#Question: How many things can you find wrong in this photo?

Looky looky the email I got this morning ... 

click here to read the post she's talking about.

(This was also the video that Jalopnik posted when they tore one into me. Stupid Gawker.)

I am so UNBELIEVABLY humbled every.single.day. getting to share my passion of writing with you guys. I'd still be doing what I was doing if no one was reading, but the fact that you guys do makes this a business and the fact that I can build a business around my passion? Literally makes my life. 

These stories are not easy to write, but the process is from start to finish is extraordinarily cathartic. 

From the depths of my soul, thank you. Thank you for all of your emails, for your comments, for whoever shouted "Talk Nerdy" from a car while I was standing on a street corner in Hollywood yesterday. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

You all continue to inspire me every day and I am VERY excited to keep talking nerdy with you all this week while I'm in SAN FRANCISCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thank you nerds. Sincerely, thank you. 

Oh yeah and one more thing ... 

There's loving your dog, and then there's this woman. How many things can you find wrong with this photo?

click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

#thatisall

#NerdsUnite: The Circle of Strife

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

Authors Note - I kept this gender neutral because this happens on both sides of the fence. Still I find it to hold true for the friendzoned whom complain about their inability to get the people they want. Myself included sometimes.

You see it told time and time again. The girl or guy you like is in a relationship with a complete douchebag that treats them like shit. They have told you how much they would like a guy or girl like you. You always say this of course in jest, that they should just leave their significant other and date you. You both laugh as if that reality of it, is far-fetched. You saunter home and wonder how this person can love that person and yet not even entertain thoughts of being with you. You claim it’s the nice people finish last thing, that people only love assholes, or that you were friendzoned. Well, all that may be true, but I have a speculation to make.

We’ve all have had our fair share of love interests that have fallen hard for pricks. You can’t figure out why they would continue to love this person that has lied, cheated, and abused them. To be honest, they can’t tell you why they are with them either. So let me enlighten this dark and confusing arena of the human heart. People tend to be drawn toward Alpha characteristics. People who have the right amount of confidence to step up and ask for what they want. Sadly, the nice guys and girls take a very sideways approach to sending their affection vibes. So that initial spark comes from the confidence enlisted by the aggressor. So step one is becoming confident enough to at least instagate. Once entangled with the Alpha be they women or men, those people will take the others on a whirlwind of romance and sexual fulfillment that they hadn’t expected and now, “love.” I feel people often interpret lust as love. They love the not knowing, the crazy passion of the moment, and the fierce affection. Then it all comes crashing down for them. Their whirlwind romance has to be described and titles put in place. Herein lies the fall out.

That push for titles, and roles takes the Alpha out of its dominant role and starts to form equality. The partnership is starting to develop and so the Alpha starts to pull away. They don’t want to end things, because the easy to acquire sexual partner fuels them. Yet, they don’t want to be tied to someone either. So they engage in abuse whether it’s mental or physical. The reaction is a fight to keep that spark alive from the subordinate partner. This fight is why people stay with douchebags and assholes. They become invested in trying to please the original Alpha and doing whatever they can to re-secure their affections. To the point that they find all of who they were just a month before changing. They lose their core moral values as they further debase themselves at the bequest of the partner. Whom is at the same time attempting to push them away by demanding they act in accordance with their new now outlandish requests. Outlandish for the very purpose of the Alpha assuming their partners would never let themselves go that far. As they allow themselves to break rule after rule they had set up in their hearts to maintain the affection they had for the Alphas at one time.  The Alphas then stop trying to push them and just assume they will act in accordance to their whim. The Alphas know they have them and so they start allowing themselves to take chances. They breach the relationship by exploring alternatives. They engage in flirtations in front of their partner, while insisting they were only being friendly. Suddenly, they are gone for gaps of time without explanation. Nor will they give one, demanding that they deserve their own personal time and shouldn’t be held to some strict code of relationship rules.

