<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She and I met ... well, somewhere in the social space. I think we might have started talking through this site directly, then through facebook - maybe ... I'm not sure. But she's awesome. I talk to her on twitter almost every day, and she's really rad and TOTALLY a big huge animal lover. Like crazy huge!! In these series of posts she will be talking about her life and random adventures with sometimes more than two legged creatures. I guess there's only one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LINDSAY!!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @TheCraftafarian
Thank you Twitter!
So most of you probably know from my last few posts that we have been without cable/internet due to financial reasons. Anyway we finally got back on track and called last night to pay and have the service reconnected. The first guy David talks to I can tell immediately that the dude had no idea what he was talking about. (The company had recently sent us a letter asking for the equipment back but David called to tell them we were planning to reconnect so the rep advised us to keep our cable box/modem-router.) First the guy kept asking what address we were inquiring about for service, our old address still has an account but its 'closed' so apparently it confuses people--I don’t understand why he couldn’t just assume we were calling about the address we have equipment at...whatever. Then once we finally get the rep to understand what address we were at he tells us since the letter for equipment return was sent out we were required to bring it back to a local office and then schedule a new installation. I can see David getting irritated so I told him to either hang up or ask for a manager. He hung up.
I called back. (Another problem is you can get stuck in the automated system, I just keep hitting 0 until it transfers me to a human being.) I tell the woman our situation: we want to pay off our balance and have service restored. She reviewed the account, "No problem!" I told her what the other rep said and asked that they be informed of the actual protocol--she tried to look him up via the call trail but since he was a 3rd party rep all she could acquire was an ID number. No worries, I said. Turned to David, no wonder he gave us the wrong info. David thinks he always gets this kind of employee on the phone.
Our new rep processes our payment and tells me service will be back tomorrow since they just have to turn the outside box on. I hang up, very satisfied. Apparently this morning David called to ask what time we should expect service and he is told we were misinformed about today and we are scheduled in 6 days--still only the outside box needs to be turned on but due to the holiday they are super busy apparently. David calls again and is able to get it moved up one day. I tried live chat online but the rep, while very nice and informative, he couldn’t help me.
So I turned to twitter and sent a tweet to @brighthousecare. The rep Nick was very understanding to our dilemma (I'm going back to school now for veterinary technician online) as he too is an online student. After reviewing our account Nick immediately called the dispatch manager and was able to move it up to Monday--only two days away. Yes! Just in time for David's (and mine!) fantasy football draft. Satisfied, I retire my attitude for another time.
David texts me shortly after because a Brighthouse service agent came to try to pick up the equipment (he couldn’t turn our service on though)...what the hell guys?? Check your records!!!
As many times as we called we couldn’t get anyone to budge, but good ol' twitter came through. Or at least Nick, the customer service rep with a heart, went the extra mile and made a few calls for us. #stillacustomerfornow
High-larious. I actually got a perfect stranger to take his shirt off within 30 seconds of meeting him yesterday.
It was pretty brilliant but required some jedi mind tricks to get out of when everything was said and done.
Alrite, first up the song that goes with this post ...
So, for those of you that don't live in LA or might not be aware that it is summer ... but it's been hot as fuck the entire last month in my apartment. It's horrid actually and since we don't have air conditioning I'm left with bug bites swimming in a pool of my own boob sweat.
Pretty it ain't.
To get over it I try to spend as much time as possible at the beach. Saturday, I was supposed to meet up with @chelofthesea to grab a beer on the promenade but unfortunately there was a miscommunication and she wound up going to the bar's other location in West Hollywood.
Sad panda.
I then popped on OKC to see if there was a guy that I wanted to meet up with.
I browsed through the profiles for about 10 minutes and I realized how sad all of this still made me.
I'm so done with this. I'm done with all of this.
I then thought about the commitment I made to myself about seeking "more" and wanting to actually "date" and not just casually meet up with so many people.
