Time to Effing #GetItOn: My weekend with an international badass

AHHHH!!! So, the international badass just left mi casa - and I can't stress this enough, I had an absolute BLAST!

Well, lemme break a few things down ... cause like with most things in life it wasn't all peachy. Creamy, yes. hahahaha I said creamy ... omg, stop it Jen!!!! ADD ALERT!!! K. whew, tangent - okay ...here, music. Music makes life better.

So, he came in on Saturday night ... I picked him up at the airport and I kid you not, I have never been more nervous for anything in my ENTIRE life! Fortunately, I was also executing a one off to the social experiment (see the post tomorrow on it), so I had to get these 2 people in this place ... and it was kinda a clusterfuck ... times had to change, people needed to be alerted - it was annoying, but fortunately worked out and fortunately gave me something to focus my energy on other than the boy.

Ugh. He's so hot, and so delicious.

What is his walk going to be like? Does he have swagger? Our skype sessions have been OUT OF CONTROL and we're both in the social space, it was one of those things that this was going to be totally epic, or totally awful.

I got at the airport about an hour early because I had taken the city bus, and I wanted to make sure I got there on time. It was cool though, I had my Droid Charge which had the Devil Wears Prada loaded in, and I had my Macbook Pro - so I had a few episodes of Sex and the City keep me company.

At 9:15 I get a text. ::beep::

HELLOOOOOOOOO GORGEOUS

I look down, as I see someone walk closer to me - it's him! It's him! It's him!!! The international badass.

I go in for a kiss, and he goes in for a hug.

Wow, awkward - okey dokey.

I kiss his cheek.

He held me so tight, it was literally one of the best hugs ever - and my body just melted into his.

Yes, yes, yes, I thought - this is the moment I've waited for. Dude, two LONG weeks of sexy skyping ... that is some SERIOUSLY built up sexual tension. I don't deal well with pent up anything - I get shit done, man. Either we're going to do this, or not - I very honestly don't care ... but don't leave me wanting something without having doable actions to execute. hehehehe I said ... "doable." heheheheehehehe

So, we go to get the rental car, and my ADD was just out of control. I was so so so nervous. I get super quiet, and just kinda want to melt into my hood, put headphones on, and drift off to my happy place. I get weird, really fucking weird. I am at least just smart enough now to understand situations that will make me weird so that I can avoid them at all costs.

This however, I could not avoid. I wanted him, he wanted me, he flew all the way down here ... and I was just fucking antsy man.

He called me out on it a couple times ... Are you skipping?

Yep!

HAHA you're a trip.

We then get to the car rental place and for some weird reason they wouldn't let me rent it because I only had a debit card, and his credit cards were from Canada ... so yeah, it was bullshit. We instead went outside and grabbed a cab, and I kid you not - that was the NICEST cab I have ever been in! Dudes it was like a limo!!!! INSANE!

We start chatting.

I sat there the entire time relatively quiet wondering if he was going to kiss me.

Just kiss me. I'm right here! We've talked about it for weeks ... WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!!?!

This wasn't how I had played it all in my head. I imagined us embracing at the airport in this big movie star kiss where I drop my Samsung Swiss Army Backpack in the heat of the moment and let it fall to the ground without a care in the world.

This wasn't that.

We were actually talking. Like talking talking ... that means we weren't making out. No bueno.

Tangent: I am SUCH a kissing slut. I can make out for hours. Well, not hours cause that gets lame and my lips start to hurt ... but I adore adore adore making out. I just ... fucking love it.

We get back to my apartment, and I think GREAT now's the time. This kiss ... this kiss I've been dreaming about, this kiss that I've been obsessing over for two weeks.

We walk inside, and close the door. I show him to my room where he puts his bag down.

Yep, this is it - I say.

Great place.

He proceeds to take out his 13" Macbook pro.

Really? Really? Are we gonna have a geek out sessh instead of a make out sessh? Cause I'm totes kosher with either, but I need to tell my hormones to calm down a few if we're not gonna like ... do it.

I turn on the flat screen thing in the living room that doesn't connect to the internet and flip on the 90s channel.

We start talking, and I ask if he is hungry.

Absolutely, he replies.

Rad! Wanna grab a pizza?

Sure sound good.

I whip out my 15" Macbook pro (size matters) and order Papa John's online.

What do you like on your pizza?

Not sure. What do you usually get?

Jalapenos and Chicken. My absolute FAVVOORRIIITTEEE!!!

That sounds delicious - let's do it.

I order, as he checks his email. I think to myself, this is not at all how I pictured this going down. 

I sit over on the bed next to him and stare at him making sexy eyes.

He looks up.

