#Fact: Being Content With Yourself

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Brian Freedman. He's super comfortable in his own skin, and wants to help others achieve that level of comfort and awesome. HIT IT BRIAN!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

Question: "How can I be more like my friends who are always getting laid and having girls literally throw themselves at them... This feeling of envious emptiness is driving me crazy.

 I want to know how to deal with being single and to regain the confidence and esteem that I've lost because of rejection and betrayal. I'm tired of thinking about girls 24/7 and want to go back to being comfortable with who I am."
 
In order to be happy with yourself, you have to accept the good bad and ugly.
 
"Yes, I've messed up. Yes, I don't get all the girls like my friends, but that's okay. Eventually I will get girls coming my way, and EVEN IF I DON'T I will be just fine."  

(That last part is key.  If you can master that, you'll be set for life)
 
It's not an easy process and takes literally years to really get good at it, but the work you do on yourself is worth it.
 
Everyday, for starters, focus on one - three things you're great at, and say, "I'm proud of you. You're awesome."  Then come up with one - three insecurities, things you wish you could change, and tell yourself that you are the exact opposite (regardless if it's currently untrue. This is all about POSITIVE thinking).
 
Ex: Reality thinking: "I think about girls 24/7."
POSITIVE Thinking: "I am comfortable with who I am."
 
Everyday, keep enforcing your strengths and changing your words on your weakness to then become strengths themselves.
 
Act as who you want to become & over time it will become true. A self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
It's already worked so far. You kept feeling down & sad about yourself, so you became an increasingly diffident person.
 
So now, flip the switch! Become a happy, confident, positive person who only needs themselves to make them smile, and that in turn is who you will become.


#fact

check out more from Brian over yonder ...
YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman
Facebook: facebook.com/pages/Brian-Freedman/119790301389812

#NerdsUnite: Online Dating ⎯ Pros. Cons. It's a Love/Hate Relationship

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

Editor's Note: The name's Brian Freedman and I'm 24.  Every morning I wake up & ask myself, "Why am I so amazing?"  Then I spend my day thinking how I can best serve others.  I love helping people, especially with their relationship questions.  So ask away!  It would be my honor to help.

I've tried dating through Craigslist, which as you know is free, but like they say, you get what you pay for.  The problem for me is that all the women were ugly and/or overweight.  I'm not a model chaser, but damn... Seriously.  1 out of 100 women were decent.  It seemed like the only genuinely pretty ones were spam. So if a person just did Craigslist I could see how they could quickly become jaded that there's no one out there for them. And I'm not just saying this from a guy's perspective looking at the women. I checked the guys' ads and they were just as bad, if not worse. "I have no job, you need to drive and pay for me, and we can have TV dinners on my futon in my parents' basement! . . . You free this Saturday?"  

I have also casually used eHarmony a couple times, and over at least six months I got, what... one? person. It seemed like a total waste of my time. My sister got a couple more than I did (she was 25 at the time) and she said most the guys they gave her were either gross or creepy. (P.S. I didn't pay, she did)

I recently joined OKCupid just to see what it was like, but since I'm not looking for a relationship right now I can't give you a clear perspective on whether or not it's worth it, though I feel Jen's already cornered the market on this one, ha ha. I do like how it mixes a bit of eHarmony with the psychological and everyday life questions but still allows you the freedom to search on your own, which makes finding a more compatible mate that much easier & enjoyable.  

Some of the questions OKC asked did concern me, though. This one, for instance:

"Do you generally smile at kids who cross your path?"  

WTF?  Are you fo realz? I'm surprised there weren't follow-up questions, "If they smile back, do you offer them candy? And then invite them back to your 100% non-suspicious van?" Seriously, are they trying to weed out the pedophiles here or what?

One reason people may hate online dating is because they are a bit more dating purists, in where they believe love should be a magical element that just happens on a bus or across the room.  

Using technology to quantify and break down love into a math formula is just so . . . unromantic.  