I should verbalize my commitment, I thought. No more OKC locals. I use it as a crutch too much and if a guy wants to go out on a date with me, he's going to ask me to a dinner in advance. Period end of sentence.
I'm very much an action oriented person. I don't just talk about doing things or talk about getting things done ... if I've set my mind to something I am DEEPLY committed to following through.
No casual dates, Friel. Stay strong.
I then finished up my beer and headed back home having one of the besstttttttt nights sleep ever.
Literally. I woke up Sunday and could FEEL the fact that things were changing in my life.
I might not know what my next goal is, but for the first time I'm okay with it. I feel satisfied deeply on a professional level and now it is time to clean up my personal life. I am so so blessed to have UNBELIEVABLE friends in my life, but I haven't seen most of them in so long. I've neglected their needs, and taken their companionship for granted. SO NOT KOSHER FOR PASSOVER!!!
When I was done I caught the bus and walked to the beach from the promenade.
I stared out at the water thinking everything over ...
I've always been so sure about what I wanted, I thought. From the time I was a child, I always KNEW that I'd live in LA, that I'd work in either tech or entertainment ... all of these goals were such no brainers to me.
I then executed them successfully, and now it makes me feel hollow. I thought success was going to be fufilling and it's instead terribly empty.
Where do I go from here, I thought?
As I was sitting on the beach an older Russian gentleman then approached me.
Excuse, he says. What day today? He pointed down to his watch which had the date and day on it (although in Spanish).
It's Sunday, I told him.
He then pointed at his watch again which reflected that it was Saturday.
It's not Saturday, I said.
He looked confused and I obviously realized he didn't understand a lot of english.
Would you like me to fix your watch? I asked.
He then takes it off sitting down on the beach next to me.
(I ride dirty btw when I go beaching. Towels and big bags are too cumbersome. Give me flip flops, a sundress, headphones, and I am a happy little clam.)
I then reach over collecting the watch and fix the date and day to reflect the current time.
I need something back from this man in return, I said. I just did him a favor, now he needs to repay the karma.
This guy was EASSSILLLLYYY 80/85. I have no idea where his friends were, or where his family was. He was just some old dude chillin on the beach cruising for girls.
Life, I said pointing out to the ocean. Tell me what does it mean, I say as I shrug my shoulders. (This was my best attempt at communicating since English wasn't his first language).
He smiles, revealing two missing teeth on the left side of his face.
Be hoppy, he replied.
Be hoppy? I said with a smile.
Thank you, very much. Enjoy the watch and get home safe I said as I helped him up.
Yes, I said. I'm over in Santa Monica on the beach actually. I can meet up in about an hour.
Perfect, he said.
I continued to then meditate looking out over the water and then brushed myself off hopping the bus over to see him.
We then went to dinner and again, as always, I was lost in the little cocoon that becomes our shared space.
You seem so much happier this week, he said.
I AM!! I replied back enthusiastically. I'm scared out of my mind wondering what is next, but I've created a list of goals resonating in my bliss and now I'm going off one by one and taking care of it.
He smiled gently caressing the hair from my face.
<tangent> I have ABSOLUTELY no expectations with Antonio. He's made it very clear that we can't date, but I genuinely enjoy spending time with him and he's helping me grow so so much emotionally.
I've never been the one to break things off with men - I've ALWAYS been the one that has been cheated on, or dumped. It's horrible. Horrible. Horrible.
I'm an extremely loving person but INSANELY guarded which has actually impeded me from moving forward with most men. I get called an ice queen over and over, but not because of who I am it my core- its more like processing through all of the scar tissue. </tangent>
I don't know how exactly Antonio does it, but just has this way of not only calling me out when he feels like I'm being guarded, but allowing me to feel really safe with him.
I can't describe it - but I legitimately know I am a better person because we've met and because we've spent time together. I don't need anything else from him and I'm genuinely at a place now where even if he said he couldn't see me again ... I'd understand. We're friends, and it's a hard place to be in with someone you're so attracted to - but I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.
We then went out with some of his friends and then the next morning we laid in bed talking.