Wanna kiss now?

Yes, I say.

He kisses me ... FIINNNNAALLLLLLLYYYYY!!!!

Sparks flew all around our heads, and ugghhhhhhhhhh - I was so turned on. Like REDIC!

Then Gettin Jiggy With It comes on ... hahaha not. even. kidding.

Hello 1997, I didn't hear you come in!

HAHA dudes, I was making out with a dude to Gettin Jiggy With It, while waiting for a pizza to arrive. Like seriously?!?! High-larious.

First base quickly rounds to second, and I go in and steal third.

Ugh - everything about him is hot. I can't stand it - he's just ... so smart and sexy. SUCH a turn on.

My body starts to shake as I am so UNBELIEVABLY turned on just as my roomie's dog starts barking indicating that the pizza man was here.

Fuck, man. We were just about to get it in.

I answer the door red, completely disheveled, and obviously flustered.

The words that came out of my mouth were hi, what do I owe you ... but what he read from my face was, hi, I'm about to get fucked. Can we like, wrap this up?

THANK YOUUUUUUU, I say as I sign the credit card receipt.

The international badass emerges from my bedroom, and sits down on the couch.

YUM!

Uh, wait, we can't like still give this whole thing a go ... you really want pizza? Cause I can give you something else to eat.

DOWN HORMONES!!! DOWN!!!!

I sit down, and open the pizza box.

We turn on So You Think You Can Dance.

UGHHH!!! That show is amazeballs. The roomster TIVOs it, and apparently he is a fan. We start watching ... I snuggle into his chest as I eat a piece of jalapeno wonderfulness.

We then proceed to comment on the dancers, and the host. DUDE!! That Cat woman looks like she has had a SERIOUSLY rough life. She's a beautiful lady, but man, no sparkle in those eyes of hers. Absolutely crazy.

We finish our pizza slices, and still lay in a little cuddle nuzzle thing.

After a few minutes go by, and I realize this episode is 2 fucking hours, I start to unbuckle his belt.

He looks down, what are you ... the strategic placement of my mouth stops him dead in his tracks.

OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He flips the station back to music, and 30 seconds later, we go into my room.

You can't touch this starts playing.

He throws me down on the bed, and grabs a condom.

AH-FUCKING-MEN. THANKKKKK YOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

20 minutes later, we both get up and notice that we managed to move the bed a SOLID FOOT during our hanky panky.

Dudes- a SOLID FOOT!!! My bed is RIDICULOUSLY heavy ... queen size ... it is now a FOOT away from the wall.

I laugh and grab my Droid Charge and snap a picture.

He doesn't flinch at me wanting to document our post hanky panky awesomeness.

MAJOR brownie point!!!!

We then flipped on Netflix, and called it a night. There wasn't a lot of cuddling which was kinda rad, since I'm not the biggest fan of it. I don't mind a little lovey dovey-ness here and there, but when it's time to sleep ... I like to fucking sleep.

The next morning, I woke up and looked over at the badass. UGH! Even his dreams look sexy. He's a pretty sound sleeper considering the streets of Hollywood can be pretty damn loud.

He woke up a few minutes later. I start kissing him.

MORRNNIIINNNNGGG SEXXX YESS!!!

He pulls down my sock monkey PJ bottoms, grabs a condom and wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

HAHAHA dudes, it was HIGH-LARIOUS, when he was done, he goes, we just fucked and all I saw was the Effing Gear logo.

I piped up and said yes, this is guerilla marketing at it's finest.

He starts laughing - let's grab a shower.

We then spent all of Sunday Funday drinking ... we started off at Saddle for their bottomless mimosas, and followed it up with a trip to 3rd street promenade to hit up Barneys and my friend's bar Yankee Doodles.

So. Much. Fun.

And I got so. friggen. buzzed.

Dude, day drinking ... man oh man ... No bueno.

It was incredible though, after a few brews, he really opened up and asked me some pretty serious questions about the state of social media, this site, and where I want to brand to go ... etc.

I told him, and he was intrigued. He brought up a few great points that I hadn't thought of ... and then I exchanged some tips to him on his start up.

It was pretty hot, but it kinda got me thinking, is this dude looking to invest in me? Or have sex with me?

I'm fine with either. I really really REALLY respect this dude professionally ... he really knows his shit in this space - but I don't do both. I can't mix emotion with business, I really liked this boy, and he kinda had to decide.

He then turned and kissed me.

Okay, I get it.

I find you very interesting, he said. What you do is fascinating, and it's about just living life, so you can do almost anything with it.

Yes, I said - but it has to be something that I feel inside of me. I won't just do something for the sake of doing it. I'm not ruled by money.

