#NerdsUnite: Tales of a pick up artist (recovering my confidence)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA

Lately my confidence has been wailing since the whole St. Patrick's Day one night stand Facebook Message. As of now, I'm going out completely detaching myself from the outcome and only going with the flow. I needed a night to regain my confidence and be myself for a chance. For now, I'll be more sensitive to my observations and think more about the future consequences of the choices I make.

**Disclaimer - All names in this are fake**

I call my mentor on the way out the door. We discuss the foundations of the Mystery Method (Google M3 Model or just plan Mystery Method if youre clueless) as I'm walking into the venue and park my ass on the couch outside to finish up on the phone. Suddenly, I hear the music go off and everyone starts boo'in the DJ ... apparently a fuse busted when they tried to plug-in something but w/e.

I look to my left and I see a two set chilling. One of the girls which I recognize from The People You May Know feature on Facebook.  I glance at her while sipping my drink, in return she gives me a slight smile and preen of the hair. I say in my head, "I'll get to you later" Only to run into a previous set from the night before. I'll give her the name of Cassidy. So, Cas was accompanied by a few of her friends I havent met just yet. I mingle with them a bit on the outskirts of the dance floor before my curiosity for another girl eases me off them.

Recently, I've found me a dance partner whom I have GREAT physical chemistry with. I can tell there's a mutual attraction between us, but the bad side is she is currently in year 14 of her marriage, lucky guy. I like her because she always introduces me to her beautiful friends and tells me we can't dance together on the account of her husband being present. She still manages to steal a few pinches off my ass throughout the night.

Anyway, the dance floor seemed to be calling to me for a while. A couple of songs later I bounce off the greet my hired guns (Hired Guns: Bartenders, shot girls beertub girls) as usual...Roxy is my favorite, she always greets me with a couple kisses on the cheek and asking, "Do you want your sprite now?" I decline and head back out to the dance floor. Ultimately I find this to be my routine before any serious game takes place. I'm always thankful for the relationships I develop with people, all bullshit aside from game I wouldn't be "Juice" without them. (My Nickname)

While I'm dancing 2 other girls catch my eye. One of which I met on Valentine's Day and had an awesome night of conversation and light intimacy. Lorine (Pronounced like Lauren) greeted me with a jump mount hug followed by a few small kisses. We boogie a bit before her friend decided to join. Lorine tells me she's married but its was cool to still have a little fun with her. The way her body moved to the music was a definite turn on I was almost envious of the guy she married.  She removes the scrunchy from her hair and swung it in my face, bends over extending her arms to grab the top of the couch and begins to grinds her ass against Perseus. I give her a little wiggle and from there it gets interesting. She turns to me with the "fuck me" eyes letting me know to continue my advances. So, I grab one leg and grind for a bit and I whisper into her ear, "You ready to go higher up" she puts both hands on the top of the couch, I toss her up.. she wraps her legs around me and I give her the ride. While doing this I lift her higher and I get a good reaction from this. Lorine comes back only to tell me she married.. like reminding me not to do anything. I respect that, I admit the girl was kinda tipsy and we were really just enjoying each other. At the end of the interaction, I pause for a sec... and re-analyze what's going on around me.

I space out into a Sherlock Holmes moment of analysis:

3 lovely ladies observing my every move. 2 of which 15 feet away, black dresses, flirtatious body language, torso's facing me and liking the way I dance.

1 woman 40ft away with a young gentlemen seems to have a smitten look in her eyes. Welcoming eyes but playing hard to get.

In summary: Engage the 2 lovelies and lead them to the bar. Merge the set and isolate the woman outside to the balcony. GAME!!

**Space back in**

But I didn't do that.. Haha!!

Anyway, I make my way to the bar and see Cassidy looking at me again, note her husband is there also.. so I take the time to befriend him and ask about his night. So, she says "I saw you out there and I saw you doing your thing". I acted as if it was normal business and her friend next to me says, I don't think we have met.. note her bf is there also. While I'm talking to them, another girl I know runs up to me and greets me, and not to far behind is her friends.. she says,"Hey baby"I hug her and she kisses me on the neck. I run out and dance with them for a while, I eject to another girl wanting to dance also. I sit back on the wall, and I let her do the dancing. I get a bit involved when I dip her and such. She constantly repeats, "Your gonna get me in trouble". Some of her friends are here and one greets me. The moment this occurs I look around to see that most girls we're staring at me as if I'm the hottest guy in the club.

"Be the Observed NOT the observer" -- Mystery

I go back out the balcony and I look to my right and see a two set, both are pretty cute and we start talking about random shit, I shake hands and lock in. So, we are talking and things are going well, im getting some kino (touching) from both girls. 15mins in, her brother and his friend walk up and I greet them. They both introduce me and I do seem to be holding the frame quite well. But as quick as a Tyson right hook, I find myself isolated with one target and somehow seemed to lose her moments later.