I could talk to him for hours, I thought.
We don't have sex, we don't even really cuddle - it's just this ... comfort. He's familiar to me, and any woman that ends up with him would be SO lucky. (And if she breaks his heart I'll break her fucking legs. period end of sentence.)
He then had to go and meet up with a friend and I said I was going to go back to the beach, but that if his plans changed he was welcome to join me.
I then grabbed a cab back over to the boardwalk and face planted on the beach again.
When I first moved to LA 8 years ago I would lay in this same exact spot I was currently in for hours and hours and hours every Sunday people watching and meditating.
I did it, I thought to myself. 8 years ago in LITERALLY this same spot I wanted to be everything that I am right now in this present moment.
That is a powerful thing to experience.
I'm home, I said.
After all of the traveling, all of the dating, and journey into self discovery - I have finally made it back home a wiser, and hopefully a more compassionate person.
Jon and I met when AT&T sent me to SXSW. He was the winner of a Galaxy and in return he took me as his date to see Jay Z!! AMAZING!!I then got a tweet from @justjon saying he was in the area and wanted to kick it.
AMAZING! I said!! I just got done over at the Sidewalk Cafe, but they don't have good cell service, so let's head over to the Whaler on the pier.
We then walk over, meeting up with two of his twitter friends as well.
Jon then orders everyone a pitcher of beer as I see two dudes sitting across from me ... staring.
Mind you, at this point I had now spent two days in a row face planting on the beach and I am STILL in my same dress from yesterday, with literally no make up on ... and I haven't showered. Beach hair in FULL effect.
What the hell are they looking at? I wondered.
I continue catching up with Jon and talking to his friends.
After about 15 more minutes I still notice the guys staring.
Hi, I say reaching my hand across the bar. I'm Jen!
Hello, he says back introducing himself.
I like girls with tattoos.
Oh, looking down at my wrist - these?
Do you have any tattoos? I ask
Yes, he said lifting up part of his sleeve.
I can't see them though.
He smiles and then proceeds to unbutton his shirt stripping in the bar.
I look over at Jon and smile.
Would you like to sit here, I said motioning to the bar stool next to me.
No, he said kicking out his bar stool. You sit here.
I laughed knowing what he was doing ... he wanted to see me stand up.
I'll play this game, I thought. I just got you to strip so I'm still one up. BOOHYAH
I then sit down and am introduced to his friend.
Did you tell her what we said about her? He asked.
No, I said.
His friend then gets closer to my face ...
You're an undercover hottie.
Excuse me? I say
The original guy then turns me around getting inches away from my face.
You're not wearing a drop of makeup are you?
Uhhhh, only whatever is left from yesterday, I admit praying that I don't smell from not showering either. I've been relaxing at the beach all weekend.
We then start talking, and the guy tells me that he is a carpenter.
Is it your passion? I ask
No, he confessed. Medicine is, but I was put away for assault and battery so I can't practice.
Ah, I say trying to keep a straight face.
I then look down at his arms and see a bunch of names.
Are those for your children? I ask.
Yeah, he sharply replied.
How many do you have?
HAHAHA he laughs, these are just the ones I know about.
I look over at Jon laughing thinking you can't make this up!!!
We then continued to talk for a bit, and it was the strangest thing ever, he didn't ask a SINGLE question about who I was. He was SO focused on the visual commenting over and over and over how pretty I was even putting his hand over my face every time I smiled.
Look at that megawatt smile, he said. Jesus, girl.
I then thought about attraction in general and a conversation I had had with Antonio earlier in the day. Men are so so so so so so visual, but women GENUINELY don't care.
When I look at a guy I analyze him on whether or not he can be a good provider, whether he is happy and at a good place in his life, how much he intellectually stimulates me, his emotional range .... looks are def a plus, but they are NOT the whole package. Looks to a girl is like the bow on a gift. It's nice to have, but not the whole present - merely part of the overall presentation.