I can tell, he said.

I just really dig what I do, and the life it allows me to lead. There is power in just the simple pleasure of having fun; the response I get from people is insane. I love it.

And then, I got an alert that someone had posted something new on the TNTML Facebook wall ...

I slide my Droid Charge across the table ... this is why I do what I do.

This is the validation I get - I'm doing something right, I just don't understand it yet.

He kisses me again, and we order another round.

I can't explain it other than this entire weekend I feel like I went out on a date with myself. It was CRAZY. From his TV watching, to the way he sort of analyzed me ... it was nuts. I don't think I've ever met someone I was so similar to, which is kinda screwing with my noggin because on OKC we are only an 83%. Dudes, he wouldn't even pass my prerequisites for my experiment.

Insane in the motha fucking membrane!

We got back to the apartment after a solid half hour bus ride where I practically molested him with an audience of 10 watchful riders. Yeah, that was fun.

Not.

hahaha I just didn't care.

He then met the roomster, and I proceeded to rip my clothes off and run into my room where we boned again ... for like 2 hours.

I am not even kidding you - we got back at like 1am, I checked my iPad when we were done and it was 3am. No joke!! HAHAHA INSAAANNNEEEEE!!!

Oh and look how far we moved the bed ...

3 FEET!!!

3 FEET has to be some kind of new massive record. AH-MAZING!

He felt great, I dug every minute of him. I had a blast this weekend, but I gotta admit when he left I totally spent a solid 5 minutes crying.

Not because of him, or the chick thing of - oohhhh I'm going to miss him.

Yeah, I might, but that's what skype is for. I don't think we're going to date or anything. Maybe something in the future for sure, I certainly travel a lot ... and I know he can as well ... but I cried because he made me realize that this life that I created isn't ready for another person. At all.

When he was asking me about where I wanted to take things with the site, I explained to him that I really want to travel more. I want to go to Egypt this year, and I'm going to contact this sponsor for X and this one for X - I just want to go on adventures around the world and document.

Who wants to date a nomad?

I complain all the time about being single, and about all of this heartbreak I have experienced in dating - but I'm doing it all to myself.

I created this life, I choose this, so why am I having such a difficult time accepting it? Did I create this so that I wouldn't allow someone else in so I couldn't get hurt again? That's total lame sauce. I want to get married one day, I am pretty certain I want kids ... but I'm never going to get there if I can't even just get a fucking Valentine. I turn TWENTY SEVEN this year, and I've STILL never had a fucking Valentine for Valentines day.

I just don't understand how I can do so so so well professionally ... and build this thing ... that even I don't fully understand ... but I can't get a guy ... and I can't even stay interested in a guy for longer than a day or so.

It made me super sad, and made me feel even more lonely. I just can't see this ending until I choose to change my lifestyle a bit - but that's absolutely 100% never going to happen.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

So here I am ... with a sore heart. He's on his way back to Canada with a sore penis which he credits for me "fucking like a champ" last night (hey man, nerds do it right!!) - and I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm incredibly appreciative for him and for this weekend, but I'm just now even more heartbroken and mad at myself which isn't kosher.

What am I doing, and how can I break this pattern?

UGH!

Oh, but he did also give me a super cool gift from Canada ...

It's a solar powered name keychain. Super rad especially because now I have a home again to put house keys on it!!!

But seriously, thank you International Badass. As with most things in life, I didn't get necessarily what I wanted out of this weekend, but I got exactly what I needed.

All my love and all my heart. Thank you.

Oh that, and you left your tshirt - but it's cool, I'll keep it warm for you.

Special thanks to Effing Gear for sponsoring my latest social experiment. (I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.) You can check out more from Effing Gear over yonder! Dudes, no joke their shirts are HELLLAAAA soft!!! Mama likes!!! =)

#nerdsunite

Time To Effing #GetItOn: A Bar Bitch Slap?! Shut the front door!!!

HAHAHA oh my oh my oh my. So I'm introducing a "control" into my current dating social experiment.  (I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.)  I can explain more about it next week, but we've got a LOT going on that I'm super super super stoked about. Either way, totes met this awesome chickie Alison last night as she is besties with the chick that's going to be helping me out with the experiment. Yeah ... we're about to get a lot of people involved ... and shit's about to get AWESOMERRRRRRRRR!!! Either way, after we all met up last night, the girls went out with this duderino, and had a pretty gnarly thing happen. Take it away Alison!!!!  

*waves* Hi! Iʼm new to L.A...is this normal?

