had yet to tell me where we were staying and due to the time difference I got on the plane before he had a chance to email me back. Miami's airport also didn't have wifi, so bottom line all that I knew in this scenario was that I knew nothing.
South Beach, I said. He's a super fancy pants dude, so clearly he's going to be staying somewhere super fancy pants.
(I also remember in passing him saying something about during the day on Monday me needing to find something to do in South Beach as he was going to have to work.)
Al then drove me all the way down to South Beach and after driving around a bunch of times we found an open diner.
Remember, it's only 6:30 at the EARLIEST at this point and it's Sunday morning.
We went into the diner and sat down adjacent to this man that was passed out on a table.
Literally passed out.
Al and I then talked exchanging stories on life and love.
I then excused myself to the restroom and came back to no less than 6 police officers huddled around the passed out gentleman.
I laughed to Al as I sat down in the booth - dude, I can't make this shit up!! I'm a magnet for random adventures. What's going on?
He laughs saying, they just waved something under his nose to wake him up.
The man then lifts his head up, and there is puke ALLLLLL over the menu and the table.
Gross, I said to Al.
We then stare intently as they literally have to carry him out of the deli and instruct him to go home.
Amazing, I said. I'm here for less than a half an hour and already there's an adventure.
After we wrap up killing time at the deli, we then walked over to a Starbucks (which was now open) so I could check my email and figure out where I was supposed to go.
I pull up my email.
Soho house, he said. I'm in the lobby.
Great, c u soon! I typed back.
We then headed down the street and Al dropped me off at the door of the Soho House.
Thank you so so so much for this, I said. I really appreciate it.
That's what friends are for, he said.
I smiled grabbing my bag.
I then walked inside and met my date.
Now, at this point, I had not only been on a red eye, but was the literal definition of hot mess in the Miami heat.
No make up, really nappy hair - and now I am on a date.
Own it, Friel, own it! I thought.
I greeted him placing my bag on the floor.
We then leave our bags with the concierge.
Want to go for a walk on the boardwalk? he asked.
Sure, I said. After sitting for so long I could DEFINITELY use some exercise.
We then left the Soho house walking down the boardwalk of South Beach.
I. Fell. In. Love.
Wow, I said staring out at the water and the pristine boardwalk. I'm not quite sure what I expected of Miami - but it DEFINITELY wasn't this!! Everything here is so CLEAN and so TROPICAL!!!
Holy shit!!!
He then immediately started in on business.
So, tell me more about what it is that you do.
Now, even with only 3 hours of sleep I can give the elevator pitch on my business, but this guy went. to. town.
I wasn't mad at it, obvi, but when I'm genuinely tired, I stop functioning. He's an OG affiliate search and marketing GURU but I only caught every 6th word that came out of his mouth.
Google pays Yahoo search traffic newsletter.
Huh? I thought.
We then walked for about a half an hour and arrived at the cafe to grab breakfast.
I struggled GREATLY at the table to keep my eyes open.
Do you mind if we cab it back, I asked? The heat is getting to me and I'm also going on just a few hours of sleep.
Not a problem, he said.
We then grabbed a cab (AIR CONDITIONING YAY!) and about half way back to the hotel, he said he wanted to get some swim trunks.
Do you mind if we stop, he asked?
Absolutely not, I said.
We then hopped out of the cab and walked into a super touristie shop.
My date then held up a brightly colored Miami Beach t-shirt.
This is great, he said. I should get it.
DUDE!!! I said excited.
TOTALLY!!! Rock that shit!!!
I'll get you one too. Let's be obnoxious together!
YES YES YES!! I said suddenly SUPER awake and SO excited to make randoms uncomfortable.
He then buys a bright pink Miami beach muscle tee, and purchases me a bright white with neon writing "I'm in Miami Bitch" shirt.
This. Is. Amazing. I said. We're going to have SO much fun!!!
We then head back to the hotel and the adrenaline rush from the shirt buying starts to wear off.
I'm sorry, I say, but I really need to get some sleep. Do you mind if I take a nap?
Of course not, he says.
