Fun with #OkCupid: How to lose a girl in 4 dates (An Analysis of Coldplay Cutie)

AHHHHHH!!! I do not, do not, do not, do not want to write this post. Like do not want to write this. I fucking hate this shit, and I'm currently feeling incredibly anxious and incredibly uncomfortable.

First up though, this post definitely needs a song ...

I fucking hate this part.

So, the day after I went out on the date with the duderino that made me cry (WORST. DATE. EVER), I had another date with a duderino from OKC. I had very honestly forgotten about it, and when he called to confirm I explained to him everything that happened and said my little heart couldn't take much more. He laughed it off and said well, it can only go up from here. He seemed so warm and open about it all, he for sure won me over.

We agreed to meet at a local bar, and ommmmmggggg when he walked in, he was WAY cuter than his picture!! Mind you too, he looked pretty damn hot in his photo. Ugh! He had that scruffy but clean shaven thing going on. Dudes, I was totally the one that messaged him!!! I asked him to elaborate on something he had written in his profile. We were matched super high (86%) so yeah, my heart and head may have been in a weird place from that date but I was feeling pretty good about this one.

We sat down at a table and time LITERALLY flew by. He was so easy to talk to, so kind, and soooooo HOT!!! ::stop picturing him naked Jen ... stop picturing him naked Jen:: I was blushing for pretty much the entire date. We hit it off so well we even hopped to a second, quieter location and at the end of the night I even let him drive me home (something I rarely do).

We sat in the car for a moment, and shortly after I said, it was great to meet you, I had a really fun evening - his lips were on mine and the SPPAARRRKKKKKKSSSSSS FLLEEWWWW!!! Like flew flew. Like we sat in the car for almost a half hour exploring first base. No, SERIOUSLY! Just first base.

Remember in the posts about my first love Romeo, I mentioned how when he first kissed me I almost fainted and in 7 years I hadn't ever felt that with anyone again? Well, that was until this kiss. It wasn't quite as strong, but mannnnnnnn I started to get light headed.

Incredible. 

Incredible. 

Incredible. 

I was leaving for Comic Con on that Wednesday (this was Monday) so I invited him to come and hang out for a minute at the Beer, Boobs, and Barneys event I threw. 

Everyone loved him. OMMGGGG it was great, and that night we boned. Sex with anyone for the first time is always slightly weird, but it was sweet. I then let him spend the night (because he lived a solid 40 minutes away), which was cool because I normally don't even bring guys back to my place, let alone have them sleep over. My room is my room, and the one thing that I don't share with the world. It's a sanctuary if you will. It's kinda a big deal for me to share that with someone, but whatevs he seemed worthy. 

The next morning I headed off to Comic Con, and he headed off to the east coast for work (he travels a lot) and we texted each other all week while we were both away. I was very honestly a bit surprised by the attention. He's almost 27 and has never been in a relationship before (my brother was the same way for a really long time - so I get it. He just hadn't found someone he actually saw as a suitable partner, and no one caught his eye) so all the messages threw me at first but I was trying to just go with the flow of it all. No matter what, he made me smile - so that's good enough for me. 

Flash forward a week later to the following Friday, and I had to do an interview on this pretty cool podcast, I invited him to come along as my date and then we'd go and see the movie Crazy Stupid Love afterwards.

I know ... I know ... dragging a dude to a chick flick on the third date isn't exactly my style - but this movie looked SOOO GOOODD!!! How could I not see it!?!!? BAHHH!!!

The interview went great, he said it was pretty cool hearing a lot about my history and what not. He said he doesn't want to read the site, he'd rather just get to know me naturally. I understand, I said. I get that a lot actually.  

We then drove over to the Arclight to see the flick, and unfortunately the only seats left to see the movie were in the very first row. Because of some awesomeness going on behind the scenes right now, my body VERY LITERALLY went into shock that week. Literally, for like 4 days it was like when I was on the Price is Right, and you get literally so excited that you check out. I don't know how to describe it, but I was supperrrrr dizzy and slightly out of it ... seeing a movie in the front row wasn't going to happen. 

