Weird Al Says: #WTF?!

On average, undergraduate students who major in economics have more sex partners than those studying any other subject.

This has been a moment of ... WTF?! 

#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Start With Dinosaurs: Montana)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

The closest I’ve ever been to a blind date is watching “Blind Date” while delaying homework as an adolescent. So when my newlywed friends Sacha and Matt offered up not only their couches but to set me up with a photographer friend of theirs, I figured there was no place like Bozeman, Montana to experiment with the elusive blind date.  

I was sitting on the grass in front of Museum of the Rockies, a large cast of a full T. Rex hovering above me, when Ben walked up. He was a bit of a ginger, and I was immediately happy to see his arms drizzled with freckles. I over-eagerly complimented them as we shook hands, and I was surprised to watch him be a bit taken aback. Of course, then, thirty seconds into this meeting I had to explain I’ve always wanted a freckle-sprinkle of my own, but alas, only if you squint your eyes and wish as hard as I do would you be able to see the faintest of freckling on the bridge of my nose.

From there, we made awkward small talk (I am fairly certain about 60 seconds after the freckles comment I made a joke about fingering bones, of which I am not proud) and then went into the museum basement to watch the paleontologists at work.

If there’s one thing that breaks the ice better than a heated sledgehammer, it’s dinosaurs. Our tongues loosened as we gawked at Triceratops, spun ideas about why the beasts’ spikes widened and dulled, and discussed what it was like to be a kid and immersed in the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous periods. Add in the fact that I almost broke a dino-bone when a chunk of dirt chipped off what we were touching, and Ben and I didn’t lack for conversation.

Ben wasn’t at all what he appeared to be — which, in a plaid shirt, jeans and an easy smile, was a ski-rabbit waiting for the winter. Instead, he was an accomplished photographer and writer who had spent time studying abroad. He had a truly open mind after coming to terms with his family’s religious nature in order to be his own person and make his own choices. What began as jaunty small talk fell into questions, answers and discussion.

Matt and Sacha met us at a local pizzeria for drink after we’d spent a few hours together — and funnily enough, despite our friends sitting next to us and chattering about art, writing and the innumerable quirks of Bozeman, Ben and I kept having side conversations where we were literally leaning around the side of the table to make sure we could hear each other. This all might have ended with a kiss. Or not.

My takeaway from this (besides Ben’s number): if you’re ever on a blind date and don’t know what to say, start with dinosaurs.

#nerdsunite

Alicia Ostarello has combined her talents in talking to strangers with degrees in English and Sociology and is currently taking a road trip across the country with one goal in mind: to go on a first date in every single state. Follow her trip and the documentary film being produced about it, 50/50: A Dating Documentary on Facebook at facebook.com/5050ADatingDocumentary.

#NerdsUnite: The Relationship (The One That Wasn't- Part 3)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

It was a few more days before she actually talked to me again and was excited to see me.  She's always excited to see me. I hoped it was because she had figured out just what to do with whatever we had become.

Much to my surprise it was to tell me, that over the weekend she had found, “The ONE!” The perfect guy for her and that must have been why her heart wouldn't let her fall for me. I was really stunned at this point. I just gritted my teeth and tried to smile for her new found happiness, screaming on the inside. She saw it written all over my face. Told me it was probably a bad time to have told me that. Ya think? I told her it wasn't, in a bit of a bitter tone, that in doing so it sealed the deal on my heart ache. Which it did, it cauterized it with fire. Because of that I was able to instantly cut her heart strings from mine. She explained that it was because he was so much like her. That with me I had this barrier of happiness flowing around me. That is stopped any bad from entering into me.

I had never really thought about it that way. She contended that because of that barrier, I had never really had to give up the girls I had dated. That I bounced back so fast, I never allowed myself to truly feel pain. So since each of those girls still had active parts of my heart, I couldn't have ever really given her my whole heart. I told her I had given her my whole heart, I had given her my all. She said she needed it all, not just what was left. In that moment my barrier shattered. The barrier I just found out was there, came crashing down and the heartache of 12 years came streaming into me all at once. I felt sick. Really sick. I ran into my room and put on, “As the world falls down” by Girl in a Coma. Yeah I felt like a teenage girl. Just lying there in my bed trying to breathe, trying not to cry. She came in and jumped on me and the bed and told me I wasn't allowed to feel pain. I was cursed with happiness and that’s not such a bad curse. She brought me back up. She helped me piece together my barrier then and it’s still not as powerful as it once was. She held me that night as the darkest parts of my past fought to get inside me. Truly, one of my darkest days.

