#NerdsUnite: How to Last Longer in Bed

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

There are really only 3 basic things you need to know to completely rock a girl’s world in the bedroom
Let’s call them the “ABC’s Of Great Sex”:

• A: ANATOMY (hers) – You need know the basics of her body.  Know where her “magic buttons” are and how to touch them in the right ways.  Understand her body and the way it responds to different types of stimulus.  And, for  extra credit, let’s include her brain.  Knowing how to stimulate this part of her anatomy is the shortcut to giving her powerful orgasms.
• B: BODY CONTROL (yours) – Great orgasms can come from your fingers, your tongue, and many other techniques… but great sex, especially great love-making, requires that you can control your erection.  You need to be able to get hard when you want to, and you need to be able to last as long as you both want it to last.
• C:  CONNECTION – This is the part that most people mess up completely.  It is the most powerful way to give her an unforgettable experience in bed (even if it is a one-night-stand… connection doesn’t mean that you’ve promised to love each other forever).  And, of course, this is the part that I tend to talk about most in my writings…

But let’s talk “B” for a minute.
Here’s some quick facts for you:
While many studies have been done that show that the average Joe can last for 2.5 minutes… or somewhere around 7 minutes (the studies never agree)… the fact is, nobody knows how long average is, because there’s nothing like a stop-watch in the room to change everything about the way you would normally have sex.

But I’ll tell you this much– after years of giving advice on sexuality, I can tell you that it is the most common question that men ask me when looking for my advice.
And, not be cute or dodge the question, but I think if you take a mature look at the issue, it’s obvious that “long enough” is the amount of time it takes you both to be happy and satisfied.  So, by definition, if you want to learn how to last longer then, obviously, you are not lasting long enough for your OWN satisfaction.

It’s also worth knowing, right now, that even if you have a severe problem with premature ejaculation, you CAN learn to last as long as you want.  ANY man can learn total control over his ejaculation given some time, practice, and the right information.

You may have read about “kegel compressions”, the exercise developed by the gynecologist Dr. Ernst Kegel, and, YES, they are very important in learning to control your ejaculation.  However, many articles posted all over the internet will tell you that when your PC muscles are strong enough from doing thousands of kegels, you can just squeeze them to prevent ejaculation, and your problem will be solved.

Untrue.

At least it’s untrue if you want to have good sex.  Because, seriously, you can’t expect to have good sex if you have to stop every 30 seconds and squeeze your guts out until the veins are throbbing in your head trying not to ejaculate.

But kegels are important, and strengthening your PC muscles will increase your ability to last longer all by itself.  Further, if you want to take this all the way and learn the ability to have “male multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms” as I describe in my Command & Control program, then kegels are a very important part of learning the “muscular intelligence” and building the neural pathways that allow that to happen.

Ultimately, the way to control ejaculation is not by getting big, powerful PC muscles… it is by learning to control the excitement level in your BRAIN.

I talk about dozens of techniques for lasting longer in my writings, but for the PU Podcast Blog I want to talk about an idea that is more advanced… and if you can “get it”, it is miles more powerful than just about anything else you are likely to ever read on the subject.

Instead of kegels, I advise you to start practicing meditation or pranayama (yoga breathing exercises), so that you can strengthen your brain… not your PC muscles.  That is the best preparation for what I’m going to teach you here today.

Let’s start with something that you already know is true:
When you are in a competitive game, whether it’s ping-pong or boxing, when you are mentally “on your game” and you are confident that you are going to win, you usually dominate the other guy easily…

Likewise, when you are in a negative or weak mental state, when you feel intimidated by your competition, you are pretty much guaranteed to get destroyed.  Here’s the punch line:  lasting longer during sex works exactly the same way.  I’m not just giving you a pep talk here.  I have done piles of research on this and counseled hundreds of men on this issue.  (My success rate, by the way, is staggering… far beyond any study that I have ever read about).  The vast majority of men who say to me, “I can’t last long enough in bed to please my partner,” only have that problem because they BELIEVE that they get overly excited and can’t control themselves during intercourse.

Read: They don’t have this problem during masturbation, and usually don’t have any issues during oral sex either.

Nope, it’s only when it’s “game on” and they have a sense that could “lose” or “fail” by ejaculating before giving their girlfriend an orgasm…

In other words, they are caving under pressure.

Ouch.

