#NerdsUnite: Seeing Is Not Believing

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Seeing is not believing. Believing is seeing. How many of you understand this statement? Basically you will not be able to see signs of attraction because you do not believe she is sending them.

How could you see them if they are not there? Is it in your reality that she could be attracted to you? If it is you would be able to see the signs and if you could not see them you could just assume that they are there.

The less of a structured reality you have the better, before I knew pickup my game was to sit at the bar where I knew everybody wait till a lone cute girl ordered a drink and I would begin talking to her usually skipping attraction and going into lame light rapport topics. If the girl kept talking to me for over 20 minutes I would assume she was attracted to me. I then would either pull the trigger there in the bar or ask her to leave with me. I lived close by. This worked on a very inconsistent level but worked with decent results (I was getting laid) nonetheless.

I just went for it, I figured what did I have to lose she either liked me or did not and had such a high confidence in myself from external foundations (music, job, friends) that a rejection never really bothered me on too big a level. If I felt bad about pulling the trigger I would call the next day to apologize which would always end with girls giggling saying what for? I would always see these girls again and we would laugh about it. I learned they expected it and liked that I gave it a shot.

After studying social dynamics for some time I got wise to isolating and reading cues and giving them reasons to backwards rationalize sleeping with me. In fact I would be the guy they would call when they wanted laid. No hang-ups just good fun.

Even in those early stages my reality was pretty open. Later when I started studying I had it completely blown apart and had decided to never put a cap on it to keep it open to every possibility. Why miss out on something because I did not feel it could exist. That is no way to go through life. It is one of the top five things to take away from all of the content out there on pick-up.

Your belief system needs to set up to aid you in your learning process, without it can be a fruitless experience. All the work you have done in the field can be flushed down the toilet because you will have failed to see the results that are slapping you in the face. You believe that beautiful women could not be attracted to you then you will be looking for those negative reactions.

You will need to reprogram your reality, your belief system. Some of the things you can do are:

Affirmations Positive visualizations (the perfect approach) 

Focusing on positives in set 

Assuming attraction in all social situations

Giving you little or no reaction is as good as a positive reaction. A woman’s signals are going to be subtle. She cannot be overt in her signs because she has her reputation to protect and does not want to be alienated from her social circle for being a slut. They are so subtle that by the time you had realized 3 she had sent you 20. So basically look at it this way. If she is still standing there she is still fair game to be gamed. She will leave if she gets bored.

This is why it is so important for you to assume attraction. This way you can concentrate on your body language without sweating every move of hers on whether or not she is attracted. Give it your all and by then end of your attraction set if she is giving you positive body language and smiling count it as a green light and move forward!

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com

#NerdsUnite: The Art of Baiting

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I sort of discovered this skill by observing naturals in action. I noticed that they never really ask questions (unless they want to) and have what is often referred to as “the gift of gab.” What they do is quite simply TALK – they are telling someone, indirectly, who they are. They don’t, for example, haul out their resume and list all of the cool things they have done. Rather, they indicate them via their stories, comments and replies.

Baiting can be defined best by an example. Take a close look at the following dialogue and see if you can understand where I am baiting the woman.

ME: (touching her sweater) Mmm ”cashmere.” Love a warm sweater. Growing up in the mountains, I always had such warm clothes for the wintertime. Whenever I wear one now, it reminds me of my youth.

HER: The mountains? Where did you grow up?

ME: Oh, the mountains of North Carolina. I lived there through high school. Growing up in a small town, and particularly when you mother has a central position in the community, you learn a lot about everything – government, the arts, personalities, scandal, commerce. You name it. Small town life makes people very well-rounded.

HER: What did your mother do?

ME: She published the local newspaper. So, we learned about everything first, then communicated it to the community in print. We had some wild experiences in that place! Obviously, though, I left, and ended up focusing on a career in school – which helped me get to where I am today.

HER: Where did you go to school? What are you doing now?

OK, so I could go on forever with this scenario. Baiting is when you demonstrate your personality, inviting a question from her to you. So, you do not want to reveal an ENTIRE fact about your life.

What you want to do is to HINT at it, thus, baiting a question from her. This helps guys get out of the traditional pattern of asking tons of questions of her, and gets her asking questions of you. This is a much more powerful dynamic that gets her chasing you.

This is a very elegant skill, one that is subtle, but very very empowering.

As I mentioned, the basic rule of thumb is to bait her until she is asking you questions. THEN, feel free to ask questions of her. Get it?

Also, it is very important that you demonstrate your interest in her by asking questions and complimenting her. This should be done in the “connect” phase. It is critical that you let her know that you find her interesting, and worth getting to know further.

But, only do this when she has indicated an interest in you by asking questions of you. When she does this, you know she is hooked. Otherwise, why would she ask you a question?

By baiting her, she is the one to shift the dynamic into the “getting to know you” stage of an interaction, rather than you. It is an essential skill to hooking her into the conversation.

This technique empowers you out of the traditional question asking scenario (BORING), and into the more interesting dynamic of you leading by demonstrating your personality. You come across as more powerful, and less supplicating. Naturals do this all the time.

I challenge each of you to get out into the world, and TRY this skill of baiting with the people you naturally meet. The next woman you are introduced to, try simply indicating who you are via this social skill. You never want to directly brag to anyone about anything, but you can indicate things subtly which can then pique someone’s interest. This is the best way to build fascination and intrigue in my experience.

Good luck!