She promised I would always have her love, even if that didn't mean having her heart. She wasn't going anywhere. I knew better though. The whole dynamic was about to change. She had found someone else to be with. She was moving on and to her it wasn't drastic. She didn't have to change anything really when it came to us, because she had only ever seen me as a friend. I guess... I still felt she had seen me as more, but that’s beside the point now.  For me it was a fight with reality. I had to change my stars. I had to readjust the whole of the way I saw her. I had to stop loving and longing for her. It was a very hard week.
 
We had been scheduled to go see a Dropkick Murphey’s show after my birthday that following weekend. A birthday she gracefully dipped out on. Probably for the best in that regard I’m pretty sure most of my friends were out for her blood at this point. They can be very protective. One even had a gun... not even kidding. Of course that girl always carries a gun. The concert grew near and she was still very hard to get a hold of. Still, when I did talk to her she was confident she was going. Not until the day of the show did I see her again and she gave me the same big hug as always. In that instant she felt that everything had changed. She questioned me, called me a liar when I said I was fine, and tried to read my silence. We had a third wheel with us though and I didn't want to talk about it in front of him. I could barely look at her the whole way there.

When we got there, I stole some time with her and told her how everything had changed. How I couldn't be with her the way I had been. She understood, but I told her it would take some time. I knew this was the beginning of the end for what we had created. I knew she would always be there for me if I needed her. Just not the way I had hoped. Luckily, spending 3 hours in a punk rock mosh pit slamming into each other took away the bitter taste I had in my mouth for her sudden absence in my life. We both got out a lot of our frustrations that night. It was an amazing show, we came home and crashed out again in my bed. Still I was done mentally; I hadn't tears to spare for her anymore, nor sentiment to give her from my heart. Those paths had all been taken and I wasn't falling again. Who knows what the future holds for us both? I know we love each other, of that she has told me many times. It’s not quite the type of love I was looking for. I want it all. I want the girl to be mine fully. I still need to seek the one for me. I’m sure she’s out there. I have just grown so tired of the games I have to play to get there. Seems everyone is looking to build a relationship with a stranger, to find someone to love that they have never met. What I want to do is build a foundation with someone. So that when we do get into the relationship part, what we build is a solid on a foundation centered on trust. We had that, she was missing the spark though. That’s why the fall hurt so much. I had that spark for her. We had spent so long on our foundation that it was sad not to be able to build on that, to craft a future together. What we build there will be a structure of friendship. Not a house for love. So I guess I’m back to looking for a new girl to let me craft a foundation with.

You see I like to court a girl. I like the old fashioned approach to love where you get to know a person and then decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. That’s the building blocks of a solid relationship, one that will stand the test of time, where you truly do become the best of friends, and life just comes together perfectly through trial and error. I haven’t found it yet and I don’t know if I’ll survive the next fall if it turns out not to be the one. This one was too close for comfort. Still I will persevere. I will fight because deep down I am and always will be a hopeless romantic. I may always go after the impossible, but that’s because I dream big. I know what I can get and I shoot for the moon. The stars will keep me company and the night sky will be the highway to our lives. The love I find will be that of legend and tales will be told for ages to come.

Let me tell you this dear readers, when love finally works out for me that girl will be my Goddess. I will worship the ground she walks on.  She will be my everything and my heart will forever be hers. Until that time I will continue to wander delighting in any adventure along the way. Adding story after story to my chest of memories. Until I find the girl who looks at me with wide eyes, eager to hear another story, to be part of them, to be my eternal fire. Lord willing this will happen soon. I don’t do well alone. I feel I was made for companionship. So here's to my future companion. May the wind blow you ever closer to me with each passing day, may the gods you worship grant you the sight to see me, and may your troubles be not so great as to obscure our coupling.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

#ProTip: Get Over Being Shy

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

When it comes to women, there is no being shy about it. What is it that you are waiting for? For her to one day wake up and figure out that you have been there for her all along?

This ‘hope is a strategy’ mentality is not going to get you very far. If you are looking for a job, do you just sit around waiting for companies to realize that you would be a great employee? Or do you go out there and contact employers, telling them about what an asset you would be to their company? If you are very successful in your professional life, you got there with hard work, perseverance and stepping up to the plate when the time was right.

Guys, if you want to play the lottery or wait to get lucky, I’ll let you in on something. Luck is being able to see opportunity and being brave enough to step up to take it.  At some point in your life, if you want something passionately enough, you will have to go after it.

Women can see shyness as endearing or cute, but that has nothing to do with being attracted to you. Women want a man who is going to take control of the situation. She wants to lose herself in the bedroom, and a shy man is not going to allow her that privilege. The good news is, there are a few women who like shy men. So all you have to do is hope you run into her and somehow catch her attention. The sad part is, she will eventually get bored and drop you like a rock.

