#RealDeal: 5 ways to offer each other extra space to enhance relationship

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Ajay Chauhan

Relationship begins to decay, in case any of the partners start to feel suffocated due to the partner’s over clinginess. Couples interested to enhance their relationship and make much stronger should try out different ways that would assist them to understand each other better and to give that much needed space. It is to be remembered that being into relationship is not just a game, but requires plenty of effort for maintaining it. Moreover, it also needs to pass through every test and remain intact.

Spending quality time with friends

It is necessary to understand that everyone would like to spend some quality time with their friends. There might be some special friend, for whom he/she might like to share memories. If the partner tries to stop the person from giving quality time to the friend, this could mean trouble. This actually develops suspicion and is not at all good for a healthy relationship. On the other hand, it would only make the other person to repulse and develop a negative feeling about the partner. Hence, adequate space should be given so that the partner enjoys his/her time with friends, but it is important to know who that friend is.

Taking up different hobbies

It is not necessary that both of them share the same interests. Being love definitely means appreciating one another’s interest, but not at the expense of sacrificing each other’s interests. Therefore, every couple needs to pursue their own hobby, so that they can enjoy themselves and maintain a healthy relationship.

Pressing hard for getting answers

There are times, when a person might handle a situation in a different way. In case, the partner is exhibiting an unusual behavior or quiet, this should not be seen as negativity and too many questions asked in this regard. It would only lead to discomfort in the relationship and unnecessary tension. Also, one should not expect immediate response for such actions.

Becoming a mind reader and too clingy

The partner should not keep on calling every 5 minutes or try to bombard with text messages. It would not be possible for the other person to reply to each of them. Experts state that this could prove to be quite dangerous for the relationship and also not let the partner to focus on his/her work. It might happen that the partner is busy with some important schedule and not have the time to respond. Hence, it is important for the person to give the partner a good amount of time, so that he/she can complete their work and can explain in a relaxed manner about their being late to respond.

Making the partner to understand the importance of providing space

In case, one of the partners is not able to understand the signals, it is, then, high time for both of them to sit down and discuss on providing space to each other. The partner needs to be reassured that giving space is important for mutual development. Communications is known to work always.

With these five top ways, it is sure that the couples would enjoy their relationship.

#nerdsunite

Ajay is currently associated with Love Wale and has been into writing articles for couples to strengthen their relationships with each other. There are plenty of articles written by him that you can see here. 

They're Talking Nerdy Baby! #NerdsUnite

Every.Freaking.Day. I wake up to the most AH-mazing emails on the planet. I literally cannot thank you all enough ... here's a cool one that came in last night ... (hehehe I said came)

This is like the greatest thing ever!! I've honestly been toning down my own dating on OKC as of late due to the shaman and the dating coach I've been working with. I've been doing loads of self work and operating a bit below the radar dating wise (but for good reason!!). I can't explain it all yet, but I will ... and it's cool! And I think working!!!

I can't say anymore without giving it away ... but thank you thank you thank you. AND thank you all again SO MUCH for all the flowers, tweets, emails, comments re: the attack on Sunset. I still haven't gotten to answering emails, and I very genuinely just don't think I can go there. I know ... I know ... lame, since I respond to everything else, but just need to process that still. Read everything - but can't go there yet. I still have to go and give flowers to the Russian ladies that chased the mothafucka down. I'm dragging my heels so hardcore on it. It's like if I dont actually go and do it - this didn't actually happen.

BAH! Oh the brain ... either way ...

Got something to say?

Here's my email: jenfriel at talknerdytomelover d c

Twitter: @JenFriel

Facebook: Facebook.com/jenfriel

Keep on keeping on ... and keep on talking nerdy to me!!! =)

#RAWR

Oh and PS. this is what I'm currently listening to. Talk about an AWESOME way to start off your Tuesday! Whoop whoop! #love

#NerdsUnite: Dating, Depression, & Hope (Personal Enlightenment from a Vintage Read)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fran. She's currently living the island life after giving up 15 years spent in the corporate world. WOW! What an adjustment. She is here to talk about her life, love, and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT FRAN!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fran Dingle

One of the nerdy things I like to do is peruse used book stores and yard sales specifically looking for old books.  At most yard sales there is always the token book box or table.  I devour these.  It kills me that people discard books.  Discard a book?  I could never.  Burn a book?  Don’t get me started.

