<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He's a youngin living in the great big apple in the hopes of becoming his dream, a theater director. Will he make it? Won't he? What problems and struggles will he deal with along the way. I have no idea ... so that's why he's here. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Friedman
This is the part of the blog where I wish I had a picture of me with a snorkel to start things off. I will however preface things here, going perhaps the obvious route with some Scorpions:
I’m getting a hurricane this week. Isn’t that just lovely? Considering I’ve never dealt with one in my entire life, and then I get 2 within 13 months of each other, the fates are having a real ball with me being here. Even more amusing is the fact that one of the days where it’s supposed to be the worst was my first scheduled rehearsal. Thankfully I’ve scheduled things in a way so that I only lose two day’s worth, and these are days I can easily move to another time. It’s still frustrating however to have your momentum pushed towards a certain time frame, and having things be thrown for a loop. Otherwise things with the production are going pretty well. I’m beginning the process of launching ticket sales for this show, another new thing I’ve done, but another concrete accomplishment in this set of circumstances. While these sales aren’t likely to happen for a couple of days for obvious reasons, these concrete points within the show give me the positive energy that things are moving along nicely.
So what’s a nerdy director to do when a hurricane is on the horizon? On the more serious end of the scale it gives me some quality time with the script allowing me to get even closer to it. Books are very helpful in these situations anyway, it just so happens that I could be reading the book that I’ve read the most out of any these last months. But on a personal level, with no potential power, there’s only one thing to do. Print about 30 sudoku puzzles and go to town on them. With my luck I may solve one super hard in a day, but it gives me something to do. Perhaps this is the one time where I wish I had roommates, because some good beer would have been in my purchases, but I’m not really the type to drink alone.
That’s really it for now, I’m off to do some last minute prep for this storm and get myself ready for the next scenario. I hope to be back next week with another blog, but that’s not necessarily a guarantee if I lose power.
<editorsnote> Nerds, you may already know my buddy John as "Confessions of a Video Game Journalist" but what you DON'T know el senor John is that not only does he also help out as TNTML's intern, he is hands down one of the wisest people I have ever met. For reals, you need to grab a beer with this guy at some point in your life. The things that come out of his mouth ... wowzah! I decided he needs a special column devoted to his wisdom - and now here it is. The gospel according to John. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JOHN !!</editorsnote>
Question this week: What is the biggest deal breaker you have when dating a girl?
If a girl does not communicate with me, it's a deal breaker. Seriously, that's the final say in the matter. I cannot, cannot, be in a relationship with a person who does not communicate with me in any shape or form about important things.
Now, I’m going to do something that I’ve never previously done before on the site. I’m going to talk about my past relationships.
I know! I know, I hear you gasping in the audience and I’m sure several of you thought of me as genderless cyborg monstrosity that had no genitalia. Up until about 7 months ago you would be totally correct. About the cyborg thing, not the genitalia. I use the bathroom.
To get that image out of you head, here’s a song to go with this post, okay?
The reason I never delved into my own relationships on the site was because they had no relevance to what I was writing about the majority of the time. Though I think some of these questions are Jen’s way of trying to get me to talk about them, because every so often she yells at me and tries to tell me that I should write about my relationship experiences on the site for you all. I’m on to you Ms. Friel.
However, the reason that I’m going to talk about two very particular ones right now is because they emphasize what I mean about communication very well and I can’t think of better examples than these two instances. I will not name names, I respect these women far too much and the privacy of their lives to do that. However, both of them know and knew that this was a problem for us, so talking about communication issues will not be anything new if (by some infinitesimal chance they actually read the site) they will not be offended because I said these things to their faces and in person.
Now, I’m debating using pseudonyms or whatever for these women but honestly I’m not clever enough for that (really I am, but the names that come to mind are so ridiculous that its borderline hilarious and it won’t get the point across). So we’ll stick to designations such as Woman 1 and Woman 2. W1 and W2 for short. This is not in an attempt to dehumanize them, again, this is to protect their identities.