But if you’ve spent any time at all practicing a sport, you know that if you put in the effort, you can get that competitive edge back… (cue Rocky Music… no, make it Rocky II, the cheesy “Eye Of The Tiger” song)…

Or, if  you are the cerebral type, consider this an NLP reframing exercise.  Either way, we’re talking about the same thing.

You need to understand that you can control the emotional state in which you experience sex.
You will fail if you get into bed in a weak frame of mind: “oh no, I’m so nervous, what if I come too soon again, she’s going to be disappointed, she’s going to leave me… I need to control myself, control myself, control my… oops.”

Take a deep breath.  I’m going to say something difficult to hear:  There is ZERO reason for this to happen.  You CAN stop that nervous internal dialog.

If instead you were thinking something like…

“I’m about to rock this little girl’s mind…”
Or, “I love this woman, I feel so much tenderness just looking at her…”
Or, “this is fun… I love touching her…”

Get the idea?  I mean, rationally now… don’t those things sound like what you SHOULD be thinking?

There are many ways you can learn to swap out your negative thoughts for a more positive model.  There are NLP exercises, hypnosis, raw will power, and many others…

I recommend doing something easy: “Fake it ’til you make it.”

If you’ve ever taken an acting class this should be easy for you… if not, just try to remember what it was like when you were playing “pretend” as a kid and you were the cop… or the robber… (or the Dungeon Master, you big geek).

Same process.  What I’m about to say might sound a bit undignified, but there’s no reason that she’ll ever find out:

When you are making love to her, pretend to be someone else.
Someone heroic from a movie or a book, someone who can last all night.  You know, James Bond or something.  Invest yourself in this identity.  Move the way that guy moves, touch her the way that guy would touch a woman…

Once you succeed (and you will if you give this a try), you can ditch the fictional character and just KEEP HIS CONFIDENCE.

I think it is worth repeating at this point:  If you have trouble lasting as long as you want to… THIS WORKS.

And this statement is built on thousands of hours of research: As nutty as it may sound, you will only be a premature ejaculator for as long as you think that you are a premature ejaculator.
And go easy on the poor girl.  She will get sore after a while, and nobody likes a show off.

Be good, play safe, and be nice to girls always.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com

#NerdsUnite: The secret life of a veterinary technician (My Hit and Run)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She and I met ... well, somewhere in the social space. I think we might have started talking through this site directly, then through facebook - maybe ... I'm not sure. But she's awesome. I talk to her on twitter almost every day, and she's really rad and TOTALLY a big huge animal lover. Like crazy huge!! In these series of posts she will be talking about her life and random adventures with sometimes more than two legged creatures. I guess there's only one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LINDSAY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @TheCraftafarian

I'm finally back! There have been a few things going on in my life and I needed to take some time off from writing for Jen. I wanted to share these occurrences as a way to heal and move on. 

2012 wasn't horrible--certainly better than some previous years but the last few months have been a roller coaster of emotion, exhaustion, and frustration. I didn't meet as many goals as I would have liked to for myself but the fact that I got through everything with my sanity intact (mostly) is truly an accomplishment.

I've been juggling a full time job (40 hrs a week) as a vet tech at a local clinic, my pet sitting business, my etsy shop, writing for my blog and Talk Nerdy To Me Lover, as well as whatever personal life I attempt to have--all this for the last year. Whew! I've been fairly successful in all avenues but my main problem is I have no routine at all when it comes to, well, everything. So then juggling everything becomes exhausting. My main goal is to get into a routine. I'm not making a resolution but rather a promise to myself to change my lifestyle to better my life. As we say goodbye to 2012 and hello to 2013 I feel that it would be healing for me to type out the few things that happened this year that caused me distress. I've been meaning to write about all these things but I feel like to get past them I should leave the pain in 2012 and take with me the good memories and lessons into 2013.

I guess the crappy stuff started around when our rescue bearded dragon (pet lizard) passed away. His name was Ebeneezer and I adopted him before David and I started dating. When I went to adopt him his back legs didn't work! Turns out he had metabolic bone disease from improper care. I didn't think he would make it that weekend let alone these last almost 7 years. He was about 8 when he passed away. We knew he wasn't feeling well and had made plans to take him to the reptile specialist but Eben made the decision for us and we found him in his enclosure. We took him to my vet clinic and made arrangements for cremation with ashes to be returned. Maybe it's silly but I felt relieved when he was home with us again in his beautiful mahogany box. He was our pet for almost 7 years and he was such an affectionate and friendly guy. It was hard not to smile when he bobbed his head at you--he was such a charmer. Yeah, still talking about a pet lizard.

