#NerdsUnite: Getting Women to Chase You

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Many guys will get into social dynamics to acquire what they think will be validation for themselves (higher numbers). The truth of the matter is that if you have done the work properly to become a highly charismatic guy, then you probably don’t have much time for the droves of girls you want to hang out with.

I’m not saying you can’t have many girlfriends, I’m saying, let’s be realistic with ourselves and our development.

Those of you with experience with girls know that even one can be more than a handful. There is a lot of management that comes with keeping a lover happy. More girlfriends means more time and energy to manage the relationships. Sure, girls want to fool around too, but they can only stick around for so long. Most women want to be in relationships that are growing and going somewhere.

If you set boundaries and are active in your passions, your time is steadily dwindling. As we all know time is our most important asset. It is always fleeting with no chance to make more of it. If you are already in full swing with a full-time job, at least 40hrs of your week are already eaten up. Let’s throw in a few hours a week at the gym and a few more for hobbies and sleep. So, how are you going to take care of these hordes of women you want to have in your life?

Unless you are making money while you sleep, it’s going to be hard maintaining a good balance to keep yourself happy. Think about it. More girlfriends mean more birthdays, disagreements and drama. What happens when the holidays roll around? Valentine’s Day will probably be the most stressful day of the year for you.

Relationship management is not an easy task. It takes work and patience to be able to meet others’ needs for them to feel comfortable in the relationship. If women are not being met with the requirements they need, they will leave and look for those things elsewhere. You may be able to keep her around for a couple of months, but unless she has the lowest self-esteem, in the end she will leave.

The best thing for you to understand is how honesty plays a role in keeping everyone happy without trying to live into expectations you have set up for people. At least with honesty you can allow people to know exactly where you stand and they can make the choice about whether they want to be a part of your life or not.

The point I’m trying to make here is that rather than chase women around, try working on you. Watch how things change from, “Why isn’t this girl answering my texts?” to “Why is this chick blowing up my phone?”

Your priorities should look something like this.

1. Work / Career
2. Hobbies / Passions
3. Socializing / Women

When you do this successfully you will wonder when you will have time to hang out with the girls you are interested in. You’ll come off as aloof and hard to get.  Let’s work on becoming the man we truly want to be and women will be knocking down our door to get to us.

When you clear your life to make time for women any time they present themselves, you’ll find yourself chasing them rather than having them chasing you.

The same goes for women who think that they need a boyfriend to feel good about themselves. In the end, if you are happy, you’ll be attractive to others. They will want to pull from your energy and strength.

The secure will always draw people in while the insecure will always push people away. Remember that the next time you would rather go out “gaming“ for the 6th time this week than hanging with your best buddy at a concert you really wanted to attend.

Get your skills up and then switch gears to get a fantastic life.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: How to Last Longer in Bed

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

There are really only 3 basic things you need to know to completely rock a girl’s world in the bedroom
Let’s call them the “ABC’s Of Great Sex”:

• A: ANATOMY (hers) – You need know the basics of her body.  Know where her “magic buttons” are and how to touch them in the right ways.  Understand her body and the way it responds to different types of stimulus.  And, for  extra credit, let’s include her brain.  Knowing how to stimulate this part of her anatomy is the shortcut to giving her powerful orgasms.
• B: BODY CONTROL (yours) – Great orgasms can come from your fingers, your tongue, and many other techniques… but great sex, especially great love-making, requires that you can control your erection.  You need to be able to get hard when you want to, and you need to be able to last as long as you both want it to last.
• C:  CONNECTION – This is the part that most people mess up completely.  It is the most powerful way to give her an unforgettable experience in bed (even if it is a one-night-stand… connection doesn’t mean that you’ve promised to love each other forever).  And, of course, this is the part that I tend to talk about most in my writings…

But let’s talk “B” for a minute.
Here’s some quick facts for you:
While many studies have been done that show that the average Joe can last for 2.5 minutes… or somewhere around 7 minutes (the studies never agree)… the fact is, nobody knows how long average is, because there’s nothing like a stop-watch in the room to change everything about the way you would normally have sex.