We then just walked over to Big Wangs to grab some beers and got to talking. He's super easy to talk to, and he picked up on so many things guys have never noticed - HE LET ME BE THE GIRL FOR ONCE!!!! 

So, if you guys haven't noticed, I have a rather "strong" personality. I go after what I want, when I want it, and break things down into doable actions to be able to execute. It's just my thing, but when it comes to dating, I don't want to be that way. That's Jen Jen's work mode - I want to shut that shit off when it comes to dating. The only problem is the majority of dudes don't step up to the plate when it comes to leading a date, so I always end up having to do it (which is a MASSIVE role reversal), and then I get bored. 

For once I was with a dude that let me be the girl. ::SCORE:: 

After the beer we wound up renting some flicks from Red Box and headed back to my apartment again to go to sleep. 

Yep, then we boned. 

Again it was incredibly sweet - I personally like sex more on the dirtier side, this was like relationship type sex. Very sweet, soft, with VERY strong eye contact. Dudes, he like pierced my soul, it was nuts. 

He woke up the next morning earlier than me and I woke up to him getting us both donuts. MMMMM DONUTTSSS!!!! ::drool:: 

And shortly after he took off. 

A few more days go by and the flirtatious texts don't let up. It was super cute. Again, I was really surprised by all of the attention coming to me from a guy that hasn't even been in a relationship before. He was totally starting to act like a boyfriend and it caught me a bit off guard. Not that at that point I would have minded segueing into a relationship - I was just surprised it was happening so soon, and at such an overwhelming time for me on a professional level. 

Then came last Wednesday, one of my worst days in recent memory. In the morning, my first love (who I hadn't seen in 2 years) cast me in this commercial he was filming - needless to say it ended up being an incredibly overwhelming day emotionally speaking (read more here). The one thing that kept me going about the entire thing though was that at least I was going to see Coldplay the next day. <tangent> On our first date he said he had tickets to see Coldplay and invited me to come with him to see them since I am an UUBBERRRRR Coldplay fan. Like uber uber UBER!!! </tangent> 

I'm sitting on the couch next to my roommate and her friend eating my salad after LITERALLY crying all afternoon, and a text comes in. 

::beep:: the show is tonight! 

::typing:: seriously? or is this a jen gullible moment? (I am totes the most gullible person on the planet, so my friends will from time to time play tricks on me - it's fucking annoying.) 

::beep:: seriously. they are already on stage. I am going to try and make their last song. If you can make it to UCLA in 20 mins come! 

I stared down at the text ... is he seriously going to go to fucking Coldplay without me?? I can't make it there in 20 minutes, I have to take the bus. This is so fucking lame and seemingly so out of character. 

::typing:: have fun 

I showed the texts to my roomie and her friend, and they were all floored. 

(in stereo) wow, what an idiot. Who screws up the date of a show? 

He then apologizes, and blah blah blah (click here to read the actual texts)

Whatever at that point I had already had a disastrous day with my first love, and then the dude that I'm currently crushing on fucks up something we've been talking about, and I've been looking forward to for weeks? Total lame sauce. 

THEENNNNN, as I'm sitting there listening to Coldplay on Spotify, the fucker starts sending me pictures and texts from him at the show. 

I get up and literally start screaming to my roomie. 

THIS DUDE IS SO FUCKING DENSE!!!! Why the hell is he sending me pictures of the concert I am not at???!!! (click here to see the pics) 

I kept sending the same texts back to him. STOP. SENDING. PICS. SALT. OPEN. WOUND. 

STOP IT. 

STOP TEXTING ME. 

After a while, he finally got the hint, and the texts stopped (thank GOD!). 

A couple hours later when I was laying in bed sobbing listening to Airborne Toxic Event over and over and over - he texts me back apologizing. 

