#Fact: Your most powerful tool in the bedroom is NOT your “tool”

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

You can give a woman an orgasm without even touching her. Don’t believe me? Go see a stage hypnosis show in Vegas. Hypnotists do it every night. Hell, there are videos of this on YouTube.

Now you may be thinking “But I’m not a hypnotist.” If you stop yourself here, you will miss out on the real secret to giving women the best sex of their life. You’ll blow your chance to be called The Best Lover they ever had.

So what is this amazing secret? Here it is in a nutshell:

Your most powerful tool in the bedroom is not your “tool”, it is your voice; specifically dirty talk, and it is very powerful.

If you haven’t heard this before, it doesn’t surprise me.

All the so-called “sex books” out there are utterly ineffective at teaching men how to give women orgasms.Their advice is the typical “nurture communication and dialog”, or “ask for feedback” or “get in touch with your feminine side”.

In other words it’s mostly touchy feely new age bullshit. And you won’t find any of them telling you to talk dirty to your women, or to get her imagining what you will do to her later while you are on a date, or to call her when you are out of town and have phone sex.

Women LOVE this stuff!

Why? Because for a woman, the mental aspect is the most important part of sex. For men it’s visual.

Men watch porn. Women read 500 page romance novels. (In case you didn’t know, Romance novels are one of the top selling categories of books year after year after year).

When you understand this, you can drive women wild even when you are a thousand miles away!

Now some men are afraid to talk dirty. They think the woman will take it wrong or will be offended. Some men can’t talk dirty because they themselves are not comfortable with their own sexuality. Some men don’t believe that dirty talk is powerful.

Such men don’t give women orgasms. Remember 70% of women do NOT have an orgasm during intercourse. ALL healthy women can have orgasms during sex, but it is the man’s responsibility to make it happen. And I got news for you… pump-n-dump does not do the trick.

Think of the bad boys. Women love bad boys. Women cum like crazy with a bad boy. And what do you think those bad boys are doing in the bedroom with her? They’re talking dirty. Very dirty.

Maybe you’re “a nice guy” or “a gentleman.” That’s all good. But if you are always a nice guy, it does not spark any excitement in her. There is a time and place to be a bad boy. You need to push out of your comfort zone and learn how.

Here is an email that I recently received, note the one thing that made a difference was him talking dirty.

Sean in the U.K. wrote:

I recently started dating a girl who told me that she’d never had an orgasm and genuinely seemed to have no interest in sex.

Well after a bit of building an emotional relationship and respect, I began to try and give her that elusive first orgasm. At first nothing seemed to work. Then during sex I took control and started talking dirty, and that just drove her crazy and she had a vaginal orgasm!

Overnight she turned into the kinkiest girl I’ve ever come across! We had sex in the park, and so much more! She is now able to have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms and wants sex all the time!

Now after this she’s told me that I make her feel better than any other guy and that she’s scared that no other guy will be able to make her feel this good after me.

Thank you!

Sean

The other thing to note is how this woman went from no interest in sex to wanting it all the time! And it had nothing to do with the size of his ‘tool’.

Are you getting an idea of how powerful this is?

Go play.

#nerdsunite

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

<editorsnote> BTW, COULD. NOT. AGREE. WITH. THIS. POST. MORE. Foreplay starts LONNNGGG before the bedroom, and in my teen years to mid 20s, I actually used to read porn not watch it. True stroy. </editorsnote>

#Interview: A Hot Biopsychologist Discusses Social Dynamics

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Pablo Martinez/ Jordan Harbinger

Thu-Anh (affectionately known as “T”) met AJ and Jordan while attending the University of Michigan in 2006, after finishing her degree in Biopsychology and Cognitive Sciences. In 2008, she started working with The Art of Charm to leverage this degree and help provide a female perspective on social dynamics.

Pablo: So what’s the biggest mistake that men make when trying to get the girl?

Thu-Anh: In general, I see men making most of their mistakes in the first couple minutes of a conversation – during the all-important “first impression”.  Personally, I believe that the worst of these mistakes is giving off a “creepy” vibe

Pablo: A lot of girls say that guys are “creepy”, what exactly do they mean by that?

Thu-Anh: I believe that “creepy” really is in the eye of the beholder.  In my opinion, most women use the word to describe an unwanted or awkward advance from a man. Often times, the creepiness comes before the guy even opens his mouth and doesn’t really have much to do with the words he is saying. 

