#NerdsUnite: Swept-Away By Stats- Dating Data from the Harlequin Romance Report

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Barry. He's my dating coach - and a darn tootin good one at that. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT BARRY!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @DatingCoachB

I've never liked the idea that our feelings can be broken down into numbers, but in today's dating world the single gal can use any edge she can get. So when Harlequin released it's annual 2012 Romance Report, I decided to see if their was any data that was useful. Here are the top four stats that are important to put the sass and success back into your dating life:

1) 84% Of Female Respondents Believe Romance Is 'Out There" For Them.

Perhaps we should expect this from a survey of Harlequin readers, but this notion that romance is an external thing (or guy) riding around like Dr. Ridge Steelbuns on a white stallion questing to find you is bass-ackwards, in my opinion. This is what keeps a lot of women lonely and pining. Romance isn't "out there", it's in here... inside you. Most of us attract the partner we deserve. If you dream of a Prince Charming with six-pack abs, a family fortune and who loves to give footrubs after he finishes a seventeen-hour surgery on an orphan's enlarged heart then you had better be a Rhodes-scholar Miss America contestant who is the heiress to a family fortune she intends to use to educate Burmese children. Because that's who he is likely looking for. 

If you want romance, start with a look at the type of woman your ideal man would want. Then compare yourself. If you don't stack up, either change your checklist for Prince Charlie, or change yourself. I recommend the latter. Work on your emotional, physical, financial and spiritual well-being. Build a better you, from the inside-out and you'll begin attracting the right kinds of men into your life. Happy, fulfilled, self-respecting women attract the same in a partner.

Don't look to the horizons. Look within. 

2) 50% Of Single Women Who Are Not Actively Dating Describe Themselves As "Lonely and Unsure"

Being passive is a killer. It's easy to get depressed, down, or feel disempowered if you aren't doing anything about your dating life. Actively dating keeps you in motion. It reminds you there is hope. It builds your confidence and optimism. Guess what, it's also a lot of FUN! 

When you are dating you will feel more motivated to take care of yourself instead of saying, "Why bother, no one's gonna see me like this anyways."

The laws of energy state that an object in motion wants to stay in motion and an object at rest wants to stay at rest. If your dating life is at a standstill, give it a push-start fast or you'll be burying a dead dating life that rest-in-peace.

But how do you get that jumpstart? Check out #3!

3) 78% Of Pressure To Actively Date Comes From Friends

If you're in the dating doldrums, reconnect with some single friends. Friends are the single biggest influence on our dating behaviors, and you get to choose your friends, so choose ones who support your dating goals! There is a saying that goes, your five closest friends are a reflection of who you are. 

Get off the couch by enlisting a single gal-pal for a shopping day with nail and hair trip. Fun bonding, great confidence boost, and it gets you ready to prowl the town for fun. When you do go out, don;t focus on meeting men. Focus on having a fun time. Men will naturally gravitate towards the women who are having the most fun in the room.

So what are you waiting for? Call your single BFF and get girl-time going! 

4) The Top Four Most Common Turn-Offs For Men

They are: #1 Bad Breath (57%), #2 Excessive Drinking (39%), #3 Smoking (39%), and #4 Excessive Sweatiness (39%). So once you've met that great guy, make sure the gum, mints and mouthwash brigade have visited your mouth before you get close to him. Also, consider having just that one or two drinks, but no more. 

If you're using alcohol to feel less nervous, it's time to look at ways to be more confident (see #1) so you don't need to get inebriated to feel comfortable being yourself.  Smoking is not something you can easily change, but be aware that your habit may be costing you up to 40% of the guys you meet. 

If you tend to sweat a lot, take it into account before dancing up a storm or wearing a sweater on the first date. Remember that certain substances, like alcohol, will also lead to more sweating.

Get those four under control and you'll cruise to a kiss. For those who are curious, here are the other turn offs guys had: 26% Open Mouthed Chewing, 26% Extreme Sarcasm, 26% Loud burping.

There you go! Now you have the knowledge to be the best you can be in the dating world! Time to get up and get out there, girl! And hey, if it doesn't go well, you can always head home and curl up on the couch with a Harlequin. Dr. Steelbuns and his stallion are waiting.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Barry on twitter!

Barry Price is a dating coach who is the son of a single mother and a geek who learned to meet women. Because loneliness sucks he is on a crusade to end it. He cares about you enough to tell you the truth instead of what you want to hear. Men can find him at www.GetTheGirlYouDeserve.com. Women can find him on Twitter @DatingCoachB or via Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/sillyplatypus.  He is giving a live talk for Single Men from 5:30-7:30 Feb 27th at Mystic Journey Bookstore in Venice, CA and a talk for Single Women on March 30th at Mystic Journey Bookstore (time to be determined). He wishes you dating success and reminds you of his mantra "Have fun flirting!".

