#NerdsUnite: The secret life of a veterinary technician

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She and I met ... well, somewhere in the social space. I think we might have started talking through this site directly, then through facebook - maybe ... I'm not sure. But she's awesome. I talk to her on twitter almost every day, and she's really rad and TOTALLY a big huge animal lover. Like crazy huge!! In these series of posts she will be talking about her life and random adventures with sometimes more than two legged creatures. I guess there's only one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LINDSAY!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @TheCraftafarian

Not too much going on around here this week. I got a new (used) car which I absolutely love. Its a 2009 Scion XD. It's perfect for the dogs and for taking little trips with David. It should work too if I still have it come time for babies (not for a while yet). I didn't really want it until I test drove it and then I fell in love. It was a great experience because the salesman could have sold me a more expensive car but he knew that this one would be perfect based on what I told him. He was a really nice guy and we talked about animals and random things while we waited for the loan application to go through. I really felt like John (the salesman) was looking out for me. I initially went there to look for a Honda Fit but he kept telling me that vehicle didn't rate very well in terms of safety. Good thing they didn't have any of that model. He showed me the doge caliber, scion XD, Chevy HHR, Mazda something, and a few others. I decided to test drive the scion, HHR, and caliber. We started with the scion since it got the best gas mileage and although it was really cute I didn't think I would like it and wanted to get that test drive out of the way first. I didn't drive another car. Its so smooth, responsive, and I'm already getting twice the amount of miles per gallon than I was. I love driving it around which is important because I drive between 30-50 miles per day. I'm so excited because it has an auxiliary jack so I can hook up my iPhone and play MY music. FINALLY. I have been so sick of the radio, playing the same 15 songs all day long regardless of which station. I'm currently patiently waiting while my love (David) is creating a delicious steak dinner. He's the best cook ever, I may be biased but I think it’s true. There's football on in the background which I don't care for but I'm going to have a glass *or two* of wine and watch cartoons later so I'm content. 

I've saved enough money up to do my kitty's surgical biopsies to try to determine if she has IBD or lymphoma. I'm really nervous about it, I know she will be fine through the surgery but I'm afraid to find out what is going on with her. It's been a very slow illness, most of the time she is fine. Whatever the condition is, it's causing a vitamin B deficiency so maintain on vitamin injections has been working very well. Otherwise my boss would have just done the surgery immediately but I want to be able to pay the clinic and she's doing fine so waiting was ok. Even though I have a car payment I am saving so much in gas we are also going to take a mini-vacation (one or two nights) to Miami and explore the area, play on the beach, relax, and spend some much needed romantic time together. We've been there a few times and love going. Once we just spent a few days there playing on the beach and checking out fancy hotels but another time we went to a beautiful Spanish monastery. The building is beautiful as are the gardens.  If you are ever down there you should definitely check it out: http://www.spanishmonastery.com. 

I'm pet sitting a lot this month so I know the vacation will be an amazing reward! I hope all you nerds are doing well :)

#nerdsunite

<3 Lindsay
twitter: @thecraftafarian
blog: craftafarian.blogspot.com
email: craftafarian at gmail d c

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick (back to worky work work)

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys

Hi nerds, 

First off, I just wanted to say thank you all so so so so soooo much for the emails, comments, tweets, and posts re: my family. I read every one and truly, from the depths of my everything - thank. you. 

Losing my grandmother wasn't "painful" it was this reminder of a hole that has been present in my soul for literally as long as I can remember. Emotional abuse is a gnarly thing to experience, but like everything else in life - as long as my heart is still beating and my lungs are still expanding it is just a life experience that I will one day look back on and maybe not be grateful for, but be aware at the strength it gave me. 

2012 has been one of the most interesting years of my life.

The first 6 months of the year this business was in HYPER HYPER growth, and now the last 4 months, on the flip side of things, my personal life has been in HYPER HYPER growth. Even my buddy aka the dude from Silicone Beach Fest said to me on Saturday that he can't believe how much I had evolved in the few months that I hadn't seen him. Chapters of my childhood are closing in rapid succession and all it is is a confirmation that I KNOOOWWW I am going to be settling down soon and starting to pop babies out of my belly. 

