<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
Looky looky the email I woke up to this morning ...
WOW! Way to totally make my freaking morning!! This is FANTASTIC and I'd ADORE to go to Germany ... or anywhere actually!! I clearly have no problem traveling for dates (cough coughMiami and Vegas ... twice ... each), so I'd ABSOLUTELY love to travel to meet you guys too and just kick it.
I need to get my passport renewed, but other than that all I need is a ticket, a couch I can crash on, and wifi. I'm ALWAYS game for an adventure.
Throw some ideas at me nerds!! #NerdsUnite isn't just our official hashtag for @tntml - it's a way of life, man. I'm ALLLLLLL about community and about crossing off as much on my life list as possible.
Thanks so so so much for reading everyone!! Greatly appreciated and kisses from my side of the monitor in Los Angeles!! xoxoxo
<editorsnote> Nerds, you may already know my buddy John as "Confessions of a Video Game Journalist" but what you DON'T know el senor John is that not only does he also help out as TNTML's intern, he is hands down one of the wisest people I have ever met. For reals, you need to grab a beer with this guy at some point in your life. The things that come out of his mouth ... wowzah! I decided he needs a special column devoted to his wisdom - and now here it is. The gospel according to John. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JOHN !!</editorsnote>
Question this week: What do you think is the sexiest quality in a woman?
This is an interesting question as attraction has a lot of connotations in current society. A person can be “attractive” if they are stable and secure in life, if they are physically and aesthetically pleasing or if they exhibit traits that a person finds enjoyable and preferable over others. In the most basic sense, not everyone finds the same thing attractive, but there is one thing that I believe every man and woman finds attractive: confidence.
Confidence itself is a sub-category in the Attraction Scale because of the many different forms it takes. Confidence in self, confidence in skill, confidence in knowledge and yadda yadda. Personally, confidence in self is the thing that I find most attractive and “sexiest” about a woman. Yet, there are thorns to each rose and we’ll cover those in a second.
As usual, I’ll try and provide examples of what I mean in a humorous manner because honestly I explain things better when it’s funny to me. I don’t find much humor in this next example, but give me a few lines and I’m sure I’ll get a joke out of it somewhere.
Animals. Animals breed off of confidence. Complex courting rituals and shows of strength or ability are all displays of confidence. In this case, an animal is displaying its confidence in itself by showing that it knows it is the best breeding partner for the mate it is seeking. “Look at me, check out this awesome ass plumage. Don’t you want some of this?” Not ass-plumage, but you get the idea. That’s what birds do!
Rams? “Hey, see that other guy over there? Watch me knock him the hell out with my incredible strength and horns. I am the best mate for you because I am the most powerful.” And then the lady ram is like, “Oh Mr. Male Ram, you’re so strong and powerful. How could I refuse you?” And then they live happily ever after.
Now, this is a really basic sense of what I mean. This doesn’t really translate into humans because this can be taken one of two ways. For example: “Hey baby. Aren’t I so sexy? Look at my muscles and my expensive clothing and my suave attitude. I’m clearly the best guy here for you.” If some jackhole came up to you and said that, you’d walk away and think he’s a narcissistic prick, right? The same goes for chicks! “Ugh, look at these girls here. None of them are good enough for you. Take me home.”
I’m only assuming that these are conversations that an incredible confident individual would say if they were confident in ego not in self. Usually people who are all about showing off and proving how good they are, are the ones least confident in themselves.
As for me, I find it sexy when a person says something like this, “I’m working at (x-job) and I really love it because of (reason-y). I tried out all of these other things but I think this is my passion and I love it.” I know what you’re thinking. If I found every person who loves their job sexy then I’d either be overwhelmed by the sexy or sad at the lack of sexy around me. But I shall dissect this to explain why I find this sexy.
I find it sexy because if a woman has taken the time to experiment with things and find out what she is truly passionate about and discovered a job that she really likes and stuck with it, that shows me that she’s found some of her own personal happiness and followed it. I want to be with someone who knows what makes them happy and who isn’t afraid to go for it because that’s who they are. That’s sexy.