I then go up to my room and pass out on their RIDICULOUSLY comfortable beds.
Somewhere around 3 I wake up, shower, and email my date asking where he is. (Again, no phone means email is my only form of communication.)
I then walk downstairs greeting my date again, and he says let's go sit over here.
He then grabs a chair from another table and places it down next to a beautiful woman sitting down.
Oh shit, I thought. What's going on now?
Hi, I say extending my hand and introducing myself.
We then start chatting and I connect the dots that this is the business associate he mentioned to me earlier in the morning.
Again, I only caught every 6th word, but he spoke extremely fondly of her.
We all then start chatting as she grills me on who I am and what I do.
So you're kind of a dating expert then? she concludes.
No, I say. I just have a lot of experience and I'm passionate about people.
Can you edit my dating profile? she asks.
I start laughing thinking how meta it is to be editing a dating profile while on a date.
Sure, I say.
I take her Macbook air placing it on my lap and begin reading her profile.
You're a very guarded person, I say.
This profile isn't marketed towards a man, I continue. If your profile was a dog it would be barking shouting get away! get away!
She starts laughing.
Yes!! She said.
Do you mind if I rewrite it for you? I ask.
PLEASE!!! She says super excited.
It takes me about 5 minutes, but I then re-work her profile removing the emotional components and just cutting to the bottom line of what she ACTUALLY wants.
This is what you think you're saying, but this is what I'm reading, I explain. Men are not going to want to touch you because you're shouting "I'm independent, I'm independent!! I don't need a man!!!"
You're WAYY too guarded. Here is how to word that you can support yourself but also that you have plenty of room for a man to make his way into your life.
Wow, she said. This is great, I say handing her back her profile.
If you like it, click save. If not, no hard feelings.
She smiles, thanking me greatly for my service.
We then talk about the site and I explain some of my adventures.
It's actually helped me tremendously in business as psychologically I can put myself in that place and literally have men bow to me.
He starts laughing grabbing her Macbook air and immediately reading some of my posts.
Did you just bring her for entertainment? This chick is great, says his associate.
We then all share a laugh as we packed up our stuff and headed to the spa.
Let's go down to the beach, said my date.
Great!
We then went into the ocean, which btw, in Miami is GOORRRGGEEEOOOUUUSSS and so warm!! The water has that slight hint of green that I LOVE and holy crap!! It was like bath water!!!
I could totally spend a lot of time here, I thought. LA is NO DOUBT my home, but I could DEFINITELY see myself spending a lot of time also in Miami.
After about a half an hour down at the beach we then went back up to the spa and his associate and I agreed to grab a steam in the steam room.
The "spa" btw at the Soho House is the most RIDICULOUS thing ever. Thank GOD my phone was stolen or I'm SURE I would have snuck a gajillion pics.
FTR, they don't allow cell phones or cameras in the Soho house. Look, it's even on the room key ...
Big, huge, no no - but arrrrghhhhhhhh!! this place is SO freaking beautiful!!!
We then undressed and got into the steam room.
I laid down on the tile closing my eyes for a moment thinking how extremely grateful I was for this life moment.
I'm COMPLETELY unplugged, I thought. I have no phone, no true means of communication - nothing. Here I was upset at having it get stolen, but it created this amazing little oasis for me to be able to just get away from everything in a very literal sense.
Do you think you're ever going to settle down, asked the associate?
ABSOLUTELY, I admitted. I couldn't be more ready to and I've not only restructured things accordingly but I've already plotted how I'm scaling this brand providing myself with not only an exit strategy but also my next brand (which will not include lifecasting).
Isn't it part of your brand though being so public?
Absolutely, I said, but I'm almost 28, I'm not going to be interesting for much longer. I just figured out a formula and a business model to be a walking, talking billboard. I can now groom others.
We then talked about life, love, and all things awesome.
She just so happened to be a leo, and I get along SUPPEERRRRR well with leos.
