Entries in hot nerds (1511)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011 at 1:59PM#NerdPr0nz: Behind the Scenes with @MeowMistiDawn
<editorsnote> Misti Dawn is the nerdiest girl working in porn. In this column she invites you inside of her world outside of the sets, and inside her heart. awwwwwwwwww </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MeowMistiDawn
Hello Nerdites!
Before I cover last week’s fun, exploration, and of course debauchery, I want to remind you about tonight’s ustream show with Jen and I at 8pm PST – 2 girls, 1 livestream!
Ok, now on to the past week. Last week I got to finally see Rancid play, something I’ve been dying for since I was a teenager. The best part is that Tim Armstrong personally gave me the tickets.
A few months ago I met him at a music video shoot and we just hit it off and have stayed in contact. He’s seriously the nicest person I’ve EVER met. I am so impressed with his personality, caring, and passion for what he loves. So he invited me and Michael to the show. I don’t know what to say other than my jaw dropped to the floor in amazement.
Then on Saturday Michael, Charity, Jay, Xander, and I went to Nick Kushner’s Art show at Servitu. He paints in his own blood, but that aside, his work is like beautiful water colors, it’s hard to believe it was blood.
Even Manson showed up which I might have been more excited about 12 years ago, but still cool. I think? Afterwards we ran to a place called The Original Pantry Cafe, I think their pancakes were made of heaven & unicorn piss, because I slept for 12 hours and didn’t even care about getting laid on a Saturday night. I could have been offered Alex Skarsgard, no thanks, I have these pancakes!
Now it’s Sunday fun day... well laundry boring crap day. So Portal 2 here I come.
#Fact: I am not prepared for my brother to get married
First off, lemme just preface this post by saying that I haven't talked to my brother about anything ... nor do I know if he is even close to reaching this point in his relationship ... etc. These are just my own personal thoughts after spending an afternoon with my parents and reflecting upon the future.
BOOM! Got that covered. Here's the song that goes with the post ...
Feeling blueI have literally been crying all afternoon. First because this city has totally kicked my ass. I have never in all of my life looked forward to leaving a place. This is LITERALLY the coldest city ever. Like ever ever. People stare at me obnoxiously, but no one says anything. Dudes don't talk to you at bars, but they do pick you up on the street ... twice.
I'm emotionally rattled from this city, and I never thought I'd ever say that about anything!! I am a tough tough chick, but I fucking hated Boston. Yes, it was great catching up with old friends, and seasons 2 and 3 of the TV show are totally going to be bitchin ... but I just can't handle these kinda people. All so stiff and all so proper. I drink beer, eat beef jerky, and rock vans. I date in a public forum, talk candidly about sex without it making me a slut and I enjoooooyyyyyyyy life, and live it to my definition of the fullest. I can't comprehend life being any other way.
Ugh, I'm starting to go off on a tangent, but I hope you can at least understand my current state of consciousness. Mood: Sad
And dudes, I'm NEVER sad!!! I am like the happiest little mother fucking clam on this planet!!! I am so grateful every day to get to do what I do ... but I am straight legit sad, and could not be happier to leave for NYC in the morning. If we get renewed for season 4 I am NOT coming back to Boston, I can't handle it.
So ... all that happened. But one of the rad things about this trip has been seeing my parentals. I don't get to see them very often since they live on the other side of the country from me - but they were in CT for my cousin's wedding, and they took a mini excursion up to Boston to visit me yesterday.
Nerderinos, meet my dad ...
... and my mom ...
She's such a betty.
We started talking about everything, and my brother naturally came up in conversation. My brother and I couldn't be any different. No like for reals, take a life spectrum put me on one end, and him on the other. I'm a nerdy hippie that spent a year crashing random shit, and bartering social media to live. My brother is an analyst at the Pentagon with a super fancy title that I have no idea what it means but apparently does well for himself.
To say I love my brother is the understatement of the century. I worship at the church of my brother. He was my built in best friend growing up, and coming from being a bit on the weirder side as a wee lass, he was pretty much my only friend for a lot of my childhood.
He chased boys away when they picked on me on the playground, protected me through all my family shit growing up, and literally saved my life multiple times with my stalkers.
My brother is it for me - they don't come much better at all and or whatsoever. Sure we're different, but it works. The Friel siblings are a good team in this world.
That being said, my brother just hit the 3 year mark with his girlfriend (his first serious), and things are getting pretty real apparently. Again, I haven't talked to him about anything ... so I really don't know - but I can't stop crying at the thought that one day my brother is going to get married.