I have always cherished my books.  Since early childhood books have been a huge part of my world.  My grandmother and the person I am named after (thanks Nanny, for passing along the Frances AND the Gertrude) taught me how to read at age 3.  It was ON from day one.  I vividly remember the excitement of looking at street signs in my neighborhood and knowing what they said, Anthony Ave, Bigger Circle, Salem Street, I was even more excited when I figured out directions and could write them down.  Words, books and stories became something I could not get enough of.  After all of the amazing Dr. Seuss and the plethora of nursery rhymes and fairytales I was often found reading the set of World Book Encyclopedias my family owned.  I cherished this set of books like no other.  Even in high school I used this set for research.  The set was bought in 1972 from a door to door sales man.  My family paid for them over 3 months.  To me these books were precious and sacred.  They were leather bound heavy and important.  I read every single one of them MANY times.

I collect books.  I would never and could never give away a book I read.  I even keep books I dislike.  They are MY BOOKs and I know every single one of them.  Last weekend I ventured to one of the only thrift type stores on the island, The Animal Shelter Flea Market – 100% of the proceeds go directly to the animal shelter.  I LOVE THIS PLACE.  Steals galore - lots of people leave island at 3 am, discarding entire households full of every item you could imagine.  Good Samaritans truck the discarded items to the Flea Market.   The book selection is HUGE and every time I visit I always walk out with 5-10 books, as usual I ended up with 6 new books at my last visit (4 of which I have already finished cover to cover).  I love old books, especially first and second editions of what I consider to be GEMS.  I would like to share what I consider to be my latest gem as it pertains to dating.  Not the dating world of today – the dating world which no longer exists – I give you Emily Post’s Etiquette The Blue Book of Social Usage, copyright 1945:

You would think a book published by a company with FUNK in their Company name would include some spicy information or at least a section on how to correctly bring on the funk.   Apparently there was no funk to be brought in 1945 or they purposefully forget to include a section about bringing it.

This here book contains some serious hard core RULES about life love and the pursuit of 2.75 children a 4 bedroom 3 bath house with a pool and picket fence life on a lovely safe and quiet culdesac with lots of vibrant popping flowers and shiny clean streets.  There are sections for parlor maids and butlers detailing what the help must be doing at all times (never turn your back to the lady of the house or her guests!) and how the uppers should be speaking to them.  Oh and Chapter 13 is all about balls, I kid you not.   This chapter had me giggling out loud every other sentence.

I could not stop laughing as I read my latest gem.  The world described in this book doesn’t exist anymore.  Where the folks of 1945 left calling cards with the butler at the door if the hostess wasn’t available, we have Facebook walls.  When this book was written a FWB was considered a big taboo.  Today it’s the only way to get laid at some points in one’s life.  Scandalous!  There is an entire section relating to the chaperone – every time I read the word chaperone I thought of a Bluth family member yelling “NO TOUCHING!!!”.  My grandmother, Mrs. Frances Gertrude Dec, would have been happier than a pig in shit if she had been able to accompany me on dates as a chaperone and yell NO TOUCHING!! from the back seat.  Miss Post doesn’t take long in responding with a resounding loud and clear NO when covering the answer to the question guys often ask towards the end of a date, “Wanna go to my place for a drink?”

If I had adhered to Miss Post’s strong belief in NEVER venturing alone to a man’s apartment, I definitely would not have woke up in some of the strange ass places I’ve drunkenly woke up in.  One that stands out quite vividly was opening my eyes around 5 am – I was in an apartment I did not remember coming to several towns outside of Boston proper where I lived at the time.  I awoke on a scratchy futon under a thick dirty blanket smelling like cat pee.   Next to a sweaty hairy beast of a man.  I tiptoed out so not to wake the slippery monster snoring under a ripped sheet.   No breakfast, just a very awkward ride home on the T in ripped tights and a teeny tiny skirt while teetering on 4 inch Steve Madden platform club shoes.  Crack hair in full effect at 8:30 am on a Tuesday.  Old men peered at me over the tops of their newspapers.  Maybe Miss Post wasn’t off the mark with this one, because that memory is the opposite of classy, more like Klassy with a capital K.