::typing:: I can't do this right now. I need to ask for space, I'm going through something and I don't want to talk about it. I will talk to you tomorrow. xo 

I didn't know how to tell him that I had seen my first love, he's never BEEN in love, or even dated someone seriously. He wasn't going to understand and after only 3 dates, I wasn't ready to open up - it was WAYYYY too soon. 

The next morning while I am running my errands he texts me. 

::beep:: how's ur day going? 

::typing:: I got out of bed. Progress!!! Going to go to pilates later. Talk soon. xo

Again, I didn't want to fucking talk about anything - I was still processing some extreme emotions. When I'm in a state like that, and honestly most chicks in general are this way ... dudes, you HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO give us space. Period end of sentence. I need to revert into my little loaner self for preservation purposes, gimme like 24 hours, and I'm sure I'll come running back. It's no biggie! 

A few more hours go by, and as I am on my way to my pilates class more texts begin ... 

He didn't want to see the movie, for the record. He was going to amuse me, and I saw it by myself in Santa Monica after I had been meditating. SOOO FUNNY BTW!!! Great flick! 

He had caught strep throat.

Anytime a chick is trying to end a conversation, she will close with an "xo." It means I still like you, I still wanna like make out with you, and bone ... but right now, in this moment - I want you to go away. It's subtle yes, but most dudes pick up on it and go and do their own thing. 

He is not that kind of guy. 

Again with the "xo." Girl translation: Shut the fuck up!!! I don't want to keep talking!!! 

I was TOTALLY being serious!! If he was free after 7:30, rad! Let's kick it. Otherwise, I'll see him when he gets back. 

Then he keeps DIGGING at me with his next comment - I was FLOORED!!! (a nice marble variety) 

I seriously thought he might be kidding or something. That was an INCREDIBLY emotional response to something that had NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM!!!!!! 

BOOM!!! With that one text message, he presented me with a deal breaker. What a fucking pussy, man. He was being too defensive (and in his defense without knowing the full story), but if he actually just backed up and gave me some space (WHICH I WAS ASKING FOR!!!), shit would have been just fine. 

I was so fed up at that point, you have no idea. 

I want a partner that thinks more on the logical side. I emote in my writing, but I'm actually incredibly level headed in person. I look for the same in a dude, and he was showing me LOUD AND CLEAR that this was not him. 

So fucking lame. 

I get to my pilates class, and at some point while my legs are in the reformer in some freaky position, I hear my phone beep ... I KNEW it was him. 

Now at this point, in my head he was already done. Like doner than done - a deal breaker hit the table, and that's it for me. He had already shown a few red flags, but the second he showed that card I was done. done. done. 

HOWEVER, I really liked this guy, and I thought maybe I was being a bit harsh - let me hear him out, I thought. 

Pending your health? Why are you even inviting me out if you think you aren't even going to be able to make it?? At this point, I REALLY did not want to see this dude, all I wanted to do was sit my ass on the couch and watch Jersey Shore with my roomie. 

UUGHHHHHH!!! Just stop talking alreaddddyyyyyyy!!!!! 

My phone was charging in the other room, so I missed his first call - but a few minutes later I called him back. 

Him: Yeah, so I can't make it tonight. I'm coughing up a lot of flem, and sitting in a movie isn't exactly cool.

Me: Okay. (I was neither here nor there anyway, I'm just being really fucking nice right now in general because what I REALLY want to do is be off this fucking phone and back on the couch getting ready to watch Jersey Shore.) Talk soon. 

I hung up the phone and started venting to my roommate. This guy is so fucking clueless when it comes to women and social dynamics in dating. I was dropping him SOOO MANNYY HINNTTSSS and he didn't pick up on a single one. There is a lot of emotional growth and maturity that guys experience when they are in a relationship, I am 100% not willing to be a teacher. I can't!! If this is the shit that is going to go down, I'm done. This has only been our THIRD DATE!!! This is like relationship drama and bullshit - I'm over it. 

My roomie agreed and was equally surprised at his behavior. 

I'm so over it. I'm so over it. I'm so over it. 

Then the next day, I found out the TV show I filmed back east got renewed for another season - I posted about it on Facebook, and then a few minutes later got a text from him. 

