<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Amanda. We run in the same LA tech circle, and oddly enough when I got my new apartment in May, I wound up moving RIIGGHHHTT across the street from her. Seriously, we were at an event for Samsung, and I heard she was going back to Hollyhood, and I was all dude! do you mind dropping me off on this corner? She goes um, that's right by where I live!! Then she said, what exact street? I was all ummmm this one - she goes that's MY street. Come to find out, she can literally see me getting coffee every morning and I can see her car from the kitchen window. Trippy, right? Either way - she's embarking on a new stage in her life where she is facing her fears and I asked her if it was kosher if she shared her feelings with our community as they came up! She's totes on board and all I have left to say is ... HIT IT AMANDA!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @acoolong
This image of Buddha has always caught my attention. It's as if he's calmly saying, "Stop. Pause. I acknowledge you, but there's a boundary here." It wasn't until years later that I learned just how accurate this was, and the profound meaning it had in my life.
After an introductory class on Vedic Astrology last winter the teacher looked at me and said, "Has anyone ever given you a spiritual name? I only ask because you truly embody 'Abhaya.'" He went on to explain that Abhaya was a Sanskrit word for fearlessness, and according to ancient tradition, Buddha first made this hand gesture immediately after attaining enlightenment.
There was so much irony in that moment. You see, I felt anything BUT fearless. My first spiritual teacher - my grandfather (who I called 'Bumpa') - was beginning his journey out of this life, and the weight of his passing rested heavily on my spirit. I was afraid to face his death; to feel the hollow ache that comes when we're forced to move on.
But the more I thought about it, I knew it was precisely what I needed. It was time to take a deep breath, squarely face my fears, and allow them to wash over me. The first time I did this, it became clear why people purposely jump out of planes and off cliffs (not that I'm ready for that extreme...yet). It was a total feeling of exhilaration, bliss, and empowerment. But the best part? I realized we could feel this in our everyday lives by facing all the little things that cause us fear and anxiety.
Hence the point of this blog. "Abhaya on the Playa" is a reference to Burning Man, an intentional community that gathers in Nevada's Black Rock Desert (think: playa) one week every year to participate in art, expression and radical self-reliance. In short, what better way to face my fears than a place where my number one priority is to survive?
I'm what they call a "Virgin Burner." I've never been to Burning Man. 99.9 percent of my friends make the pilgrimage every year, and always return with a quiet strength of character and a fine layer of playa dust. I've been deeply curious and even had a ticket two years ago, but "life" got in the way. Funny, that. How fear cloaks itself in the guise of life, yet is the very thing that keeps us from living.
So this year, when a veteran burner gifted me a ticket (the act of giving is a core principle of Burning Man), I couldn't refuse, or be more grateful. When the nagging voice in my head said I'd back out at the last minute, I started telling people about my plans. When I got anxious about everything I'd need to prepare, I got advice from trusted friends who'd been many times before. I looked at their pictures and listened to their stories to visualize myself there.
Now here I am, one week out, and the anxiety of the everyday is kicking in. "What if you forget something?" the voice nags. "Contact lenses and dust in the desert don't mix." "How will you find your friends?" The everyday. The mundane. The very things that keep us stuck in neutral, in a state of constant "coulda woulda shoulda's."
I invite you to join me on this adventure of letting fearlessness speak. In upcoming posts I'll talk unabashedly about my own personal fears, anxieties and how I've dealt (or am dealing) with them, at Burning Man and beyond. In turn I hope that you, too, will share how you've embraced Abhaya.
Journey well, my friends.
Click here to follow Amanda on Twitter, and dont miss Abhaya on the Playa over yonder!
Sunday, August 28, 2011 at 11:31AM
I am back living in the "Sunny Place for Shady People," Los Angeles. I grew up here (a true Valley Girl) and am back experiencing the city in such a different light. 