In 1945 there was no online dating, nothing even remotely close to it, you were introduced face to face at dances by family members or close friends of your family.   The day to day life chronicled in this book is a way of life the youngsters of today will never know.  While I laughed my ass for the most part while reading and referencing Emily Post’s Etiquette, a little part of me did get wistful.  For the day and age of wooing, courting and hand written love letters – in cursive.  A time when manners, inner worthiness and integrity mattered much more to society as a whole.

My fingers are still crossed OKC will throw something my way.  All I want is a date, a simple meet and greet first date.  The odds are supposed to be significantly in my favor – they say the island ratio is 10 guys to every 1 girl. I’m also putting myself out there by volunteering and attending community events.  One of the super cool benefits of living here, there are always tons of community events – art shows, music at sunset, road races, non-profit fundraisers.  So far online dating has led to naught, but I am still hopeful. I’m slowly making friends and definitely have a good amount of acquaintances.  Most importantly I am not rushing.

My latest vintage book has reopened my eyes back to an important focus.  I insist on worthy. My standards of today appear rigid and old fashioned compared to my penchant for one night stands and bad boys who couldn’t read or spell.  For a long time I picked the most unworthy of men.   In my next blog I plan to write about being the master of my own destruction, so many unworthy men I really didn’t like and definitely didn’t love.  How I threw worthy out the door and picked the worst of the lot over and over.   And how I insist on not doing any of that ever again.  I’ve learned you cannot live with shame of yourself or others even if you hide it deep and swear you have forgotten and I look forward to releasing these inner demons.

Today and for the past two weeks I have fought hard to not wallow in the depression. The blog, getting out of the house and interacting with others socially is definitely aiding in keeping my mind from eating itself.  3 solid weeks of consistency in life, love and the pursuit of happiness.  Holy shit I must be doing something right, thanks for reading and reaching out! Cheers.

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."  Victor Hugo

#nerdsunite

Click here to follow Fran on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: I'm 23 and in less than a year - I'm getting married (She got the dress!)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jack. We met on the twitter not too long ago, and the dude has a lot going on. First up, like many of us - he works in social media, but in less than a year he's going to get married. Oh and did I mention that he's only 23? And his bride to be is only ... ::gasp:: 22? Holy crapsicles Batman, this is going to be good ... I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JACK! </editorsnote>

She got the dress!

And that’s about all I can tell you. As is customary, every detail about the dress will be a complete surprise to me until Ashley walks down the aisle.

Even though we’ve accomplished quite a bit, the wedding dress purchase made us both feel like this whole thing is actually real. Ashley’s been beaming around the house, all smiles and excitement, which is absolutely contagious – both her family, my mom, and all our roommates talk about it constantly. Nothing makes me happier than seeing Ashley so ecstatic about everything – I’m a pretty lucky dude.

Last weekend was spent tackling a more fun task: registries. The shopping team of myself, Ashley, and her mother made our way to Macy’s to pick out all kinds of goodies. We sat down with the in-house registry consultant to hear about all the perks of registering at Macy’s, and I have to say, I was impressed with the benefits.

First we have the “Star Rewards” program. Whenever anyone purchases an item off of our registry, Ashley and I receive 5% of the purchase price. So if you get us that $99 Calphalon Unison Nonstick Sear Round 12” pan we so desperately want, we get $5. Additionally, we receive 10% back on any purchase Ashley and I make at Macy’s from the date we registered until one month after our wedding. It’s a win-win for every party involved; Macy’s gets repeat business from the credits we’ll receive, and we get discounts on a store that has everything we’d ever need for furnishing our house and lives.