After a very enlightening meeting with the fabulous Ms. Jen Friel, my girl Shina and I  headed out to meet up with a friend of hers, who we had already hung out with earlier in  the day. He was a lot of fun, a “music video director” (I put that in quotes because Iʼm  never sure if someone really makes a living doing what they say they do here. He seemed pretty legit, though!). We will simply call him “JC”. JC told us to come over and meet him and his buddy (also a “director”) at the Velvet Margarita, an establishment draped in red velvet and playing Monkeeʼs songs in Spanish. So by default it was awesome. The food was amazing too! Even though I kept saying I wasnʼt hungry, more food kept being delivered to the table. And JC would always insist that I try everything out.

So after gorging myself on turkey empandas (sounds weird, but they were delish!) and finishing a tequila cosmo, I started feeling pretty drowsy. I got a little yawny, and JC said he was going to slap me if I didnʼt wake up. Well, for some reason, this sounded like a good idea to me. 

“Slap me. Iʼm being serious.” I was sitting across from a guy, asking him to slap me in the face in the middle of a restaurant. And he was into it. I also want to point out that JCʼs buddy ended up having a random guy meet him there, and they sat at one of the table having what looked like an interview while I prepared to get hit. We moved water glasses and candles out of the way. I think part of me really wanted to see what this guy would do. We had literally met that  day...did he really feel comfortable enough to slap me? 

We sat across from each other and locked eyes. He looked very serious. I had already decided that if he didnʼt hit me hard enough, that he was a pussy. But did he have it in him to really give it to me? I was prepared to find out. Before I knew it, BAM! He hit me hard enough to knock my head to the right and I definitely gasped. Sitting here the next morning, I can still sort of feel the sting. I told him I respected the fact that he didnʼt pussyfoot around, but not so much that I would have a bruise. We were all laughing pretty hard at this point.

He said he really wanted to hit me harder, but thought better of it. I told him that if heʼd hit me much harder, I probably would have cried, and we would have had a much different situation on our hands. 

I really hope the guy that was there to interview with his buddy got in the car and called his friends: “Dude! These directors I just interviewed with are hardcore! One guy slapped this girl right in front of me at the table! And she laughed about it!”

#iheartla

Special thanks to Effing Gear for sponsoring this social experiment. Dudes, have you seen their location based tees? Um yeah - totes the most ah-mazing thing evveerrrrrrrr!! Check 'em out over yonder!

Fun with #OkCupid: Boys are smelly let's throw rocks at them.

I have to vent for a minute ... because if I don't I'm going to have a sour puss on my face all night, and I'm like totes going to this super fancy pants thing in Beverly Hills ... and I can't have a sour puss on. No one likes a sour puss. Stop being a sour puss, Jen!! Stop it!! 

K ... so my week of dating has been horrid. Like absolutely, positively, the worst thing ever. My date Monday was god awful. Like horrible horrible horrible. So horrible I didn't even want to post on it to give the dude some weird complex. Nice guy I'm sure deep down ... I ain't hatin, but he told me to slow my brain down ... twice. I very literally was going to get up and leave but I was stuck at the Staples Center. Ugh. Was just literally the worst, and most awkward date I have been on in a while. The guy has ADD and short term memory loss - literally. So he'd get stuck on his own tangents and then forget how the hell he got on them in the first place.

Yeah no shit. Was high-larious.

Dude, I have ADD ... but I also meditate - so if I'm talking tech I can't help but let my brain explode at 200,0000 mph - otherwise, I try and focus my energy in one place to not be such a wackadoodle noodle. I'm not a fan of hating on people in general, or ripping them apart - but we did not hit it off ... at all. He tried kissing me - twice, and kept touching me. OH AND I totally almost fucked this bitch up in the bathroom. Totally not kidding. I'm such a lover not a fighter, but this chick really got my Irish up. (I'm sure too if I had this incident alone isolated, I prolly would have just laughed it off and kinda moved on ... but after my evening - this was just the icing on the cake.)

K, so I was in the restroom as the game was over, we were just chillin at Hyde - and I find this bank card on the floor. Not even a credit card, a bank card - and I ask hey is there a XXXXXXXX in here? This chick that was clearly sloshed comes out and goes ME while ripping the card from my hand. I was like um, can I see some ID please? I'm not just about to give this to you - I have no idea who you are. She hands me her ID and it's a fake. I'm like, sweetheart, I'm not the cops. I ain't gonna bust you, but please show me another credit card or a Facebook or Twitter profile. She gets PIIIISSSSEEEDDDD and starts literally screaming in my face saying I need to back the fuck up and leave. Again, she's drunk. I said, well I'm not leaving without that card. You have two options, show me the Facebook profile, or I'm leaving with the card and you can explain this to the officer outside. She then pulls up her Facebook profile and says - SEE TTHHIIISSSS BIIIITTTCCHHHHHHHH!!! Like literally, I cannot stress this enough - this is like 4 inches away from my face. Don't fuck with a chick with personal space issues. Either way, totally kept my composure said alrite babe - get home safe ... and moseyed on out. She then proceeded to scream obscenities and I was just over it. Literally, like worst evening I have had in a while.