During this time the partner becomes frantic and jealous. They lock onto any discrepancy in story and start to search for infidelity. They turn into a full blown freaked out detectives, tailing the other person, driving by their house at night wondering if they are home, lying in wait to happen upon them in social situations. This gives the Alpha more power to say they are being crazy. Of course they are being crazy; their significant other is driving them insane. If they happen to find the Alpha cheating on them, then they rationalize their own infidelity. Something they never would have done, cheating is the heroine of relationships. they swear they would never do it, but having it done to them seems to be a reason to get back. Never thinking they could just break up with the Alpha and be done with this madness. They calculate who they could use to secure the desired reaction. If but to only hurt the Alpha or turn their eye back to them. Hoping beyond hope to swing the power balance in their favor. Here’s where that nice, friendzoned person comes in. They having always been there, will still be there for this person and without a doubt that person will come to them with all these problems. Their significant other never liking the nice person, nor trusting them starts to get jealous. They know the jealousy of their partner and so uses the nice friend to play off the Alpha’s insecurities even if the Alpha no longer wants to be with his partner. Leading the unsuspecting person in the friendzone into the path of destruction. Allowing this nice person to finally make good on their desires they take this and fling it in the face of the Alpha.

A huge fight occurs, back on even ground as each of them has wronged the other now they simply agree to never do it again and apologize. Starting the cycle all over again. The amount of work they put into keeping the other person is why they fall so hard for them. When they aren’t confronted with so many disastrous fall outs and reconciliations the tie to that person is not as strong. They don’t feel like they have been through battle to win their heart. Only that it was given to them and when love is easy, it’s assumed its a friendship.  The nice friend being left alone once again. Confused and worn out from constantly being the fall back. They walk away, no longer enamored with the love they had before. This creates a gap in the rant ability of the lack luster love affair. They no longer have a place to vent and therefore it all gets dumped on the Alpha. The Alpha realizes that the other will never leave and breaks up with them or the other leaves them when they have no one outside of their relationship to stabilize them. From there they move back to that quick affair they had with their friend.

That friend feeling used and skeptical of the renewed fancy of their former love, gives them little merit for fear of being used again. So upon finally realizing that the love they should have pursued was there all the time, they fight harder for it.  Complaining to a new friend they had to get in the absence of the last one about how this person used to like them. The nice friend had friendzoned their love to protect their own heart. Now this enrages the desired and they can’t figure out why the nice person wouldn’t want them anymore. The nice person isn’t as nice as they used to be, because being used changes you. They become a bit of an asshole now. The previous love falls for them, because they are elusive and seem like damaged goods and could use fixing. Pushing harder and harder for them to find it in their hearts to forgive them and give them a chance. Only to have a new person falling for them while they are going after the previous nice person, who has become an asshole and the cycle starts all over again. When the new, now no longer nice Alpha forgives them. The circle of strife.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

Words of Wisdom with @Jesus_M_Christ

#Fact: If slapping myself worked - I'd already be doing it

I need to snap out of this ... this ... funk. 

I'm an incredibly expressive person, so everyone around me notices it, and it makes me uncomfortable. Even having to be honest with this audience and be public with this depression also makes me very uncomfortable. 

It's one thing to be sad, it's another to be sad and so fucking public!!! 

As I've admitted for the last week or so now, for the first time in 3 years I feel completely unfulfilled.

I've been working RELENTLESSLY towards these goals of mine, and after actually accomplishing one of my big ones - I felt like poop. I thought success would feel so much better than this. I GENUINELY did. 

I then went through my bliss, and have actually crossed all of the items off my list (minus volunteering but that's due to their scheduling). I'm SO proud of this brand and I'm SO proud of this community - but you guys are literally all that I have. I've fortunately mended the relationship with my family in the last year, but falling off the grid like I did was a jolt to my friends. Even my very best friends that I had before this site don't exactly know how to relate to me now that I am so different. I have one very old friend (known her since I was 12) but everyone else that I am friends with is involved in this site somehow. I need to change that.

I need to change my fucking life, man. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. That is LITERALLY the scariest thing ever for me. In 27 almost 28 years, I've never not known what to do.  

