#NerdsUnite: Ego and Our True Self

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He's recently undergone a transformation in an effort to connect with his "true" self. He's here today to tell you about his latest and greatest discovery in the hopes of helping others on their journey as well. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT BRIAN!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

I started reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and been thinking a lot about the ego, the false self, compared to the Spirit, our true self.

“I usually congratulate people when they tell me, ‘I don’t know who I am anymore.’

Then they look perplexed and ask,

‘Are you saying it is a good thing to be confused?’
I ask them to investigate. What does it mean to be confused?

‘I don’t know’ is not confusion.
 Confusion is: ‘I don’t know, but I should know’ or ‘I don’t know, but I need to know.’

Is it possible to let go of the belief that you should or need to know who you are? In other words, can you cease looking to conceptual definitions to give you a sense of self? Can you cease looking to thought for an identity?

When you let go of the belief that you should or need to know who you are, what happens to confusion? Suddenly, it’s gone.

When you fully accept that you don’t know, you actually enter a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly are than thought could ever be.

Defining yourself through thought is limiting yourself.”
(Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, p. 90)

What you identify with, you are not.

It seems the more spiritual reading I do, the more Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday’s I watch, the more meaningless ego becomes apparent.  I didn’t realize how much the ego has infiltrated mine and seemingly everyone’s lives, causing us attachment and inevitably fear and unhappiness.

It seems the ego in all of us loves titles, things we can identify with to show our value, our self-worth. Our jobs, our hobbies, our friends and family, all used by the ego to cling to a false sense of self. We know all those aren’t who we truly are because they are impermanent; they will eventually be gone. Impermanence is the way of life, we are blessed to enjoy things and people for periods of time, but eventually, they will go back where they came from.

Let’s say, for example, you are a woman with exceptional physical beauty. That’s an amazing gift you have and I’m sure you’re grateful for it.  However, at some point, your physical beauty will fade, as everything does, and what are you left with? Who are you now that what your ego identified with for so long is gone? Is your greatness and value diminished? No. The ego wants you to believe that, but it is not the case. Who you truly are never changes, you are, and will always be, a great light of peace and joy here to bring love to everyone you meet.

#nerdsunite

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#NerdsUnite: Life Without A Purpose

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He makes funny videos on YouTube. Go watch: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie. Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

I don’t really see the point in life. Correction: my life. Is this a common feeling? You bet your sweet ass it is. But here’s my story.

I believe the OVERALL purpose of life is fairly simple:

Life’s Purpose

• Do good
• Have fun
• Learn things

 That’s it. Simple, right?  

I have done all of the above (as I'm sure everyone has), but my life has gradually become more & more stale. For me, I don’t really do much with my life. The main cause of that is, I have no ambitions, no real desires. Let’s say, for example, you would LOVE to go to New York or Hawaii for 2 weeks. Great! Now how do you accomplish such a task? You work hard (most likely at a job you would rather volunteer to get your butt bleached than work another day at), earn money which you then save, and eventually you WILL go on that trip. The reason you work so hard is because whenever you feel tired, down or upset you KNOW there is a shopping spree in New York or a beach chair, Mai Tais, a perfect natural tan and beach hunnies/hunkies waiting for you in Hawaii with your name on it.

With me, though, there’s nothing I care to have. I’m not talking about food and a place to live (those are basic necessities). I mean, I don’t care to be a CEO of a vegan company, traveling anywhere would be interesting but I could easily go without, and I’m single and could honestly go the rest of my life that way (and no, I’m not a typical man afraid of commitment who just wants to fuck and run, I genuinely adore women). Besides, I know nothing’s sexier to a woman than a man with no ambition. Am I right ladies?? 

:: crickets. Condescending crickets. ::

In my life, since I have no desires, I have no carrot. Don’t mistake this. I’m not claiming I’m some Buddha who’s reached a higher way of being and I don’t need material things to make me happy. Hell, I love my PS3 and TiVo. And I’m not some hippie who sits around all day smoking weed wondering why the elephant on my ceiling doesn’t pay rent in American dollars (never done drugs). I’m a very functional guy who just happens to have nothing to do or work towards.  

Really my whole life I’ve never cared for things. I personally just live very simply. The problem with that is, I’m bored out of my mind. With nothing to work for, I have nothing to do. The only thing I ever truly wanted was an awesome personality, and after years of working hard on myself I feel very happy with who I am.

You could say, “Well Brian, maybe if you weren’t such a lazy piece of shit your life would mean something.” Valid point, but I feel I can only play according to my strengths working towards something worth working towards. Otherwise, I don’t see the point and thus, take no action.

Everyday I waste so much time feeling I could be used for greater purposes, yet have no interest pursuing... anything. Yes, I would love to be a Top 100 YouTube Partner, but if I didn’t get it I would be okay with it. You see!?  Anything I kind of desire, if it doesn’t happen I don’t care. I adapt to the path of least resistance. I could honestly die tomorrow and would be happy because I wouldn’t be wasting my time anymore. No, I’m not going to off myself, that’s just stupid. I’m just demonstrating that my life feels very non-influential and unfulfilling right now.