As the steam filled my lungs and every pore in my being I realized how intimate of an experience this was. Here is this person I met only a few hours ago but we are now in one of the poshest hotels in Miami (a city I've never spent serious time in), in a spa, laying naked on tile, discussing boys, attraction, the meaning of life - AND I could not feel more comfortable.
I laughed saying to her that I had no idea what to expect from this experience. I think Miami, I said, I think party party party. This is EXACTLY what I needed, you have no idea.
She laughed saying the universe tends to do that if you believe.
We then went back upstairs putting our bags in the room and we all agreed to head over to Nobu to meet up with some more of their friends in town for dinner.
Should I wear the pink shirt, asked my date?
ABSOLUTELY!! we both said in unison.
First though, let's take some pictures, said the associate.
My date then began posing ...
This is going to make great content for your blog, said the associate.
I bursted out laughing saying, I think I'm pretty much covered on this end.
We then went over to Nobu catching stares as we walked into the Shore Club.
We all couldn't stop laughing.
I go up to the bar and order a drink.
Can I have a dragon fly, I ask staring down at the menu.
Sure, says the bartender.
My date then walks up.
What would you like, sir?
I'll have a babycham, he said.
Everyone bursts out laughing COMPLETELY unsure of what is going on.
The bartender walks away confused.
Have you never heard of babycham? I've always wanted to say that to someone, said my date.
<tangent> See, it is from this advertisement in the 80s. See below. Our barely legal bartender didn't get the reference, nor did I to be honest, but between the name and the delivery you couldn't help but laugh.
</tangent>
After we all stop laughing the bartender comes back.
My date then orders a gin and tonic, as I finally get my dragon fly.
We need to document this, said the associate. He's ACTUALLY wearing this shirt at Nobu.
I turn as she takes out her iPhone taking a photo ...
The rest of the party then joined us minutes later and we had a SUPPPEERRRR delicious dinner.
Argh! The sushi is so freaking fresh at Nobu!!!
We then left the Shore Club and as we were waiting for a taxi three men approached my date.
Are you going to Twist later? asked one of the men.
What's Twist? asked my date.
It's the gay bar, he said touching his chest.
The associate and I IMMMEEDDIIAAATTEELLLLLYYY burst out laughing as we both literally started tearing up.
This always happens to me, admitted my date.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH we wonder why!!! we both said.
We all then piled into a car back to the house and called it a night somewhere around midnight.
You are a brave soul, I said to my date as we bid each other good night. It takes an extremely confident man to pull off what you did.
He smiled as we both went to sleep.
ANNNDDD there you have it, nerderinos!! I am still kicking it at the Soho house for a few more hours before my flight back to LA. I think I'm going to head back to the beach in just a few minutes. I was supposed to actually see mi madre today, but unfortunately my parentals are a bit peeved at this adventure so I will have to see them the next time I am out here.
Many blessings all, and thanks to Jeff and Al GREATLY for their assistance in helping me get around. You guys KNOCK MY FREAKING SOCKS OFF!!
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho
Since I overcame my depression I have been hard at work with my social media company and my new job at the hostel. If I wasn’t already busy enough the hostel keeps me working an insane amount of hours. The crazy thing is that you are surrounded by so many people that continue to come and go. Different accents, different personalities and sooooooooo many beautiful women. After working at the hostel for only a few days I immediately knew that there would be some challenges in regards to pumpin’.
I sleep in a dorm style room with a roommate who is a totally cool guy from Germany but it’s an “employee” dorm and nobody else is supposed to be allowed in. No business wants you banging the customers (well I guess there are some businesses that encourage it) so some discretion is a must. There is no policy in regards to sleeping with the guests and although it’s frowned upon, I’m sure that they know someone’s fuckin’.
I know I am a social coach and all but I have been so forking busy that I haven’t gotten laid in over two months. I had a steamy make out session with this six foot two fashion student from the UK but that was about it. I am always planting seeds and hanging out around the hostel and it was time to close the deal. I did in epic fashion.