W1 was a girl I had dated for four years, since sophomore year in high school and we continued to date through college till our sophomore year there when we ended up breaking up. So far that’s been the longest relationship that I’ve had.
What I didn’t see at the time was our inability to communicate properly. Granted, we talked very well, we were extremely close after four years and could talk about most anything. It was certain things that I didn’t notice till the end of our relationship that made me realize that that was not something I wanted.
W1 had a habit of letting me decide most of what we did and not talking about certain personal issues unless I pried them from her. These were important things that really mattered in our relationship and often times just trivial things that would have not had an impact on us at all.
For example: We’re sitting in her dorm and watching a movie, we just finished lunch and I’m lazing about there with her next to me, when I notice her crying silently. Not, like, tears streaming down her face. More, single tear here, but completely teary-eyed.
Fearing the worst, since it was not a sad movie, I pause it and look at her, concerned and ask her what’s wrong. She says it’s nothing and that we should keep watching the movie, but I learned at a very early age that when a woman says “It’s nothing” and she is visibly upset, it is not nothing. Word to the wise, there.
After about 10 minutes of “sweetie you’re crying it’s obviously not nothing,” she finally fesses up that she wants to go for a walk outside. That’s it. Just, take a walk with me around campus.
“That’s it? That’s why you’re upset? Why didn’t you say anything before?! We could have watched this movie any time, I own it! Why didn’t you say something?”
“Well, I wanted you to be happy and you wanted to watch the movie, so I said yes.”
You can analyze that conversation for yourself and figure out our entire relationship pretty much from that conversation. Needless to say we went outside and then everything was fine, but that moment really stuck in my mind on a level of poor communication that I didn’t know existed.
Personally, I love it when the woman in the relationship has an opinion and knows what she wants. TELL ME. Seriously. I don’t want to make all the freaking decisions here, because then I’m responsible for everything and it’s not a relationship. Having one person decide everything and the other not speak up is two people doing everything one person wants. That’s no relationship in my book.
Guys and gals should not be afraid of expressing their feelings, wants and needs in a relationship. That’s basic communication on a primal level between human beings. If you have a problem, or trouble, doing that, then you need to work on that. Why? Well, W2 will show you.
I met W2 at an event with mutual friends and we hit it off right away. We had similar interests, we had a lot of fun together and we got real close real fast. We’d only known each other as long as we’d been dating, about four months or so, and around that time I started to notice that she had become distant and somewhat cold in the way we interacted.
I asked her what the problem was, if something was wrong, and again I went to red alert when I heard the phrase, “It’s nothing, I’m fine.” ALL HANDS, BATTLE STATIONS!!!
After some time, I found out the source of the issue was that I had said some rather inappropriate and insensitive things over the course of the last few months, which I can totally believe because often times I’m an idiot and I let my mouth run before I think, but they were not intentionally bad. They were just things that rubbed her the wrong way when I said them.
I could understand that. What I didn’t understand was why she had not said anything and was now telling me she had no feelings for me anymore because of those things that had happened and I was out of the loop.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to change who you were for me. If that’s who you are, that’s fine, but I’m not interested in that.”
Now, this is a dangerous and often times misused phrase. Not wanting to change someone is completely alright and no one should strive to change the man or woman they’re in a relationship with. But, that doesn’t mean you stop trying to talk to them about things that upset you.
Just because you don’t like a type of joke or don’t like one the other person cusses, doesn’t mean that they will then suddenly stop doing it and change their personality for you. No, what they should do, is respect your feelings and refrain from doing that around you, while then going back to their friends and saying those jokes and cussing all they want because that’s who they are.
I often say that social interaction is very much like stand-up comedy: You have to know your audience. Don’t say the incredibly racist Jew joke that you know at a Synagogue. Be respectful. However, if you’re with a group of people who know that you’re not a racist and are by no means being a malicious individual and find that joke hilarious, then by all means, say the joke.