I want to be a mom, I want to be a wife, and while I date and find this person in the meantime - this business keeps me PLEENNNTTYYY busy and watching this brand grow has been truly the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. 

I had a meeting yesterday with a feature film production company, as well as this week more meetings with advisors, and one on Monday with a very large entertainment agency that is interested in investing in us. (Coincidentally too they represent the scripted TV show based on this site.) I'd like to think all of this business popping seemingly out of the blue is my grandmother making up things to me - but only time will tell when the ink is dry on the contracts. =) Get to work, bitch! 

On the personal side, this experience has also been very eye opening. I've made someone a priority for the last few months and it continues to fall flat. I'm a painfully, painfully optimistic person and because I love with all my heart, I genuinely expect others to do the same. I'm now starting to realize that maybe it's just not the case. It's obviously all just part of the journey, and there are never hard feelings, but as I was processing a lot of this last night I saw this trailer and this one quote in particular stood out to me ... 

See 1:40 

"- Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?"

"- We accept the love we think we deserve." 

That's SO SO SO TRUE!!! The 103 dates in 9 months taught me of life's reflectiveness and how attraction and those "butterflies" are only rooted in emotional recognition.

ANNNNNNDDD I have also learned in the last few months that men will absolutely ONLY treat you the way you are projecting to be treated. (Being a dominatrix certainly helped me come to that conclusion) Literally every guy I've dated in the last 6 months has told me over and over what a lady I am, and how much they've enjoyed my company. 

I'm so so grateful for these experiences in dating, and for all of you. 

This last week hasn't been easy, but knowing you all were behind me kept me focused and strong and now I am headed back to work with my head held high and a smile on my face. 

OH OH! And tonight, I'll be promoing the new HTC One X Smartphone for AT&T at the Yelawolf concert, and tomorrow the "Date My School" Google hang out returns!! 

Keep on rockin out nerderinos, and thanks again for all the inspiration. 

Much love and many blessings!! 

Oh yeah and one more thing ... 

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#nerdsunite

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (What the heck am I doing?)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

A lot of women I know in their late 20s and early 30s in the entertainment industry are going through a very similar thing right now. The “what the heck am I doing,” “why aren’t things quite clicking,” and “I’m just plain exhausted” funk. Some of them have biological clocks that are starting to tick in a major way, some are considering leaving show business completely, and others are just bummed out.

After many long conversations I’ve been having over the past few months, it seems like it’s almost a case of “too much potential.”  Basically, these women are incredible. I have no doubt that if they were all pursuing any other profession other than entertainment, they’d be well on their way to being CEOs and earning six figure salaries.  And at the risk of sounding too proud, I would definitely include myself among these women.

I have always had ridiculously high standards for myself, was an ‘A’ student throughout high school and university, and did an embarrassing amount of work for extra credit and “brownie points.”  I often wish that there was another profession, some ‘something else’, anything else that I wanted to do more than acting, because the route to get to financial success in that field would be infinitely less complicated than the route to financial success as an actor.  Even in Jenna Fischer’s famous blog entry she talks about the fact that a teacher told her “if you can do anything else you should do it,” and that she thinks that’s good advice. Quite frankly, I think so too.

Entertainment is not for the faint of heart, and a recent article in Backstage  laid it all out very clearly.  Basically reading through it, I realized that I might be totally crazy. I mean really, go through and read all of the points.  Really.  The amount of instability and change that I experience on a day to day basis is bananas.  But, the really ridiculous part of it all is that I love it. While each one of the points was totally terrifying when you read them all in one sitting, the realities of this business are also incredibly exciting.  Every single day it’s like you are at the top of the hill on a roller coaster ride not knowing what’s around the next corner, how far down the downs go, and how high the highs.

So what do my friends and I do with this weird melancholy we’ve been experiencing lately?

None of us are fresh off the plane anymore.  No longer bright eyed and bushy tailed, and whatever other cliché you can throw in here.  You might even be able to say that we are a bit jaded and a little hardened.  But the great thing is that we are still here together in the trenches holding on and ready to step out again into completely unfriendly fire and win the battle against all odds, “Sucker Punch” style.