Antonio couldn't wrap his brain around all of the guys that come after me and want to date.
I explained to him, you have to understand though, as a female there is ALWAYS quantity - period end of sentence. However, women are after the quality not just the sheer volume.
This guy didn't ask me what I did, he asked me where I was from not out of caring - but rather for his planning of our supposed date later in the week.
I'm in Encino. How can I get to you?
Uhh, I'm in Hollywood - I said.
(half truth)
Let me get your number.
I then grabbed his phone and put in my old cell phone number.
Wow, you really know your way around that thing, he says motioning to his Droid.
Yeah, I'm kind of familiar with tech toys, I say with a smile.
He then highlights my number and calls.
FUCK, I thought, guys always always always do that, and I hadn't strategized fast enough to turn off my phone so I could claim that the battery was dead.
Realizing this was going to create a very awkward moment in a matter of seconds, I then inched closer to his face. If this guy was actually that hypnotized with how I looked, I could for sure distract him long enough for him to forget that he was actually calling me.
I inch closer ... and closer ... smiling ... DESPERATELY trying to keep a straight face. He smiles inching closer and closer to my face putting his phone down as he does so. PERFECT I THOUGHT!!! THIS IS WORKING!!! I MADE HIM FORGET THAT HE WAS CALLING ME!!!!
I then look over to my right and just past Jon's shoulder I spot a familiar face.
Holy crap!! That's one of Antonio's best friends!!
YOU!!! I shout out at the top of my lungs. (I'm terribly shameless)
I then popped up from the chair biding my new friends goodbye.
It worked I thought as I walked away laughing.
I can't believe that fucking worked!!!
I then introduced Jon to Antonio's friend.
Want to come to this house party? he asked.
Sure, I said!
I gave Jon a big hug and told him we'd talk soon.
I then met up with more of Antonio's friends and we all walked over to a house in the neighborhood.
I laughed thinking out of ALL of the bars in Venice - I mean sure this is one of the more popular ones, but we were only there for an hour. What are the odds his friend would walk right up to our table without knowing?
We then walked into the house and all the way up to the roof. There was a solid group of us now, and there were about 5 or so already on the roof.
One of the women there started talking about her daughter saying she was on her way over.
How old is she, I asked?
3 weeks away from being 3 she replied.
Oh goodness, you must have your hands full.
Do you have any children? she asked.
No, I say, but I worked at a daycare, summer camp and was even a nanny for a while. Animals and kids FLOCK to me I say laughing.
Moments later the daughter arrives dressed as a little fashionista with a bright pink hat, floral dress, and dora the explorer flip flops.
Hi, she says, sitting down next to me.
Hello, I reply back.
I like your shoes. They're very pretty.
She smiles, saying thank you - articulate as can be.
There is no way she is only two I say looking back at her mom.
Yeah, I know. Tell me about it she's talking like a 4 year old.
AT LEAST, I say.
Can I see your flip flop, she says pointing at my shoe.
I take it off and she puts it on her toe.
Her mom smiles. You're really tuned into kids, I can tell.
I smile back as the little girl turns and says, can we be friends?
Only if I can high five you though, I say sticking my hand up in the air.
Next up, I have a date tonight- like a date date, planned WAY in advance and everything. He's taking me to dinner and I've really been looking forward to this. We had to cancel a few weeks back. Seems like a rad dude. Older, super fancy pants business man.
OH!! And I just found out I'll be in San Francisco from Sunday til Wednesday night next week. I'm going on a corporate sponsored trip (more deets soon!!) YAY!! Let's kick it guys looking forward to meeting more of you.
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy
So, I mentioned affirmations briefly in a past post, but I thought it’d be a good idea to elaborate. Some of you might scoff at the idea of saying affirmations out loud or even in your heads for that matter, but I’ve found that they do wonders.
Affirmations are essentially something that you say over and over again. They can be seen as a practice in positive thinking, a prayer focusing on a positive outcome, and/or a declaration that something is true.