Then W2 said this, which is a big no-no for me:
“I want someone who will know what I want and like without me having to say it and without us having to talk about it every time.”
This, ladies and gentlemen both, is an unrealistic expectation for a partner in a relationship. If you expect someone to know what you want at all times and what you like and don’t like, you better be fucking dating a mind-reader. Otherwise, you are going to have conversations about these things and you need to prepare for it.
Relationships are not like the movies where two people are so in tune and so made for each other that they know every little thing to avoid. No one is like that. People will screw up, people will say dumb things and at some point you’ll have to have a conversation about something with them along the lines of “Dude, what the fuck was that?” or “Oh my god, why did you say that to my mother?”
Shit just happens okay?
Now, what you should learn from my experiences with W1 and W2 is this: Communication is key for a healthy relationship to flourish and grow. You need to be able to express yourself to this person because if you’re going to be sharing time and your life with them, they need to respect your wants and needs. And you will need to respect their wants and needs. That also means you need to listen to them. If you don’t listen to them, you’ll miss important information that either will help you avoid incidents that are embarrassing, or learn something wonderfully fun and new about them that will make you more fond of them.
Be prepared to not get this right. Be prepared to talk a lot with someone. That’s the best thing you can do to avoid awkward situations or arguments about one or the other doing something stupid. Above all, relax about it too. You’re supposed to enjoy this person and their company. If you don’t like communicating with them or it’s difficult, maybe they’re not right for you. Spend some time working on it, but if you don’t see it getting better, then you might need to move on.
Communication, it’s a deal-breaker and a deal-maker. Remember that.
I am SO unbelievably excited to announce that on this Saturday, we turn the ripe old age of three.
Yep, true story.
In honor of our birth, I wanted to do something special. Instead of just having a regular party, I want to have everyone come dressed up like they are from the 90s and pretend like it is the most normal thing ever. (It's a 90s flash mob.) Break out the flannel, Sailor moon, Nirvana, and come kick it!! (here are some costume ideas)
Last year's party was an ABSOLUTE blast and I can only imagine this years event will be even better, so come on out and meet your favorite writers and other community members.
From the depths of my everything, thank you all so so so much for the love and support of this community. It truly means the world to me. These have been HANDS DOWN the best three years of my life.
All my love and all my heart. Hope to see you guys Saturday!! YAY!!!
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Leah. She's pretty rad and has an INCREDIBLY random life. Like, no - for reals ... did you know she has an obsession with vampires, psychics, and tarot card readers ... and she had more sex as a teenager than in her 30s ... anddddd she even had two ex boyfriends die violently - one from a heroin overdose, and the other was murdered. Holy moly roli poli oli - that shit be cray cray. Either way, she's now here to write about her life, love, and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LEAH!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Leah_Cevoli
As an East Coaster, I love New York City. Or should I say, I love visiting New York City. I have a ton of really great girlfriends there, and the energy is just so freakin’ intense. It’s like LA on speed. But as such, people are usually in a big hurry, and hence I like the pace of LA a bit better (AND the weather!), so I don’t think I would ever live in New York, unless of course I fell in love, and/or booked a gig there. I always say; for love or money, I’d live anywhere.
But I digress…
It’s been about 6 months since my last visit to New York, and being on the east coast this whole time, and not visiting due to my hectic schedule as a tour manager for a promo gig, has been really getting to me! I was long overdue for the bright lights and big city!
This trip was based around New York Comic Con. Funny enough, I have never been to NYCC. I know, crazy, you say! Especially since I love, love, love San Diego Comic Con and this is her li’l brother right in my backyard.
I submitted the proper credentials a few months ago, and was hoping to be assigned onto a panel or land an appearance or two, but alas it was not meant to be. I was approved for my pro credentials and that was that… so I decided to just make this a total play-date. No real work involved, nowhere I *had* to be, it was all about enjoying myself, and spending time with friends old and new, and of course promoting the awesome new Science Fiction franchise, Space Command, that I am associate producing.
