#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (Home Alone)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie

Catch up on the story: read my reservations about writing out this story and here's Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV  and Part V of our ending.

I have to go home. I have to leave the comforts of being around all of my family, of being in my mother's house and being in South Florida and head back to Los Angeles. I have to go back to an empty house. My ex is staying at a friend's house. I ask my brother if he will please, please go to LA with me and stay for a week. Thank God, the moon, the stars and the sun, he said yes.

We have an amazing conversation on the 5 hour plane ride. It was therapeutic.

We get home. I am so happy to be in my own place, even if it is empty, which is so sad. I walk into my bedroom and put my stuff down. I turn on the lamp on my nightstand. There is a hair clip on my nightstand. It does not belong to me. But I know exactly who often uses those in her hair.

A slap in the face before I even unpack.

I contact him and of course, he denies. Claims that he must have put in there when he was cleaning the house and that it's probably ___'s (the mutual friend's house he is currently staying at). I go to sleep that night wondering what exactly is on the sheets I'm sleeping on.

So, of course, in the next couple of days, the crazy girl in me comes out full force. What the fuck is going on? I NEED answers. My life is falling apart. One night while my brother is on the couch watching TV I decide to go and do some detective work. I go to our filing cabinet and open the top drawer, which is his. In the back I can see a huge stack of receipts and Christmas cards. Jackpot. I learn a lot. I read all of the Christmas cards addressed to us BOTH. I see find a Bank of America receipt and discover that he got over a thousand dollars from his parents in Christmas money. By the rest of this stack of receipts I can see that he drank it all away.

Then I find a receipt that stops my breath.
SLS Hotel. $100

I quickly jump on the computer to see how much it costs to stay at the SLS. $400. I look back at the receipt and realize it's for a restaurant at the hotel. Then I find the valet receipt and I see that he left at midnight. Okay, so he didn't stay at the hotel. But he spent $100 on a really nice dinner....WTF.

I walk back out to the living room. I am shaking and flushed. I sit next to my brother and my mind and heart are racing. The problem with snooping is that in order to confront the person with your findings, you have to admit what you were doing. I honestly do not even remember confronting him about this. I know I did and I know he gave me some more bullshit.

My brother and I had a great time talking and watching Beavis & Butthead. He claims that he hates being shown TV and movies by people because he almost never likes the stuff he's shown. I put my foot down though. I make him watch Firefly. He and I grew up watching Star Wars and Star Trek together, damnit, I know he'll love this. At first, he’s not so sure about Mal as a captain but of course, he comes around (since it's the best show in the verse). I was so grateful for his companionship during this time. We had so many good talks about life. I was sad when the week was over and it was time to take him to the airport.

When I get home it takes everything that I have to not cry.
My apartment is so quiet.
It feels like my heart does, alone.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (The Most Unmerry Christmas)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie

Read my reservations about writing out this story and here's Part I, Part II, Part III and Part IV of our ending.

A year ago today I was a mess. I retreated home to South Florida to be with my family. I was scared and I felt as though I would never be okay again.

December 12, 2010
My dude and I were getting along pretty well, considering what we had been through. We went to Santa Monica and spent the day shopping at  at Third Street Promenade. We had sushi for lunch and I remember even laughing and joking with him. That night was his company's Christmas party. I told him he should go because I always really enjoyed going to any of my company parties.

We got home and he started to get ready to leave. I started thinking about everything and in the pit of my stomach didn't want him to go. They were getting a freaking party bus that would take them to a Lucky Strike (super nice bowling alley). They were all meeting up beforehand to go to BevMo to stock up. I knew she would be a part of that group. 

I was laying on the couch. He comes over to me and gives me a hug and a kiss goodbye. The moment the door closes I freak out. What the hell was I thinking?? There's no way this is a good idea!! Later in the night I started texting him a lot and I can admit that this behavior was crazy. But I unfortunately was never wrong, he always was doing something wrong, he always was hanging out with her. After the party bus brought them back to their work, he, her and a couple of other people went to Pineapple Hill (I hope this place burns to the ground someday) and were hanging out. So the two of them are hanging out. WTF, WTF, WTF! Her boyfriend (the one who I wrote and spoke to about all of this, but was in such great denial that he didn't want to believe me) actually went to the bar and saw the two of them hanging out. (This was STILL not enough to get him to break up with her!!) She followed him out and it was ONLY THEN that my ex decides to leave. When he gets home he is drunk. And angry at me. 

He's drunk so he is able to do what he couldn't do before. 

Break up with me.

I look at him in shock. First over the phone and now drunk. I'm in awe that someone who I've loved for so many years and who loved me for so many years can do this to me.

