#Confession: I'm in an emotional funk-dee-dunk
Monday, February 14, 2011 at 11:36AM
oh boy oh boy oh boy. literally. oh boy. I'm kind of in a funk today. Not like funk, funk - but I am feeling personally conflicted.
So, I've talked about this a whole bunch on the site lately that I have a super crush on this boy. He's rad, we talk all the time ... which is WEIRD for me, because I don't ever want to talk to someone every day. Literally, I am totally the opposite of the chick that harasses dudes all the time. I require a shit ton of space when I'm doing anything with a dude ... with him though, I just want it. All the time. It's tragic and totally puppy dog. I'm a pitbull, not a fucking puppy. Well actually, I think I'd be more like a German Shepard. I really like German Shepards. Sweet, but pack a nice punch. I digress ...
I really like this boy, but I just feel like anyone coming out of anything with someone is a red flag. Like that's a big red flag. This dude is my friend, so above me just wanting to like be all up on it - I really want to advise him to kinda get his head together. He's a smart dude, seemingly has his shit together, from what I've been exposed to - I just feel like I'm kinda taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable state. Again, dude, they've totally been on and off for a really long time ... I get that, but love is not something you just bounce back from. The opposite, you have to let it play out and evolve naturally.
I don't know if this is a fear based response on my part by not wanting to get hurt, or me just being phenomenally logical in an otherwise relatively weird scenario. We talked about all of this yesterday, and I told him that I wasn't going anywhere - and I very literally meant that. This dude is the shit; I feel like though at the same time as me saying that it could put even more pressure on him. I want him to take his own time for him, not because he knows there is someone waiting, because that is weird and feels entirely counterproductive. Right?
I don't want to go out on more OKC dates, but I feel like I should. Dude, I couldn't kiss another guy right now ... that would just be blah, I want his lips ... no one elses, but I feel like that's not okay. Like at all. In any sort of healthy anything there needs to be balance. I wish I could balance my heart.
I am so fucking loyal it feels like a defect sometimes.
I am crazy passionate. crazy crazy crazy passionate. If I like you, I LIKKKKKEEEE you. I never find dudes that I LIKKKKKEEEEE which is why I know he's special, and there's something different going on.
A big part of me wants to tell him to go away for the next few weeks, and find his own legs to stand on. But then is that enough? It seems so arbitrary. Then at the same time, I'm already started to feel attached in a certain regard, so I really don't want to have to do that. I like our little IM sessions. I even gave him a super secret IM name - total bat line. Loves it! At what point does my responsibility as a friend to someone take over the part of me that wants to just jump his bones and make a go of it?
I really really really need to take this one slow. Super slow. Like crazy stupid slow. We're both in big time agreement on that. Above all, I just want this dude to be okay. I would never ever ever want to hurt any of my friends, or place myself in a situation where I could be hurt. I'm very protective of this little heart of mine. Afterall, a broken heart was a big part of what started this entire community, and the most epic life changing decisions ever. This sucks ass either way, because no matter what I am still not getting anything that I want out of this scenario, but at least I'll know I did the right thing. Any suggestions?
#dazedandconfused
Reader Comments (8)
When I met my husband we were both ending something long term. It's not something that we needed to bounce back from, it was something we needed a kickstart to pull away from. I was dating my best friend for years, and that's all it was. It wasn't until I met my hubby that I was able to see I wasn't happy and was ready to move on. Sometimes ending something and moving on right away is a good thing.
You clearly already made up your mind what is going to happen and it sounds like you're just waiting for people to echo it back to you that its okay to proceed. Just be prepared for the consequences that come and don't say you were unaware of what you were getting yourself into
You know he reads this site, so by posting this you are guilting him and in turn pressuring him to make a decision. Let him come to his own conclusion without outside influence. If a person is really into you, he will keep you in his thoughts and heart even if you are not together. Giving him space will not change that. Like the saying goes, If you love something, let it go. If it is yours it will come back. If not, it was never yours to keep. #justsayin
@critical no babe, im the one suggesting the time. not him. i just think people need to be able to breathe before proceeding with something new. #thatisall
@capt thanks dude. yeah i have, and i feel like it sucks - but i want to make sure hes okay just first and foremost. thx
@jen thanks Jen!! xo
I know that, I just do not understand this take it slow business. What is the point? You had sex on the first date, cannot get faster than that. You are thinking space is good, but it is clearly not what you want. So you blog about it knowing he reads it, then he will feel guilty that you are "restless", which will then force him to decide.
Rule 1. I tell him things before I post. #thatisall
So you tell him that you are posting on your blog that you are wondering if you should give him some space? Bloody hell. You are not even dating, it was one date that lead to sex correct? This conversation should not have been started. Just have fun! Let things run its course, and do not be in a hurry to label things. A man knows if he wants to have a more than sexual relationship with a girl before the date even ends. Much like a girl knows if she will be shagging the lucky sod. If he is being indecisive, just enjoy the roll in the hay and have your own side of fun.
thx for the input.