I waited a few hours before I texted him back the first time. I also found it weird his verbiage. "I'm proud of you." It just sounded ... weird. We weren't really at that stage of him having to be proud of me for anything. Whatever, I thought. 

Is he seriously begging to hang out with me right now? Talk about role reversal. This dude was supposed to let ME be the chick and be a bit aloof to have an air of mystique around him. 

The SECOND he felt me pulling back, he came on THAT much stronger ... total turn off. Like turn off of epic. epic. epic. proportions. 

I didn't want to see him solo, as I DID NOT want to talk about what happened earlier in the week re: coldplay. I just wanted to hang out with a bunch of my friends and keep it all nice and light. 

Saturday afternoon while checking Facebook, I get this message ... 

DONE. DONE. DONE-ER THAN DONE!!! 

Was very literally at that point not going to see this dude again. SERIOUSLY does he not own a fucking calendar!!! How is this person a functioning member of society when it comes to remembering appointments. Total turn off ... done. done. done. 

I didn't hear anything back from him, and at 8 I went to Barneys to meet up with my friends. As we sat down at the bar tables, I said to my roomie - watch, he's still going to show. I'm totally calling this one. 

At like 8:15 my phone rang ... it was him. 

I answer it knowing he was prolly staring at me from across the bar and wanting to see my reaction. 

Me: Hello?

Him: jumble jumble jumble 

Noise. I couldn't hear SHIT! It was SOOOO loud!!! 

I tell him that I can't hear anything and that I'll talk to him later. 

30 seconds later he taps me on my shoulder. Ohhhh hi! I say rather awkwardly. 

He then sat down with my group of friends and everyone broke off into conversation. 

I barely talked to him. He looked great, don't get me wrong - but all week I had been hinting that I wanted space, and he didn't get it. In fact the second he felt me pulling away he came on even STRONGER. I felt uncomfortable and incredibly overwhelmed. 

A few hours later he had to go to his friend's party. 

Okay, I said. Lemme walk you out. 

I proceeded to walk him outside the bar hoping that maybe he would kiss me, or something - and that spark would somehow make me rethink my entire decision. 

I stood on the patio at Barneys waiting for a kiss ... he leans in and gives me a hug. 

I stood there for a second COMPLETELY stunned. 

I walk back to the table shouting - I'm DONE! DONE! DONE!!!!!!! 

He didn't even fucking kiss me!!! 

What an idiot!!!! I was trying to be nice, I was trying to be patient and explore the possibility that I was over-reacting, but this guy is too dense. (Albeit in hindsight, he did tell me that he didn't kiss me because he didn't want to get me sick, but EVERYONE knows that you're only contagious prior to symptoms coming to fruition. He claimed he didn't know ... so. over. it.) 

I came home, COMPLETELY sexually frustrated and overall just angry - called my fuck buddy (we all know how that went). 

I woke up the next morning, went for a walk - and somewhere while I was wandering around the streets of Los Angeles I got this text ... 

I didn't answer it. I was done, over it all, and over him. 

A few hours later, my phone rings. 

This is NOT going to be him ... 

I look down at my phone - it was. 

He leaves a voicemail, I listen to it. 

I shake my head as I go back to writing. He's so dense, I don't get it! It really is incredible how much growth a person goes through when they're in a relationship. I wanted this to work out, I really fucking did man. He's a great guy!!! 

An hour later, I get a text from him with the exact message he had left for me on my voicemail. At that point, I turned my phone off. 

Not knowing how to break it off with him officially (since I very honestly didn't even really feel like I had to since WE ONLY WENT OUT ON FOUR DATES!!!), but recognizing density, I knew if I just "went away" he wasn't going to ever really get it. 

Again, I also really fucking liked this guy - so I didn't want to hurt him, but writing a Dear John is just not my style, ESPECIALLY when I'm not even in a relationship. 

I asked my roomie what I should do. 

Me: But I'm going to post on it tomorrow, can't he just read that and at least get it? 