Wednesday, I had a super super super awesome date. Like for reals - this dude was the tits, straight up DD. We met at Dillons, as I was celebrating my super awesome meeting with the suits - and we hit it off so well that I asked him for a ride back home. Normally, I manage my own transportation - bus ... subway ... walking ... something. But I really liked this dude, figured he couldn't be that big of a creeper. We def made out as he dropped me off ... and away I went. Amazing kisser, totally felt sparks like CRAZZYYYYYYYY!!! He texts me the next day - I tell him I can't play anything cool, but if he's game he should come out to Big Wangs as I was going to be consuming copious amounts of beer and wings to celebrate. We text back and forth for a bit, cute, flirtatious ... then he says hes not sure he can make it out - dude, I get it. He works a normal human being job, has shit going on. THENNNNNN ... on Friday he texts me again asking how things went yada yada ... he's now initiated the contact twice. I don't ever call or text boys. Honestly, it's just out of lack of interest. Contact me via social media since that's where I am anyway. You're more than welcome to enter this world, outside of that - I'm not really interested. I type over 110 wpm - I literally type too fast for my Droid to process when I text. It sucks ASS!! So, bottom line, I don't care who you are - I fucking hate texting. We go back and forth again, asking how my day is, what I'm up to later ... so, I invite him out to The Roxy. He said he had this dinner with some work peeps but would def try to make it out. Wait, wait, wait - nothing. Dude, The Roxy was literally on fire (posting more on that tomorrow) - and one of the only things he texted back was, literally on fire? I said, yep! We're standing outside.

I can understand potentially not wanting to come out to a venue because it almost burned down a few hours prior, haha - but for reals, why the fuck wouldn't you text me back to meet somewhere? There was CLEARLY an attraction, CLEARLY like crazy chemistry ... all we did was kiss so there was no, pu-na-na-nah ... but what's the story morning glory? If I like a boy, I can't help it. I feel really really really sorry for boys that I have crushes on - because I will go after you. It's tragic actually. I don't play it cool, I make no fuss about it, and definitely never apologize. I go after every.single.thing. that I want in life. It's who I am. Like period end of sentence. Plus too, he was asking me what I was up to indicating that he wanted to hang out?! Two nights in a row you don't hang out?? There are 86,400 seconds in the day. I am the QUEEEENNNNN of maximizing them - so don't tell me you're busy. I have no problem telling you that you are full of shit. No one is ever that busy. It's a fucking trip for me too because I wonder if dudes just play it cool because of my OKC experiment and shit in general. Like, they get such a rise out of it, but aren't really interested in dating? I dunno. I'm so confused. I'm trying to document this all as honestly as possible, and I really don't know if that's possible because when you add in the public component to it, that dudes are genuinely intrigued with in general, it equals a complete clusterfuck.

Dude, it wasn't even him, just my week being so unbelievably awesome, but so totally overwhelming that I started crying at the Roxy. No like, a solid stream of tears escaped my eyes in the bathroom. Again, greatest problem in the world to have - whoops, your website and life are being made into a TV show ... aww poor baby ... but I was so hurt, man. Again, not really by him, since to be honest there is no emotional investment, but it was a culmination of a lot of shitty dating experiences in the last 8 months. Why is it that I can create this really trippy reality, and create this life that I just am so completely head over heels in love with - and yet every time I sit there and find someone I like weird shit happens. Great for this site, really really really sad for the lifecaster behind it. Pisses me off. Worst dating week ever.

Life is reflective, there's something I clearly have a block with inside of me when it comes to boys. There's no coincidence in this happening, I'm just trying to formulate my next doable action ... and I'm clueless. Ugh.

K ... now I'm off to this party. It may be at a super nice house in Beverly Hills, but I'm still wearing my vans. So ... suck it - beyotch!

#kthxbye

Fun with #OkCupid: Time to say goodbye?

So yeah, my last week on OKC has been the worst one yet. No, like seriously. Like, I'm not even saying that so you all come gather round and say oohhhhh I wanna make you feel better. I don't want to feel better, I'm just more perplexed as to what my next doable action is. Looky looky, this is my problem ...

I keep getting recognized ... like OFF THE BAT!!!

Dude, did you see the email from earlier this week? OMG ... this dude was so not nice!