Then two weeks after I got my new car some asshole backs into it at a pub and drives away! Hit and run on my new car :(. The witness only got a partial plate number and description but it wasn't enough to catch the guy. I will be getting the repairs done soon at the cost of my deductible: $500.

After we got back from vacation we scheduled my cats surgical biopsies. I felt like I knew the results but needed it on paper to start treatment. Either way the treatment is the same but lifespan is different. Within a few days we got the results I was dreading and expecting. My cat, Catriana, was diagnosed with small cell indolent lymphoma. Similar to non-hodgkins lymphoma but according to a study cats can live up to 2 years after diagnosis with chemotherapy. We started the same protocol from the study--easy at home oral medication. Also, every 2 weeks she goes to work with me for bloodwork and vitamin B injections. So far she is doing well. It's hard at work sometimes during euthanasia, which is often hard enough but with the added knowledge that one day it will be me making that decision too.

As if that wasn't enough to be upset about one of the dogs I pet-sit for passed away in my care a few weeks later. Actually it was far more dramatic than that: I've known Cooper for almost 4 years, he's always been sorta sickly. He has immune mediated disease that causes him to have low white cell counts and therefore be susceptible to infection. Otherwise he was a super happy little guy. We just love him and his sister Lucy to pieces. Anyway a few days before their mom was to come home (she had been on a long trip) Cooper starts to act a little strange. He usually gobbles his food but I had to coax him to finish his breakfast. Then he vomited and acted as if his stomach hurt. I contacted my vet and went to the clinic to take an X-ray. I emailed the radiograph image to him and he called me. He said it didn't look good and he was on his way. I looked over at Cooper and saw I was losing him. David was with me and instead of waiting 20 minutes for my vet we grabbed the oxygen tank and rushed him to the emergency vet right down the road. My vets called ahead for us. I began CPR in my lap as David raced us to the ER. I knew it was no use, I knew I had lost him. I kept trying for a moment, felt for a pulse. Nothing. (Doc texted me his mom would most likely not want resuscitation. But we couldn't reach her, she was out of the country. So I had to try.

Realizing I was not going to succeed-- I just hugged him close and told him we loved him and how sorry I was. I kissed his little head and cradled him close to me. (I have been avoiding writing this because I'm about to cry right now. Breathe.) We arrived at the ER with moments of leaving my clinic but it only takes a second for the light (life) to leave. The eyes look so different when the light is gone. Peaceful but absent. I see it way too often due to my career as a vet tech.

They knew I was coming but I told them he didn't make it and to please just confirm he was gone (listen for heartbeat/check pulses). They confirmed what I already knew. The tech wrapped him up and placed him in a special box to take back to the clinic. I took care of arrangements for his cremation and return--I recently learned just how important this feels for a pet parent. I managed to email his mom and she called me. Tearfully I explained what happened, she knew I did everything I could. He was such an amazing dog. 

Just a few days after their mom got home I went on my previously scheduled and now desperately needed vacation with David. I wrote Cooper's name in the sand.

We lost several patients this year that were particularly special to us. Especially Eli, a kitty that I pet sit and do house calls for. He had kidney disease, hyperthyroidism, and probably cancer. He was also 16 years old. His mom texted me and I went over to check on him (they are friends, the family). He wasn't doing well and at this point we were just extending life as there wasn't much we could do. My vet met us at the clinic and we let Eli go peacefully with everyone who loved him. My heart aches for this family as they lost the husband/father in February and then 3 pets this year.

It's time to leave 2012 behind and move on to 2013. Take with you the memories and lessons you have learned but try not to dwell on the things you cannot change.

#nerdsunite

<3 Lindsay 
twitter: @thecraftafarian
blog: craftafarian.blogspot.com
email: craftafarian at gmail d c

Weird Al Says: #WTF?!

If you type "illuminati" backwards, followed by '.com' as a URL, you will be redirected to the U.S. government's national security page.

This has been a moment of ... WTF?! 

#TrueStory: I couldn't hail a limo or taxi, but we did get a ride in a Benz!

Oh New Years, you never disappoint. There's always something exciting isn't there? 

