#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a Videogame Journalist

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy John. We started talking on the twitter not too long ago, and then he reached out and asked if he could write for us regarding his journey through the nerdy realm. I was all DUDDEEE!! That's so raaaddd!! And now, here we are. Like right now, in real time, this is happening. Pretty cool huh? HIT IT JOHN!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JohnSollitto

So, it’s been a very interesting last week or so. Obviously in the wake of the Connecticut shooting, many people on TNTML have spoken about the tragedy. It is an outright shame and atrocity that such a thing happened. When the life of any human being is taken in any form, it’s not okay. If a child’s is taken, it’s even worse. My friend is a teacher just 40 minutes away from Sandy Hook up there and I texted her as soon as I could to make sure she was okay, thankfully she was. But it just goes to show you that even here, in California, you can be touched by such a tragedy.

That being said, I was part of another sort of crisis situation last week, two days before the Sandy Hook tragedy. It was not nearly as scary or terrible as the incident with the children, but it was still somewhat frightening.

I was at school, Cal State University Fullerton, giving my honors presentation, when two dangerous men entered our campus and took refuge there. One hid in the business building while the other was supposedly still at large somewhere on campus. The police sent SWAT teams into the business building to search room by room for the man that hid there. According to reports, they were armed, and were fleeing the scene of a robbery where they had shot the pawn store clerk who worked there.

So, armed and dangerous men on my school campus while I was doing work, while my entire family (mother, sister and father) was on campus there to see me. We didn’t know about the men until another student came barreling into the room I was giving my presentation asking “Can I hide in here?” Not sure what was going on, we let her stay, until we heard over the PA system, “Attention, attention. This is campus police, there is an emergency on campus and it is now in immediate lockdown. Do not leave the room you are in, close the doors and stay quiet. If you are outside, leave campus or go inside immediately.” We heard that message dozens of times that day, waiting, hoping if everything was going to be alright.

I think the worst part of the entire thing was knowing that my father was supposed to be in that business building later that day, and had he not been at my presentation, he might have been in that building when the armed man had rushed in, and who knows what would have happened. That was what frightened me the most. The sheer coincidence.

I live tweeted about the event as it occurred there, but it became pretty dull as we found that the SWAT and police never found the man who had taken refuge in the building. 7 hours or so in that library, waiting to hear if we were safe or still in danger, not knowing anything but what we could learn off of the live-feeds from the internet and news websites. No one came to check on us, at least that I saw, the whole night till we were evacuated from the library. We were worried that no police had come to see us because what if someone was hurt, diabetic, pregnant? Of course there was no such emergency, but we got angry and frustrated that we weren’t taken care of. Honestly, we shouldn’t have been pissed off because we were safe and sound, but it was the anxiety talking.

Of course, we had internet, water, bathrooms and every other person had some kind of snacks on them, so we weren’t in a terrible condition, but it was the anxiety. This was, of course, nothing like the Connecticut shooting, but it was my own taste of what could have been.

What was even worse? Three days after this? My folks went to Fashion Island in Newport Beach to do some shopping. It was the first time in a year or more that they had gone to that mall. Some time after they did their shopping? A man came to the mall and shot the place up. I’m not even kidding. They missed being there when that occurred.

I don’t know what it is. If there’s something in the water, if it’s this 2012 bullshit that’s making everyone crazy, or if it’s just random coincidence, but by god it’s scary. I mean, honestly. I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I don’t know what can be done to stop it. I don’t know what anyone can do about it. But I’m scared sometimes, just at the thought of what could happen to my friends and family. So that’s my confession this time, gang. It’s not bad to be scared. It’s okay. I’m scared too, and I don’t blame you.

#nerdsunite

Want more from John? Click here to follow him on the twitter!

Check out his gaming site too!

#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick (I said no to my ex, but he kept going. Was it rape?)

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.

Here's a question I got via email today ... 

Dear Talk Nerdy to Me Lover,

Hello. I enjoy your Question and Answer column that appears periodically; unfortunately I have a very serious question for you.

Q: I was hanging out with my ex-boyfriend (we were contemplating getting back together, though I had some reservations). He asked me “do you want to have sex?” and I said “no.” He said again, “let’s have sex” and I again said “no.” He asked “can I have a blow-job then?” and I said “no.” I did not want to have sex right then and said “no” to communicate this to him. However, he removed my pants and began to have sex with me anyway. I was shocked and did not know what to do, so I laid there. Afterwards, I was extremely quiet for a moment and then I became very, very angry. My ex said that I could have put my clothes on and left if I had wanted to and that I needed to take responsibility. Because I didn’t scream and try to hit him, was what he did to me rape?

Wow. I've never had a question like this. First of all, I'd like to commend you on your bravery and for the fact that you came to me with something like this. Super heavy and extremely brave of you. 