Alrite, so this is my constant. My spot has pretty much been epicly blown up on OKC. I need to know what I should do next. I thought about switching sites, but I think that's kinda lame - OKC is the nerdiest of all nerdy dating sites. If I am going to have my lover talk nerdy to me, it's gotta be on there.

Scrap the profile, start over fresh?

Again seems lame. My pictures are still my pictures - I have a weird look. It'll just be the same shoe on another foot. Wait, I don't think that made sense. K, just going with it ... moving along.

Instead, I am going to update my profile entirely. Like straight up, down, left, and right - see if I can be a bit more sincere and just honest. If life is reflective, said changes should bring out some more sincere and honest dudes and not just ones that want this quirky chick to write about them.

I'm going to test it out. I have nothing to lose at this point. I'm feeling so blahhhhhhhh about OKC entirely right now, yet I understand this is the most painfree way I could possibly date someone. The whole bar thing isn't going to happen with me. I try - but I lose interest so quickly. Boys. Boys. Boys.

Alrite, gonna revamp my profile this evening and see what magical events transpire from it.

::Fingers crossed::

On another note, have an OKC date on Monday with a hockey player. For reals! He's taking me to a Kings game, clearly hahahahaa ... kinda rad! I LOVVEEEE hockey games, and sporting events in general. I'm not a sports fan per say, but just enjoy drinking beer and screaming at the top of my lungs.

#winning

Wanna date me? No, like seriously ... I'm being DEAD SERIOUS right now! Please date me. Your mom will love me! Seriously! We totally just skyped about it ... she says hi, and that she's sick of doing your laundry, but she's also glad that you're wiping better after going number two. Look ma, no skid marks!

Click here to view my profile on OKCupid

Update on Saturday, March 19, 2011 at 6:34PM by Talk Nerdy To Me Lover

Alrite. hahaha that didn't take long at all ... here's my new profile piece. I decided not to wipe the entire thing clean since I still do loves me my Matrix and Big Lebowski quotes ... but check it out, LMK if it sounds better. I'm trying to be as transparent as possible without saying, hey I get horny every once in a while. Please do me!

Hit publish ... in 5 minutes I got 3 IMs and a new email!

HMMMMM ... I might be onto something here ... please please please please be onto something.

PUHHH-LEEAAASSEEEE!!!

UPDATE ... again!

BAM!

Another email ...

What the fuck was that? Dragon Naturally Speaking being operated by a 5 year old?

#facepalm

Fun with #OkCupid: 8 months of reflection

Alrite, so I'm still chillin at Polly's apartment ... that's Polly of @dustycpollyd ... and we just finished watching The Bachelor. I personally would never be caught dead watching that shit. Like, literally - I would rather go to the dentist, have said dentist place an entire beehive on my head and subject myself to what I can imagine would be an alarmingly painful death.

I don't get it! I literally cannot comprehend how people can watch shows like that! First off, I loves me some reality TV. Not like reality TV as of late, but I was totally in the MTV generation of Road Rules, Real World, True Life awesomeness. Dude, I'm a lifecaster! Clearly I love this shit ... but I feel like shows like The Bachelor are just so different on so many levels. I don't even want to put it in the same sort of category.

First off, The Bachelor looks like a soap opera. You know how the second you turn on a soap opera, you KNOW it is a soap opera? Same thing. It was beautiful, and clean, and just too storybook!

The chicks on that show look like pageant queens, and the way they talk about love ... and life ... I mean WOOOWWWWWWW!!!! (Although, I can note the show has a FABULOUS stylist, as Emily was wearing my blue $3 man shirt from Buffalo Exchange on tonight's episode. She wore it as a dress with a belt. Great taste!) This is literally what is wrong with America. How the fuck has this show been on for so long, and amassed such a cult following? Again, I was saying earlier- people really are this stupid. It's SUCH bullshit!

Alrite, well, lemme take it down a notch. I'm sincerely trying not to hate just understand; I just have no filter. First off, if you watch the show for whatever god awful reason - look away, I'm going to be talking about what I saw and I don't want to spoil anything for you.

I was curious in watching this episode that I knew nothing about either of the chicks, or the dude, or really anything to do with anything about this show if I could read the dudes body language to understand who he was going to pick ... and of course, that ended in epic fail. I totally guessed wrong. It was weird because with the brunette, his body language was so open, and he seemed so emotionally connected - but you have to understand there are editors, a director, storyline producers - it's bits and pieces sliced together. They're trying to get you to believe one thing to have this big reveal. I was just being nosey and wanted to test some of my shizzy shiznat out - but again, epic fail.