If you ask most women that question, they might not have the same answer— they’ll simply tell you that they got a “bad vibe” from a guy – that it’s a “gut" instinct.  Now, when most people say they have a “gut” instinct, what they are really saying is that they are reading a situation from their subconscious.  You see, 90% of our perception comes from our subconscious, so often, when a woman has a strong initial reaction to something, it’s her subconscious mind making a snap judgment on the situation.  Nalini Ambady and Robert Rosenthal coined a term for this that they called “thin-slicing”, and that’s a great example for what’s going on here.  Women are constantly “thin-slicing” men, and that’s why they get these instant reads. 

Pablo: “Thin-slicing”…very interesting, didn’t Malcolm Gladwell write a book about that? 

Thu-Anh: He did, Gladwell’s Blink is a great overview of the process of “thin-slicing”. 

Pablo: Can you give us an overview of “thin-slicing”?

Thu-Anh: Sure.  Human beings have evolved over the past 100,000 or so years, and along the way our subconscious brain learned to recognize subtle patterns in our environment to help us make quick decisions.  This would have been extremely helpful 50,000 years ago when early man was forced to react quickly to a chaotic landscape where he had to deal with lots of complicated and potentially dangerous information. 

Our unconscious thin-slices the world around and our brains rely on those split-second decisions to form opinions on people, places and things that we have just encountered.  And the most amazing thing about thin slicing is that we don’t even realize we are doing it!  These impressions take place purely in the subconscious and often occur within a fraction of a second.

Pablo: So how exactly does “thin-slicing” apply to a man’s first introduction to a woman?

Thu-Anh: Well, it’s important to realize that a woman’s social instinct is generally much stronger than a man’s.  She is much better at reading subtle cues of body language, voice tonality, eye contact and the like.  And since she has the job of sifting through potential mates quickly, she is much more likely to “thin-slice” you.  So based on the theory of “thin-slicing” there definitely is some truth to the old urban legend that “a woman knows if she will sleep with a man within 10 seconds of meeting him”.  Actually, a more accurate description would be that “a woman knows if she WON’T sleep with a man within 10 seconds of meeting him.

Pablo: So what’s the key to make sure that she “thin-slices” you in a good way?

Thu-Anh: In a nutshell:  Body language.

Pablo: So it’s all about body language?

Thu-Anh: Absolutely.  A lot of guys worry about what they should say when they first meet a women.  But the truth is that how you act is far more important than what you say.  There is an old study from UCLA that says that 93% of communication is non-verbal.  Now, this study is often misunderstood, so while that number might not be 93%, it’s still safe to say that your non-verbal communications – body language and voice tonality – are still an extremely important part of the attraction process.  And this is especially true when it comes to first impressions – as she has already made a judgment about you before you’ve had the chance to say anything.

Pablo: Interesting, what are some important fundamentals of body language?

Thu-Anh: Well, at The Art of Charm, we focus heavily on body language – not only for the first impression, but also during conversations with women.  But for now, here are some easy tips to make a good first impression.  

1. The first fundamental is smiling – this is an easy one...always remember to smile

2. The next is having high energy – I’m oversimplifying here, but the gist is to be upbeat, positive and happy when you’re out

3. Third, we have eye contact – Don‘t be scared of making eye contact; feel comfortable doing it and know when to take it away.

4. Fourth, have good posture and walk with purpose –keeping your back straight and your chin up.

5. Fifth is to have a confident mindset.  We have a saying “lead the mind and the body will follow”.  So if you have a confident mindset, that will “bleed” through to having confident body language.

For more tips on body language, check this out!

Pablo: Great, any other thoughts or tips?

Thu-Anh: Absolutely, we have a great (and free) meetup group in Los Angeles that deals with all of this stuff, go to www.afterhello.com to check it out

#nerdsunite

#TNTML on Sirius and XM Radio TODAY!

Yo yo yo and a cup of froyo!

I'm headed over this afternoon to Sirius HQ to be on The Art of Charm Presents: Game on! We're gonna be talking nerdy about social media, and how its effected businesses and relationships. Super stoked!

I'll be on for the second half of the show, which runs from 5pm - 7pm PST.

You can listen on Sirius Channel 108, and XM channel 139 ... annnnnddd you can also follow one of the hosts, Johnny on twitter: @Dzubak as he tweets out the show before it goes live.

Thx again for the opportunity Jordan and Johnny!!

TODAY

5-7pm PST... 8-10 EST

Sirius Channel 108

XM Radio Channel 139

Want more info on The Art of Charm? Check 'em out here!

xoxo #nerdsunite