"Hey girl, we have 7 out of 10 similar qualities. Let's start makin' some babies." Either that or they're jaded by bad search results and/or a date that went awry and didn't turn out exactly as they hoped. (i.e. his profile pic was from 100 years and pounds ago)

Online dating is popular because people are becoming increasingly "busy" with the their lives since America has collectively decided to become ADHD. Besides, if you can take some of the supernatural guessing out of the equation of finding a life partner, all the better! It's honestly a lot less stressful. Plus the fact if you see a profile you like you say, "Hey, you're cute" and if they ignore you, who cares? If you are in a club and say, "Hey, you're cute" and they reject you, it becomes not only awkward but painful. Rejection is hard. Rejection hurts.  How many blows to the ego can one take before giving up?  

Online dating desensitizes rejection to a degree, which is one of its tremendous advantages.  

"You don't like me? That's cool. Maybe one of these other 20 guys' profiles will find me interesting."  

You are given the power (in some sites) to search through all the crap to find the people you genuinely find interesting. You gain a sense of who this person is, what they want out of life and thus, increases your chances at love. In the real world (you know, with sunlight and trees) the only thing you have to go on is what people look like. You don't know if they volunteer at puppy mills on the weekend or are allergic to them.  Online dating easily empowers the user to weed through those whom they don't want in order to hone in and find out more about the people they potentially could see themselves with for the rest of their lives.

#NerdsUnite

Check out more from Brian on YouTube and Facebook over yonder!

YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman

Facebook: facebook.com/pages/Brian-Freedman/119790301389812



#NerdsUnite: Friends With Benefits- Seven years too long

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

Editor's Note: Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves some comedy, so he combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th.  Go watch.  youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie.  Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.  

I’m not talking about when a friends with benefits has run its course and it’s time to move on.  In that case, you have the choice to break up or choose to be an actual “couple” (I know, Friends-With-Benefitians consider that world as evil as he who shall not be named... (i.e. The Situation.  NEVER speak of that turd of an excuse for a celebrity).  Anywho, the topic today kiddies is if you’re in a makeshift relationship with someone, how long before that becomes something real ⎯ with a title and everything?  When does FWB become a relationship?

Friends with benefits allows each party to not commit.  It’s a non-committal enabler, if you will.  (and if you won’t... uhh... I can’t really continue on if you won’t.. so I’ll just act like a woman and hear what I want to hear.  “You said you will!?  GREAT!”).  A question I was reading that stirred this piece was how a woman was in a FWB (which, by the way, does not stand for Fat White B*tches or Fruit-flavored Wallpaper ⎯ Brilliant!) and she was with this guy for seven years!!  I know!  You figured they were a couple by then.  

But nope, still no,

Girl: “Oh, he’s my adorable boyfriend.” And

Guy: “Yep, that’s my girl.”  

No, instead all you get is the same, 

Girl: “Oh, he’s my frustrating, sexy guy friend who won’t commit yet pounds me like no other.”  And 

Guy: “Yep, that’s a girl I love being with, probably even love her, but she expects me to settle down with such an amazing chick??  F-that!  Priorities baby.”

It’s so fascinating.  No, not how Kim Kardashian is considered talented.  You’re with someone, literally for years, and they can’t commit.  To be fair, girls can be just as wishy washy when it comes to matters of the heart, but honestly, let’s be real: guys are more likely to run at the sight of a ring, or banana nut bread (referencing the new love sitcom “Love Bites”).  

It seems today that a woman’s only options are to be with a man who can commit, but will eventually cheat on her, or for those who can’t be claimed as her-one-and-only, only want benefits.  You know how jobs give you health benefits, dental, medical, etc.?  Relationships should be the same way.  The benefits are yours when you gladly say to the world you’re in a relationship (a tweet will suffice).  I’m not opposed to Freeing Willy’s Boundaries, but I feel it’s best they don’t last longer than a year or so for fear of either party getting too attached (particularly women ⎯ damn oxytocin), only to have their heart broken.

Friends with benefits can be fun and fine for a short period of time.  But it is not a realistic path to a happy, successful, loving relationship.  Sure there are cases it can happen, but that’s why I said a realistic path.  After a year or two, you two have to agree to commit or break up.  For nothing else, do it out of respect of your own spiritual & emotional well-being.  If you want better, you have to set higher standards.  If you’re not okay with a guy being your partner without the title, then speak up, stand your ground. You have a right to happiness in your love life.

#nerdsunite

Wanna check out more from Brian? Hit up the links below!

YouTube: youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brian-Freedman/119790301389812