I know I know I know I need to cultivate deeper relationships, but what are the next doable actions in that process? I'm definitely an emotional person, but I'm genuinely missing that "chip" that makes me want to organically connect with people. I've noticed I don't do it in dating, but I DEF do it in friendships. My friends will only call me when something has SEVERELY gone down and they want help, but I'm not someone people just call to "chat." I'm just their "go to" when the shit has hit the fan. 

The notion of just "chatting" with people doesn't exactly seem thrilling, but this is what normal people do. It's just hard not having close friends for the majority of my life and then to now be almost 30 and to have to reprogram everything. I SWEAR everything that makes me killer in business slays my personal life. Now that I realize even business isn't fulfilling me the way that I wanted it to - it makes me want to cry. 

Now what? I wonder

Dudes, I even sat in gum during lunch today ... albeit I am grateful that I could AFFORD lunch, it was still a doug downer. 

I'm freaking going to the official VMA after party tonight. SUPER FREAKING FANCY PANTS and even that isn't getting me excited or jazzed. It's like meh, more of that. 

Normally when I get in funks like this I isolate, cutting myself off from the world retreating like a turtle, but seeing as to the fact that that isolation is what got me feeling like this in the first place ... me thinks it's not a good idea.  

I'm always around people. People people people. If I sit at a bar or eat lunch by myself someone will NO doubt come up. I'm now working out of io/LA and I'm around people during the day. I go to all these super fancy parties and all people want to do is talk to me ... all these freaking people, man yet I feel like a politician.

Smile, nod, shake hand, maybe take a picture. 

Smile, nod, shake hand, maybe take a picture. 

Rinse and repeat. 

That's not an authentic existence, it's shiny things meant to make you feel special. For the record, shiny things will NEVER make you feel special. You make you feel special based on sharing both your bliss and personal expression with the people you care about. 

How did I get so caught up in things like this? 

The happiest I've ever been in the last 3 years was when I was just traveling around writing literally without a dollar to my name (most of the time sleeping on the beach). Thank GOD I'm spending next week in SF ... I neeeeeeeeeeedddd to get out of LA for my soul. I need to figure this out, man. 

Either way, thank you all for the wonderful invites out this Saturday. I am instead of dating going to go dancing. Dancing feeds my soul - and my soul very much needs to be fed right now. 

I need to be traveling more on a regular basis. HMMMMMMMMMMMM ... time to find a sponsor. =) =) =) NEXT DOABLE ACTION YAY!!! 

#namaste

#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

This weekend I took a step... no, a hop... no, a jump... no, a running leap out of my comfort zone! As of Saturday I am no longer a single lady. If you have been following my posts, you know I recently deleted my OkCupid and have alluded multiple times to having someone in my life who is filling up much of my time. Well, after 6 weeks or so of dating, and a brief stint in almost completely ending things in form of me putting up all sorts of defense mechanisms and hanging out with dudes who I should NOT have been hanging out with, a certain fella (he doesn't care to be anonymous) decided to make things official. I'm honestly not sure if anyone even keeps up with my life that closely, but leaving this out and posting this week would have felt like I was lying to you all -- and I never want that.

A lot of my friends have said to me, "well, this is what you've been wanting, right?" And I guess, if you consider the fact that I've been dating for the last year and that I've expressed how tired I am of playing the game -- well, then, yes a relationship is in fact what I wanted. BUT what's crazy is that literally the morning before we had this talk, I told my roommate I was totally happy with keeping things casual and had come to the realization that there was no need to title it. That I didn't NEED a relationship. Then here he comes out of left field, wanting to make it FBO (Facebook official) and whatnot. I'm not complaining at all.. I'm actually really happy and so glad he did this, and didn't allow both of our walls to get in the way of this happening, but I haven't been a girlfriend in almost three years, and I have definitely not been a girlfriend as the Chelsea that exists today. Last time I was a girlfriend I was crazy! Not saying I don't have any crazy left in me...I truly believe in owning your crazy and I'm very up front about it. But it's a much healthier kind of crazy. In addition to that, I've barely been in California without actively dating. For the last year I've been flirting it up, bouncing from dude to dude (dabbling in promiscuity -- oh my!), and have had nobody to answer to. One of the big perks of moving across the country, eh? I don't know what it's going to be like to be tied down... Actually, that's a really negative way to phrase that so let me trying again. I don't know what it's going to be like to be committed to one person. But I'm super excited to find out. This was the kind of situation that just happened. From day one I was determined to not like him, but here I am and I must say I failed at that. 