I find myself dancing AGAIN with girls I know. Note, I already know this girl from Facebook but i don't say anything. At the moment, she seems pretty drunk but alert. Conversation ensues, fluff talk so to speak. Max and Leala.. I love those names.. Max veers off for a minute and I'm alone with Leala. We start to talk about the reasons we go out, she had been sitting there a while maybe 3 feet away from me and the 2set I was with.

Didnt have to DHV, I had been pre-selected automatically.

She begins to qualify herself telling me how masterful she is around a stove, I reply with value about how I come to love writing and helping other people with relationships. Max comes back furious about some guy who just called her fat and just so you guys know she's about 135lbs clearly not fat. I wonder if this was a rouse to break the tension between me and Leala but it put me in a strange position. One girl is furious about being called fat and begins to ask me if I think being "Thick" is a good thing.

I ponder for a moment and think carefully about the words I'm about to say. Max is tipsy and already angry, I didn't simply want to respond with a yes or no. Instead, I'll dissfuse her current reality completely. This is probably the most pimp response given to any girl who ask the "Am I fat?" question.

I say, "You're from Kentucky, you're a southern girl, for the most part YOU FIT YOU quite well, and don't be ashamed of it either". Leala agrees, and she asked me about her.. so I take my hands and go from her face down her sides and say, "Personally, your my type.. you're a woman, you're not thin.. I like a little meat" and I pinch her love handles. They both say, "You're Smooth!"

Leala leaves and its Max and I and her and I are getting really cool, she leans over and we make out for a moment.  As Leala, struts back over with the drink I go off and chill in front of the venue, and she knows one of my buddies. He introduces me to her as Juice, and it clicks she asked me if I had a Facebook and she remembers me as "DaJuice Jones"  lol.. I smile and before she leaves she hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

Remember my friends, Not about what you say vs How you say it. For those who don't understand, I leave you with this..

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Anwar on twitter!

#HowTo: Trigger attraction in women

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a former Wall Street attorney, and is now the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show. How friggen rad is that shiznat? Whoop whoop! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Seduction is bringing out the natural character of women. It’s not in your relationship to her social mask which you believe is sexuality. That’s what the game wants to continue propagating the economic cycle of fashion, sex, porn, and beauty industries.

Triggering attraction (instead of purporting the economic fantasy) is done by having a polar relationship to her female alpha energy (not just her independent personality or social status). It’s up to you as a man to know this and DO connect with her energy and nature in your communication instead of just her social value or personal development. It comes down to the levels on which you’re communicating with women. If you’re trying to ‘get somewhere’ with her independent or social alpha behavior, you’re communicating with women on the 6% of causal socio-cultural development which is non-sexual and leaves you both high and dry. It’s in having that relationship with all female alpha nature which will allow you to trigger attraction, flirting, and responses that you just couldn’t before.

THAT RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT EXIST IN OUR MAINSTREAM SOCIETY which is why it’s such a challenge. Amongst other things, I teach guys how to build that relationship which will give you the ability to attract women like nothing else.

As a man, you are the one to bring out that suppressed alpha nature within women. Their sexuality has been suppressed for years and instead of developing, it’s been corrupted and jaded by social pressure and relational influence on their behavior. You have to be stronger than the game itself in order to consistently succeed in relation to women. You have to be stronger than THEIR social programming and instantly communicate nonverbal relational equality and natural value.

You are the man to bring it out; that is where your power lies in seduction. If you’re gaining too much interpersonal rapport with an independent women, there’s not going to be much attraction and you’ll be stuck in the friend zone very fast. A mouse could fart in the wind and women today will lose interest within 1 minute but don’t let that depress you. The behavior of women is more at fault than you could ever fathom right now.

I have been around the world, been the EXACT same man and same behavior and the range fan of female behavior is the most volatile and variable thing. I take care of myself but I’ve stopped taking the blame for unnatural behavior or suppression of others. I can help you free your mind by changing the types of behavioral relationship you have. You have to be the rock and have conditioned relationships of power if you want to consistently succeed with women. Things are difficult today BECAUSE the behavior of women changed. Not just because you changed; more so because the behavior of women changed. Taking the weight of the corrupted First World on your shoulder is psychologically damaging.

Everything is causality.

Female behaviorism is THE invisible missing link yet is the most important because nothing gets anywhere without a woman’s inherent approval. Women will get what they want; they just have to want it. And today they are more confused than ever in our popular culture but they know inherently how to respond when they are touched on that natural level (actually Prada’s often don’t do anything when they do feel a connection which is why you have to often just keep doing the right things to push it forward).