For me personally, there are certain types of affirmations that work, and certain ones that don’t. I’ve found that I can’t lie to myself at all by saying things like, “I am a millionaire” because my brain goes, “um, no you’re not.” Then I’m just back in a negative cycle.
I love career coach Dallas Travers‘ take on affirmations which she calls “Living Mantras” which turn a statement into a question.
As she states on her site, “Your subconscious mind is programmed to affirmatively support the questions you ask it. It will automatically answer your questions and even provide evidence to support the idea you’re inquiring about. So if you ask, “Why do bad things always happen?” your subconscious mind will give you all the reasons why bad things do indeed happen to you.” She has a great way to flip this around and says that “the trick is to simply ask yourself different questions.”
For example, “Why am I so lucky?” The idea behind the affirmation formed as a question is that your mind answers you with a reason which is positive i.e.) “Because I have wonderful friends and family in my life” or something like that. It essentially puts you in a different head space. This works for some people, but unfortunately not for me.
For me, the affirmations that really seem to be effective are the ones that acting coach Jack Plotnick teaches. Perhaps this is because I’m an actor and he has designed them around the specific needs and circumstances of this profession, but they just work. I think that he’s been a student of Marianne Williamson‘s so I’m not sure if some of these are affirmations taught by her, and while I don’t know if he also reads a lot of Louise Hay‘s books, the teachings are also similar. You can read his affirmations on his site, but these are a few of my favorites. (NOTE: The affirmations below are fabulous no matter what profession you are in)
“I release and destroy my need to feel unworthy. I know I am worthy of all of the good in my life and now lovingly allow myself to accept it. As I repeat this affirmation the outer effect of procrastination fades away and I no longer feel the need to delay my own good.”
“This or something greater for my highest good and the highest good of all concerned now manifests.”
“I release and destroy my attachment to results. I am here to enjoy the journey.”
“I am grateful for all of the good in my life, I am worthy of all of the good in my life.”
“All is well in my world. I am one with the universe and I have more than I need.”
“I am relaxed trusting in a higher plan that is unfolding for me.”
Why do I love these particular affirmations? I think it’s because they come from a place of gratitude and giving. I also love the idea of releasing and destroying something because then it no longer has power over you. Personally, when I say these affirmations they put me in a very calm place instead of the crazy monkey brain I find myself running around with a lot of the time. I often experience a great energetic positive shift that seems to trickle out into my daily life in a really powerful way.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I’m really diligent about reciting affirmations throughout the day, and sometimes I just completely forget. I’ll then go for a month or so feeling really crappy about life, realize I haven’t been doing any affirmations, and then as soon as I get back on the affirmation bandwagon things begin to change. The best part is that you can say them anywhere: in the car, on a hike, while brushing your teeth, before you go to sleep at night, taking a shower, on the treadmill, waiting in line at the grocery store. You can say them out loud to yourself in the mirror, or quietly to yourself doing the dishes. Personally, I say them everywhere and anywhere, especially while in audition waiting rooms.
I have definitely noticed a shift in my perspective about life in general and the way I go about my day to day actions. For my career specifically, they have made a huge difference. Somehow they have put me in a place of “trusting” as opposed to “needing” and “feeling desperate.”
So, thank you Jack Plotnick for selflessly sharing these wonderful affirmations with everyone. These may work for you, they may not. Perhaps Dallas’ take on affirmations will be more effective for you, or maybe someone else’s. I think it’s important to figure out what works for you and run with it!
It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.
Here's one I got the other day ...
This is actually a very loaded question.
Starting a blog/ website is not, not, NOT easy. If I knew what I was getting myself into I genuinely don't believe I would have done it ... HOWEVER, this is my bliss period end of sentence, so how could I not?!
The very very very first thing you must do in launching a site is build it around your passion. Even if you don't know what your true passion is at first, you need to pick a topic that inspires you. I was born a nerd, so that part was easy - and I was also at this stage in my life where I became COMPLETELY consumed in dating. This didn't start off as a "dating" blog, but I was SUPER passionate in studying the science of attraction that this was how it eventually unfolded. Had I not been passionate about this topic there would be no way in HELL that the community could have grown to over 75 writers and over 7,070 posts in under 3 years.