So, since the last time I got in a relationship was with a dude I barely liked, solely as a rebound to get over my first love, there was something that happened this time I wasn't ready for. All of the dudes I've been flirting with and hanging out with? Well, they don't get an automatic update that I'm no longer on the market and available to receive their lewd text messages. Ya know what this means? I've had to tell them! This is something I thought about immediately after we decided to make things real. (Well, after I said "Are you sure? You have a 10 minute buffer to change your mind." Really Chelsea?! You're so damn confident but in these situations you always get weirdly insecure. Let’s work on that!) I was super worried about these texts and wasn't sure if I should initiate it or just wait for a text I deemed "inappropriate." Well, it happened a few different ways for me. And I'm gonna tell you guys about them!

33-year-old: So this is a guy I met on OkCupid, went on one date with, and then hung out with a couple more times with no dinner and a movie if ya know what I mean. He's actually a really great guy and has been there in the past couple months to offer insight and advice with dating. He was one of the ones I decided to text and let know right away. Mostly because I knew he would want to know, and also because I knew a text from him would be super awkward to receive for me while sitting next to my new beaux.  His response? "I'm so happy for you!" Seriously...this is the ideal FWB situation. Thank you, sir, for being so mature about this.

Clean car: This is the situation I felt worst about. Ya know when you keep a guy around because you know they like you so much even though you know you aren't really feeling him? Well, that was this guy. I know -- it's a terrible thing to do! But shit happens and we've all done it. Give me a break. I was freaking out about falling for someone and in an effort to not get hurt, I decided it was best to keep someone on the back burner. UGH NONE OF THIS IS MAKING ME SOUND BETTER. Well, whatever. I'm a bitch and I recognize that. I hope this is the last time I will do this. Actually, I vow it is. Here I am making a promise that I won’t let this happen again. Anyway - I sent him a "We can't see each other anymore," and all I got in response was an "I deserved more than this. Why? I bet it’s because you met someone else. Delete my number. I'm deleting yours and will never bother you again." Not the ideal response, but I get it. I fucked up.

Abroad: As the name suggests this is someone I’ve never met in person, but we’ve had an ongoing Facebook chat flirtmance and today, after receiving a chat I could not respond to without crossing a line, I let him know I had a boyfriend now. (Don’t people see Facebook relationship updates!?) He was really nice about it and said he could tell that I needed to be with one person. That the casual dating scene wasn’t for me… Gotta say, he hit the nail on the head! And we’ll definitely remain buddies. Wonderful.

(How have you guys dealt with these situations? Tweet me! I want to hear!)

There were a couple other fellas I had to let know, but it all went pretty smoothly. Part of me feels like such a whore for having to have dealt with this. Like – why was I flirting with so many people? But on the other hand, I’m actually proud of myself. As someone who never flirted in her teens/college years… I’m able to flirt! I know this seems silly, but I love it. It doesn't really have anything to do with the actual flirting, or even the attention, but more to do with being confident in myself and owning the Chelsea I am. And I can never use the "but I can't flirt" crutch ever again! 

I'm really surprised I wanted to share this with the TNTML community. But as I think about why I think it has a lot to do with being more open about who I am. As I've dated over the past year, I never wanted friends to meet the guys mostly because if things didn't work out with them, I didn't want to be embarrassed or feel like a failure. Also, because I've always cared way too much what people think about the guys I've dated. I say no more to all of that. This is happening, and I couldn't be happier -- and I want you all to know! So here it is. All of it. I'm still on the journey of coming out of my comfort zone, I'm just going to have to look a little harder than OkCupid dudes to make it happen.  

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!