I had spent all day with these two amazing girls at the beach. One super successful social media guru from the UK and another super cool chick from Montreal. After our day at the beach we went out in Santa Monica to watch this amazing band called Toledo play at Harvelles. They were fuckin’ phenomenal. It was this crazy fusion of funk, jazz, soul and hip-hop. Mix that with burlesque dancers hanging from the rafters above the bar, some dancing and we were having a great night.
We decided to walk home along the beach and met an alcoholic fishing couple out for a night fish. The lady whispered to me through all five of her teeth that she thought I was beautiful. We continued skipping over homeless people along the walking path until we found the swings. Like a couple of school children we all hopped on and played for a while. The weather was still so warm that we thought a light night swim was in order. Well I don’t wear underwear so I stripped down to my birthday suit and jumped in. The girls got down to their underwear and joined me.
By the time we got back to the hostel the common rooms were already closed so we made our way to bed. I wasn’t done with my night yet. I have needs. I waited for the girls to separate and the French-Canadian happened to be staying near my room. I walked to her door with her and made my move in the threshold of the all female dorm. We ate each other’s face for a couple minutes and then both gave each other the doe eyes that said, “We need to bang this out”. I walked in my room with her only to find my roommate still awake and unhappy at my proposition for him to continue working on his laptop while I hooked up behind him. “How inconsiderate of him,” I thought.
I am a determined individual and I wasn’t going to let this stop me from getting what I wanted. I grabbed a couple towels and led her out of the hostel and to the beach. We scouted the area for an appropriate place to do the damn thing. I don’t think the children's jungle gym was exactly “appropriate” but it was going to work. I made us a little bed and our clothes fell to the floor. With both our heads in each other’s crotch we were both enjoying ourselves quite thoroughly.
I could tell that she had a lot to say but her English was limited so we were on the quiet side. Bums and late night cyclists rode by where we were in plain sight. Fuck it. After she had recovered from a long orgasm she asked me if I had a condom. I did not. She continued to go down on me and all the sudden I realized everything had become REALLY itchy! I had been eaten alive by mosquitos. I tried to enjoy myself but the growing welts all over my body were so distracting. We threw our clothes on and headed back to the hostel.
I peeked in my room and my roommate had passed out for the night. YES! He would definitely wake up if we used the bed so being the chivalrous gent that I am I invited her into my bathroom. I again laid out a couple towels, grabbed the condoms from my backpack and it was on. This time she couldn’t hold in her words anymore. Her beautiful French came pouring from her lips. This is the second time that I have had a woman talk dirty to me in French and it is phenomenal. After we finished she looked up from the floor and started laughing hysterically, She realized that her point of view was something she’d never forget. The underside of the sink, the empty public-restroom toilet paper holder, and underside of the toilet.
I was sad to see her go because we genuinely had a great time together. I love girls who are up for an adventure.
I've had a pretty rough 24 hours, I'm not going to try to sugar coat it. Losing my phone, and then having my entire checking account drained was not only a nuisance but a violation.
It was only just now taking a break from filming that I was then reminded of this conversation that I had earlier in the week though that put everything in perspective for me.
Lemme break this all down ...
On ... Thursday ... yeah ... I had drinks with this super fancy pants duderino. He's literally the son of Hollywood royalty but also just spent the last two years volunteering around the world. Again, on my kick of asking "but what does all of this really mean?" - I didn't want to miss out on this opportunity despite us just meeting earlier in the week.
What do you think it all means, I asked over beers?
You've been really rich, you've been really poor - at the end of it all what did you learn?
He looked up at me, and said honestly?
Of course, I replied.
I spent an hour yesterday watching people stare out at the ocean. It was a very beautiful life experience. This is an actual photo I took from the grass. I grew up thinking that I needed a G6, or a mercedes to feel fulfilled. Then, I got it, and so did my friends. Now we're all bored. I learned so much in the last few years volunteering and traveling the world - it was those experiences that really meant something to me, not just the material things.
I get that, but tell me more. Like if you had to describe to me the single most important thing in life, what would it be?
To be happy, he said.
Ah yes, happiness, I said.
He then turned and sternly looked back at me.
What do YOU think all of this means?
I started laughing as I sipped my beer saying, I haven't come to an educated conclusion yet.
