#Question: Can your one night stand do this?
Friday, June 10, 2011 at 3:24PM#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
There’s a certain irony I’ve noticed in the world of men’s dating advice these days that amazes me. And it’s this:
While most guys, when polled, say they really want to find a great woman more than anything else, the vast majority of material I see out there focuses on how to get the quick lay, and pretty much leaves it at that.
The craziest part? I don’t think I’m offering a groundbreaking announcement here. I think most people, even in the Seduction Community, know this.
It’s like an elephant in the chat room. All across the fruited plain, guys do a Google search to the effect of “How do I find a girlfriend?” and end up training to be a pickup artist.
How does this happen?
Well, the first contributing factor is what I believe to be a major disconnect between what guys really want and the kind of marketing that they respond to. Time and again, it has been proven by the Internet marketing gurus that certain types of web designs, certain copywriting tactics and even medium-red Tahoma Bold headlines beginning with “Who Else Wants To” are what cause people to buy.
Admittedly, even on my own websites I’m compelled to fall in line with proven design themes because they flat-out work. And likewise, for better or worse, two of the most historically effective memes in marketing are “sex sells” and “immediate gratification rules.” Said differently, even if a guy truly wants a great girlfriend, it’s going to be the promise of sex, as soon and as often as possible, that’s going to be what gets his attention first.
Second, it’s a matter of what makes the Internet tick in general. Most of us in this space tend to disclaim what we do as being “for entertainment purposes only.” Our intentions, of course, are to ensure the kind of legal protection that makes most of what you see out there branded as “dating advice” possible. The wild part is that in many cases, it’s the truth. Stuff really is “for entertainment purposes only.”
Online, one can remain largely anonymous. Therefore, one can basically say whatever one wants, go wherever one wants and partake of whatever one wants, all in “stealth mode.” The tremendous but largely underground popularity of Internet porn sites underscores this concept. People visit in droves, but usually don’t advertise this fact to anyone else. And while pickup and seduction really isn’t exactly porn, it’s still hella more fun to read about, post blogs about, and watch YouTube vids about than stuff like, oh, how to get a great woman in your life. But the fact remains: Most guys really, truly want more out of life than either a “quick and easy lay” or an endless series thereof. If you really, truly are convinced that a lifetime of one night stands is for you, then my guess is that you’ve already long since stopped reading this article.
But if you are indeed a guy who honestly envisions complete control over his dating life, culminating in a successful long-term relationship with the greatest woman you have ever known, I have a challenge for you.
And that challenge is this: What are you REALLY, TRULY doing proactively to make that happen in your life?
Have you been swallowed whole by a world that’s purely “for entertainment purposes” to you, or can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?
A couple of years ago, I found some rare downtime and happened to watch the final half hour or so of The Open Championship live from Royal Birkdale, in England. If you aren’t a golfer, the important part here is it’s one of the most prestigious tournaments in the world. Padraig Harrington played the final few holes of the tournament brilliantly. When he finally sank that final putt on 18, having shaken the hands of his worthy competitors, his adoring wife made her way out to the green, carrying Padraig’s second son in her arms.
She arrived shortly after four-year-old Padraig, Jr, who had bounded out to his father as soon as he was allowed to and sprang into his arms, fully trusting that he would be caught. A moment later, the entire family was in an embrace, surely a world unto themselves at that point. They were savoring the moment together. Padraig, Sr’s countenance said it all. He was the happiest man on Earth. Yeah, winning the golf tournament, for the second year running, no less, was a phenomenal feat. But there was no denying that having those who were most important to him around to share the experience was what made the victory most satisfying.
Can your one night stand do that?
If not, why not evaluate where your focus is and how satisfied you are with the progress you are making when it comes to building real, holistic skills with women that can carry you through a lifetime of success. Even if you don’t win a major championship anytime soon, becoming a man who deserves what he wants and making it happen is truly its own reward.
To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!
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Reader Comments (6)
And now back to the regularly scheduled Talk Nerdy To Me Programming. Yes, this sounds like an advert.
This sounds like an advertisement? meh? Jordan is a writer for the site, not an advertiser babe. He's pointing out a flaw in what is presented in the seduction community.
I agree. I want the life and family my parents had with each other and me and my two sisters. I've had 3 girlfriends in my life, one of those being a short-lived online relationship. I've been on 8 separate dates that weren't tied to a girlfriend. Hard to get a working relationship when I can't even get one to start. And I'm not even the kind of guy who can go out and 'get laid' whenever he wants 'cause girls don't give me a second look even if I wanted them to. I don't know what I do wrong when I actually get a date 'cause I treat them right and be gentlemanly, but for some odd reason, they don't give me a second shot. Might be the girls I've dated, might be me. I don't know anymore. All I know is I want what my parents had, and I can't see it happening any time soon.
I've found that out of the 103 dates - it was in fact me. Dude, by 96 I was only interested in pursuing four and all of them were emotionally unavailable. I very sincerely think you have to do some crazy soul searching before you can find a mate. And i know i find it particularly hard coming from parentals who met in grade school and are still married because I strived for exactly what they had. That's just not possible. They're different people! All I can be is the best that I organically am, and let that shine. ya know what i mean jellybean?
ummm, you shud do some more thinking on this one. Training to be a PUA is the rational approach. This of yourself as a guy, since u don't know what kind of girl you'll like as a soul mate, the best strategy is to be very good at picking up girls, so that when she shows up, you don't face lack of confidence in approaching.
Thats the primary reason for a majority of people trying to be a Pick Up Artist, fact is, people who're bad with women in the 1st place, were generally there cause they were monogamous. If they were polygamous (bad boys), they would've plenty of women in their life as it is, and no reason to seek this training.
GREAT point!!! i can say this though ... yes, sometimes we do need to figure out how to break the ice, but there are also certain follow up techniques that cannot be ignored! For ex. I had a guy on one of my 103 dates that learned how to pick up, and was AH-MAZING at it, but totally sucky and mildly creepy with the follow through. He didn't know at all what the next steps were to not "be that guy." Jordan is simply pointing that out in this post.