Fun with #OKCupid: 3 different emails ... 3 different responses

First up, if you haven't read my OKC profile - you can check it out over yonder. These are all actual emails I've received recently, and my actual responses back to them. It is through this transparent experience that I hope you all can take away some knowledge on what works and what doesn't in the hopes of making your online dating experiences that much more fanschmastically awesome. YAYYYY ONLINE DATING YAYYY!!! K ... cool ... here we go ... 

Ahhhh yes ... the OKC sex slave video ... 

I'm not really sure how I feel about being a sub anymore. I totally get off on being a domme, but I don't do it for sexual purposes. Maybe being submissive sexually will be something that I give as a gift to the guy I'm dating - not sure, will cross that bridge when I come to it. 

Thanks for reaching out either way! 

Actual Response: Thank you! Very kind of you to say. 

FTR, this was the closest anyone on OKC came to asking me out this week. Very strange and a first in two years. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the compliment. 

OKC emails should be a little more open than this. Yes, clearly I can tell he read my profile and this isn't a cut and paste job (brownie points), but there is no where really for me to go with this email. Had he asked me one detail to elaborate on in my profile we could have started from there, but instead he's leaving me with a yes or no answer. Don't ever leave chicks with a yes or no, be direct and ask them to elaborate on something.

Ex: What did you do with your Price is Right winnings and was Bob a total creeper?

Depending on my mood, how cute your avatar is, and our match percentage - I will absolutely respond back. 

Actual Response: None 

See!! Slim pickings on OKC this week!!! ::sigh:: 

Actual Response: Thanks so much for reading dude! 

Happy online dating nerderinos!!

Click here to view my OKC profile. Hit me up ... but not all Tina Turner style, cause like, that would hurt.

#kbye

#NerdsUnite: The community reacts to "Antonio"

Wow. Wow. and Wow. Out of all of the guys I've dated in the last two years I've very genuinely never had quite the reaction to my latest date "Antonio." 

I live my life obviously in an EXTREMELY public manner ... but I was just telling my mom on the phone today that I was SHOCKED that not. a. single. guy. has planned a Friday or Saturday night date with me. See, dudes get the whole "prime real estate" value in scheduling a date with a female for either Friday or Saturday by either Tuesday or Wednesday. I received only ONE text message from a guy I've been seeing only an hour ago. I haven't received even a SINGLE new OKC message from a guy asking me out, or even from the two guys I've been dating for the last few weeks ... its so UNBELIEVABLY high-larious that having a guy take you to Vegas changes everything in your dating ecosphere. (Statistically speaking I average at least 2 dates a week from both online and offline.) I don't document my "real time" dating components anymore, but good god one dude doing something so EXTREME has cleared the plate for every other guy. Do guys not get that this only makes what he did that much more awesome?? COME ON!!! 

Look at the latest email I just received ... 

First off, I come from money, and trust me - this guy did ABSOLUTELY not bat an eye at what was spent. What I didn't talk about was the fact that he is older than me, and while I won't say how old he is because that reveals too much, from the storytelling perspective you have to TRUST the fact that the money he spent he absolutely absolutely absolutely did not bat an eye at.

My dad is a lawyer, and while I don't know what my parents make - I can ABSOLUTELY guarantee with this guy's lifestyle from a sociological perspective he didn't care. I have the freedom with my schedule and lifestyle the same freedom that he has with his finances. He very very very genuinely doesn't care. If I felt like I was being bought I would have bolted. (I literally cried at what I was sending out to the universe with the last guy that tried to buy me.)  The two most intimate moments of that weekend were when he remembered my coffee order and brought it to me in bed, and the quiet time we spent before we boarded the plane. It has less to do with the entire trip and more of the romantic gesture. 

I out of respect to Antonio will NOT document the rest of our courtship, but all I can say to every other guy is step up man. It takes chicks a couple of dates to get into a guy and to resonate to his courtship and if ya'll are this intimated out the gate - you are making it THAT much easier for him. 

#bringit

#RealDeal: What MOST Girls Want?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I get asked many questions that start with, “How do MOST girls...” They want to know how most girls feel about relationships, how do most girls think about sex, how do most girls feel about one night stands, how do most girls feel about being approached, what do most girls look for in a guy, how do most girls like to be kissed, how do most girls like to see a man dressed, where do most girls like to go on a first date, why do most girls go to the bathroom in pairs or groups” the list goes on and on.

Here’s the cool thing about women. There are so many different kinds. There are an infinite number of variables when it comes to looks, personality, intelligence, sense of adventure, interests and every other quality. And within each one of these variables is a scale. If she’s adventurous, she could be just a little more so than most, or maybe she plans yearly treks out into unexplored wilderness. She’s fun, but fun can go from a dry sense of humor to outwardly boisterous and silly. She might be all about Monty Python or she might be all Dane Cook. She might be smarter than most, or she might just be smarter than you. She might be a size 8 and five feet tall, or she might be a size 8 and six feet tall.