But I’ll tell you this much– after years of giving advice on sexuality, I can tell you that it is the most common question that men ask me when looking for my advice.
And, not be cute or dodge the question, but I think if you take a mature look at the issue, it’s obvious that “long enough” is the amount of time it takes you both to be happy and satisfied.  So, by definition, if you want to learn how to last longer then, obviously, you are not lasting long enough for your OWN satisfaction.

It’s also worth knowing, right now, that even if you have a severe problem with premature ejaculation, you CAN learn to last as long as you want.  ANY man can learn total control over his ejaculation given some time, practice, and the right information.

You may have read about “kegel compressions”, the exercise developed by the gynecologist Dr. Ernst Kegel, and, YES, they are very important in learning to control your ejaculation.  However, many articles posted all over the internet will tell you that when your PC muscles are strong enough from doing thousands of kegels, you can just squeeze them to prevent ejaculation, and your problem will be solved.

Untrue.

At least it’s untrue if you want to have good sex.  Because, seriously, you can’t expect to have good sex if you have to stop every 30 seconds and squeeze your guts out until the veins are throbbing in your head trying not to ejaculate.

But kegels are important, and strengthening your PC muscles will increase your ability to last longer all by itself.  Further, if you want to take this all the way and learn the ability to have “male multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms” as I describe in my Command & Control program, then kegels are a very important part of learning the “muscular intelligence” and building the neural pathways that allow that to happen.

Ultimately, the way to control ejaculation is not by getting big, powerful PC muscles… it is by learning to control the excitement level in your BRAIN.

I talk about dozens of techniques for lasting longer in my writings, but for the PU Podcast Blog I want to talk about an idea that is more advanced… and if you can “get it”, it is miles more powerful than just about anything else you are likely to ever read on the subject.

Instead of kegels, I advise you to start practicing meditation or pranayama (yoga breathing exercises), so that you can strengthen your brain… not your PC muscles.  That is the best preparation for what I’m going to teach you here today.

Let’s start with something that you already know is true:
When you are in a competitive game, whether it’s ping-pong or boxing, when you are mentally “on your game” and you are confident that you are going to win, you usually dominate the other guy easily…

Likewise, when you are in a negative or weak mental state, when you feel intimidated by your competition, you are pretty much guaranteed to get destroyed.  Here’s the punch line:  lasting longer during sex works exactly the same way.  I’m not just giving you a pep talk here.  I have done piles of research on this and counseled hundreds of men on this issue.  (My success rate, by the way, is staggering… far beyond any study that I have ever read about).  The vast majority of men who say to me, “I can’t last long enough in bed to please my partner,” only have that problem because they BELIEVE that they get overly excited and can’t control themselves during intercourse.

Read: They don’t have this problem during masturbation, and usually don’t have any issues during oral sex either.

Nope, it’s only when it’s “game on” and they have a sense that could “lose” or “fail” by ejaculating before giving their girlfriend an orgasm…

In other words, they are caving under pressure.

Ouch.

But if you’ve spent any time at all practicing a sport, you know that if you put in the effort, you can get that competitive edge back… (cue Rocky Music… no, make it Rocky II, the cheesy “Eye Of The Tiger” song)…

Or, if  you are the cerebral type, consider this an NLP reframing exercise.  Either way, we’re talking about the same thing.

You need to understand that you can control the emotional state in which you experience sex.
You will fail if you get into bed in a weak frame of mind: “oh no, I’m so nervous, what if I come too soon again, she’s going to be disappointed, she’s going to leave me… I need to control myself, control myself, control my… oops.”

Take a deep breath.  I’m going to say something difficult to hear:  There is ZERO reason for this to happen.  You CAN stop that nervous internal dialog.

If instead you were thinking something like…

“I’m about to rock this little girl’s mind…”
Or, “I love this woman, I feel so much tenderness just looking at her…”
Or, “this is fun… I love touching her…”

Get the idea?  I mean, rationally now… don’t those things sound like what you SHOULD be thinking?

