#Fact: West Coast > East Coast

First off, lemme just say ... I am from the east coast. So, you can't be mad at me for pointing out something that is relatively obvious ... the west coast is greater than the east coast. Period. End of sentence. 

Case in point, the UNBELIEVABLY awkward house party I went to last night and subsequently ended up livetweeting at until my battery died. 

So here I am STILL on the east coast, currently kicking it in DC with my brother and his girlfriend. See, my bro bought ... he's no longer renting ... he BOUGHT a home a year and a half ago, and I've never been out to see it. Super duper lame sauce, right? 

When I was mapping everything out for my trip, I realized that after NYC I could just pop on a bus for less than $20 and come out and see him. Totally rad, totally worth it, and here I be. 

<tangent> Dudes, can I just tell you how WWEEEIIIRRRRDDDD it is being here?? My brother has like a home ... a home home ... with decorative throw pillows ... and area rugs ... and ... yeah. He still has the beer fridge, but goodness gracious it is WEIRD to know that you're getting old and your brother is now like, old. </tangent> 

Oh here's the song that goes with the post, btw ... 

So, last night my brother told me he had a friend's house party he had to go to and that I was invited to come along. Basically these peeps were moving and they didn't want to cart all of their alcohol with them, so they were going to throw a drinks and dessert party to get rid of everything. 

Um, free booze and desserts??? How rad does that sound!!! 

I went in with high hopes, and my usual sunny disposition. Dudes, I can't be mad at anything ever. I am very literally the happiest little clam on the planet. Like seriously ... I will always. always. always. find the bright side of things, and always. always. always. look at the glass being half full - that's just me. 

We get there a bit before it starts to fill up, and I walk in and introduce myself to everyone. I might be a bit shy at bars but when it comes to house parties I have an in since these people all know my brother, so I'm totally fine. I got the little sister thing going on, but whatevs. 

The hosts greet us, and then I walk over to the couch and say hello to the guys sitting watching football. 

Hi, I'm Jen! Mike's sister. 

Two of them outstretch their hands, do a half shake, and quickly look away. 

Um, okay ... I thought, nice to meet you too. 

I walk back to the table, wow - I know there's a game on and all (which was playing commercials at the time), but that was just fucking rude. These guys barely looked up to say anything and only outstretched their hand as apparently some sort of "favor." 

Dudes, ya'll are fucking rude. 

I walk back over to my brother at that point not wanting to introduce myself to the rest of the party. If that's what the rest of the party is like ... good god it's going to be a long night. 

You're here for your brother Jen, put on your big girl pants and get it together. It's a house party, not a bar in Boston. 

I grab a Heineken from the cooler and quickly down it. 

This will make the party bearable. Just loosen up, Friel. 

I start talking to a few of the girls, and am immediately blinded by the rocks on their fingers reflecting off the light and wine glasses.

Good god! Zoom - zoom - zoom! 

I can't look anywhere without getting blinded. I then pause for a moment, wait, is EVERYONE here married? (The party had maybe 15 people at the time.) I quickly glance around the room and at all the fingers ... 

Married.

Married.

Married. 

Wait, can't see that one ... move your hand duderino ... yep! There's a ring! 

Now mind you, I have ZERO problems accepting my life choice, and accepting to choose a career over a relationship. I own my shit, my only problem with this scenario was that married dudes don't want to talk to the hot little sister of their friend. Every time I opened my mouth to have a conversation with a guy, their eyes would bounce around the room, and then they would literally walk away from me clearly not wanting to get in trouble with their wives. 

Are you serious right now?? Do I not feel ostracized enough by all that went down in Boston, and all that is my experience on the east coast??? (Well, minus NYC - had a BLAST there, and Chicago, which isn't the east coast obvs. was one of the greatest times EVER! But for 3 weeks ... misery.) 

People don't fucking talk to me!!!!!!!!!

I love love love meeting new people and hearing their life story- I can't handle not being talked to. I might want to retreat to my shell, and pop on a hoodie and headphones, but when it comes to me specifically putting myself in a situation like a house party, I've prepared myself to be social for that evening - I was ready. 

Fine, if the guys won't talk to me, maybe the females will. 

I strike up a conversation with a few of the ladies. 

One in particular is apparently my brother's nemesis - she was pretty rad and zinged him a few times playfully. I dig this chick, I think, she might need to come over for the holidays and keep me company. 

She was incredibly popular at the party so of course after just a few minutes she walked away - along with any other female I could get to hang around me long enough. 

Like for real, ladies, I wear deodorant. Secret even gave me a year's supply of it a few month's back!! I got this shit on LOCK! 

Fine, if no one will talk to me, I'll create my own party ... on twitter. 