Alrite, a few weeks back I got hit up by my buddy Mo who works over at the Nerdist Theater at Meltdown. I LOVEEEEE all the Nerdist guys, btw. They're NUTS and all super super smart. 

I'll deny it til the cows come home, but it's mostly PTSD that keeps me from kicking it with them more often. (I was walking to Meltdown the night I got hit in the head with the brick.) I try to tell myself that it didn't bother me that much, but it did. A lot in fact. 

Either way, when I got the invite for their New Years party I decided to just brush it all off putting on my big girl pants and commit to a night of awesomeness. 

I then gathered the troops and everyone met at our place to pre game. 

I picked up the alcohol (tequila, champagne, white wine, and OJ and grenadene to make tequila sunrises) and my roomie Julie picked up the food. 

We gabbed and munched on Crispy Crust (BEST.PIZZA.EVER.) coating our bellies before our night of drinking.

What playlist is this? Asked Justin (Julie's boyfriend) 

Oh? You mean the FABULOUS 90s playlist bumping from my Jambox? I said with a smile. That's Songza!!! My current obsession. 

What's Songza? He asked. 

Well, since you asked, let me tell you ... 

I then went to show him the app and how amazing and emotionally curated the content is. It's not like Pandora with their genome algorithm, these are specially made lists from tastemakers and DJs curated for the time of day and your mood. This is EXACTLY what I have been looking for and had hoped someone would one day make. 

Very cool, he said. 

After we were done eating, Amanda tried Taxi Magic to get us a cab. 

See, New Years is NOTORIOUS in LA for being ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to get a cab. You can hire a car service but they're not cheap, and since we're all on a budget the best we could do was hope and pray to just hail one. 

After multiple failed attempts at securing a Taxi Magic, and no less than 20 calls to our local taxi dispatch, I decided to just put on a coat and show some leg on the street to see if I could get us a car. 

Stay here, I said to the group. I'll have better luck alone. 

I then walked a couple blocks down to a major street. 

I stood on the corner for a few moments and taxi cab after taxi cab went by. 

I attempted to raise my dress up a little more to show some more skin. 

Car after car still went by with no luck. 

Damnit, I thought. This isn't going to be easy. 

I then explored my immediate options and saw the valet dudes across the street. They are all SUPER nice to me, and complimentary so I figured I could at least ask them if they knew any drivers we could call for a quick ride. 

Hi guys, I said approaching the group of 15 valet. Happy New Year to you all! I was wondering if you guys had any drivers available for the evening? 

You need a car? Asked one of the valets. 

Yes please. Anything you have available. 

Not a problem, he said. 

TAXI, he screamed putting his hand in the air. 

... and just like that. One of them came to a screeching hault. 

WTF?! I thought. As a female showing leg I get nothing, but the valet dude gets it with one yelled out word? 

So not fair, I lamented. 

Thanks so much, I said giving the valet a tip. 

I climbed in the cab and called the rest of my friends asking them to come down and to bring the alcohol. 

We then drove back to the house and everyone climbed in. 

They were all extremely grateful they didn't have to wait in the cold. 

We then all had an AH-mazing time at the party. I was disappointed for the 5th year in a row I didn't get a NYE kiss, but considering how my last one went it might have been for the better ... 

click the screenshot to view comments on Facebook

Either way, by like 1:30 our tired and drunky mcgee bones were ready to beat feet. 

I attempted to call a taxi, and again, we couldn't get through. 

Shit, shit, shit, I thought. We were on side street, and not in an area that hailing one seemed feasible. Our options at this point were limited and didn't look very good. 

I then called a limo driver that I had the number for after he gave me a ride home a few weeks back. 

I'm booked all evening, he said. I'm really sorry. 

Not a problem, I said. I'll figure this out. 

I then called taxi dispatch over and over and over and somewhere around busy tone number 15, I finally got through. 

YES!!! I said to the group. We are saved!!!!! 

I gave them the address, and told everyone we have to go outside and wait for it. 

They said it'll be here in 5 minutes and we CAN'T miss this taxi cab or we're going to have to spend the night here. 

I then said my good bye's to everyone as we all ran outside to catch the cab. 

I stand in the street trying to see the cab. 

Nothing. 

5 minutes becomes 10 and 10 quickly becomes 15. 

This isn't looking good, I thought. They're never past their expected time. 

Shit. 

I then see a limo drive by. I stick my hand in the air and try to hail it. 