Easy answer to this is yes. What he did is absolutely considered rape. No means no. Very black and white. 

It's difficult in situations like this though when someone is in that position of power over you. You obviously care a lot about this guy, as you were contemplating getting back together, and what he did betrayed your trust. THAT IS NOT OKAY!!!! 

Few suggestions: 

1) I don't know the legalities behind something like this but to empower yourself I would definitely call your non-emergency local police department. Ask them what your options are, if any, just so you can at least have the information. If you then choose to press charges, that's up to you and obviously you have my FULL support - but at least by calling you'll never have to wonder. 

2) Whether or not you can press charges I'd definitely talk to a counselor. Depending on how old you are there are various "youth" groups that have private counseling. Most of them are free or extremely cheap ($10 or less per session). If you aren't in that school-ish age, you can still ask the officer that you speak to for any victims groups. Here in LA after I got hit in the head with the brick I was offered a TOOONNNNNN of counseling free of charge from the state. Victims have a lot of rights, and depending upon your state coverage for it might be taken care of. 

3) Go for a run or beat the shit out of a pillow. Losing your power in a situation like that will no doubt start to eat you alive. Even if you talk about it, even if you are able to seek some sort of justice - whatever the case, sometimes there is NOTHING better than just breaking something. Obvi, be smart, and don't go and break his face, but I now jog every morning and I can't BEGIN to tell you how amazing it is for my mental health on particularly stressful days. 

4) Know you are not alone. In 80-90% of rape cases the person knows the victim. Here are some resources on date rape.

I don't even have the words to express how sorry I am that this happened to you, or to ANYONE that is reading this that finds this relatable. It's not okay!!! Your job in this scenario however is to be the victor and not the victim. Don't let this experience define you. I know I let a lot of my past take hold of me and it's not a way to live. 

First things first though, process, and find out your rights. Please please please keep us posted and lmk if there's anything I can do to help. hang in there babe. xo 

Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com

ORRRRR you can message me on Facebook and if it's within 140 characters on the twitter!

Best of luck out there nerds!!

xoxo <3 @JenFriel

Weird Al Says: #WTF?!

More people are killed by hippos every year than sharks, bears and lions combined.

This has been a moment of ... WTF?! 

#NowPlaying: Frou Frou - Let Go

So, Garden State is currently on HBO and it only took me 2 seconds of watching to then send me in this immediate emotional spiral. 

I. 

Love.

That. 

Soundtrack. 

I haven't listened to it wholly in about 3 years. I still remember clear as day that the first time I listened to it was in Romeo's car. I used to only listen to top 40 but he introduced me to then pseudo-indie bands Coldplay and Death Cab. AHHHmaaazzziinnnnnngggg and brings me back to my first few days in Los Angeles!! 

Crazy it's been almost 9 years. 

I have now devoted the rest of this evening to jamming out to it in my Diamond Tears Monster headphones. 

OH AND DUDES!!! Totally got new bed karma today. 

I bought myself for Christmas a brand new giraffe print bed spread ... 

After the holidays I'm going to get baby blue sheets to match. LOVE that chocolate and light blue color combo!! 

My other bedspread had "seen" too much and it was time for out with the old and in with the new.

A new dating strategy requires new dating chi. 

Who knows what the future holds but as long as it includes tunes like this on awesome sounding headphones I'm one happy little camper. 

Grateful for today, and this present moment. 

Namaste nerderinos!! Enjoy!! 

#xoxo your mom

#Newtown: So, what do we do now?

I understand at this point everyone is very sick and tired of hearing about Sandy Hook, but this happened in my home state and about an hour away from my hometown. I can't not talk about it. 

Connecticut is the richest state in the country, and while not all towns in Connecticut have Lambos and Porsches in every front lawn it is an EXTREMELY idyllic place to grow up. I grew up exactly two blocks from the Governor, two blocks away from a breathtaking rose garden, and our house was surrounded by some of the biggest mansions TO THIS DAY I have ever seen. Life in Connecticut isn't normal - it's Norman as in Norman Rockwell. Connecticut (and most of New England for that matter) is like this time capsule away from the rest of the world. All of the buildings are old and pristine adorned with plaques documenting the time they were all erected. (hehe I said erect) 

People move to places like Connecticut to escape the crime of the big city, and protect their families. I grew up with super paranoid parents (love you mom and dad) so I was definitely aware of the fact that there was a "boogie" man out there, and that there was always "stranger danger" - but the events on Friday hit me hard. 

Really. Really. Really. Hard. 

::scooby doo Flashback:: 

I woke up on Friday morning to seeing a friend in NY posting on Facebook about a school shooting in Connecticut. 

I passed it off thinking it was something similar that happened at Cal State Fullerton earlier in the week. It won't be that big of a deal I thought. These things don't happen in Connecticut. 