Lately, whenever I’m in NYC, I stay with my long-time friend Jaimie. She’s a non-con, non-industry friend, and so it was really funny when I mentioned why I was coming to visit. She says, “Yeah, I’ve been seeing Batman and Spiderman walking down the streets, and then I remembered it was New York Comic Con.” As luck would have it, Jaimie’s gorgeous penthouse apartment, overlooks the Javits center, the hub of all things Comic Con, making my commute, rather awesome.
Plans changed a little, and I arrived late Friday night, and hung out with Jaimie and rested up for a full Saturday at the Con.
Saturday arrived and my agenda was pretty light; mostly consisting of meeting up with friends at booths and/or meeting new friends.
First on the list was meeting up with my friend Alan Kistler, who if you don’t already know, is quite amazing. He’s the author of the UnOfficial Game of Thrones Cookbook, as well as recently published Batman and Spiderman trivia book. Alan and I first met in Anaheim, CA, where he moderated a panel that I was a featured guest on at WonderCon. We’ve since become good friends, and always, always meet up when we’re in the same cities. We met up at the Dracula panel, moderated by none other than Bram Stoker’s great-great-grand-nephew, Dacre Stoker (author of Dracula The UnDead).
And then it was off to find my very good friend, and freakin’ beyond talented artist, Randy Martinez. See, Randy has recently become an official Marvel artist, and his original Spiderman painting (autographed by Randy AND Stan Lee) was up for sale. (It sold on day one!) So very proud of Randy! Check out his work at www.RandyMartinez.com
A pleasant surprise was that my longtime girlfriend and one of my BFF’s Tina Norris, was also at New York Comic Con. I don’t usually associate Tina with the Geekdom world, she’s one of my rocker friends, BUT she is a total horror freak, and was recently featured in a brand new Calendar and playing cards for The Women of Armageddon. Tina was there in costume, signing autographs and posing for pictures. If that’s what we’re all going to look like by Armageddon time, bring it on!
At that point, I had wanted to go see the screening of Carrie and a few other panels, but I found myself in line for SciFi Speed Dating. Yes, I really did.
They lined us up, girls on one side, boys on the other, reminiscent of cattle herding, we waited I would say a good 15-20 minutes before the room was ready for us. They were also taping segments for a reality show (oh goodie), so we had to sign a release form.
25 chairs in rows of 4, with 25 more chairs facing each of the original 25 chairs. The girls stay seated. The boys play musical chairs.
I really remained, open, and welcoming, and gave each lovely male dater a fair shot at connecting with me, making me laugh, exciting some part of my body or mind, but alas, for me, there were 25 duds. Not a single connection, not even an almost connection. I partially was blaming it on the fact that 3 minutes just isn’t a whole lot of time, but then a new male friend a few nights later, with 3 minutes on the clock, did pretty damn well, and connecting and making me laugh. So yeah, nothing to do with time limits. When there’s a spark, there’s a spark, and sadly there weren’t any to be found at Scifi Speed Dating.
After 2 hours of Speed Dating, I headed out to the Geek Girls Network party, to meet up with Alan, and various other friends. They had rented out an entire bar in Manhattan called Stitch’s, and it was a lot of fun. The best part about travelling to cons is that you get to meet online friends and peers who you may not have otherwise. This party was definitely the highlight of my NYCC experience.
I love these ladies. Janelle and I have been twitter friends for years, and Rachael and I only recently, but it feels like years! They are both just as amazingly awesome in real life as they are online.
And speaking of amazingly awesome, finally, got a chance to catch up with Jenna Busch in real life.
Jenna and I are both featured in an upcoming Special Edition of Cupcake Quarterly Magazine, (pre-order your copy!) plus we have tons of friends in common, so it was super special to be able to say hi and spend some time together.
From there I was summoned to karaoke to meet up with some other non-con, but fantabulously awesome ladies in my life. Tanya Perez, who is a bi-coastal actor/producer like myself, and the infamous Bonnie Gillespie, who just so happened to be visiting NY for some speaking engagements and other awesome Bon-type things.