Guys, I may seem a bit harsh. It is only because I care and want to help. You have been coddled for way too long. It is time to get yourself out there and live life. We all need a swift kick at some time in our lives.

One thing that I hear shy guys say often is, “I’m Shy.” You do not have to be shy anymore. Put it behind you. If you continue to say that you’re shy, you will continue to be shy. Put it in the past. “I used to be shy but now I’m working on being more outgoing.” That is the first thing to do. When you are an adult, being shy means, “I’m a big wuss.” This is not attractive.

Get out there and take your shots with everyone else. Meeting women is a full contact sport. You will win some and lose some. You will probably lose a hell of a lot more than you’ll win. Rejection shouldn't hurt you. You will still be there standing after the hardest blowout and should be ready to talk to the next woman. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and if you are smart about it, you can learn from those mistakes to make yourself a better man.

Get yourself out there and get comfortable talking to both men and women. I don’t care what you have to do to get comfortable, but do it. Opinion openers, bar surveys, strippers sitting on your lap at a strip club; whatever it is, it does not matter. The sooner you start, the sooner it will be over. If you don’t want anyone to see you practicing, go to a place where no one knows you.

Actually, that strip club idea is a good one. If you are very uncomfortable around beautiful, naked women, go to the strip club with about twenty $1 bills and get the girls to sit and talk to you. Make sure to tip them occasionally. That’s how they make money. Try to go on slow nights: Sunday through Wednesday. They will appreciate the money and you can benefit from their company.

These are some easy things that you can do. If you start today, you can be well on your way in just a few weeks. Getting over your shyness is not impossible. Thousands of people go through it every day. You won’t be the first and you won’t be the last. Besides, do you have better things to do? You will when you quit being shy.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: The Art of Baiting

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I sort of discovered this skill by observing naturals in action. I noticed that they never really ask questions (unless they want to) and have what is often referred to as “the gift of gab.” What they do is quite simply TALK – they are telling someone, indirectly, who they are. They don’t, for example, haul out their resume and list all of the cool things they have done. Rather, they indicate them via their stories, comments and replies.

Baiting can be defined best by an example. Take a close look at the following dialogue and see if you can understand where I am baiting the woman.

ME: (touching her sweater) Mmm ”cashmere.” Love a warm sweater. Growing up in the mountains, I always had such warm clothes for the wintertime. Whenever I wear one now, it reminds me of my youth.

HER: The mountains? Where did you grow up?

ME: Oh, the mountains of North Carolina. I lived there through high school. Growing up in a small town, and particularly when you mother has a central position in the community, you learn a lot about everything – government, the arts, personalities, scandal, commerce. You name it. Small town life makes people very well-rounded.

HER: What did your mother do?

ME: She published the local newspaper. So, we learned about everything first, then communicated it to the community in print. We had some wild experiences in that place! Obviously, though, I left, and ended up focusing on a career in school – which helped me get to where I am today.

HER: Where did you go to school? What are you doing now?

OK, so I could go on forever with this scenario. Baiting is when you demonstrate your personality, inviting a question from her to you. So, you do not want to reveal an ENTIRE fact about your life.

What you want to do is to HINT at it, thus, baiting a question from her. This helps guys get out of the traditional pattern of asking tons of questions of her, and gets her asking questions of you. This is a much more powerful dynamic that gets her chasing you.

This is a very elegant skill, one that is subtle, but very very empowering.

As I mentioned, the basic rule of thumb is to bait her until she is asking you questions. THEN, feel free to ask questions of her. Get it?

Also, it is very important that you demonstrate your interest in her by asking questions and complimenting her. This should be done in the “connect” phase. It is critical that you let her know that you find her interesting, and worth getting to know further.

But, only do this when she has indicated an interest in you by asking questions of you. When she does this, you know she is hooked. Otherwise, why would she ask you a question?

By baiting her, she is the one to shift the dynamic into the “getting to know you” stage of an interaction, rather than you. It is an essential skill to hooking her into the conversation.

This technique empowers you out of the traditional question asking scenario (BORING), and into the more interesting dynamic of you leading by demonstrating your personality. You come across as more powerful, and less supplicating. Naturals do this all the time.

I challenge each of you to get out into the world, and TRY this skill of baiting with the people you naturally meet. The next woman you are introduced to, try simply indicating who you are via this social skill. You never want to directly brag to anyone about anything, but you can indicate things subtly which can then pique someone’s interest. This is the best way to build fascination and intrigue in my experience.

Good luck!

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.