Her: That is very un-Jen like, and passive aggressive. You can't do that.

Me: I am trying to better myself as a person, fine fine fine. I don't want to call him, but I'll send him a Facebook message. 

Ladies and germie men, I present to you, the Dear John letter ... 

I was SOOOOO NERVOUS SENDING THAT!!!! omg omg omg omg ... I was like shaking. I know what it's like to be hurt by someone, and the entire thing just made me feel uncomfortable, but my roomie was right - posting about him and not telling him was just rude, and wasn't going to help me grow emotionally. No matter what this was an uncomfortable situation, so I just had to deal. 

A few hours later, he responded. 

 I read that last part, and LITERALLY had an epic facepalm. HE STILL DOESN'T GET IT!! Go away!! Fall off the face of the Earth for a few weeks!!! I adore you as a person, man - but I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!! SPACE!! SPACE!! SPACE!!! I NEED SPACE!!! 

I was hoping he would get it by me saying that I would post on it versus actually texting him back, but who knows. 

So, what's the take away from this entire experience? I learned that men TRULY do learn a lot by being in relationships. FOR REALS!! I personally am a teacher all day every day for work - I have ZERO desire to be a teacher in a relationship. I want to turn that off. I know relationships require work, and I'm okay with that - but this however is a horse of a different color. He just doesn't get it and my patience can only last so long. 

I really really really do wish Coldplay cutie well, but I need a few weeks before I hear anything from him again. I can't do it ... I just ... can't .... do ... it. 

#thatisall

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Sophie B. Hawkins - As I Lay Me Down To Sleep

UGHHHH!!! What an uncomfortable evening. First off, I just sent a Dear John Facebook email to Coldplay Cutie. That was super hard, I actually really liked the dude - I'm going to finish writing the post out tomorrow. It breaks my heart, man because he's such a great guy. He just violated a couple of rules that I have from a personal boundaries perspective, and it was totally a deal breaker. Sad, but true. Still a great guy, but just gonna keep on truckin doin my own thing. Sucks major ball sack.

I've been thinking about Romeo all week. Seeing him again was totally one of the most overwhelming things I've experienced in recent memory. It made me sad ... so fucking sad. He's great, and amazing - very literally has never looked better ... but just makes me sad because he's not even the one that got away, he's the one that never even got a chance. I loved Romeo on and off for 2 years (he was my first love), then when he moved away, I moved on ... we circled back together about a year later, then when I fell out of love with him, he finally fell in love with me. Then I moved to Florida for a few months, and RIIIGGHHHTTT when I met the mentalist and fell head over heels, Romeo was fishing to see if I would move in with him when I came back to LA. We were always super fucking close, and he was just "that guy" to me. He was my dude, the one that I could always call no matter what crazy neurotic thing I was experiencing. He would tell me I was crazy and neurotic and somehow I would feel better and just move on.

I've spent the last 4 days crying. Had I not started talking to the mentalist, I KNOW I would have moved in with him and who knows where we would be over 2 years later.

It's the single biggest regret of my life. Hands down.

I've never been so aware of one person having such an impact on a series of recent decisions. I get SO ANGRY at the mentalist still to this day. Albeit, who knows if I would have this site (because it was the energy from us being together that brought all this about) - I know you never know, but it makes me sad to think I lost out on someone so amazing to fall for someone so fucking douchey.

::slaps forehead:: How could I be so smart intellectually speaking and so fucking dumb when it comes to some of the most important decisions of my life.

I am proud to say that I have cried a little less each day. Wednesday night I cried myself uncontrollably to sleep, followed by only a couple hours of tears on Friday, to now for just a few minutes on Sunday.

We haven't talked since Wednesday and I doubt that we ever will again. He's in a serious relationship, I get it - and again, he looks so fucking amazing  ... he needs to keep it up! But it's still hard for me. It feels like this loss and void.

OMMMMMMGGGGGGGGG I am crying again.

Such a fucking chick, man.

The hurt will go away soon, time heals everything. At least I hope so.