#NerdsUnite: What Dating Stage Are You At?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Barry. He's my dating/ life coach, and he's a pretty rad mofo! Definitely has helped me break through a lot of things on an emotional and psychological level .... me gusta mucho. He's here to now share those nerdy nuggets of wisdom with you all. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT BARRY!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @DatingCoachB

I love dating-coaching and helping clients. One of the reasons I do this fairly well is that I've lived all three stages of the dating cycle.

All through high school and the first few years of college I was frustrated and lonely, which added up to horny, leading me to my second stage.

For most of my twenties I was obsessed with meeting, dating and bedding women. I still did it with respect and a minimum of manipulation, mind you (is it manipulative to whisper a sexy Spanish love poem in a woman's ear?) but the fact is I was a player. Casual sex was the thing. Until I ended up trying to date 8 women with only 7 nights in the week and I realized I'd gone WAY TOO FAR. Which brings us to stage three.

After I turned thirty I settled down. It became less about chasing casual sex, and more about a real, quality relationship with like, you know, emotions and stuff. You could say I was finally maturing!

So when I work with a male client, I really empathize with whichever stage they are at, from frustrated through sowing his wild oats, to settling down with a girl he deserves.

It seems like a big problem in the dating world for women and men is trying to date someone who is at a different stage than you are.

My female clients also hit a stage where quality of relationship becomes more important than attraction and chemistry. They give up the fascinating bad boys, and the radical Che Guevara t-shirt wearers and look for a grown-man with whom they can create a meaningful, committed relationship. It still has to have passion, of course, but the chemsitry becomes less about teenage self expression (when you sleep with guys out of defiance, danger, or fascination) and more about emotional-based chemistry.

We all need to honor our three stages, and accept others for where they are at. It all starts with knowing which stage your at, and understanding why. Then deciding whether to date someone else at the same stage, or move on to the next stage if this one is no longer serving you.

So, what stage are you at, and why is it where you need to be?

The answers you discover could be very revealing.

Happy Dating!

#nerdsunite

Twitter: @DatingCoachB
Website: www.GetTheGirlYouDeserve.com
(Ladies' Website, www.GetTheGuyYouDeserve.com Coming Soon!)

#NerdsUnite: Breaking down the steps to ensure you get a kiss at midnight!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Barry. He's a dating coach here in LA, and starting in January he is going to help me out with dating and totes offer up some advice for the community! How friggen RAD is that!!! Here is his latest and greatest. HIT IT BARRY!!! </editorsnote>

(Please note for dudes - swap out the him with her ... and this article is kosher for you too! kthxbye)

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @DatingCoachB

New Year's Eve is a great opportunity for a first kiss with the guy you wish would make a move. The truth is, connecting with the man of your dreams comes down to a few key moments. The moment he first notices you. The moment he approaches you. The moment he asks you on a date. And, of course, the moment you share your first kiss.

New Year's Eve creates the perfect opportunity for you to finally kiss that guy you want. He might be someone you've been on a couple of dates with, or someone you've known for awhile but never had a chance to get romantic with.

Here's how to make the most of your New Year's Eve this year.

Step One

Make sure you are at the same party as the guy you want to kiss, obviously.

Step Two

Make sure you break the touch barrier early in the night. Start with friendly touching on the arm or upper back. As the night progresses and the champagne flows, see how he reacts to escalated touching on the lower back, or letting your hand linger a little longer. Look into his eyes more. Find reasons to lean in and tell him things (either whispered secrets or speaking loudly over the music). Let your cheeks and bodies brush if possible, but only if it's natural. The more closeness and contact you can promote the better.

Step Three

Flirt a little during the night, if you feel he'll reciprocate. If he is not reciprocating, he may not be interested enough in you to kiss you. One way to get your flirting going on the topics of romance and intimacy is to ask him to look back on how this past year was in terms of romance and passion, and then both share what you want the New Year to bring you in terms of passion.

Step Four

Allow the tension to build. Don't disarm or defuse the sexual tension. As the evening goes on, you may feel a little electricity or attraction in the air. Let it hang there, especially as you get nearer to midnight. Don't undercut it with self-deprecating comments, or discussing 'downer' topics like sick relatives or divorce. Stick to fun, sexy vibes and looking forward to the New Year.

Step Five

Close to midnight, compliment him on some quality of his that you really love. Touch him affectionately. Keep eye contact.

Step Six

Keep him close as the countdown begins. Put your hand on his lower back, or on his chest. Smile at him and let your bodies lean against each other. When the countdown hits zero and the party poppers go off, turn to face him. Lean in for a kiss. When you get about a foot from his face you'll notice if he turns his head slightly to get a kiss on the cheek ("Let's just be friends." or "I haven't decided yet.) If he continues to face you then finish coming in for the kiss!