There are many ways you can learn to swap out your negative thoughts for a more positive model.  There are NLP exercises, hypnosis, raw will power, and many others…

I recommend doing something easy: “Fake it ’til you make it.”

If you’ve ever taken an acting class this should be easy for you… if not, just try to remember what it was like when you were playing “pretend” as a kid and you were the cop… or the robber… (or the Dungeon Master, you big geek).

Same process.  What I’m about to say might sound a bit undignified, but there’s no reason that she’ll ever find out:

When you are making love to her, pretend to be someone else.
Someone heroic from a movie or a book, someone who can last all night.  You know, James Bond or something.  Invest yourself in this identity.  Move the way that guy moves, touch her the way that guy would touch a woman…

Once you succeed (and you will if you give this a try), you can ditch the fictional character and just KEEP HIS CONFIDENCE.

I think it is worth repeating at this point:  If you have trouble lasting as long as you want to… THIS WORKS.

And this statement is built on thousands of hours of research: As nutty as it may sound, you will only be a premature ejaculator for as long as you think that you are a premature ejaculator.
And go easy on the poor girl.  She will get sore after a while, and nobody likes a show off.

Be good, play safe, and be nice to girls always.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com

#NerdsUnite: Are you letting your past hold you hostage?

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Have you moved on from your past? The past can hold us back in many ways and living in the past can leave you struggling to move forward. Bad decisions in the past can lead you to believe that’s who you are and that you cannot change. Where and how you were raised can have an impact on what you think your personal worth might be. Regret and shame can weigh you down like a ton of bricks, prohibiting you from escaping.

Let’s say that in the past you have made some bad decisions and the results of those decisions have left you feeling upset with yourself. It can be hard to think that you can change, therefore you continue to make the wrong choices. It turns in to an endless circle of self-sabotage. It’s called self-defeatism. It’s easy to wonder why some amazingly bright people put themselves into a position to do well in life, yet at the eleventh hour they seem to throw it all away. Perhaps because of the past they don’t feel worthy of those victories.

I don’t want to play therapist in this blog to figure out why this happens. What I do want to talk about is getting over it and moving on.

Here are 5 ways to move on:

1. Closure – Is there anything in this moment that you can do to rectify how you feel about a specific decision? Is there someone you can apologize to? Can you fix the old outcome in any certain way?
2. Learn from the mistake – You can’t change what happened, but you make the best of the situation by learning from your mistake so that it doesn’t happen again. Can you look back and understand why you made the decision you made? What can you learn from it that can help you make better decisions the next time you find yourself in a similar situation? Try to understand that you can become a better person for having made a bad decision and learning from it.
3. Tell someone – Perhaps telling someone close to you about what happened and how you feel about it will help to clear your mind. Telling someone will also allow you to get feedback from a different perspective, which can help you see the event more clearly to gather a better understanding of it.
4. Write it out – Many people keep journals for this specific reason. It can be just as effective as telling someone about it. Writing has a cathartic essence to it that can allow you to feel cleansed. Once again by writing about it, you can get some clarity on the past.
5. Accept responsibility for it – Many people will simply sweep the issues in their life under the rug, essentially ignoring it rather than taking the problem on. Therefore, it will never go away and will be constantly nagging at you, exposing itself in inopportune times causing depression and anxiety. Taking responsibility for it will allow yourself to take control of the issue and when you are able to accept the mistake you are able to move past it.

If you are continually making the same mistakes over and over again in your life and in relationships, perhaps you have an anchor that needs releasing. Think about some of your less desirable moments and see if there is a moment that you still have to work through. Spend some time understanding how you got yourself in such a situation and how you handled it. What can you do to change the outcome next time? What did you learn? Move on.

You’ll be surprised how good you’ll feel about yourself after coming to terms with your past.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#RealDeal: Dude, Your Attitude Sucks

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I see people get upset with themselves all the time. I've seen quitters in all aspects of life. Your attitude is going to have a major impact on your changes. If you have a great attitude about your progress, you’ll go far. If you don’t and you’re mad at the world and think that everyone is out to get you, it’s going to be hard to channel that the right way to see the proper results.

