#NerdsUnite: 3 Dates & No Spark. How To Let Him Down Easy

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves him some comedy, so he's now combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th.  Go watch.  youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie.  Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

"I have had three dates with this guy and I am not into him at all. I mean the attention is nice, but I was dreading even going on the last date we had. What is the nicest way to tell him and what is an appropriate time?"

1) By avoiding "breaking up" with him, you aren't doing him any favors.

2) You've gone on three dates.  THREE!  You don't owe him anything.  The dudes’ still practically a stranger.  

3) Call him up, and tell him you appreciate the time you've spent together but you don't want to waste his or your time anymore by continuing to date because you're no longer interested.  If he asked what happened, just say he's not your type.  If he asks what's your type, just say you got to go.  You don't owe him really any closure other than the respect of calling him up and telling him it's over.  He may be mad at you, but that won't last long and besides, you were upfront and honest about breaking up.

4) Don't tell him you want to be friends (unless you genuinely do)  
a. You only offer that as a solution for your guilt
b. If he says “No,” it's because he doesn't want to be your friend
c. If he says “Yes,” it's because he thinks if he's still in contact with you, there's a chance he can start dating you again later on and eventually see you naked

Guys are stronger than you think and don't like wasting time figuring out what's going on when the girl already knows what she wants (in this case, she doesn't want the guy).  Ultimately, men appreciate directness more than compassion.

#nerdsunite

Check out more from Brian over yonder ...

YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman

Facebook: facebook.com/pages/Brian-Freedman/119790301389812

#NerdsUnite: Path to YouTube Partnership- Comedy or Advice?

<editors note> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves him some comedy, so he's now combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th.  Go watch.  youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie.  Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.  </editors note>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

I've been struggling with this idea for awhile now.  There are two parts to me: I'm very funny and very spiritual.  I love making people laugh just as much as helping them grow and learn.  The dilemma when building my YouTube Brand is how to meld the two, if that's even possible.  I feel I've been focusing on being funny AND giving advice, but because my attention is split I've been good at both, but great at neither.

I would love to create purely comedic videos that are witty and bring smiles to millions.  Imagine I have 2 million views per video and most of the comments are "I love you Brian.  You're soo funny!!  LOL!!!"  But let's say I focused on genuine, helpful advice, only get 100,000 views, but most comments are, "Brian, you've changed my life and helped me so much in my relationships."

I'm an Alpha male.  I LOVE being the best, because I can be.  Whether in Call of Duty, defense in basketball, my humor, or my ability to relate and connect with others, I dominate.... easily.  That's what makes making videos so difficult.  If I go full on comedy, I will have extremely high views, but people probably won't learn anything of real value.  If I choose applicable advice, it's helpful, but not entertaining.  Thus, very low views.  The problem with low views is the less people I can reach, the less I can help.  So, going along with my Alpha persona, I want to be the best.  You CAN'T be the best with just spiritual, especially on YouTube.  People watch videos to be entertained.  That's a fact.  Solid advice is very difficult to make entertaining to the mass market.

I have always lived my life with compromise being the best solution.  That way, everybody wins.  But in this case, compromise isn't really an option.  Or if it is, I am not strong nor smart enough to figure out how to mix the two beautifully.  At best I do 75% Comedy, 25% Substance.

I would say comedy comes more naturally to me than anything else, hell even when I stub my toe I just laugh at how painful it feels (I guess at the simple stupidity of the whole situation).  As I write this I know what I need to do, primarily focus on making people laugh so that I may build a large audience.  My concern is, my audience will respect me for my comedy, but would they take me seriously when giving relationship advice?  Damn double-edged sword.  Then again, people like Ray William Johnson in several old episodes of Breaking NYC and Timothy DeLaGhetto's "Dear DeLaGhetto" have shown popularity equates trust, so I build myself up as an awesome guy and people will naturally be interested in my advice. 

Another option: my YouTube would be my comedic battlefront, and my articles, like this one, would be my outlet for engaging others hearts and minds.  I just do not believe it's possible to combine the two and still be Top 100 YouTube Status.