Step Seven

Kiss him! Match his style of kissing. Open-mouthed if he's passonate and into it. Closed lips to start if that's how he is. But you can escalate the kiss with caressing, and by slightly parting your own lips to see if he follows suit. (More detailed tips on kissing will be available in my upcoming booklet "Kisses That Seal The Deal").

If you aren't at the same party as the man you want, then text him playfully throughout the night. At midnight, send him a playful "kiss" text, humorously telling him that if he were there he would have gotten the best kiss he'll get all year. If he is disappointed, you know he wants that kiss the next time you see him!

Have a Happy New Year and HAVE FUN FLIRTING!

Your Dating-Coach,

Barry

#nerdsunite

Want more from Barry? Call or email him for your free one-on-one Dating Quiz and Assessment today. BarryPaulPrice@gmail.com & 323.301.6038

click here to follow Barry on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Top 5 dating do's and don'ts that drive guys away

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Barry. He's a dating coach here in LA, and starting in January he is going to help me out with dating and totes offer up some advice for the community! How friggen RAD is that!!! Here is his latest and greatest. HIT IT BARRY!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Barry Price

Here are my top five dating do's and don'ts that can drive guys away:

1) Acting Too Independent

Most female techies, trekkies and nerdettes are also strong and independent. It's good that modern women can be self-sufficient, when a guy is  starting a relationship with you, refusing to receive his offers of help, gifts, or support sends the message there's no space for him in your life. "You're Not Needed Here" vibes make him feel as unnecessary and unfulfilled as Jabba the Hutt's personal trainer. Some men move on as soon as this happens, others simply offer less-and-less of themselves until they become needy and dependent on the strong woman (you!) both emotionally and financially. Many potential princes turn into frogs this way. 

2) Making A Good Impression

We should all try to put our best foot forward with the opposite sex, no one disagrees with that. Being well groomed is a must. But too many girls put on an 'act' when first meeting or dating a new guy. Maybe you hide your true quirkiness, geekdom, or idiosyncrasies, afraid the person will be turned off. (Some ladies outright lie about their job, finances or relationship status to supposedly make a good impression.) This sets up a ticking time bomb, delaying the inevitable parting of ways. It's true that your first date may be too soon to tell a new guy about your multiple CosPlay stalkers. On the other hand, if you normally belt out "She Blinded Me With Science" at the top of your lungs as you drive (who doesn't?), but stay quiet this time because he's with you, then you're missing the whole point of dating: getting to know each other! Hiding who you are is antithetical to dating. So, the next time you meet someone new, wear that Cookie-Monster backpack you bought today and laugh at all your favorite "New Girl" jokes. As my (single) Mom once said, "If he doesn't like me, I'd rather find out right now and move on!"

3) Having Too Long, and Too Specific A Checklist

It's good to know what you want in a man. Some things are deal-breakers (91% of his wardrobe is Ed Hardy, 9%  Von Dutch). But too many perfectly sane, dateable nerd girls have such rigid, detailed checklist items for a potential mate that they filter out everyone. Here's a good exercise to make sure your checklist is working for you, not against you. Write your list of traits of your ideal man. include his looks, personality, job, religion (Sith Lord?)  types of clothes, fave Manga character, hang-outs, hobbies, etc. Now make a list describing the type of girl he is probably dating. Describe her in detail. Compare her traits, activities, attitudes, etc. to yourself. If you match her description, you are well on your way to getting Mr. Right. If not, it may be time to think about how to improve your own list, rather than focusing on his. TOUGH LOVE! KaPow!

4) Sleeping With Him Too Soon

When a guy has sex with a girl the night he meets her, or on the first date, yeah it's fun, but it short-circuits the courtship process. That process, a prolonged earning of the female's affection, has evolved over history as a way to weed out horny dweebs who were not 'in it for the long haul'. What's too soon? That depends on the guy, but if you allow a man to jump this process, you lose a valuable filter for testing his level of interest and commitment. That's not to say the occasional night of impulsive passion isn't okay, so pour some Patron and party down. But you better know that body-shots aren't typically the  foundation for a long, stable relationship. 

 

5) Waiting Too Long To Sleep With Him

You may hold back on becoming intimate with a new lovable hunk for a variety of reasons. No matter what the reason, if you wait too long and he doesn't understand why then he could misinterpret it as lack of interest, or lack of sex drive on your part.  If you're just getting out of (or over) a long-term relationship and it's a big emotional step for you to be with someone new, then tactfully share that with your new dude. If you're stalling because you're scared he'll lose interest once he's slept with you, then your instinct may be right and he may be more interested in the chase and the conquest than a long-term relationship . It's up to you to decide who's serious enough to deserve one-on-one time with kitty. Either way, keeping a man waiting and wondering will have him jumping to conclusions based on his own fears, and ultimately doom your dating.

#nerdsunite

Want more from Barry? Call or email him for your free one-on-one Dating Quiz and Assessment today. BarryPaulPrice@gmail.com & 323.301.6038