I personally think that with the right focus, anger can be used as a motivator. Anger and frustration can be used as fuel to move you in a certain direction and can challenge you to do better. The problem with that fuel is that it can easily devour you if you’re not careful. Focusing on the negative all the time can distract you from seeing the small victories. You will need to see these victories to have motivation to continue to grow. Don’t let negativity consume you and drag you down further into a hole that you will not be able climb out of.

Being pissed at the world, your family, ex-girlfriend or even yourself is not a way to enter a transformation. Drop the baggage. With the right outlook success can be yours for the taking. You pretty much have to love your family unconditionally so do it. That does not mean you have to adopt their beliefs or philosophies. You make your own. Forget your ex-girlfriend, thinking about her is only going to cause you to pine for her and ask questions you don’t have the answers to. More importantly let’s start with you. You are going to have to forgive yourself for any wrong doing so you can begin to move forward.

Beating yourself up is never the answer. We all make mistakes. It’s called being a human being. I have seen guys never forgive themselves for the smallest things. So what, you failed to realize some girl liked you or tried to impress a woman and ended up embarrassing yourself. It’s going to happen and again and again. It is called feedback. Learn from it. You need to make mistakes sometimes so that you can learn.

You want to have people around you who will support you in your journey. Being angry and negative is not going to bring anyone close other than people who are in the same place you are in. What you put out there is going to come right back at you.

Try focusing on yourself and the people closest to you. Is there anything you can do to help their world? Think about how you can have an exciting fun day. Set up a reward system to help yourself focus on goals. Make sure to keep the goals small and obtainable.

Remember to smile and focus on the positive. If you need to reflect on the negative, remember to take away a learning experience.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: Why Is She Not Returning My Calls Or Texts?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Here at the AoC headquarters, one of the questions that seem to pop up over and over again is, “I got this girls number. Why hasn’t she answered my text, call or messages?” We hear this at least once a week. There are two very simple answers to this question:

She is not interested. At least not yet. She is busy and you really did not do anything to warrant her attention.

Just because you have nothing else going on does not mean that she doesn’t. Women have very active social lives. They are in high demand for events, parties, dates and friends. Look at the typical girl’s Facebook page. She has her own career, possibly school and her own social life that existed before she ever gave you her number. You think that just because you had an innocent flirty exchange and managed to get her number that she’s been thinking about you since? Guys let’s be realistic here. Girls give out their numbers a lot. Sometimes, they do it just to get you to leave them alone.

There is one rule you should live by when it comes to getting numbers, and that rule is, “A quality interaction will get you a quality number.” So, I want to give you a few tips to create a quality interaction.

Don’t think about going for the number unless you are really vibing. Enjoy the process of meeting someone new that’s cool. The number is just a perk of a great interaction. Show some interest in her other than her looks. Let her know that she is a cool person. Don’t wait until there is an awkward silence to get the number. In fact don’t ask for it at all. Assume that since the flirting has been going well that she would want to give you her number. Example: “You know you are really fun. We should hang out. Here, put your number in my phone.” (Then hand her your phone with the number pad open). If you have an abundance mindset and you have plenty of cool people in your life, why would you be complaining about flakes anyway? Get out there and start meeting plenty of cool people. Get busy. If you have an active life, you won’t come off as desperate which can kill any attraction that you have managed to create. Spend some time connecting on an emotional level. This will solidify the attraction you have built. Example: Match the emotions she is feeling on topics that excite her or that she is passionate about. The number is only a means to meet-up. Use the examples in http://howtotextgirls.com/ to help you get in the groove of on effective texting.

If you manage to do these few things you will find your flake rates going down. Sure you might not leave the club with as many numbers, but you will have a better chance at making better connections and getting some dates. Isn’t that the point anyway?

It’s easy to get wrapped up in someone when they are the only lead you have. Be careful getting invested in someone you have only spent five minutes getting to know. You have to actively allow yourself not to think about them. The more people you are meeting, the easier it is to do this. Get active.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com