Facebook Status O'El Dia

 

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Facebook Status O'El Dia

Student: You have a cat?

Me: I'm so into my cat, that my FB picture is a picture of my cat. 

Student: You're the happiest sad person I've ever met.

This has been an actual Facebook Status Update. Read more here: 

Facebook Status O'El Dia

 

I'm drunk and it's 7pm. Looks like I won the Super Bowl!

This has been an actual Facebook Status Update. Read more here: 

Facebook Status O'El Dia

So when someone says it's hot as balls out, how hot do you think the average balls are?

This has been an actual Facebook Status Update. Read more here:

Facebook Status O'El Dia

You know you've lived in LA too long when the woman driving next to you with a parrot on her shoulder and the guy wearing a massive python at the crosswalk strikes you as completely normal.