Needless to say, we closed the karaoke place down.
Sunday, was all about BRUNCH!
My friend Jaimie lives in this super cool high-rise building, with tons of cool people. Sort of like the Melrose Place of Manhattan, except it’s a high-rise not an open-courtyard type place, cuz well, it’s New York, and that would be chilly.
Brunch was unbelievable. 2 hours of all you can eat and drink for $40/pp and the plates just don’t stop coming. Like, ever. I was pretty much in a food coma the rest of Sunday.
Monday was a total play-date day.
I had a long overdue breakfast with my friend Bree Michael Warner. Bree and I first met in 2006, during a series of poetry readings we both participated in back in Los Angeles. Kindred souls, we began meeting for coffee/tea every few months to catch up on life/love and career stuff. But, 3 years ago Bree met the man of her dreams and moved to NY, and we haven’t done a good job of staying in touch, outside of Facebook. So finally, we caught up. She is doing so, so, so good, and make sure to look out for her in her as Detective Brogan starring opposite James Woods, Steven Dorf, David Boreaneaz and more in Officer Down.
And then something happened. I think I was so happy to hear all of the good things in Bree’s life, that I sat down by myself near the Hudson River, and just felt a deep heart opening. I felt like all this good stuff that I want for myself, that I envision, is so freakin’ close that I can touch it. I cried. A happy cry.
Later that night, I met up w/Rachael for a delicious happy hour in Brooklyn. She made me take the subway all alone, in the rain, but I made it there safely, and it was worth it.
However, on the way back, well let’s just say that Leah and a few glasses of wine, yeah well, I ended up in Queens instead of Manhattan, not a huge deal, except I had one more friend meet up planned that night, and now I was running about an hour late.
Corrected course, and met up with new friend Aaron Sagers at a cool little bar in Manhattan called Bar Nine. If you’re into the paranormal at all, or read CNN.com, you’re probably familiar with Aaron. As someone who loves all things supernatural, I was excited to meet up with Aaron.
Aaron’s a great guy, had a lot of fun listening to bad karaoke, dodging cockroaches, and debating about pretty much every topic that came up. Had he ever joined a debate team, he surely would have been team captain. If you get a chance check out Aaron’s new show Paranormal Paparazzi Friday nights on the Travel Channel.
And then the tour managing gig took focus and alas time to bid adieu to good ole NYC and head back to Philly.
But not without one last quick twitter-friend meet up for lunch @TheGeekMatt met me for lunch near Penn Station and we chatted about Comic Con.
I truly love visiting New York. It leaves me feeling so full of life and energy. It reminds me that anything, anything, is possible if you set your mind to it.
This photo I took of myself, sitting outside, while the winds were picking up speed, and the rain drops were starting to fall near the Hudson River pretty much sums up my time in New York, as well as how I’m feeling about life right now.
It is I again, and right now I am prepping for Hef's Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion.
I'm pretty stoked, btw, this is my favorite party of the year. The haunted mansion is REDIC (they fly this duderino in from Russia), and they always have tarot card readers and other shiznat going on.
I was going to go with a date this time round, but rather than go with a guy I'm only slightly into I decided to just go solo - as usual.
Le sigh.
Shiny things, shiny happy people. This is supposed to make you happy right?
This shit sucks man. I've already gone swimming naked in the grotto!!!! How many more things on my list do I have to check off before I finally meet some dude that I'm into?? Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I'm sick of being single. (Time to get more aggressive on DMS!!)
Anywho, enough bitching ... I'm just stoked to see so many of the friends I don't get to see during the year. (This is my 6th year going, and because I'm always solo I end up walking away with 50 new friends.)
I'll post the pic of my costume in a bit, but in the meantime get yo' get yo' get yo' own freak on to some Halloween tunes, and have a safe and very very very wonderful Saturday before Halloween everyone!!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012 at 11:47AM