Kinda got me thinking though about my own social media dating-ness and truly what the organic root of attraction is. Have you ever wondered why you are attracted to someone? I've noticed a BIG BIG BIG pattern of mine in the last 8 months - I am without a doubt attracted to emotionally unavailable men. If life is reflective, like I always say it is, what does that say about me?

But let's take a step back, and look at the figures. In 8 months, I've gone out on a total of 96 dates, and only 3 of them I had actually wanted to date. Literally, just 3. That figure blows my mind, btw - but its true. The first guy, I never really posted on because we were friends, er, still are friends - but it was just something that happened, and unfortunately could be no more. He didn't live in CA so that in and of itself is just too weird and too much of a blah for anything.

The second duderino, he was a total trip. Like hello, lemme go and pack my bags type thing. Super super super smart, like absurdly smart. We have mutual friends and the second I told people that I went out on a date with him it was this immediate - duh! Of course you two would! He's super creative, a music wackadoodle noodle, and just all around pretty rad dude. Like 2.5 seconds into meeting him - he had to have surgery on one of his lungs. Big big big time smoker! (definitely gross since I do not smoke cigarettes. Like never at all. Not averse to pot, but cigs don't do it for me.) I wasn't necessarily attached to him going into surgery, like hardcore. We had been talking and everything obviously, but you know like any seemingly kind hearted person, how could I not just hope the dude gets out of this thing okay.

I remember the text I sent him, it said something along the lines of LMK if you made it out alive - if not I have a SUPPERRR smoking hot little black dress that I'd love to wear at your funeral to meet your friends.

HAHA! So not nice! But his response back shook me - he goes, got news. It's not good. I'm in really bad shape. Reading that totally made my heart sink. It was this immediate - holy shit! I actually liked you too! FUCK!!!! I knew what hospital he was in, but I texted him back asking what room, and he said he didn't want to see anyone yet. I don't know if we've met yet, but I do NOT take no for an answer. I'll completely handle not now, but if I get something like that from someone I care about - it's period. end. of. sentence. You are going to be fine, let's make something happen to make this better. I literally just got in my car (which was still registered at the time), and drove over - again though, respecting a boundary ... just intending on at least being in a waiting room or something until he was ready. I get there, and he just had the biggest shit eating grin on his face - he was super happy to see me, and it made him laugh and turned on at the same time that I don't take no for an answer. I proceeded to spend the next 24 hours at a bedside of a dude I just met.

I tell myself I am this cold hearted bitch, but if you look at my resume prior to finishing high school - I worked at a day care, then a day camp, had my own babysitting company when I was 12 (technically I was 9, but legally speaking - I was 12), and then one summer I started off nannying two 5 year old twins and by the end of the summer I had them plus two 6 year olds and a 9 year old. 5 kids, I'm sure at that point I needed a permit. I'm INCREDIBLY maternal, I just get off more on business than babies. I'm sure that'll change one day, but I'm 26 - I'm milking these boobies for as long as I can before I have a baby strapped to 'em. Ugh, scary thought.

Back to dude numero dos ... I posted on him, and he got weird. Like super weird. Like crazy super weird and evasive, and whatevs. But on the flip side of things, can I just say that he was asking me to come home to meet his parents for Thanksgiving. Like gave me the phone to talk to his mother ... and at the time, there were no meds involved. I assure you, not trying to be all defensive, but it was a series of very intense circumstances - story of my LIFE! Either way, after I posted on him, it got weird ... gave it a little bit, and I unfriended him. You can always tell when I really like a boy that I have to unfollow and unfriend him. This is my space. I literally live online all day everyday, I will absolutely not be able to get over you if I see a tweet or status update from you. I'm a complete creeper when it comes to a boy I have a crush on. Where the fuck was social media when I was a teen dating? Good lord! I never would have left my house!

Dude, I remember getting a boy's AOL sn and thinking it was the GREATEST THING EVVEERRRRRRR to see him pop up on my buddy list!

And OMG reading away messages and even sub-profiles? Over the moon! Totally ... over the FREAKING MOON!!!

So ... flash forward to just recently, where again totally had a crush on a boy that I went out on a date with in Culver City and woke up in Santa Barbara. I really liked that guy. No like, lemme take a few steps back - I will admit to you all ... I really really really fucking liked that boy. My heart was absolutely broken. He had a lot of reservations about what I do for a living, and sort of being a part of it. He's very much behind the scenes, and then he meets this chick with a website and she's got a pilot in development ... I'm not exactly an easy package. Dude, I am still hurting over this boy. He was just so rad! I had so muchhhhhhh fun. I won't get all dramatic and say that I've never felt with anyone what I felt with him, but it was really close. He was different. Really different. I'm desperately searching for words to properly articulate here, and I'm at a loss. Our personalities complimented each other very well - and I knew they would, I profiled the shit out of that dude. I was really scared, and so was he, and we were both really honest about that.