I step outside on the patio to sip my beer and begin tweeting. 

A couple of guys who clearly had a few more drinks in them at that point come out to join me on the patio. 

Texting your friends to find another party? 

CALLED OUT!!!

No, I say, I live in LA - haha, so I don't know any other parties. But I was tweeting actually, not texting. 

Tweeting? Oh god. Who drinks and tweets. 

Me, I say. I love twitter. 

Another dude pipes up, I work in social media, am on it all day and all night - I can't handle being around it in social settings. No one in the social space can. 

Wait, hold the phone. Did you really just tell me that you work in social media but get sick of it like everyone else that works in social media. 

I refrained from reintroducing myself as, Hi, I'm Jen Friel. I created the site that provides social commentary on social media, and if I could LITERALLY put more hours in the day to spend on it - I would. Do yourself, and those of us in this space that love it a favor - and leave. 

Another one of the guys pipes up, oh yeah! So what's your klout score! 

Before I say anything, the social media dude goes, oh, no one knows that off the top of their head. 

::cough I hover between 73-75 cough:: 

He then starts saying that Klout has been bullshit until only recently and wah wah wah wah wah dude, get your no one wants to give you a +K out of my face. 

He keeps talking, and out of curiosity I ask for his twitter handle to look it up on my Droid. 

I very honestly just didn't hear what he said, and by the time I was going to ask him to repeat it, his wife/ girlfriend joined the conversation and started shooting me daggers. 

Listen, bitch, shoot the daggers all you want. I'm not after your man - just his fucking twitter handle. 

Mind you too, I will never. ever. ever. ever. go toe to toe with someone in social media. Social media is just my thing, I don't have to go toe to toe, I'd rather watch someone else hang themselves and me take the higher road and just smile and nod. But this guy was just annoying me, and I had no one else to play with at the party. 

UUUGGHHHHHHH!!

I HATE HATE HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

My brother joins the conversation - everything alrite kid? 

Peachy I say as I pound another beer. 

Dudes, why are no chicks in here even drinking beer? Really?? I am the ONLY chick drinking beer? 

Party fail. 

I dunno man, the host duderino was pretty rad, and there were a handful of dudes I had good conversations with - but they were all married, and I get told I'm naturally flirtatious, trust - that was the LAST thing I was looking to do at a party like this ... I was just being me, and being such a non-traditional person in a pretty traditional world is death. That's how I grew up!!! That's how I spent the first 16 years of my life and fucking loathed every minute of it. 

I'm different. 

There is nothing I can do about that but just own it. 

I lead a very different lifestyle, and although others might follow suit with said untradition later - it ain't happenin' now, and it definitely ain't happenin' at this party. 

Home, I say to my brother. I want to crawl inside my hoodie. 

We left shortly after. 

UUUGGHHHHHH!!!! How are people so weird!!!!!!!! For reals man, had that been a house party in Cali people would have at least been more social in their introductions. Cali house parties are the tits, man. Loads of beer, usually someone sparks a doobie, and everyone just chillaxes. None of this north face up tight shit that they have on the east coast. I get why I'm so happy in Cali.

I love my brother, I really really really do - but MANNNNNNNN, I just want to go home.

I have only one more thing left to say, HIT IT EDDIE!!!  

T-minus 30 hours til my flight.

#thankgod

#NotANerd: Officially Now A Nerd ... ish

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She's crazy ... and bat shit ... and I love her for it! For reals, she hitchhiked across various African countries!!! The girl is a whackadoodle noodle, but not at all a nerd. That is where I come in handy- I'm Lindsay's navigator on adventures. See, I show her how we get places via google maps, and she reminds me to stop tweeting and look up every once in a while. It's a match made in nerdy/non-nerdy heaven. That being saiiiddddddd ... she lives her life on the road and wants to offer her travel advice to all the nerdy folk out there that may be looking to do the same. Hit it Lindsay!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @LindsayMC

So I started off on this site as 'So Not a Nerd' and I have to confess that today, I have officially become a Nerd... but on my own terms.

I just got on Mobli last week and I have somehow managed to get over 20,000 views and 2,000 subscribers in less that 5 days. Not only am I super super SUPER stoked but I am having an absolutely BLAST uploading in almost real time all of my most recent adventures.

See life through my eyes at www.mobli.com/lindsaymc and if you guys like what you see, please Subscribe and FACEBOOK LIKE me (that parts important because I am rallying for my own channel and I need FB Likes, wootwoot.)