Basically, it’s all about getting our groove back, staying in the game, and shining brighter now that we have some real world entertainment biz experience under our belts, and that can propel us even further than wide eyed naiveté.

My friend Bonnie Gillespie (casting director, author, acting career coach) introduced me to the work of Marie Forleo and Sally Hogshead who are kick ass women who have ignited a new fire under my butt.  They are branding and marketing mavens, and I’ve been watching all of their videos with the idea of applying what they are saying to my acting career as well as the new projects I’d like to produce in the next couple of years.  Not only that, but I’ve started to think about all of the other passions I have, and which one of those passions might make a good online business in the future.

In any case, I know I’m an entertainment biz “lifer” and could never turn my back on this marathon I’ve chosen to run, but now I’m seeing more possibilities and a more gorgeous horizon.  It just takes waking up every morning to that beautiful new day and committing myself to the journey all over again.

Like Steven Pressfield says in “Turning Pro,” (I’m paraphrasing here)… the professional recommits themselves every single day.

So with that, I challenge all of you who might be feeling the way some of my girlfriends and I have been feeling, to take a look deep inside.  If you are ready to move on and have a love for something other than the entertainment biz and are ready to experience that journey, I say do it!  Entertainment will always be here.  You can even start acting again when you’re eighty.

And if you know that right now, being an actor, or director, writer, producer, makeup artist or whatever other job it is you are doing right now, is the right path to be on, then strap up your boots and meet me on the road because that’s where I’ll be.

No choice is right and no choice is wrong, it’s only indecision and inaction that cripples us.

Until next time,

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: An Uck-fay Ou-yay Letter

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

A nerdy love note from Jen: Hi, friends. It's me again. Two editors notes in one ... looky how awesome this is!! Either way, Eric here is going through a period of emotional growth. He may be a social dynamics expert (and DAMN NEAR the BEST I have ever seen in the field) but, like any other humanoid, he still has a lot of work to do on himself as well. I kept asking him to "go deeper" in his writing, and to push himself more - however explaining that to someone is like saying, look at the sky and try to see a deeper shade of blue. The brain literally doesn't know how to process it because all you're seeing is what you see. To be pushed into the intangible requires first to remove some of the blocks. 

I told Eric to get deeper I wanted him to write a fuck you letter to all of the people that have ever wronged him. To just ... let it out ... and SCRREEEAMMMM F-U-C-K-Y-O-U. 

This is his letter. It is very personal, and part of his journey. I commend you on being so brave Eric! 

<3 Jen. 

You know it’s been an intense week when this is what you write for TNTML.

FUCK YOU to my Dad, for all the times that you made me feel inadequate. FUCK YOU for never caring about what was important to me and making my values seem valueless. FUCK YOU for not supporting me. FUCK YOU for constantly luring me back into your life only to tear me down when I needed you most. FUCK YOU for forcing guilt when I needed advice. FUCK YOU for never dealing with your addiction to food and setting an example that is leading my sister down the same path. FUCK YOU for never listening or valuing what my mother had to say. FUCK YOU for the weekend you came all the way to LA just to tell me how shitty all my decisions were, and then ignoring my brother when all he wanted was for you to be proud of his first acting performance. FUCK YOU for leaving me there afterwards to comfort him as he cried and drank himself to sleep. FUCK YOU for thinking it was ok to disown me and then attempt a relationship without ever saying sorry. FUCK YOU for never saying sorry in general. FUCK YOU for all the promises that you made and never kept. FUCK YOU for telling me I wasn’t worth nice things. FUCK YOU for telling me that I shouldn’t want to be cool and making me feel like a worthless shit for wanting that. FUCK YOU for all the times all you had to do was stare at the ground and I knew you thought I would fail and then I did. FUCK YOU for all the times that same stare sent me into depression.