Savor every moment nerderinos, and shower the people you love with love, hold 'em tight - and never let 'em go.

#HeartPleaseStopHurting

ps. i still read the facebook email he sent me. i read it over ... and over ... and over ... fml

click here to read the full story on Romeo

Facebook Status O'El Dia

‎

69% of people can find something perverted in every sentence.

This has been an actual Facebook Status Update. Read more here:

Weird Al Says: #WTF?!

The main paralyzing ingredient in Botox is also so poisonous that 500g of it can kill the ENTIRE world population.

This has been a moment of ... WTF?!

#NerdsUnite: In honor of sex and tech, rawwrrr!!!

DUDES!!! I had so. so. sooooooo much fun on Saturday at Dr. Suzys!! Look ... here's a pic!

It was pretty rad. Well, except for the fact that before I got there, I was locked out of my house. No joke!!! HAHAHA!! I had to drop off the hard drive for the TV show peeps, and I left at the same time as my roomie, who locked the door. HAHAHA, I got back from the dinner and was like ummmmmmmm yeah, I grabbed the wrong set of keys.

I then proceeded to try and break into my own apartment.

I am a super super super scrappy bitch. And this is why I wear vans!!!!! (haha although on Saturday I was wearing rainbow flip flips. fail)

But yeah, I climbed out the hallway window onto the roof to try and break into our living room ... nothing. Couldn't reach. Then went around back in the alley, climbed two fences, but there was no way I was going to reach my window. Super duper fail time.

I then just laid down on the grass and listened to Florence and the Machine on my iPod shuffle. There is nothing like listening to Cosmic Love while looking up at the stars.

Fortunately, I was able to get a hold of my roomie, who blessed me with a key - but not before I had to leave to head to Dr. Suzys!!!!! BAHHH!!

haha I wasn't my prettiest self, but whatevs - I owned it.

I love Dr. Suzy's - it's a speak easy in downtown that's an invite only members only club for the sexually curious. Dr. Suzy is super smart, and I totally admire her for her honesty and openness.

On Saturday they were discussing nerds, geeks, and sex toys. I wasn't there for sexual purposes but rather to discuss the difference between nerds and geeks. It was great! And you guys can listen to the entire thing here. Please note, this is 100% NSFW. Mom and Dad, you are 100% NOT ALLOWED to listen - like at all, whatsoever.

I love going to things like this not to be aroused or anything, but to sort of watch sexual beings in an animalistic and raw state. It's unbelievably fascinating to explore. We're all products of sex - it's a common bond every person, nerdy or not, shares. UGHHHH!!!! loves it so so so long time.

So yeah! That was Saturday.

Oh yeah, and I took a date to the interview as well. He was kinda rad. Super super super nice guy, but we speak different languages. I was telling him how I loved coming to places like this to explore things and figure out what I like. He goes, how can you not know what you like? The fact that that question even entered his noggin told me a lot about him. I'm an open book, and I LOOVVEEEEE exploring, and trying new things - I'm looking for someone who is that same way. This guy wasn't like that. Which whatevs, I'm totes not mad at it ... but that's his constant, mine is something different. It's like being different species ... it becomes, and so it is.

Then, he also tried holding my hand while we were there sitting on the couch. Big no no for me. I first off, am not a big hand holder in general - but futhermore, definitely a big no no for a first date. Let me explore you, observe you before you go in for the touch. If you go in too early I have now stopped listening to everything you are saying because you have broken a touch barrier, and I am trying to figure out how to casually remove myself from this situation without seeming like I am trying to remove my hand from yours.

It's awkard. So dudes, don't ever hold a hand on a first date. Even second date feels a bit early. Wait until the 3rd date before you get all touchy feely.

But yeah! Amazing sport for at least coming to something like this. He had no idea what he was getting into. HAHAH!! Super super super sweet guy, I'd love to stay friends, but nothing more. ::sad face::

Thanks again Dr. Suzy for the interview!!! You are one incredible lady!!!!

#love

Click here to listen to the NSFW interview