December 13, 2010
The next day I call my mom. "Mom, I have to get the hell out of here. I need to come home!" She gets me a plane ticket for that Sunday. I go into my boss' office and tell him that I am going to be working remotely from Fort Lauderdale next week. This isn't uncommon as he's even going to be working remotely the week prior to Christmas. I cry in his office.

A few days later it is time for my Christmas party. I was so depressed but I still had a blast. It was on that night that I made the decision to stay in Los Angeles. That I loved it here even if it was without him. I came home that night and told him that I was going home on Sunday. That I would NOT be spending Christmas here with him.

The next day he had a panic attack at work. The reality of his actions finally hit him. I was leaving. I thought we would have more time together he told me over the phone (time together before we parted ways for good). I told him I just couldn't handle all of this and that I needed to be around people that loved me. His sister was so upset that I was leaving him all alone in LA for the holidays. Whatev, it was his own fault.

I've written about how callous this girl is. How seven years and the fact that we were getting married meant nothing to her. Another example: she changes her facebook profile picture to a cropped picture of her from the party. But I can see who was in the picture with her. My man.

December 17

We went out to dinner together. The mood between us was very unique. When you know something is over it changes things. You're no longer holding on. We drank tequila and ate well and laughed. We spoke to one another in a way we hadn't in some time. We even talked openly about her. We flirted. On the walk back home we passionately kissed in the rain.

Saturday and Sunday were like this as well. I don't even remember what we did but I know that we just really enjoyed each others company. It felt like I was really seeing him for the first time in awhile.  I didn't know if we were going to be okay. I hoped with every piece of my soul that we would be. I didn't know how I was going to live without him. 

December 19

I have to leave to go to the airport soon. I freak out and have my own panic attack. This feels like the end of an era. We won't be together for Christmas or New Year's Eve. But I have to do this.

We are standing in the kitchen. The cab will be here shortly. I didn't want him to drive me to the airport. I didn't want to cry in public as we said good bye. He looks scared and nervous. We just had the best weekend together. But what does it mean after everything that has happened? He thinks the time apart could offer us both some clarity. He holds my face and tells me that he thinks we will be okay. My heart hopes that that is true as we kiss.

December 20 - January 3

The next two weeks I could barely leave my mom's apartment in Boca Raton. I couldn't bring myself to go into Fort Lauderdale, it reminded me too much of him. This was really upsetting. I was born and raised in South Florida, spent the first 20 years of my life there. But in he past seven years, every time I was here it was with him. My family and I traveled north to Kissimmee (outside of Orlando) to visit my cousin. All I could think about is if he was with me how we would have gone to Islands of Adventure to see Harry Potter World. 

On Christmas Eve it was the 3 year anniversary of him and I getting engaged.

We finally face timed on Christmas. He didn't want to discuss anything serious though since it was Christmas. It was so nice to talk to him.

The rest of the week was a blur of me crying and hanging out with family. After the new year we face timed again. This time to discuss our future. He decided to move out for a bit and stay with one of our mutual friends. Wow, this is actually happening, he's moving out. I was so upset that it was with this particular person, too. I didn't have a lot of friends at the time, especially female ones and I was angry that he was being "selfish" and "claiming" her. 

I asked my big brother to come back to Los Angeles with me for a week. I really didn't want to be alone but I had to get back to work.

Which brings me to today. I made the decision to stay in Los Angeles for the winter break. Why would anyone choose to spend Christmas alone? I knew that I needed time to  be alone and relax. Last  year this holiday was so messy, chaotic and emotional for me. I wanted to cleanse it, make it neutral so that I can keep moving on. Being still is an ongoing challenge for me. I'm happy to spend time this year with friends and my kids, my dog and cat. I'm so grateful this year to be where I am and to be happy again.

Einstein

Luna Faye

Merry Christmas!!

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (My life turns into an episode of Cheaters)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie

Read my reservations about writing out this story and here's Part I, Part II and Part III of our ending.

My ex and I always thought that the show Cheaters was disgusting. It came on after something that we used to watch and we would talk about how awful and sad it was. I don't think either of us ever thought that we would experience a real life version of the show.

November 19, 2010

I got home from work on Friday and was ready for some me time. I was jamming out to music and going through my CD collection from high school. I came across a mixed CD a friend made for me. I couldn't remember what was on it so I put it into the player to find out. Literally as my finger was on the play button there was a loud knock on the door. I was surprised and couldn't imagine who it could be. I opened the door and my friend and neighbor Ellen walked in.

"When you were out of town last week (my ex) spent the night at that whore's house and fucked her."

I swear the whole world stopped right then. I started shaking.

"And right now they are both at a bar together. John (a coworker of my ex and Ellen's boyfriend and the roommate of She devil) has agreed to drive us there (neither of us had a car) so that you can confront them. But first, we should change the out the locks."