Another example is if she doesn’t really care what she wears or if it’s “in-fashion.” If a girl wears clothes that she likes and she finds fit her personality, that is a part of her to me and just makes her sexier. Granted, we all have those conditions of hygiene and whatnot. Also, just because she’s sure of herself and sure of what she’s wearing makes her sexy, doesn’t mean I’ll be totally into her if she shows up wearing clown outfits all the time.
Confidence in self is about knowing who you are and being confident in that knowledge and not letting others get you down. Jen Friel is confident in herself because she knows who she is and what makes her happy. That’s why so many guys and girls find her sexy.
Granted, not everyone knows everything about themselves or who they are and often times people don’t like themselves. I’ve been there and I totally get that. But just because you aren’t confident in yourself, doesn’t mean you won’t ever be. It means that you’re on the road there. Take the time to really think about what you want and that will resonate. It’s kind of what Jen says about finding your own personal awesome. When you are confident in who you are and what you are happy about and what makes you happy, others gravitate to that and they notice that. It’s animal instinct. Remember the rams and the birds with the awesome-ass plumage? Course you do.
So remember guys and gals. Have confidence. Like that Sound of Music song.
What the hell was the hipster going to do to me anyway?
Strangle me with irony and bury me in deep rooted resentment for all things popular?
Weird.
Anywho, so last night I got hit up by a buddy of mine inviting me to this house party in Silverlake.
Yes .... Silverlake.
I live in West Hollywood, and in almost 9 years of living in LA, I can genuinely count on ONE hand how many parties I have ever been to in Silverlake.
It's not like I'm entirely mad at the scene, they do have some cool art galleries ... HOWEVER, it's just not my tribe o'peeps. (I'm more of a Venice, SaMo, beachy but like the bars kinda girl.) I only live in West Hollywood because it is so convenient to everything that I do and it also feels like a little neighborhood. I genuinely say hello to all the business owners when I go on my little walks, and I see the same people every morning on my run. In a city of so many millions of people it's nice to have a little nook of comfort and familiar faces.
Anyway ... SILVERLAKE on the other hand is filled with flanels, hipsters, and super expensive coffee shops. It's just not my scene!!! Never has been - never will be.
Either way, I dig this friend a lot (and we are professionally involved as well so I also just had some catching up to do), so I made an exception.
I then got on the bus around 10:30 and headed east.
About 15 minutes into the ride, this dude with a wheelchair gets on (a LOT of disabled people take the bus). Nothing unusual at first, he was stationed directly in front of me - I thought nothing of it.
5 minutes into his ride, he starts losing.his.shit. screaming and waving his arms around.
The bus driver stops and the passenger starts screaming that we need to let him off.
The driver makes no fuss (watching these guys stay SOOOO calm in situations like this is INCREDIBLY inspiring. Don't FUCK with the bus drivers.) and goes to lower the ramp letting him down.
The guy doesn't want to wait so he continues his cussing rant and then tries to get off the bus without the ramp.
At this point, everyone starts looking away to not get involved so I lowered my head in unison.
Seconds later he is off the bus, and the passengers start clapping.
I was just trying to help him, said the driver.
You weren't in the wrong man, said one of the passengers.
As the bus pulls away you can hear the guy still screaming in the street flipping off the bus driver.
Trippy, I thought.
I then get to my stop, and pull out my google maps app (I REFUSE to upgrade to the new ios) and figure out where to go next.
I then look over and notice that the map is telling me to hang a right - the only problem with that is that there is no road to the right, only stairs.
Does google want me to ACTUALLY go up these unlit, creepy as fuck looking stairs?
I check the GPS and I am immediately on the blue dot.
NOOOOOOOOOO, I think, it does want me to go up here.
Fine, Friel. Just do it, I said to myself.
I then took off my headphones (to stay more alert), turned on my flashlight app and began runnniinnnnngggggg up the flights of stairs. (There were at least 6 in all.)
Just get through this Friel, just get through this.