After you've picked your topic and launched the site, you now need to grow your audience. You need to start off by developing your voice and producing content on a daily basis. Running a website is like having a child. It is a 24/7 gig, and there are NO days off. The site needs to be monitored at ALL times.
Once you've started producing regular content, and developing your voice you now need to engage with the audience. People don't just passively comment on my posts - I actually sit at my computer for an hour after each one goes live and I engage with everyone in social media. This on going conversation is what keeps people tuned in. They KNOW I'm freaking listening!!!! Very very very important.
Then from theerrreeeeee ... depending on how good you are at marketing and getting the word out about your site (for me it took about a year) ... you can either start utilizing affiliate ads or in my case, I went after corporate sponsors.
Also, something that has been super beneficial has been guest posting on other sites. I also write for Suicide Girls and GoFobo and by producing content for both of those sites I get the brand out THAT MUCH MORE.
Think of it like a rap video. How does Jane rapper get her name out there?? By friending Joe rapper who has a bigger following and asking him if she can drop some beats on his track.
See? See what I did there?
Same thing, diff medium.
Rock on and best of luck chica!!!
Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com
What a week this has been!! Very little talk and almost all action.
I am so, so, so happy that I got rid of my old cell phone number, btw. My phone has been nicceeee and quiet with nothing but AMAZINGLY warm messages and calls from people that I care about. Everyone was great but concerned that I had some new crazy stalker. More on that in a second though.
I thought I was going to have that number forever. I know some people change their number every few months or years ... but that was MY number for EIGHT freaking years. Big deal ... huge change.
Even this morning I was talking to one of my best friends (I've actually known her since I was 12 and she lives out here in LA now), and she was floored at my level of commitment.
I want more from my life, I kept telling her. "Success" isn't going to be measured by my job; it's going to be measured by my character and the relationships that I have in life.
I literally had no intimate relationships before this week.
It's totally all my own doing. I was the one that never reached out to people, or called them to see what was going on. I'm super close with my family, but my friendships wittled down to literally nothing but random comments and get togethers via social media or text messages. That's so not kosher for passover.
On a semi-related note, I legitimately did pick up a new stalker this week. Completely unrelated to changing my phone number, but this guy outside of io/LA that is pantless and rocks a loin cloth just over his penis has been waiting for me. It's super creepy. This morning I got off the bus and he was there. He waited for me yesterday too, and the day before. He just stares at me inching closer and closer each time. Obvi, he's a transient, but what is the law around that type of thing? This is a free country I know, and he has ABSOLUTELY every right to occupy the street as much as I do ... but what do you do when it's legit becoming a problem?
I'm not gonna lie I'm super creeped out by it. He tried boarding the bus with me last night and the bus driver wouldn't even let him on. He then proceeded to just stare at me - it was really really really creepy. Like serial killer movie type shit.
I won't live in fear of it, obvi, but I just need to figure out my next doable actions and find out what my rights are. Hmmmm
OH! I'm also going gay bar hopping tonight (so I can dance all sexy sexy and not be bothered) ANNNDDD I have two super fancy formal dates lined up in the coming weeks. One guy is taking me out to this sushi restaurant I've been dying to try on Tuesday, and another is flying in from London in a few weeks and is taking me to a nice dinner.
See, this is how normal people date.
I'm actually very much looking forward to both dates - and I feel this excitement and anticipation around it. Dates in the past were always just something that I did to occupy my time.
Wow, it's amazing how desensitized I was to life!! That's an occupational hazard for a lifecaster!!!
Either way, so UNBELIEVABLY grateful to everyone for their warm blessings this week (and advice on seed money!!). It has been very hard going through this life cycle so publicly - but all I know in life is that I know nothing ... and MAN is it awesome.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012 at 10:55AM