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: Are you making people smile?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Smiling is one of the basic fundamentals of a happy life. Putting a smile on someone’s face is one of the easiest things that you can do as a part of your everyday routine. It’s funny how the littlest things can have the biggest affects in your life. If you can wake up every day and make people smile, the battle is half over. You have achieved some social value.

It has been proven that smiling projects the same emotion in every culture. You cannot be angry and be smiling at the same time. Try it some time. You will most likely find that even the act of smiling while angry, can make you feel happier. You can influence how you feel by controlling your body, and vise versa. Therefore, if you smile, you will begin to feel good, and if you feel good, you will begin to smile. It’s very infectious. You can make others smile just by shooting a quick little smirk. Since it’s contagious, you are actually making others feel good by showing your pearly whites! You will be spreading good vibes throughout your daily journey. If you make someone feel good while they are in their normal daily routine, the good feelings you brought to them will be attached to you. The next time they see you, they will feel good even if they can’t remember why.

It’s not just the mouth that makes a smile successful. It’s the whole face. Have you heard of the expression, “Smiling with your eyes?” When you are really happy and have a huge smile on your face, you get little crinkles around your eyes. A great grin also makes everyone appear more youthful, attractive and healthy. I have seen studies that state that we can become at least 10 times more attractive when we smile. If you want meeting people to be easy, why put people on the defensive right from the beginning? Would you want to approach and talk to someone who looks sad, grim, or pissed off? I sure wouldn’t! In a perfect world, you would be able to spread cheer to everyone. This really isn’t the case. If you are trying to make someone’s day but they are just not having it, move on. You will just have to make someone else’s day!

Here is a quote that best sums up the benefits of smiling:

“A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.”  ~Author Unknown

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com

#Fact: Sex and human contact are needs and not something we should be afraid of

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

What: You’re about to approach a woman and suddenly you’re overcome with a creepy, paralyzing feeling.

Emotion: The feeling is a blend of irrational fear, disappointment, and frustration. Often there’s a little anger in there too.

Inner Monologue: You believe that if you approach her, she’ll KNOW you’re interested in her even before you open your mouth, because you approached. And after you open your mouth and try to start a conversation she’ll be CERTAIN that you’re interested in her, because you’re trying to start something up with her. THEN the worst will happen: your cover will be blown. She’ll know you’re interested in her and probably think you just approached her because you want to have sex with her, just like all the other guys.

Are you a closet heterosexual?

Believe it or not, your inner monologue has some very useful elements in it, so let’s break it down, keep the good stuff, and remove all the crap that keeps you holed up in your studio apartment eating spaghetti with chopsticks surfing the internet for porn.

Let’s throw it in reverse.
The last thing you felt was “She’ll know you’re interested in her and probably think you just approached her because you want to have sex with her, like all the other guys.”

Well, you wouldn’t be considering approaching her unless you wanted to have sex with her, would you? This is actually a good thing. The fact that you saw a woman you wanted to have sex with and you decided to approach her to find out if those relations would be a possibility is exactly what you should be doing. A sex drive is built into every healthy man and woman and is nothing to be ashamed of. Without it, the human race would die off. There are many ways that this fog of fear, shame, and embarrassment associated with your sex drive might have been created. One possible explanation is that it happened early in life, before you had the proper reasoning skills to understand that NEEDS are NORMAL.

A long time ago, when you were very small and your life was centered on your needs (primarily your needs for love, company, and food), you probably felt a moment of inevitable disappointment. It happens to all of us. It might have been because you did not receive a feeding exactly when you needed it, or you might have been left alone to sleep when you didn’t want to. At some point, your immature brain drew conclusions that have stuck with you to this day. Your undeveloped sense of reason made you believe that the discomfort caused by not having your needs met was CAUSED by the fact that you HAVE needs. You might then have drawn the conclusion that needs are bad because they can lead to discomfort. You then decided that the best thing to do is NOT TO HAVE NEEDS AT ALL, or at least not to show them, and not to act on them.

How can you tell if you made these connections between NEEDS and BAD early in life? Pay attention next time you catch yourself thinking “I don’t need a woman” or “I don’t need anyone” or “I don’t want her to KNOW I’m interested.” We all have needs and wants. Some of those needs are sexual, and that’s okay.

So how do you come out of the closet?

1. Don’t try to hide or stop having sexual NEEDS.
2. Transform your NEEDS into WANTS. A baby has needs. A man has WANTS.
And when a man wants something, he goes out and gets it.

If there’s some part of your wants you don’t know how to get, congratulations. You’ve already taken the first step by reading this post.

To learn more about how to meet & attract women, check out the Toolbox over at http://www.pickuppodcast.com/best

#nerdsunite

#TNTML gets SIRIUS!!!

Alrite el nerderinos ... en route to head over to Sirius HQ ... and since I haven't received confirmation yet on if the show will be streaming online ... I just thought, why not Livestream it? For REALS!

I haven't cleared it with production or anything ... so I'm not sure if its gonna fly, but either way I'll give it a try. Please note as well, I won't be able to interact with this portion of the chat like I normally do, since I will actually be on Sirius and XM radio. But at least you guys will get to see how these things get done and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Itchin to be bitchin ... FOH SHO!

I am on for the SECOND half of the show ... starting a few minutes before 6pm PST, but tune in for the entire show which starts at 5pm PST, since it ain't like you got anything else better to do.

Here's some more info on what's going to go down ...

and of course, you can also just turn on your Sirius or XM radio and hear it as well.

Sirius Channel 108

XM Radio Channel 139

Want more info on The Art of Charm? Check 'em out here!

Thanks for the support guys! Appreciate it a whole whole whole bunch a lunch.

xoxo #nerdsunite