Here’s the cool thing about guys. There are so many different kinds. When you say you want an adventurous girl, maybe you’re thinking of someone who would want to go on weekend outings with you. Frank from down the street might be looking for a partner for his next Everest attempt. You might want the family and picket fence one day. Joe next door wants to be a rolling stone. You might wear a suit to work but drive home on your Harley. Your friend Bill might consider a striped polo instead of a solid one to be a bold fashion choice. You might be quiet and reserved when first meeting people, but you open up when you’re amongst friends. John might be wild and crazy and charming to all the ladies when he’s out, but if a girl gets him one-on-one, he gets flustered and shuts down.

So now we have the infinite variables of all of the men to add to the infinite variables of all of the women. Your variables color how you see the world and how you rate what you want on that scale. Your own variables will actually define the women’s variables in a very different way than how others will define them. This is why so many questions about what MOST women are looking for or want cannot be answered in any other way than, “It varies!”

Some of these questions do have a straight answer. Most girls are looking for someone to ultimately make them feel provided for and protected. Most girls really, really like sex. Most girls want a man who they can trust to lead them. Most girls are attracted to a man whose body language shows confidence and self-assurance, and whose personality is congruent with what his body language is conveying.

Under the umbrella of those concepts, you have to let go of “most,” and get out there and experience the next layer of variables for yourself. “Most” turns into “some” Some girls like sweet gentle kisses. Some girls like latex and paddles.  Some girls see the world for its potential and its beauty. Some girls see it as a place to be wary and cautious.  Some girls are as pretty on the outside as they are on the inside. Some girls are prettier on the inside than they are on the outside.

Some girls want to be married as soon as possible. Some want to keep things light and unattached.  Some girls like goths, some girls like suits.  Some girls will wait for you to make every move, some will be more forward.  Some will challenge you in a good way, some will annoy you horribly.

Some will be just right.

The greatest fun of this game, this mating game, is that you get to choose how you want to convey that you embody those attributes that most girls are looking for. There are many ways to show that you’re a provider, from simply sharing your food to owning a palatial estate on a private island. There are many ways to show you are a protector, from giving her your coat in the rain to saving her from imminent harm.

There are so many ways to have good sex that there is an entire library’s worth of books, movies and magazines as well as an internet that explain how to go about that. These posts and the Pickup Podcast are fantastic resources, as they are devoted to teaching you how to develop confidence, leadership, proper body language and congruence, so you can provide what MOST girls are looking for!

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: Social Dynamics Workshop August 11th

After becoming this accidental expert in dating, it is now my life's work to take what I have learned in the field and help nerdy guys get the girl. We're all super smart, and talented, yet what makes us so successful in our professional lives no doubt impedes us in our love lives. 

I've talked about this before that dating has an ebb and flow - and courtship is TRULY an art ... but now I'm putting my money where my mouth is and finally structuring a workshop. 

I am SO FREAKING EXCITED to announce this .... but in 17 days Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover will be throwing its first ever social dynamics workshop. 

I found a calling last year when I worked in the field with Neil Strauss and between myself, and our resident social dynamics expert @Redolopho we really want to help you guys take things to another level.

We've been privately working with some students for the last few months and here is what some of them have said ... 

Student A: 30 years old, never had a girlfriend. 

After Eric coached me for a week, I used his advice on a smokin' hot girl I met for the first time in class and she INSTANTLY started going crazy over me. She actually asked when she could see me again without me saying ANYTHING about meeting up! Now every time I text her, she texts me back, gushing with praise- just like I used to do to women I didn't have a chance with.

I'm a 5'8", 270 lb high-functioning autistic with seborrheic dermatitis, no car, no college degree, and working 10 hours a week at minimum wage. A year ago, I thought I was going to die a virgin- but after taking Eric's advice for just 7 days, I got a solid 8.5 eating out of my hand.

Did I mention that this was all without meeting Eric face-to-face or even talking on the phone? We only talked over Facebook chat for a half hour or so a day.

Student B: 24 years old. Sad Puppy Dog Eyes from Mirror Post

Jen tends to have the most original ideas in the world. Quite possibly the last of the original ideas to be had if you think about it. When she posted about a reversed date where she asks me about my dating life in order to help me better myself, I was intensely intrigued. I immediately contacted her and set up an “appointment” for this wondrous experiment. I am the case of the “sad puppy dog eyes”.

Since our meeting, I have dived into Neil Strauss’s Rules of the Game, started intensely looking & calling for my own place, put myself out there a bit more, and most of all, found a girl that I THOUGHT was really into me. Long story, short: I turned out to be a rebound and I was blinded by my own mind. I am an over thinker, and I’ve definitely learned my lesson; the mind can really fuck you harder than Chris Nolan’s Inception. However, my mind ran rampant constantly until last night.