Come on, he pushed.
Fine, I said.
What do I think all of this means? Fine.
You're right, happiness is DEFINITELY the key, but also so is intimacy. I never understood that until recently how important it is to not just share things with the world but to experience shared space with a single other person. It's powerful, I said, and something that we all take for granted. It doesn't even necessarily need to be with a lover, but just someone that you love and someone that you respect. Life is about sharing and shared experiences in expression.
I agree, he said.
Flash forward to last night, I lost my phone and freaked. I didn't care about the fact that "oh god it was an iphone" or anything in between - my phone is my little lifeline, my private space where I have intimate conversations.
And then to obviously have my entire checking account drained as well, totally sucked. Even though I did shut everything off within 40 minutes of the theft - there was just nothing cool about any of this, and I genuinely won't have money now until Monday at the earliest. (Despite the fact that in 6 hours I am boarding a plane to head to Miami.)
This morning I woke up feeling a little bit better, but still a bit bitter. My parents got really pissed at me telling me I needed to get my act together ... I do financially need to find more stable ground. Just because something is worth a lot doesn't necessarily translate to cold hard cash. I need to be a bit more capitalistic, which I get.
Either way, I then filmed a documentary on this website all day and I heard myself say over and over how much I needed to just follow my bliss and how much you create your own reality. I have NO doubt that I attracted this ABSOLUTELY insane life experience. I remember staring at the Speck credit card case and thinking over and over how dangerous it would be if my phone was lost. Again, it was SHEER LUCK that I didn't lose my ID as well ... wowzahs.
We then wrapped my interview and I crashed on the couch turning on the movie The Bucket List.
It was the ending, where they summarized what everything actually meant in life.
I immediately started crying.
What am I doing, I thought? I'm upset over a fucking phone and money? I might not know just yet what all of this means, but I know it is NOT those two things. The tears then just started pouring pouring pouring out of my soul.
This isn't life, I thought, these are just tools.
I was then reminded of the lovely emails, tweets, and posts I've been receiving all day with people reaching out expressing how saddened they were at my loss.
Who died, I thought?
I'm making this BIG fucking deal over LITERALLY nothing.
We have no things, we have temporary distractions meant to signify "worth" to the human experience.
What I value the MOST in life is my family, my close friends, and all of you people. THAT matters and if I lost THAT I would be truly upset. The rest is bullshit.
I am still boarding my plane to Miami, and I am still going to figure out how to have an AWESOME weekend completely sans the material distractions. That's all money and even these tech tools are - distractions. Find your bliss, find your joy, speak your mind, and have shared experiences in intimacy.
THAT is what life is about dear friends, and today, I understood that a little more.
Off to Miami. No distractions, just life. (And really really really fun sunglasses!!!!!)
Thank you all so so so much for your donations. Your generosity is immense. I am also getting a ride today to the airport as well as being picked up at the airport and taken to my hotel when I am in Miami. This is all from you guys - THIS is what matters most in life. Thank you for allowing me to have this perspective. One love.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012 at 9:27AM
This has been another interesting week for me. This week has really been the time that I’ve been most consistently in charge and in a leadership position in the last year or so. I’ve directed shows here in New York a couple of times, but these have been under other producers and certain restrictions and ideas that they in particular want for their shows. This is the first time that I’ve had a show where I’ve had this much control and say into what goes on in the process. I think this sunk in for me when I realized that I was conducting interviews. Considering that I have been on the other side of the interview table for what has to be years now, both before I started pursuing theatre regularly and after that fact. There’s a case of good and bad with this situation, as I suspect a lot of people in my boat would have a case of. The good for me is that it allows me to test my abilities to be confident under pressure and I feel that the further in this process of producing and directing a show that I go along, the more comfortable I feel. On the other hand, there is the drawback in that I think that every decision I make has significant consequences, whether they are positive or negative. There’s a nervousness I feel with this thought that is something that I have to control as much as I can to make sure nothing gets in the way too much. It’s one of those fun little dichotomies that make life more interesting.