I then get to the top, walk about another half mile up and down some pretty gnarly hills and get inside to the party.
It was pretty chill, everyone was just playing kings cup and drinking some beer. Definitely my kind of scene.
The kids who were throwing the party were from the bay area in town for some meetings. They're super fancy pants so instead of crashing at hotels and stuff they just go and rent houses.
Totally normal.
I struck up some really AH-MAZING conversations with people, but by 1:30 my tired bones were ready to go home.
I then said good bye to everyone exchanging numbers and twitter accounts, and prepared myself for the walk back.
When I walk late at night I always always always have a hoodie on so I can immediately go into ninja mode putting the hood up and appearing slightly less attractive from the "lowest hanging fruit" perspective.
I made it around the corner and up the first REALLY big hill before I notice a shadow behind me.
Now, Silverlake at this hour is DEEAAADDDD. I'm in a SUPER residental area, and you could literally hear a pin drop. Super super super freaking quiet.
The shadow then gets closer.
I cross the street.
I make it a few more steps before I see the shadow cross the street with me as well.
Shit, I think. My heart begins to race as I cross the street again.
The shadow follows.
One more time, I think - one more time ...
I IMMEDIATELY cross the street again.
The shadow follows.
I turn around, place my arm out and yell NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as loudly as I could (even managing to wake up some of the neighbors).
The guy looks at me COMPLETELY stunned.
Miss, miss, he said, I'm just looking for my friend. I mean no trouble.
IF YOU CONTINUE TO FOLLOW ME LIKE THIS YOU ARE GOING TO GET TROUBLE, I SCREAM back.
I then continue to walk, he doesn't follow.
No harm to the dude, I have absolutely no doubt he either thought I was someone else or was just super fucked up on god knows what ... either way though, that was HIS problem, not mine.
I then made sure he wasn't still following me as I then DARRTTEEEEDDD down the rapey stairs and back onto the main street where I caught the bus.
Fucking hipsters, I thought as I sat and waited.
A few minutes later the bus arrived and I got dropped off in Hollywood.
Home sweet Hollywood, I thought.
I then started walking down Sunset and a car stops me.
The passenger is literally hanging out of the car. (It is almost 2:30 at this point, btw)
IT'S AFTER TWO AM!! STOP TALKING TO ME!!! I yelled back as I crossed the street to get out of the way.
ANNNNDD now I'm home, and have a date tonight that I've been looking forward to ALL week!! This guy on paper sounds pretty freaking rad AND he's taking me to a concert at a cemetary tonight. Odd that sitting next to crypts and tombstones will be LESS creepy than 24 hours earlier, but I'll take what I can get.
Lesson Learned: When in Silverlake, get a fucking cab.
It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy peeps out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.
Here is an email I got this morning ...
Alrite, she has a boyfriend of 4 years yet she is involved with you in a physical manner? Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater - dude, walk away.
"Scare her" my ass, this chick needs to grow a pair of balls and woMAN up and ditch her dude. She's using you as a crutch when what she clearly needs in this scenario is a reality check and a healthy dose of some self work. She's absolutely absolutely absolutely never going to leave him. I'm sorry for the dilemma this places you in, but you have to ask yourself what in this scenario am I resonating with? Why are you allowing this to continue and WHY have you let this go on for a year?
This chick is using you dude, and she has some EPICLY bad dating karma that you shouldn't be involved with anymore.
Cut your losses, get on a dating site, and get back out there. I ASSURE you, there are plenty of fishes in the sea and PLENTY of awesome chicks that would like to celebrate your birthday with you.
This one is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. Set a boundary, tell her you need to move on, and then actually do it. (Change your number if you have to since these people almost always come back.)
Stay strong, nerderino and keep us posted!!
Got a question? Drop me an email! JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover dot com
PS. And thanks for the sponsorship Date My School! You're not only hooking my friends up with awesome dates, but you're putting food in my belly. MMMMMMM foooooooodddddddd ... k bye.
Monday, October 15, 2012 at 10:13AM