I still haven't decided, which leaves you guys with, "What the hell?  No concreate ending?  No closure!?"  Sorry to say, no closure.  But a line I heard watching Thundercats and will continue to be reminded of is, it's the journey, not the destination.

What a load of crap.  I'm kidding, I'm kidding.  People spend all their time on the journey, and the destination is merely but an instanst.  In reality, the destination is still apart of the journey ⎯ the last peice to achieving what you've sought after for so long.  But the second it turns from "One day" to "Today" barely a second has passed before you set your sights on a higher, more lofty goal and a new, more exciting journey has begun.

Sorry, I got philosophically sidetracked.

After going on one of my normal walks to clear my head, I feel I will build up my videos primarily as entertainment, to make people's lives full of laughter and joy.  Then, after I'm powerful enough, I'll focus part of my energy improving people's relationships.  There's your stinking closure.

If you guys see another path I haven't, feel free to let me know.  I'm all ears.

#nerdsunite



#NerdsUnite: Path to YouTube Partnership

<editors note> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves him some comedy, so he's now combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th.  Go watch.  youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie.  Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.  </editors note>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

Let me let you in on my dreams.  Actually, it’s not a dream because dreams don’t come to fruition, so I’ll call it my Goal.  My Goal is to be become a Top 100 YouTube Partner making videos helping people with their relationships in an entertaining way.

Now, why should you care?  Great question!  I have no idea.  Jen asked me to write something personal, and this what I am going through right now and REALLY care about, so I figured I’d let you guys in on the fun.

So I know what my end Goal is: to be a Top 100 YouTube Partner.  Got it.  So how do I get to there, from here?  Right now I’m at the bottom of the mountain, averaging 113 views & 5 comments per video with 22 subscribers, figuring out how the hell do I get to the top? when I’ve never climbed before and have no one leading the way for me.  Like men trying to please a woman without a roadmap ⎯ there’s a high probability it will end in disappointment.

After studying Freddiew, Ray William Johnson, and several prominent bloggers, I’ve noticed that when you create consistently great content, people will follow.

It’s basically the Field of Dreams method ⎯ “If you build it, they will come.”

I personally suck at marketing.  It is my weakness.  So, I don’t focus on what I can’t do, I focus on what I CAN do, REALLY FUCKING WELL.  And that is to be smart and funny.

My ultimate goal with each video is to connect with the viewer.  We hang out talking about relationships and what not, and I’m just a fun guy sitting across from you making you laugh and you actually learn something.  Despite all the jokes, I aim for a balance of humor and substance.  Why is substance so important?  If all I did was talk about which celebrity couple was having issues, I could easily get views, but I wouldn’t be happy with myself because I didn’t elevate people’s thinking so they could become better (by the way, did you hear about Selena and Justin Bieber!? OMG!!).

Serving others is a part of who I am, and quite honestly, it is the ONLY reason I have my YouTube Channel.  I make videos to bring smiles and nuggets of knowledge to as many people as I’m blessed to have support me.  That is why I not only respond to basically everyone who comments (good or bad), but with a fun, playful response because people deserve some goddamn happiness and respect in this world.  And they certainly deserve open communication from entertainers, which I also feel is sadly lacking.  If it wasn’t for fans and people appreciating the work a person does, that person would be out of a job in two seconds.  Now that's easy for me to say, given where I'm at, but there are some well-known people who work hard but still make a point to connecting with fans and I will do the same.

I’ve talked for awhile now, sorry if you fell asleep.  Unless you have sleep apnea, then you're welcome.

I hope I let you in on who I am and what my mission in life is (Answer: To Serve Others).

Life can be hard at times, but as long as you keep a positive attitude and spend your time thinking how you can make others happier (while still caring for yourself), I promise you nothing will ever satisfy you more than making another person smile.

Wish me luck on my goal!

#nerdsunite

Check out more from Brian over yonder ...

YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman

Facebook: facebook.com/pages/Brian-Freedman/119790301389812

#Fact: Losing Your Virginity CAN Be An Amazing Experience

<editors note> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves some comedy, so he combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th.  Go watch.  youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie.  Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.  </editors note>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

It's true a lot of people's first time's are quite possibility their worst. Let's see if we can change that.

Generally people talk about the emotional mindset going into bed their first time, but the physical aspect also plays a major role into a woman's expectations (she is being repeatedly shanked by a penis, after all).  It would be easy to tell these women to have the lowest expectations they can think of and expect no fun or pleasure for their first experience with good ole twig n berries, and then they wouldn't be disappointed because they will believe it will be bad in the first place.  But since that's a dumb and partially cruel answer, the first thing an absentee woman can do to prepare herself is masturbate (This is where the physical comes into play of her view of how sex should feel).

A woman can't go into sex without even knowing what it's like when something's inside her, let alone never experiencing an orgasm. Practice makes perfect. Although self-gratification isn't the same as sex, it allows a woman to explore her body and find out what feels good to her and what are the right, "OH YEAH!" spots to hit. If she physically doesn't know what she wants because she has not figured out what feels good for her, then the guy will fail miserably at fulfilling such erroneous erogenous zones. When she knows she loves having her breasts cupped while playing with her vulva, she can then communicate that to her partner and he will drive her wild.

After she knows what she wants, I urge women to practice asking for what they want. They should have this talk with their boyfriends or soon-to-be-husbands several times prior to their first time - practicing being comfortable with open, honest communication about asking for pleasure in the bedroom. If a woman knows what feels good but is too embarrassed or ashamed of asking, then her first and every time after will be an unpleasant one.

Stay in the moment. Be present. It's important for a woman to be with her partner mentality and emotionally, as well as physically. It's very easy for women to be thinking about dishes, what they have to do the next day, how are they going to pay off the credit card debt, ect. while having sex, and that can bring up a lot of anxiety and lower their performance and happiness. It's especially difficult for women who will be having sex for the first time with their man because they will be compelled to have thoughts of, "Am I doing this right?" and "Is he happy?"  The best thing for her to do is not stay in her own head, and communicate those very concerns to him, so he can give her reassurance or directions, thus making the experience not only wonderful and amazing, but memorable for years to come.

#nerdsunite

Check out more from Brian over yonder ...
YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman
Facebook: facebook.com/pages/Brian-Freedman/119790301389812

#Question: What is the difference between being in “love” and being “comfortable”?

<editors note> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves some comedy, so he combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th.  Go watch.  youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie.  Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.  </editors note>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

“I’m 25 & been with a girl over a year and throughout half our relationship all we do is argue, which is bringing me down.  She also has a kid which I can't get used to.  I find it hard to leave her mostly based on looks because Im afraid I won't find someone as pretty, even though I said that about my ex and found prettier.
Am I settling?
Am I not leaving cuz I'm scared to be alone?
So am I comfortable or am I in love?" {Jim S}


"Am I settling?"
Yes.  Your main motivation for the relationship is her looks & your insecurity to find another woman just as bonerrific.  You want to base a partnership with someone who is attractive, and a really cool person who's your friend.  If you weren't dating her, would you consider her a great friend that you can call on to hang out or depend on?
 
Settling is giving up on any reasonable standard of happiness, which you are currently doing.
 
“Am I not leaving cuz I'm scared to be alone?”
Obviously.  I'm 24, single & never been in a relationship and couldn't be happier.  If you want to wake up with a smile everyday, it has to be a choice.  It sounds like being alone for awhile is the best way to help figure out what truly matters to you in a relationship, a life partnership & life in general.
 
“So am I comfortable or am I in love?”
Neither.  You're complacent.  And your complacency is routed in fear, not love or joy.
 
I wish the best for you, in that you will take the time to really consider, "What makes me happy?" and for a time, begin removing aspects of your life that don't fulfill that purpose.  You may be better off to take a couple months to be alone, and spend your time with people and activities that bring about your soul’s identity.

#nerdsunite

Check out more from Brian over yonder ...

YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman

Facebook: facebook.com/pages/Brian-Freedman/119790301389812