We signed up for a new test program as well, called the Macy’s Dream Fund. The program essentially compiles what would be tons of gift cards into one massive card for our convenience. Rather than buying a gift card, you can contribute to the Dream Fund, which adds your contribution to those of others. We also get the 5% Star Reward kickback for any contributions. I like the idea, though I was a bit concerned about the ways the store could push the program to our attendees; Ashley and I would rather receive gifts (it’s just more fun that way), and I worried that the employees might encourage shoppers to contribute to the test program. We decided the benefits outweighed the risk after being assured that it was considered a secondary option to purchasing from our registry.

Next came the selection process. Armed with a scanner (which could have used some Apple-ingenuity to be more user-friendly), we browsed the store, picking out the cookware, appliances, and housing items of our future. I had far too much fun tweeting along and driving Ashley absolutely crazy:

With my obsessive nature over practical purchases, it meant lots of Googling as we shopped, but we were both very happy with the stores’ variety and quality. You can actually check out registry online (another great Macy’s feature – our registry was live updated as we added items in-store). A very pleasurable experience that was virtually painless.

Next week, I’ll finally reveal my one wedding dream – the musician I’d kill to have perform our song. Until then!

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jack on twitter

#NerdsUnite: Life Effin' Happens

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Morgan. I met him when he was the manager at the Coffee Bean near my house. See, I was the mayor at the time, and then explained to him one day over a vanilla latte the awesomeness that was Foursquare and a few months (and many more coffees later) we totes became besties and he started writing for the site. This is life as told through his eyes in the keyword of nerd. HIT IT MORGAN!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @maniacalmorgan

December 2010, I took a leap of faith, forever changing my professional destiny. For four years I was stuck in the same old rut- serving coffee to complete strangers for next to no compensation. Through the amazing support of friends Jen Friel and Tucker Gumber (just to name a few), I decided to get up and take control. Within a month, I had landed a job with SpiritHoods doing their social media and have been happily employed as the "Director of Social Media Marketing" for the past year. Yay life!

For those of you who don't know me, hello! My name is Morgan. Not only am I a total nerd, but I'm also unapologetically awesome. There are many of you who don't know me, but I go back a few years. Since taking on my position at SpiritHoods, I've had next to no time to write here on TNTML, but here I am. Nerds need loving too. Enough of this little tangent. Back to the story.

Life effin' happens to me on a seemingly regular basis. For instance,when I was 21 I found out through MySpace that I was adopted. You have to roll with the punches and adapt to the circumstance. Sometimes, when things seem to reach a stale mate, the puzzle pieces seem to just come together. I've lived in Los Angeles for 90% of my life. As much as I love it here, there has been a voice in the back of my head telling me that I need something different. I need a change. In July, one of my good friends (of 10+ years) from NYC came to visit me during 4th of July. I've always loved this girl and she's been an awesome friend, but things went from love to love. How would things ever work out between two people on opposite coasts? In August, I went out to NYC to visit and not only did continue to fall more and more in love with her, but I fell in love with NYC. Could it be that the puzzle pieces, which I never even realized were pieces of a puzzle, were starting to fall together? After spending a few months over on the East Coast, I decided that it this was the change I needed - I'm moving to NYC.

So great. Now that I've decided to move 2,000+ miles, what's the next step? How am I going to support myself. Having known Jen for a few years, I seem to always have her voice in the back of my head telling me, "Morgan, you're awesome. Go be awesome." I have this passion for social media, but what do I do with that. It clicked- I am going to start my own business. Talking about the pieces coming together, I remembered that I had a friend who owns her own PR firm who just opened a new office in Manhattan. After talking with her, not only is she making introductions to some of her clients, she is giving me office space to work out of. I gave myself from October until December to figure out how I was going to support myself in NYC, and I actually met my goal. Social Media, here I come!

Here's where things get dicey. I am making the move into self-employment sooner than expected. SpiritHoods is my first client, and as of now my only client. Wouldn't be a problem, but I am making this transition starting February 1st. Let me tell you, in the freelance social media world, one client isn't enough to support yourself. Like the theme of this post, life effin' happens. Adapt and overcome. I could be scared and paralyzed by the thought of not knowing what I am going to do, but that's not me. It's crunch time and I'm hustling. Despite the fact that it's happening sooner than expected, I welcome this change with open arms.

Don't let your destiny control you; control your destiny.

#thatisall

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