It’s not your inner game; it’s your physiological relationship with female nature. Their behavior is more important than your inner game in making relationships happen. Things have become so jaded in certain environments that in many cases strippers actually come closest to the mating process with showing interest but it’s all about money. America has lost touch but as a man you can bring out their nature within women instead of the game and that is seduction.

So the key to seduction lies in nature and energy, not within the interpersonal or social dynamics of logical/verbal communication. I can ‘show you’ on my one on one coaching trips or lead you to the resources (just not here). Learn to grow in your relationship to alpha nature and all of your questions will be answered about women. To do so, you have to go beyond the behavior of First World women because unless you are somehow ALREADY a natural, though our women are great models of personal development and social adaptation, our adult generally women are PISS POOR models of natural behavior.

The main secret is understanding that female sexuality is nothing like a prick-teasing porn star. What we are missing in all of the 1st World Western culture are natural alpha models of female behavior. They’re just not financially viable for the architects to sexploit but it’s up to you to HAVE a behavioral relationship with female alpha nature and then you will consistently trigger attraction and flirting within the women you connect with. It is THE missing answer that men are struggling for.

Triggering that physiological response a woman has in response opens the path of attraction and starts the mating process. It’s when you can condition yourself into that upfront behavior of women (rare in the 1st World) that you’ll then be able to bring it out of literally all women whether it’s behaviorally evident or not and without having to spend years ‘in the trenches’. That means dating more natural women from outside your country and doing natural grounding relational meditation as I teach. It comes down to what kind of relationships do you have; relational mastery and controlling what influences your emotional state. It’s about accepting your power.

What are you getting emotional about?  A female pornstar so you buy more and perpetuate the economic cycle believing skin is sexuality? Anyways, the answer to triggering attraction is clearly represented the strongest in nature and your energy; your natural relationship with her at alpha levels.

It’s not your pick-up lines, methodology or personality; it’s your relationship with all female energy at alpha levels that will bring that physiological response of flirting out of women. Study and harness nature and energy.

#nerdsunite

If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com

#Truth: There Is No Perfect Opener

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Guys Are Too Concerned About Their Opening Line

We tend to freak out thinking about what we might say. Men will spend a lot of time focusing on the rightmagic pickup line. If there was such an elusive line, I think someone would have figured it out by now. I think it is funny that people still think this “unicorn” is out there.

I get a lot of questions that start off like this:

    “There is this one girl who blah blahblah so what do I say to her?”

Unfortunately, there is no perfect thing to say.  Say whatever comes to your mind right there and then. It is a risk you have to take if you want to meet her.

Every time I open my mouth, I take a risk and I am very comfortable with that. Sometimes it will go great and other times it will blow up in my face. That’s the risk. You have no idea what that person has been through that day, nor do you know how they are feeling in that exact moment. It’s always a gamble.

The biggest thing you have to know is that you might not be able to control other person’s moods and/or life, but you can control your responses. If she blows you out, you have to be fine with that. That’s just the natural law of things.

It’s A Game of Not Caring about The Results

I will always give it a shot if I want something. I understand that I might not be able to get it, but I will at least try, and give it my best attempt, and I feel that isn’t true of everyone. I have so much in my life right now because I wanted it, and I took a chance for it.

Laziness?

It seems in this age of information and “I want it now” mentality, that if things don’t come easy, then nobody wants to go for it. “Oh, there is not a pill for that”? and “What do you mean there is no app for that?” seem to be echoed through the halls of laziness more and more often these days.

A Few Things About The Debacle of What To Say

Of course, smiling will always go a long way, as well as great eye contact. For me, the one thing that changed the situation was committing to the interaction, which is just going right in with authority and saying whatever comes to mind. Usually it would be something stupid and silly to spark some laughter. Things just seemed to snowball after that.

The sillier the comment I made, the easier it was for me to continue the interaction in a positive, fun and playful way that always lead to being introduced to more people or getting the phone numbers of super-cute girls.

“Excuse me, did you just grab my ass?” seemed to work every time some nights. And because of how silly and stupid it was, I would be forced to be in a somewhat of a sillier mood that was just as light and playful as the words I was using.

It’s Never About The Words

Instead, it’s always about how they are said. We don’t have these issues through texts and e-mail — the words mean what the words are. I have seen many social people get flamed for trying to put an emotion in e-mails or texts because that is how they are used to communicating. The opposite is true too, the introverted computer kid has a hard time in a nightclub because he is a bit too logical in his communication.

It starts from being in a goofy, playful mood, being that ten year old boy or girl we used to be. Coming back to that and going out with that mindset will go along way. People go out looking for fun.

Be that person who allows everyone else to have fun.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com

#Fact: Quit giving women reasons NOT to sleep with you!