Hell, in a couple years let’s say I do find my purpose, very well plausible, but up until this point I haven’t and it’s frustrating.   

When I was in school, high school and even more so in college, I didn’t care for it. The teachers would give me assignments, and if I didn’t know how to do it their way, I just said, ”Fuck it, this doesn’t make sense to me. I’ll do it my way.” And you know what? Didn’t make a lick of difference. I still did well playing to my strengths in lieu of their requirements.

I remember in one class we were getting back our philosophy papers and before the teacher handed out the first paper, he said it was the finest paper in the class and was quite impressed, then handed me my paper. I thought it was cool but nonchalantly told him, “Yeah, I did this in an hour & a half the night before” (mind you, I’m not genius, I just procrastinated).  He looked irritated, “Don’t tell me that.” And I casually quipped, “I don’t care.”  I didn’t say it out of disrespect, I said it matter-of-fact, out of honesty.

That is my experience with school. I did it however I wanted, and did well. Thus, I view school as a joke. I understand it is quite valuable to others, I’m merely speaking from my own experience.
It wasn’t until very recently I realized I view life the same way I view school ⎯ a waste of my time.
Yes, I’ve learned a lot and will continue to learn, but with no desires to motivate or guide me what’s the point?

Maybe you guys can help me out and share your motivations, your desires.  What makes life worth living? What’s your purpose? Maybe then I can find something interesting enough to do with my life.

Probably not.  

But hey, it’s worth a shot.

#nerdsunite

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YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman
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#NerdsUnite: Screw The Media, I Love My Ass!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He makes funny videos on YouTube. Go watch: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie. Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

When you think about it, you could have the most perfect hips-waist-bust figure and yet people and yourself can still find something wrong with you.  At the end of the day, body perfection is an unachievable dream because everyone has different views on what's attractive. The only thing you have control over is your body and your view of said body. If you weigh 300 lbs and have puss coming out your eyes (too graphic?) but love yourself unconditionally, then who cares what the mailman thinks? There are plenty of women who are hot as hell with a plethora of men wanting to get in their pants but they feel their thighs are too thick, or their ass is too fat (and the problem is...?). Your body is not the issue...YOU are.

I'm average height, not amazingly tall. My weight is healthy for me (5'6" and 140 lbs~ish). I eat right, exercise, sleep well, lay off the stress...  You know, all that stuff you should do but probably don't. It's true that all of those help me with a better positive self-image, but again, even movie stars and models think they look like shit. It’s ironic that women are fed this idealistic body image filth of looking like an airbrushed model on the cover of COSMO because even those women struggle with their physique. A little while ago Oprah did a show on women who, when younger were models, and now in their 50s reveal how they struggled with their looks. One of them confessed after seeing herself dolled up for the cover of magazines, she kept trying to live up to that image in her real life. So if a model admits what she looked like to the public eye was false, why should women even bother idolizing it?  

The biggest self-image booster starts and ends with your thinking and how you feel about yourself and what God (or for atheists, what you were born with) gave you. You have one body your entire life. That is, until we figure out how to switch minds to other people and/or blank robots (but that won't happen for 20 years or so, so you're stuck with one body for now). I figure you might as well love it as much as you can. It's rare. VERY rare. The rarest thing in the world since no one else has your exact body. Except for identical twins. . . but for the sack of inspirationally motivating all you women out there, let us ignore that fact, shall we?  

Tomorrow morning when you wake up, before putting on makeup, while your hair's still a mess, go look at yourself in the mirror and repeat this uplifting mantra:

"Heyyy body. Daaaaammmmmnnnn you are looking sexy to-day! Holy shit if I was a man I couldn't keep my eyes off you! Let's go out today and turn some heads."  

You can word that however you want to, the point is respect and love your body and others will too.  

And for those singled out assholes who still think you look fat? Fuck 'em. Your body's amazing and that's that.

#nerdsunite

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#NerdsUnite: Chivalry Standards in a Long Term Relationship

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He makes funny videos on YouTube. Go watch: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie. Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

 Typically, as shown by this 3-year long scientific study I drew in 5 seconds, during the first 6 months upwards of a year into a relationship, a man happily opens doors, pulls out chairs and listens to his girlfriend complain about that co-worker who’s totally jealous of her because she’s a stupid slut. But, after that first anniversary, the average man can’t keep up that level of kindness. Let’s be real - he started doing all that just so he can enjoy a heavy helping of tight vagina. Since he’s already wooed her, what’s the point? She’ll still give it up, even if it’s not as great as it used to be or happens as often because she has needs too, and that’s all that matters.

Now let’s assume a man actually cares about his girl and the relationship for one second.