The Talk Nerdy To Me Lover’s talk show was last night. Unfortunately, I didn’t go due to a previous engagement. I did go to the after party at Barney’s Beanery in good ol’ West Hollywood. After quickly relaying a synopsis of my recent girlfriend after Jen and my meeting, she felt compelled to introduce me to THE social dynamics expert: Eric Carrillo. This guy is fucking brilliant beyond belief. He not only broke down what my situation was without me fully completing my description, but he was able to go into detail effectively. I explained to him about my current ordeal with the girl who had used me as a rebound: she had a void and she saw certain similarities in me that her ex-fiance had (they were engaged for 2 years and she is 19 now… yeah) and attempted to fill that void with me. It seemed to work for her for at least 3 ½ weeks… then disaster struck when she realized I was not that much like her ex at all and was someone else with different personality qualities: being nice, honest, and liking her a lot. Since this was my first time experiencing this, I went crazy trying to figure out what was wrong. I had done some soul searching to put my mind at ease… but no dice. It wasn’t until I had this ridiculously relaxing talk with Eric that it made perfect sense to me. I was a rebound. Plain and simple. But, what next? Eric simply said, “Just let it go.” Within the realm of social interaction, letting something go should be relatively easygoing because all you need is time, right? Time heals all they say. But there was something soothing about how Eric delivered it to me. It was easy to hear and understand. He put it in a way that made me feel like he knew exactly what I had just gone through. I cannot thank him enough. Thanks a trillion Eric! 

How amazing is that? Social dynamics simply opens your eyes, please understand this isn't a PUA (pick up artist) community event - it's just two nerdy peeps with a WHOOLLLLEEE lotta expertise that want to share it with you guys. 

When: Saturday August 11

Time: Afternoon-Evening

Cost: $250

I don't want to publicly disclose where the event is going to be held to make sure you guys remain anonymous in the process, but the event will be held in Los Angeles. 

You will have both of us at the workshop - and we are looking to have this be an ongoing thing so even if you can't make the first one feel free to still email and we will add you to the list for updates. 

Some areas we will be covering include: 

1) How to approach a girl in a non-traditional setting

2) Attraction basics 

3) How to approach a female through social media

... and much much more. 

We're going to keep the classes small and intimate, but the majority of this will be field work. We'll teach you guys the bare bones basics but then we're going to get your butts out in the field and help you guys out IRL. This ain't yo mama's workshop!! =) 

I'm extremely humbled to be of service, and I ABSOLUTELY cannot wait for this. Eric and I are at your service nerderinos!! Let's experience some more personal growth!! 

To sign up email: JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover d c (or if you'd like more info)

#YAYLIFE

#NerdsUnite: Play on playa! (Breaking down the world of sports so you don't have to!)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Derek - I met him when I was professor for a day at CSF. Really rad dude, and he wants to come on board to help explain to us nerdy folk the wild world of sports. Smart dude, and knows his shizzy shiznat. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT DEREK!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @DerekJ_AllDay

Hello again everyone! Well, baseball fans came home from work to some startling news yesterday. The great Ichiro Suzuki was traded from the Mariners to the Yankees. Ichiro is in the last year of his contract, so he will presumably be a free agent after this season ends, but in the mean time the Yankees get an above average defender and leadoff hitter to help them make a push for another World Series championship.

Ichiro is one of the greatest baseball imports of all time. He holds the MLB record for most hits in a single season with 262, and he owns the longest season streak of having 200 hits a year with ten. He came to the majors in 2001 and fans immediately noticed how special of a player Suzuki was going to be. He won the American League rookie of the year award in '01 along with Albert Pujols who won the same award in the National League.

What is truly unbelievable about Ichiro is how well he adjusted to Major League pitching. For most new players, it takes a serious amount of time before they get a rhythm going at the major league level; sometimes players never get it at all. Ichiro on the other hand looked like he never missed a beat during his league transition. In his relatively short time in the majors (12 seasons) he has almost reached the epic mark of 3,000 hits, even though he "wasted" nine of those years playing in Japan. If he played his entire career in the United States, there is no doubt in anyones mind that he would easily get 3,000 hits and possibly have a chance to break the all time record for hits. Considering he is only 466 hits away from 3,000 as it is, this guys is obviously something special.

It bums me out that such a great and iconic player is going over to the dark side just so he can have a chance to win a championship, but at the same time he really does deserve a serious run in the playoffs. I wish he was with any other team, but I couldn't be happier for Ichiro.

In other news, Chad Ochocinco finally decided that he was going to change his name back to what his mother chose, Chad Johnson. Don't ask me why, but this guy was a hell of a lot better at wide receiver as Mr. Johnson rather than Mr. Ochocinco. The reason I am making this point is because I may have him back on my fantasy radar now that he is attempting to pull his head out of his ass. He has been pathetic in his last few seasons, of that there is no doubt, but that is why he would be called a sleeper pick.

I have been starting my serious fantasy football research over the last few weeks, my favorite tool is the mock drafts on ESPN.com. I have been creating my own rankings and I will be releasing them along with all of my secrets to you guys at some point as we approach football season.

If anyone is interested in playing fantasy football with me, then just tweet me @DerekJ_AllDay! We have 5 open spots. Thanks for reading!

#nerdsunite

Click here to follow Derek on Twitter!