I just got SO FUCKING ANGRY that he contacted me after reading my never having a Valentine post, then didn't even do anything for Valentines day as he was just getting out of this crazy relationship. I put him on a 2 week haitus, and at the end of it - he was still just not in a good head space.

BUT! Flash forward AGAIN to just last week, I was having the most emotionally charged day ever as stuff was going on with the pilot, and I sent him this text saying, hey, I know we haven't talked in a bit ... but I'm on a bus to Santa Monica to go to the beach, and I'm totally having the worst day ever and could really use a hug. I even specified that I was a hot mess (as I was on my way to the gym, not a stich of make up, and had spent the last hour crying) ... I wasn't looking for sympathy, or a booty call, just really wanted a hug. Didn't get a text back. Didn't get a text back. Didn't get a text back. Then later, at like almost midnight, I see a tweet that he had been sleeping all day or something - and I just got FUCKING PISSED. I wasn't asking for anything, literally just said hey can we meet for coffee, neutral place, I'm kinda losing my mind just want a hug. I know that if I spent the day sleeping and I'm not an active tweeter - I wouldn't tweet before I checked my phone. I know for a fact he read my messages and didn't respond. Even worse was at like noon the next day when I did get a text back saying he was sleeping. It was such a slap in the face. Call it karma - I get it. Wow, I am totally tearing up even just thinking about this. I'm never that kinda person to like randomly text that to someone - but we had this INTENSE connection, and I didn't necessarily want to talk to my friends, I didn't want to talk to anyone other than this very person. I was just hurt, really really really fucking hurt. Again, omg, how am I totally tearing up over this. Get it together. Wait Polly's pink glasses ... they'll make it better.

Nope, that didn't work. I now just feel heartbroken with a side of absurdity. Good job, Jen!

I get asked all the time if my OKC experiment is strictly for advertising, or if I am really looking for someone. Dude, like even tonight!

This site is my heart, these experiments are just my sick and twisted perverse way of finding the most efficient way to pack the most fun into life as possible. I even bought this a few months back at goodwill for $4 to try and see if I wore a sweatshirt at a bar that said I went to med school if I would attract smarter dudes.

Yeah. Epic fail. All I did was attract dudes from upstate NY. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm from CT - but wasn't what I was looking for.

I don't know what I want from a dude. I know personality wise, they absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. have to be nerdy, have to be unapologetically awesome with a side of borderline psychotic. They need to be way more grounded than I am, without me ever having to utter the sentence, I feel like I am dating my dad - like I kept saying with one dude over and over and over after just a few dates at Christmas. It wouldn't hurt if they looked like the dude from Shameless. DUDE! HE IS FUCKING DELICIOUS!

and now I'm officially a puma since he's 20. UGH! Where did he come from? Does he have an older brother? I'm totally looking it up on Facebook.

My experiments aren't jokes. I'm a natural storyteller, so I will always find the humor in them, and the brighter side of things ... but at the same time, the fact that my heart hurts so bad right now, sucks - it sucks massive balls. Again, I have a pretty rad rebound rate ... and I will ALWAYS get back up, but it hurts man.

I will say this, I am going to make a conscious effort to delve into my own emotional availableness. (Life is reflective.) I know for a fact I'm not emotionally available. If we've ever gone out on a date, I'm sure it was more like a job interview. I dig people, I dig talking about things - but I'm phenomenally guarded with my heart. Like crazy guarded. Like 96 dates, and only 3 even came close to me even THINKING of giving it to them.

Ugh.

I just hate that I'm on the wildest ride of my life right now, and I have no one to share it with. I'm a lifecaster - sharing is my THING! But the problem is, the majority of dudes want to date the chick on the other side of the monitor so she will talk about them, versus actually dealing with the reality of the flesh and blood human being behind it. There's more than just an avatar!!!! *tear tear*

Going to send out some emails on OKC tonight to be a bit more proactive in my search. I refuse to settle, and I refuse to ever stop believing that there are a lot of someone's out there for me. Just have to do some inner work not only coding wise in SEOing the crap out of finding the kinda guy I want, but on my mother board, myself. Me. Jen. The chick typing this. I don't know much in life, but I know one thing ...

I won't ever stop believing!

#thatisall

Wanna date me? HAHAH!!! I make this all sound so attractive don't I? Uber schmexy. Uh yeah, so click here to send me a message on OKC. K... bye.