I'm going to be Mobliing my whole cross country trip so you guys can follow me the entire way. Plus I just Moblied from the Doheny Days music festival and from Wakeboarding Wednesday. Just check out my site and you'll be in the loop. :)

ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU and now I have to get off my laptop because the waves are good today and I gotta get in a surf session... okay, so maybe I'm not totally a Nerd yet... xoxo

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Lindsay on twitter

Editors note: Alrite Lindsay, you may THINK you are being nerdy now ... but let's face facts, nerds are BORN this way!! Products of genetic predispositions, ftw!! You my darling are geeking out over something, not nerding. But yes, you are on your way ... you are on ... your ... way ...

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Timbaland & Katy Perry - If we ever meet again

A hoi hoi nerderinoooosssssss ... what's kickin' chicken?

Holy fuckerdy, yesterday could not have gone better. Like could not, at all ... under any circumstances ... have gone better.

I had 4 meetings, 1 with a lit agent - who is now my lit agent and is lighting a fire under my bum to write a book that I cannot yet discuss ... one was with MTV, Discovery, and finally this studio chickadee. So unbelievably rad hearing from all of them who represent a different part of the spectrum that there were stories under this brand that were applicable to their networks. People really really really want to talk nerdy - and I have to say, it couldn't be more humbling.

Generals are interesting things. You basically go into a room, in this case with the VP of talent from both networks, and you say hi - my name is Jen Friel, the technical term for what I do is lifecasting but I'm also a personal brand, and this is my story. It's a pretty cool experience, and honestly so much has gone down - with each network you highlight more of what would make sense to them. Ex: for MTV, I talked more about crashing the grammys, flying cross country with Billy Gibbons, and dancing on stage with prince. With Discovery you talk about living out of your car, traveling around - etc etc.

And yes, I wore my vans to meet with the fancy pants!!! It's really cool man, but just jolted me that here I am entering the TV industry and I know NOTHING about it. I'm a team builder. That's my thang! When I don't know something, I pull out my deck of cards (aka my network) and find someone who can assist and offer them something as well so we can build together. It's a give and take for sure. I'm in this position now as a new media peep that I get where a lot of this COULD go, and SHOULD go, but I don't know where it already is, and what already makes sense, and could potentially be improved. Like I've said before, I am UNBELIEVABLY fascinated by being able to tell stories in real time, and organically through social media - I know there is a way to take that to TV too, I'm just kinda putzin around with it and throwing around ideas. No matter what though, you need a big dog to back you up and someone you can go to with questions on standard operating procedures and politics.

It's nuts, but I have nothing to lose - and people really really really dig the whole mission behind this site, so I know the right card will come, I just have to center myself and figure it all out.

AHHH!! So insane!! Like best. day. ever. yesterday!!!

It's nuts too, I have more meetings today, followed by more when I get back to LA on Monday. ANNNNDDD I have to come back to Boston and NY in a few weeks. Yep, you read that right - back. to. Boston.

UUGGHHH!!! The press peeps for the show I'm doing contacted me and they want me on the local news and what not, so I have to go back. Plus, they didn't really jive well with my whole - but I shot B roll!!! I can just use that for the exterior shots and shoot the interior in LA. Ummmmmmm yeah. Shot down.

FML.

I dunno, a few weeks away is too far ahead for me to think - present moment magic time, and my plate is FULL!!!!! Goodness gracious.

So so so unbelievably stoked, thank you SO much to this community for everything you guys have done. It MAJORLY impressed the suits yesterday, and it's going to do so so so much for this brand - you guys made my dream come true, thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you.

DC TOMORROW!!!! Followed by LA ON SUNDAY!!!! HOME!!!! HOME!!!! HOME!!!!!!!! ::nerdy happy dance::

#peaceloveandlollipops

Words of Wisdom with @Jesus_M_Christ

Click here to follow sexy funny jeebus on twittahhhh!!

#WTF: Kevin's Kephalonomancy is Kontagious

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Kevin. I found him on craigslist, kinda like how I found that half eaten bag of pretzels, and last Friday's booty call. Casual encounters, FTW! He's hilarious, and smart ... and little elves dance in his footprints as he walks. For the record, I've made two of those facts up. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Kevin Herman

As the LSAT lurks just around the corner like a hairy multiple-choice rapist, my otherwise scattered (and arguably retarded) attention is slowly coalescing - uniting itself if only for the briefest of moments to face a far deadlier threat from without - and as such, I’m marshaling any spare cognitive fuel from...like...everywhere else for a while. I’m becoming selectively very, very lazy.

If you told me that you actually read my column consistently, I would react a) in disbelief, for the very simple reason that I don’t believe you and am saddled with trust issues or b) still in disbelief because...well...why? I’ve read this shit, and frankly I don’t see the appeal. Each to his own, I suppose.