A little fun fact: 10 out of 10 women love receiving flowers or at the very least a text, for no reason. Which, in turn, will get a man more quality love and sexy time (Source: Ask any woman). Women love to know their man is thinking about them. It shows her that he truly loves her and shows her that she is special. Just as much as men love thinking about their women...wearing a maid’s outfit dusting their PS3s and Call of Duty.

Instead of easing up on the chivalry, men need to step it up even further.  It‘s both the man and woman’s duty to be the best they can to the other person. Here are some ways for a man to continue to show her the respect and love she deserves.

How To Keep Her Wet

• Cook her favorite dinner Friday night
• Go out and have a fun date night that leads to only making out (yes, just like back in High School)
• Put the kids to bed all by yourself!
• Trim your pubes for god sakes. You’re not Tarzan. She ain’t Jane. So trim that Jungle before someone gets yellow fever
• Take out the trash and/or do the dishes for once. Seriously, nothing will make her happier.

Men can get tired and think they’re done being a “gentleman,” but remember the Golden Rule, “treat others as you want to be treated.”  Men need to reassess how they treat their woman, but not on what courtesies they can stop doing, but what men should incorporate to make their girlfriends/wives happier.

With a little bit of effort, men can easily relieve stress for his partner so that she is not only happier for herself, but happier in the relationship. Men shouldn’t be surprised if she gives him more leeway in pointless arguments and won’t complain as much. If respecting her for the sake of being kind wasn’t a good enough reason, easier, shorter arguments should be an invaluable incentive.

#nerdsunite

Check out more from Brian over yonder ...
YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman
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#Question: Are Women Slowly Killing Men With Nightly Phone Talks?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves him some comedy, so he's now combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th.  Go watch.  youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie.  Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

Seriously, it’s weird, right?  And by “weird” I mean "irritating as hell."  It seems to me that every one of my friend’s relationships all have this common problem.  I know women love to talk, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the need to speak with her man for hours every single night is just too much.

Before I go any further, let me just say I love and respect women.  This is simply an observation I’ve made with my friends, trying to shed light with women so a compromise can be made for a healthier, happier relationship.

My friend Justin R. was in a long-term relationship with a woman who would be classified as “Code Red Clingy.”  Going along with her clingy status, she would need/demand to talk to him for at least two hours every night. (The type of passive aggressive demand that is not spoken, but if he didn’t do it, there’d be hell to pay.  Yeah, that kind.)

Being the good boyfriend that he was, he complied.  But at some point, after 2 1/2 years of practically every night on the phone with a girl (not to mention they usually spent the day together, so to talk at night over what happened during the day was a little less than mundanely redundant) he couldn’t take it anymore.  I’m not saying that’s why he broke up with her, but it couldn’t have helped that for the first year, every night she kept asking him to “tell me the story.”  “The story” being the first time they met.  After a couple months in, talking to his girl may have been fun for her, but for him, is was anything but a Disneyland ride (except maybe the Tea Cups).

But she was clingy, so of course she had to be on the phone with him so much, she had a deep psychological & emotional void that had a thirst for love and affection that could never be satisfied.  Then he got into a new, much healthier relationship.  Wouldn’tchaknowit?  Nothing changed.

After speaking with my other male friends, they all say the same thing.  They cannot understand why women (in their early 20s, can’t say the same for later 20s and up) have this program that kicks in at night when a guy’s playing video games or, god forbid sleeping, to have to talk for at least an hour.

Maybe guy’s are just assholes, but they can’t engage with their girl about that person who was mean to her at work or some other drama bs for an extended period of time without zoning out to the point where all that comes out of a man’s mouth is “uh huh” or “Yep, she shouldn’t have done that” or “Don’t worry about it.  They’re not worth it.”  

Men love talking to their girlfriends.  The idea of talking is fine.  The execution could use some work.  Why does it have to be EVERY night, 7 days a week?  Hell, even working full-time men get a break.  I understand women connect with people through conversations, it’s a part of who they are and how they give/receive love.  But can women understand that men can’t handle more than 20, 30 minutes max on the phone with a girl?  Ideally, men would love all talks to be 15 minutes or less.

If a woman feels she can’t compromise and has to have his ear (but not his soul) for an hour plus, then feel free to continue on.  But is there some way a compromise can be found?  How about, 30 minutes every other night, or 15 - 20 min. a night?  If a woman will shorten the time (even set a timer) then he knows there is an end point in sight.   Men love definity, which is another reason talking to a woman is so painful.  He doesn’t know if tonight's’ talk will be 40 minutes, an hour, two hours...  If he knows  exactly how long the conversation will last (from 11:30 - 11:50 pm) it frees him up mentally & emotionally to be more present.

With that in mind, if women promise to follow a shorter, set time for talking, he’ll promise to be more active in the conversation.  Basically, cut back on the quantity to enrich the quality of everyone’s late night talks.

#thatisall

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