It drives right past me. 

I do it again with the next car that I think is a limo. 

Ah crap, you're not a limo! I say as the car drives by. 

The passenger had his window down and started laughing. 

I then see the car pull over. 

Huh! Well, maybe this could work, I say to the group. 

I then approach the vehicle and it's an all black unlabeled Benz. (It looked like an S class, but wayyyyyy more fancy. I've never seen such a sleek looking Benz.) 

Hi, I say approaching the vehicle.

How are you this evening, ask the very interested men. 

I'm great thanks!! We're kinda stuck here though. It's impossible to get a taxi on NYE. 

Who's we? asked the guy in the passenger seat. 

Oh! Just me and my friends over there. 

I point to my three friends standing by the house. 

I'm not a prostitute I say laughing. I know they're super common in LA. So just throwing that out there. 

The guys start laughing. 

What do you do? 

I run a website. 

Very cool, said one of the guys. What's your twitter handle? 

Not wanting to spell out my name out of sheer exhaustion, I just said "oh, I'm verified on twitter." 

The passenger then looks at his friend putting his phone down and says, "get in." 

I smile and say THANK YOUUUUU as I shout to my friends that we now had a ride. 

The four of us then piled in the back. (We fortunately were going only about a mile or so.) 

I can't thank you enough for this, I said to the guys. 

What do you guys do? Can I help promote any of your companies or twitter accounts? 

They both start laughing. 

I run a clothing store, said the driver, and I'm a musician, said the passenger. 

That's AMAZING! I said super excited. Anything I may have heard? 

Naw, he said. Not yet. We are going to an after party tonight if you guys want to join? 

Knowing that after party is code for drugs and sex, I politely declined but thanked them again for the ride. 

Let me get your email address, please. Email me the names of your companies. I'm going to be writing about this and I'll include it in the piece. 

He then told me his email and I sent it from my iPhone. 

Great! Now we're connected, I said. 

He then approached our street and I instructed him to drop us off on the corner so that we could walk the rest of the way. 

I can't thank you guys enough for this. You totally saved us this evening. 

Not a problem, they both said. 

Have a great New Years!!! 

You too, they both said in unison. 

We then got back to our apartment and I couldn't stop laughing. 

I told everyone the story and I couldn't stop laughing that it was my verified twitter account that got us that ride. The SECOND I said I was verified he just said "get in." It truly fascinates me the power of social media and the value add it can have in situations like this. Had it not been for those guys we would have been TOTALLY screwed. YAY social media and YAY life!!! 

Now if only my verified account would get me a boyfriend .... 

#rockon

Editors note: The duderino never emailed me back with his company name. I'll update the story though if he does!! Thanks again!! xo

click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

#NerdsUnite: Which college is the most "desperate" for that coveted NYE kiss?

College students are on the prowl for a last minute make-out session. Collegiate dating startup, datemyschool, releases data on the ten most desperate schools for a New Year’s Eve kiss, announcing Ball State as the most determined.

In the last twenty-four hours, students nationwide have been frantically logging on to datemyschool to snag a smarty for their midnight kiss. On any given night, about 75,000 members head to datemyschool to score dates, but within the last day, more than 100,000 were flirting away on this campus-dating platform.

“Since our users tend to land dates within 30 minutes, singles who are still looking for New Year’s Eve plans can definitely meet someone on datemyschool today,” says co-founder Jean Meyer.

Calculated based on the ratio of the number of active users at each school of the last day to the number of total users at those schools, the ten most desperate colleges are ranked in the chart below.

Though colleges in Indiana and the New York tri-state area are the most set on smooching tonight, datemyschool is open to students and alumni from every school nationwide, making it easy for folks looking to lock lips at the stroke of twelve to meet new pals on their campus and other campuses nearby.

About datemyschool:

Winner of About.com's 2012 Readers’ Choice Awards for Best College Dating Site, datemyschool is an online dating platform for students and alumni, and has been praised for its safety and privacy features.

Columbia University MBA classmates, Balazs Alexa and Jean Meyer, co-founded datemyschool in November 2010 to help students and alumni safely discover new people on campus and campuses nearby.  

datemyschool is:

- Anonymous: Members may restrict schools, departments, and individuals from accessing their profiles, and they cannot be searched on Google

- Safe: Members are all verified and given extensive privacy control

-Exclusive: Only verified students and alumni may join

#nerdsunite