I then put on my running shoes, went for a run, then hit the gym and even while I was there all of the TVs flashed "breaking news." Because the gym is my place to shut off my brain and COMPLETELY disconnect I AGAIN ignored the warnings and kept watching netflix on the elliptical. 

I then ran back home and finally decided to see what was going on. 

I flipped on NBC and they had broken into all current programming and were explaining in up to the minute reporting all of the actions that had occurred. 

At that point there were at least 20 confirmed dead and most were said to be children under the age of 10. 

IMMEDIATELY I started bawling. This involuntary compulsion took over my body and I literally got down on my knees as I couldn't believe what I was reading and seeing on the screen. 

I sat and watched for about 30 minutes on the floor of our living room in ABSOLUTE shock. 

They showed pictures of the parents, and children escaping the school and all I kept thinking was that THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN IN CONNECTICUT!!! And whose moral compass says THIS IS A GOOD THING?!?!?! Even with a slight understanding of moral relativism how could ANYONE with a sane bit of ANYTHING think it is okay to do something like this??!?!?! 

I then got an email from my manager telling me that our 3pm had been pushed up to 2:30. 

I emailed him back saying that wasn't a problem, but that I hope he hugged his children extra hard today. 

Coincidentally he happened to be with his daughter at that very moment so he sent me a lovely picture of them hugging. 

I smiled through the tears. 

I don't have children, nor did I even until the last year ever even THINK I would have kids. My entire life has always been work, work, work, work hard, do hard, build a business. I told my mom (who is very eager for grandkids) OVER AND OVER to not look at me, and to talk to her son if she wants grandkids. Then, of course, I was proven wrong. Between falling in love and hitting a certain age biologically my body was just ... CHARGED with this reminder that I have to have kids. 

I then stared back at the screen and saw children giving interviews and in such a matter of fact way dictating what they had just experienced to the world. 

I.

Lost.

It. 

Again. 

It was like they were my kids, and this UNBELIEVABLE anger came over me. It's animalistic ... and it's this ... DON'T FUCK WITH THE PACK mentality. 

I like everyone else wanted answers and wanted them now. 

I then got ready for my meeting and stayed quiet on social media. Everything was obviously blowing up with debates on gun control, mental health ... no good is going to come from my comments, I thought. Stay quiet, Friel. 

I then went to my meeting choosing to post a neutral message on Facebook ... 

I sat with my manager in the lobby and talked to him about the day's events. I can't believe this happened, I said. I'm also surprised they didn't have a "lockdown" procedure. I remember growing up we had something called the "blue and white schedule" and if the principal or anyone came on the PA saying "we were following a blue and white schedule" it meant that the school was on lockdown and we were to wait in our classrooms until we were given further instructions. Did they not have a lockdown procedure? Or did this all just happen too fast? 

My manager and I were then called into the meeting and I sat there still in kind of a haze. Now, selling myself, is my jam. I do it morning, noon, and night, and after EASILY the 100th time I have said the same thing, all of these meetings go the exact same way as the one prior. I caught myself a few times repeating certain words and being more "spacey" than normal. Obvi, my manager didn't even pick up on it, let alone the people that we met with - but I couldn't help but sit there and think how ridiculous all of this felt. I'm sitting in a room talking about myself while we are all experiencing this national tragedy. I felt dirty and selfish. I felt like I should have helped, done ... SOMETHING ... but what could I have done? I was scared to publish ANYTHING in social media for fears of sparking a BIG debate (and my fears were confirmed after I got out of the meeting in less than 60 minutes I had over 60 comments on my Facebook wall discussing gun control). I felt so helpless and as someone who doesn't even have children I felt this loss and this need to protect. I've genuinely never experienced anything like it. 

So what do we do now? 

I don't know. My first instinct was to not talk about it until at least today to provide people with some place to be and escape from EVERYONE else talking about it. 

I remember in that meeting, and in every meeting for that matter, people question my lifestyle. How can you just meet people from social media and stay with them? And how did you know you were safe couch surfing while you were traveling the country? 

I didn't, I always reply.

I believe VERY strongly in the kindness of other people, and even today writing this it's still true. People are wonderful!!! I throw myself at the world literally every day and I am INSPIRED TREMENDOUSLY by the kindness I witness while no one else is watching.

The events on Friday are the exception, not the rule. Please do not let something like this harden your heart on humanity. As tragic as something like this may be, and as much as we should honor the children let this event be a conversation starter. Whatever your beliefs are on gun control, let your voice be heard!! Express it. Tweet about it in social media!! The world is now watching. I just wish it didn't take such a dark shadow for us to now shine a light on the issue. 

Oh look a kitten doing something cute ... 

#thatisall

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