FUCK YOU to 90% of my high school friends. FUCK YOU for pretending to be my friends. FUCK YOU for never inviting me along to group hangouts. FUCK YOU for abandoning me as soon as one person in the group said that you should. FUCK YOU for not standing up to him and calling him on his bullshit. You are all fucking sheep. FUCK YOU to my so-called best friend for never being a good friend at all. FUCK all of YOU for never returning my calls. FUCK YOU for making me the butt of your jokes. FUCK YOU for calling me ugly. FUCK YOU for convincing me I had a small dick. FUCK YOU for saying that I was dumb. FUCK YOU for saying that I was talentless. FUCK YOU for using me as a guitar player just so you’d have one person who could actually play there fucking instrument. FUCK YOU for making fun of my body and calling me an ogre. FUCK YOU all for never caring about me enough to try and mend things. FUCK YOU for never inviting me to your most important life events. FUCK YOU for making me feel worthless. FUCK YOU for never making an effort and for never caring about me. FUCK YOU for all the times you made fun of me in front of girls I was attracted to. FUCK YOU for talking shit about me behind my back.

I realize after writing this that I have not overcome as much as I once thought. I realize that my constant search for validation comes from all of this. I realize that my inability to stand up for myself comes from a lack of self-worth. I realize that my deprecating self-sentiment still looms. I realize that I still think I’m worthless. I realize that I still feel talentless. I realize that I still feel dumb. I realize I feel very alone. I realize that I place my core values secondary to other people’s priorities because I don’t think they’re worth it. I realize that the reason I love being in social settings so much is because I get validation there. I realize that I still don’t think I’m capable of success. I realize that I settle. I realize that I am talking too much and not walking enough because I’m scared. I realize that I still don’t trust myself.

but...

I know I’m capable. I know I’m talented. I know I’m smart. I know I’m attractive. I know I can do something great in this world. I know I am worthy. I know I deserve happiness. I know I deserve respect. I know I still have farther to go before I realize what I already know.

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

#TrueStory: Yesterday = top 5 for the worst day of my life

I know people say 27/28 is your "return to Saturn" and a lot of changes go on - but holy fuck this has been a gnarly year for me on a personal level. These MASSIVE life chapters keep closing, and this was a very very very big one. 

I can't artistically write the story yet (still too emotional) but I can tell you all about my day yesterday and what it is like to grieve across the country for a really shitty person you were biologically related to on the day of their funeral. 

Maestro. 

So, obvi, my grandmother died. The bitch and I didn't get along ... at all. I have literally spent thousands of dollars in therapy over the years dealing with the emotional baggage this loverly human being bestowed upon me at birth. I'll write out more of our story again later, but either way, my family didn't think it would be a good idea for me to attend the funeral. My dad's siblings aren't exactly fond of me, and now that I am older and actually use the mouth I have been given - it was written all over the wall that none of this was going to end well. 

I want to focus on my future, I said to my father on the phone when I found out the date for the funeral. 

I need to see someone this weekend, I continued. I haven't seen him in a bit now and if I don't make it a priority I'm afraid he will lose interest. 

He is my priority, I said to my father. 

Good choice, daughter, he said back. 

I then talked to this person on Wednesday night choosing not to tell him about my family issues. I understand that in almost all instances you need to be honest wtih someone about what is going on, but having barely processed it myself I just wasn't ready. Plus, again, it's EXTREMELY difficult for me to ever be emotionally vulnerable in front of someone. EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY difficult. 

I need to see you this weekend, I said to him. I don't care if I have to travel - can we please make it happen? 

Let's put a pin in it, he said. I have some things to do, but we should be able to work something out. 

I smiled hanging up the phone. 

Focus on the future, not the past, I thought. 

Saturday morning came around, and at 7 I shot out of bed like a bullet. 

I can't be in this house today, I thought. I genuinely have no plans but I need to be on a beach and I need to not be here. 

I then packed up my CES bag, grabbing my computer and all applicable chargers. 

I have no idea where I'm going, or what I'm going to do when I get there - but as long as I have these things, the rest will just work itself out. 

The bus ride over, as usual, was an adventure. 

Stay classy, Los Angeles! 

Anywho, I arrived at the beach an hour later and immediately faceplanted on the sand. 

When I get really really really upset, my brain actually shuts down. I stop absorbing things, and I will misplace EVERYTHING I get my hands on. It's super annoying but until I work through the emotions I'm not a functioning human being. What better way to work through them than to literally ground yourself.