In any case - yeah, if you still insist that you're a mysterious repeat customer, I blame the reasons outlined in paragraph #1 for any drop in length or quality (questionable as either may already be) that you may notice, as well as pre-emptively apologize for the temporary dip in the utter bullshit you’ve come to expect from me.

Along similar lines - I haven’t really had time to peruse through the ol’ notebooks and hoarded PowerPoint lectures from the college days of yore to find another relationship psych morsel for thee to nom on, mainly because the weekend was kind of an aberration from my usual behavior...in that, like...I actually left the house, was thus busy, and neglected doing research to inspect this “life” thing I keep hearing about from the family I keep bound in my closet.

I don’t get out much. Typically, one may find me brooding in my e’er shades-drawn room-cave. I’m like Batman, if Batman did absolutely nothing useful and only had powers stemming mysteriously from a prodigious lack of hygiene. Admittedly I’ve tried to be more social than in the past - I try to do trivia night at a local tavern with friends from high school when I can, and if scheduling allows, I’ll trek over to Irvine for an over-nighter to say ‘ello to those people.

I went to school in Washington, DC for a bit, but that particular cross-section of my life isn’t as socially prominent in my current one - I only really have one friend from DC who lives anywhere close by, and if one takes into account that “close by” is Santa Monica and that I go into an infantile rage when I have to go anywhere even within Pasadena, I don’t see him very often.

As it stood - this particular weekend, one of my other boize from my little DC quartet was visiting/staying with the dude in Santa Monica. He was visiting from India and I mean shit, I hadn’t seen the dude in probably 3 years -- if ever I needed a little kick in the ass to finally turn the keys and roll to Santa Monica, this was it. After all - these are the guys I invented this drink with.

I arrived at my friend’s apartment (to avoid confusion, his name is Alex) for the first time and got the tour where I met his excellent roommates and eventually ran into his girlfriend (and the vomit stain she’d left on his floor from the night before). Upon receiving a typical bear hug from my unusually tall visiting Indian, excited well-wishing took place briefly before immediately devolving into the pseudo-comatose lethargy that characterized our social lives even back then. It was glorious.

After regrettably watching ‘Little Monsters,’ the plan was finally imparted to me. Go to Alex’s girlfriend’s place in Hollywood, pass da libations around (yo), and ultimately strut our shit on Sunset until...some unspecified goal was met. (It turned out to be 2am dinner at IHOP)

We arrived at the girlfriend’s place without incident, our offerings tabled, and caps and corks alike were discarded. Eventually I got talking with one of Alex’s roommates, both of whom had come along.

He asked what I did. I responded, grimacing, that I was pretty much just focusing on the impending LSAT, but that in my spare time I wrote for a blog.

“...which blog?” he asked, something more than idle curiosity hanging over the words.

I’m not sure when I stopped speaking and he started, but between the two of us, the phrase “TALK NERDY TO ME, LOVER!” was vocalized, followed by the appropriate “holy shit!”s and “small world, eh?”s.

For you see - those of you long time readers of this blog - I was shooting the shit and preparing to go bar hopping with none other than Sam Kellet (aka Poetic Peppering of Parfleche), who was rather drunk, rather hilarious, and rather awesome. Between Sam and the other roommate, their collective love of womankind and good alcohol rivaled that of every British superspy and playboy billionaire nominal-aristocrat from a country no one really cares about combined.

If Alex and I are the (endearingly?) awkward guys who only happen on romance and/or a woman’s touch by unwittingly stumbling into it - Sam and the other roomie were like a horny thermonuclear bomb shat from orbit towards Planet Women, their express purpose to love the shit out of it and forever irradiate it with sweet affection. And they carried this purpose out with a single mindedness that knew not forethought or pain - no amount of rejection or ambiguity would stop this bomb from hurtling forward and performing its task. No hesitation, no planning - just instinct and fluid motion. And despite what my social anxiety and intravertedness told me should be the disastrous consequences such behavior would lead to, it actually worked. I was actually quite awestruck. And then realized that it worked because they had their priorities straight.

Sam told me at the very beginning of the night: “Dude. Women. They are awesome. We’re going to hit on all of them. We are very likely going to make total asses of ourselves. Actually, not ‘likely’ - we just are. But it doesn’t matter. Because tonight is about having fun. And if you have fun, everything else just falls into place.”

And he was right. I know he got several digitz and also triggered a congo line I was unwillingly sucked into, but at the end of the night - he definitely had fun. He clearly enjoyed the shit out of himself, and that - I’m sure he’d agree - is really all that matters.

#nerdsunite

For more of Kevin’s politically incorrect verbal incontinence, follow him on Twitter or check out his like, completely legitimate astrological operation at Fiehard.