How horrible is that? I love my brother's girlfriend. I think she's so rad, and would love it if he does choose to marry her and she becomes part of the family ... but I'm just in this odd mourning of, omg - I'm going to lose my brother!!!
Like how ridiculous does that sound, right?
But it's true! And I can't deny my feelings.
26 has been hands down the best year of my life, but also the most challenging for me on an emotional level. This was the very first year that aging really hit me. Dudes, I am getting old. I've been done with high school for 10 years, and that went by in the BLINK of an eye. It freaks me out actually.
A lot.
I wouldn't want to be any younger again, I find with each year life to only get more intellectually stimulating - but it's still hard seeing one more grey hair, and a few lines around the eyes.
My brother being at this point in his relationship also has a profound effect on me from an age perspective. So, now if they got married, I would have a sister in law? Are they going to have kids? OMG I would be an aunt!! I love love love kids, and would spoil the bejeepers out of 'em - but am I really ready for my BROTHER to have kids??
I thought my brother buying a house last year would be weird enough, but this whole realization that all of these new labels are waiting to be placed on me - and I don't know how okay I am with that.
Obviously, I have no choice in the matter, and no matter what decision my brother ever makes, I will 110% support him.
It's just hard because here my brother is at a near turning point in his life, and I can't even date. Fuck having a boyfriend - I'm 26 haven't been in a serious relationship in years, and haven't even had a Valentine before. I just don't find guys that inspire me that much - as horrible as that sounds. I want a package, and I won't settle for less.
You HAVE to be passionate about life.
You HAVE to be passionate about what you do.
You HAVE to be pretty solid about who you are.
You HAVE to be intelligent.
Do you have any idea how hard that is to find in the dating world? I think that's also why I had such a hard time this week seeing my World Civ crush. He actually is that package. He has this sparkle about him, this intangible quality that I look for in a dude. If I lived in Boston I would be petitioning to date him, but for now - I am happy to have spent time with him. That fucker melted my soul - not an easy thing to do.
I am at a personal breaking point. I can't handle any more bad dates, I can't handle my heart being broken anymore, and I don't understand what my next doable action is.
I'm not exactly a warm person. I have a MASSIVELY big guard up when it comes to dudes, and all the attributes that make me a killer in business completely impede my personal life. I don't have attachments to people. Well, I take that back ... I do, but they are limited. Guys don't inspire me (which is also why I questioned my sexuality - but happy to report, straighter than straight), and the ones and twosies that manage to make an impact on me in some capacity never end up working out. I don't get it. What is wrong with me? Who goes their entire life without even a valentine??
I am throwing myself at the mercy of this community. I just ... don't know what to do anymore.
My head hurts.
My heart hurts.
My soul is defeated.
And I DEFINITELY am not prepared for my brother to get married.
Get me out of Boston ... now.
#fml
#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride
<editorsnote> Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson
Shades Of Grey (How my breakup brought me closer with my father)
One of the highlights (I guess I can call it that) of my break up has been the social experiment of it all.
Every time I tell someone about my breakup and how it went down, it's a chance to see how the person reacts and learn something about them that they had no idea they were even sharing.
The biggest distinction between reactions is that of young people vs. older people or single/recently married vs. divorced.
When I tell someone younger about the ending of my 7+ year relationship, that we grew apart, he lost interest, fostered feelings for someone else, and thus called off our wedding when he realized it just wouldn't be right to go through with the marriage, they say something along the lines of, "Giiiiiirl, I woulda kicked his ass to the curb so quick. Why do you still talk to him..." and so on. Very black and white, right and wrong.
The best exception to the young/old theory was my cousin and his wife, who are just slightly older than I. They simply said, "Wow. We thought you guys were so good together." These two have been through hell and back. They had some issues that drove them apart and they actually were separated for a few months, living in separate cities. They even dated other people and somehow found their way back to one another. My cousin had the strongest will to make their relationship work, even when family members were not happy about them reconnecting. Now, they're happily married with an adorable kid. I'm long overdue for a heart to heart with him about the whole thing. I'm super curious how they worked through everything.
When I went home to South Florida for the holidays after my ex and I broke up last December I got a chance to reconnect with my family. My mother, father, aunts and their significant others all gave me a very different reaction from that of my peers. They had ALL been through at least one divorce. Some of them had been cheated on or cheated on their past significant others. They all listened compassionately and didn't point fingers.
Not a one of my family members told me that I should absolutely not try and work things out with him (well, I think my brother was just restraining himself. He went into big brother protective mode). They, unlike a lot of my current friends, knew my ex well and really liked him. Most were very surprised by his actions. But I think they all knew that the breakdown of a relationship is never black and white, but many different shades of gray.