I then placed my hands over my face and began sobbing.

And FTR, this wasn't pretty girl sobbing, this was level baby sea lion.  

After literally two hours of sobbing. from. my. soul. I decided to text the guy I wanted to see. 

Hey! I said, are you free today? 

An hour later I got a response. I look down and read this ... 

Ouch. 

Never one to give up though I pressed on ... 

Again, he had no idea what was going on but I reached out and I did say earlier in the week that it was important to me to see him this weekend. 

After a few minutes there is still no text back. I then decide to call. It rings ... then goes to voicemail. 

I do not leave a message, I instead hung up the phone and continued to sob. 

The timing on all of this was as usual brilliant. 

To be rejected while MOURNING said childhood rejection was a wonderful, wonderful treat. 

Way to go, life!!! 

In that moment, I absolutely lost it. UN.CON.TROLLABLY. sobbing in a sea of tourists sunning. 

Top 3 worst life moment. 

I continued to sob with my hands over my eyes for almost an hour. I just ... lost it, man. It was a good, good cry. 

I then see someone crouch down in my eye line. 

It is a lifeguard. 

He motions for me to take off my headphones. 

I do. 

Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to not go into the water today, he informs me. 

I stare back at him genuinely confused. 

Wait, what? I say wiping my face and attempting to compose myself. 

Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to not go into the water today, he repeats. 

Ohh ... uhh ... kay ... I say back, shocked. 

He then walks away and I start laughing. 

Did I REALLY just get yelled at by a lifeguard for sobbing on the beach?? 

That's kind of hilarious. 

Thanks for the comedic interjection, life!!! 

Understanding that my constant was now a plan free evening, I decided to text some friends to see if anyone was around. 

Being in Santa Monica, one of the first people I reached out to was actually the duderino I met at the Silicone Beach Fest. He and I were dating up until I met Antonio, and he's a GREAT guy I just genuinely didn't see anything moving forward with him romantically.

Not wanting to lead him on though, I just didn't contact him after I got my number changed.

That is a true friend right there, nerds. Hilarious that it all started as a one night stand. 

Perfect, I said back. 

We then met up at the Whaler a few hours later and the second I saw him he gave me the biggest hug ever. 

Thank you so much for this I sighed into his shoulder gripping tightly. 

What happened, he said pulling up a stool? 

My grandmother died, I said. I couldn't go to the funeral and I just didn't want to be alone today. 

He smiled placing a hand on my leg. 

How have things been? he asked. 

uuuuhhhh, interesting, I said. 

Any travels? 

Yeah! I said. I just got back from Miami actually after this weirdo denerido ditched me while I was in a bikini. 

He starts laughing saying, of course you did. 

We then caught up on life and love. 

How is everything going for you dating wise? (outside of that last date clearly) 

I need to pop a baby out of my belly, I said. I'm super serious about settling down. I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, I admitted. 

You've really evolved in the last few months, he then admitted. It's crazy actually. 

Thank you, I said. The last few months have been very ... eventful, I say with a slight sneer. 

We then finished up our beers and around midnight parted ways. Are you sure you don't want to crash at my place, he asked realizing that the bus ride back at that hour was not going to be pretty. 

Oh, I'm fine dude, I said. 

We then stood by his street. I really appreciated this, I said. I have a lot of trouble opening up to people and I never forget things like this. 

Not a problem he said with a smile and a hug. 

I sighed again in his shoulder. 

God, I just needed a hug from a friend, I thought.

See nerds, we're not born to be guarded, it is a learned behavior. I genuinely try to open up to people but over and over and over after 28 years, the only people that have ever hurt me were the ones closest to me. I HATE that part about my personality and my life experience, but I'm learning to deal with it and every day I am a little bit more open than the last. 

I'm not mad at the person that I didn't get to see - he was just speaking his constant. People are people and we are all on our own little journeys. Focus on people's actions, not their words, and no matter what always make sure your cell is charged so no matter where you end up in life, you can at least rock out to your playlist. 

Onward and upward. Things can only go up from here ... I hope. 

#namaste

Oh yeah and ... 

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