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Women understand abundance very clearly. By the time they develop breasts they begin to see men in a different way. They soon find out men want sex from them and will do just about anything to get it. They have their choice of whom they will sleep with and they have to start looking for reasons why they CAN’T sleep with every halfway-decent-looking guy who buys them a drink or asks them out on a date or else they would never get out of bed. Women themselves are highly sexual people—as much if not more than we are—which makes this hard and is the reason why they have to be choosy.

This is personified in an episode of Sex and the City in which one of the women goes out to dinner with a potential mate and he accidentally gets salad dressing on the side of his face. At this point, it’s all she can think about—and suddenly attraction is gone. It is her job to find reasons—no matter how arbitrary they are—why not to invite you into her life. It is her job to find reasons to not sleep with you; so let’s stop giving them reasons.

Get cleaned up, put on some decent clothes, stop being a pussy, tell her how you feel about her, and escalate. It is your job as a man to escalate and hers as a woman to pace it. Lead the interaction, find confidence in yourself and use it. Women are looking for the following cues not to sleep with you:

1. Unsure of yourself
2. Bad body language
3. Unable to be comfortable
4. Awkward around other men and women
5. Unable to be in the moment
6. Lack of sense of humor
7. Bending to their every whim
8. Speaking to them logically while they are in an emotional state
9. Neediness and approval seeking behavior

They want sex and they want it now, but why get it from you when they have a stable of guys they already know. They are bored of the guys they already sleep with. If they were not, most likely they would be in a relationship with them. They are on the prowl for better mates. You are going to have to rise above and lead them to a better man.

You are going to be him, so own it and believe it. Quit stepping all over yourself. Move one foot in front of the other and proceed like you have the tools for every job and know how to use them without a flinch or hesitation. This comes down to a basic idea of just not screwing it up!

If all you have to do is not screw it up then it should be pretty easy, right?

#nerdsunite

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com

And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

#HowTo: Conquer your fears by being open

 <editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

What does it mean to you to be open?

How would you explain it to someone who didn’t understand? Just how open are you? Can you speak about your insecurities without twitching? Can you speak about where you have grown up or how you where raised without fear that people will judge you? It can be a hard thing to do. How solid is your foundation that supports who you really are?

We spend so much of our time trying to hide everything we don’t like about ourselves from friends, strangers–hell, even ourselves–that we rob ourselves of our lives one day at a time. Personally, when I was able to give all that up to just live and be who I really felt I was, it changed the way I looked at the world forever.

The first level of being open is in the attraction phase. When we learn to not be approval seeking, we learn to stop paying attention to how others view us because it has no relevance to us succeeding socially. If we are waiting around all night for someone to make us comfortable to dance we will be waiting along time. Remember the old saying, “Hope is not a strategy”.

I’ve seen it a 100 times… someone says to me: “I don’t care what anyone here thinks,” they say while standing locked up against the wall in terror refusing to talk to a 100-pound girl. Imagine that fear being lifted from you to do what you need to do there to have a good time and enjoy yourself. It is a power to be able to walk across the floor, grab a drink, walk over to the hottest girl there and have a dance. Whether it works or not, the power to do that unhindered is fantastic.

The Second level is now more of a rapport freedom. It’s one thing to be able to move through that room confidently and put your balls on the table without flinching, but it’s another to go into a conversation about how you feel without feeling vulnerable. Speaking clearly and openly on your feelings is hard, especially for men who have been conditioned for years that speaking this way makes one a weak man. So we begin to train ourselves to build walls. How are women going to connect with us if we cannot show we understand how they can feel?

We as men understand if we are going to open our self up we will vulnerable to attack. We also have to understand that the attacker is likely to be someone who is more scared or feels threatened by us being near and so open. If a six-year-old calls you an asshole, will you fire back with your own insults? Of course not, Why would you? We have to look at our attacker in the same way. I understand that he is scared, feels insecure and is looking for acceptance. Now how can I take an attack personally?

And yet guys continually refuse to open up in a way that lets women feel comfortable with them. Then, they wonder why these women never answer the phone. It’s time to man up and quit being wussbags about being vulnerable. When you are able to let go of all the bullshit you’ve been trying to keep under wraps, you will be able to generate strong connections that will last a lifetime.

Now this does not mean to start dumping your issues out all over the place when meeting people! That will scare the hell out of anybody. Just be able to give a descriptive take on how you feel about whatever comes up in the conversation. When she mentions, “what a beautiful day it was,” feel free to let her know what it meant to you.

As men we are so shut off from our feelings we can’t even feel them till they overwhelm us. Then it is too late. Spend some time this month tasting our food… Notice the trees and flowers… Really listen to that song, what is it about? What does it sound like? Give life the opportunity to exist in your world.

#nerdsunite

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!