Likewise, I know people that have gone through divorce and even if they were the one that ended things, they often didn't want to and felt as though there was no other option. I feel comfortable opening up to them because I know that they understand the great pain of losing your best friend.
Dad and I back in DecemberMy dad's advice surprised me through and through with his assessment of the breakdown before the break up. It actually changed my whole opinion of him for the better. He and I never had the best relationship because we're too much alike.
I was talking to him one day when I should have been at my desk but was too busy freaking out to function.
"Julie, I know your mother and I know you. You take after her a lot" (read: unaffectionate). The next thing he said shocked me.
"This is both of your faults. It takes two." I remember holding my breath, slightly shocked.
"Julie, if you love someone, you have to show them. Every day." I exhaled.
Bam, just like that, my perspective on the entire situation changed. He wasn't yelling at me or being mean. He was just the first person to understand that my ex's actions, no matter how irresponsible and immature, were fueled by something. That there was a beginning to this end. I used to yell at my ex about how he could leave me. He would respond by saying, "You left me first." I still don't entirely agree with that, but I do think I checked out. I wasn't putting any more effort into our relationship, just coasting towards marriage. Taking him and us for granted. When I try to tell people that they think I'm being hard on myself. I'm not. It's what happened. My dad was the only one who saw that.
I hope that in future relationships I will hear my dad's voice echo in my mind. That before going to bed each night I will look over at my partner and think, "What did I do today to let this person know that I care." I hope I can learn from my mistakes.
Everyone wants to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing. That's fine, it's very nice that people care, but there's only a few people who I feel are really qualified to give out advice; those who have been to hell and back and lost their best friends and lives in the process and had to start over.
In the end, I care what my mother thinks and what my father thinks. My mom is my ultimate best friend and confidante and my dad is the one that has to give me away on my wedding day. And I want him to feel good about doing so.
There's my black and white back to the world.
#nerdsunite
Click here to follow Julie on Twitter
#NerdsUnite: How Women Reveal Your Value
<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
What happens when someone powerful, with high ‘value’ walks into a room, ie. the CEO of your company, or a celebrity?
Everyone in the room suddenly becomes ‘nice.’
If you walked into a room and didn’t know anyone there, but you noticed that everyone in the room was being ‘nice’ to one person who was being confident and doing as they pleased, what would you assume about the ‘status’ of that one person? This is exactly how women who don’t know you determine YOUR status.
Women seek the security and comfort of being with confident, powerful, high-status men. Why? It’s relaxing. You always know where you stand when you are around confident, powerful, high-status men because they are not afraid to tell you. And you know that whatever happens, the confident, powerful, high-status man will be able to handle it. And you know that if he wants something, he will make bold moves to get it.
Women HATE having to take the lead and make all the moves. Most guys think they are being kind by offering the woman control over an interaction or a date, but they will be made uncomfortable by your ‘niceness.’ Asking a woman if she wants to go out with you demands that she show interest before you. Asking a woman what she would like to do on your date demands that she take charge of your time together and accept the risk if things don’t go well.
So why is ‘niceness’ and any kind of people-pleasing behavior disappointing to women? Exhibiting these behaviors instantly tells women that you are not the confident, powerful, high-status man. If she was interested in you when she first saw you, it will be disappointing to her to discover that you are not the guy she hoped you were. If she wasn’t interested in you at first, she won’t START getting interested when you exhibit low-status behaviors.
I was out with a few buddies and noticed that they were suddenly transfixed by a very hot ’10′ woman sitting across the bar. I walked up and sat down right next to her. She turned to me and said “This better be good.”
That statement was the most revealing thing I had ever heard.
She didn’t say “get away from me” or ignore me. She TURNED TO ME (a show of interest) and said “This better be good.” Her behavior meant something else. It meant “I was impressed by the courage it took to roll up to me…don’t disappoint me.”
Well, I fucked up that interaction, and so did my friends who then attempted to come over and be my ‘wings.’ But I left with a valuable lesson:
Ultimately, women WANT you to be the confident, powerful, high-status man. It doesn’t mean you have to be rich, a celebrity, or a CEO. It just means that you believe in yourself (you’re confident that no matter what happens or what she throws at you, you’ll handle it), you have a purpose, and you have a high sense of self-worth. Don’t disappoint them.
#nerdsunite
To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com
And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!
Editors Footnote: I AGREE!!!!!!! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE MAKING THE MOVES!!! GROW A PAIR MEN!!!! STEP UP TO THE PLATE!!! LET ME BE THE CHICK!!! K ... BYE.