I start balling. I panic and my whole body is alive with adrenaline from anxiety and shock. I call my mom and tell her what's going on.

I tell her to call John and move forward with the plan because I'm being duped and I'm in denial about all of it. I'm just sooo very much in love with my ex at this point. I feel as though if I see this in person It will wake me up. If I see them together in person I will have no choice to accept reality.

While waiting for the locksmith I remembered something I had seen earlier in the day. See when all of this was going on, I started to seriously lose my marbles. Having the person I trust more than anyone in the world do this to me literally made me crazy. I was going through his phone and doing some serious stalking on facebook. In my attempt to find clues, I had found my way to John's facebook page and saw this:

I had a very sinking feeling that this pertained to me. Unfortunately, I was correct.

After I get off of the phone with her we call a locksmith and then wait for him to arrive. I quickly pack a bag for my ex to leave outside of the door. The locksmith arrives after what seems like forever, changes out the lock and charges me $200 to do so since it's around 8:00pm.

We got everything set up at my place and went down to Ellen's apartment. John and Danny (her boyfriend) came home from work to pick us up and take us up to Sherman Oaks where their office was located and where the bar they all frequented was located. Danny looked really sad. He told me he couldn't just not say anything anymore. He told me that when he saw me a few days earlier with a guitar on my back that I had gone out of my way to borrow from my boss for my ex's dad to use the following week when he would be in town, he couldn't take it. So, he broke Bro Code rule #1 to help me out.

Before I move forward, I should say that John's word is not bible to me. He was suuuuper in love with her. Which made him suuuper jealous and angry at my ex. This is why he was so willing to drive us to the bar. He wanted to get back at my ex. A lot of people at their job were really into her (the place was mostly dudes) and hated my ex for the fact that he got with her.

I go to my downstairs neighbor and tell her what's going on because I know when he finds himself locked out, he's going to be really, really pissed off. I remember her hugging me as I cried. Then I packed a bag so that I could sleep at Danny and Ellen's. I put the bag I had packed for him outside and we left.

The four of us got into John's car to head up to The Valley. John filled me in on what actually happened while I left our Halloween party to join the West Hollywood Carnival. I guess she got the point when I gave her a look in the kitchen. She wanted to leave the party not too long after I left. This really upset my (extremely drunk) ex. He walked down to our carport with her and John (who drove). John claims that at this point she was about to get into the passenger side and that my ex tried to make out with her right in our driveway. When I brought this up to my ex he looked genuinely confused. But who knows, he got pretty good at lying and/or he was really just that drunk that he doesn't remember. John goes on to explain that my ex yelled at him for "taking her away". I shuddered. I had seen that exact comment in a text message that night when I went through his phone. Then John offered to let me hear the angry voice message that my ex left him that night where he screams at him. My friend Danny stopped him from playing it, which I was grateful for. Didn't need to hear that.

We get near the bar and John says that he can't continue on with us because she is his roommate and no one can know he is involved in this. He tries to get me to promise to not hurt her (remember, he is in love with her). I don't recall what I told him but I sure as hell didn't promise to not hit her.

The three of us walk over to the bar which is in a strip mall. I have to sit down on a bus stop bench. My heart is racing; I don't know what we're going to find when we approach the bar. Who's going to be hanging outside of the bar? Will they just call/text my ex and let him know we're there? What do I do when I see the two of them together? After 10 minutes we finally start to continue to the bar. As we near the bar I freak out again and hide behind a pole. I ask Danny if he recognizes anyone standing outside and he says he doesn't so we continue on.

We walk in. The scene of the crimes. We sneak through the place. The couple we went to the beach with a few weeks prior are there. The girl looks up and sees me. We realize they are not there and shrink back and head outside. Danny finds out that they were there but the two of them left together to go and pick up another coworker.

We walked out into the parking lot and sat down on the sidewalk. And we waited for them to return. As we sat there it started to lightly rain. It was fitting. Danny got up and went to talk to the dude of the couple from the beach day. He asks him to please not inform my ex that we are here. He returns from this interaction and we wait some more. . I ask Danny about how far away their work is from this bar. I wonder why it's taking so long.

Finally I can hear his car. We stand up. As the car gets closer I can see her sitting in the passenger seat. My seat!! The other coworker is in the backseat. He drives past us, parks, the three of them go inside and then he comes right back out and gets into his car.

What the fuck?! I didn't go through all of this shit to not confront him! Did someone tell him we were here? I call him and tell him he should turn around. "Are you here?" he asks and the way he asked throws me off. He sounded a bit like he was happy about it. He turns around and parks the car. I run over to him as he gets out of the car, catching him completely off guard. I start yelling at him for continuing to hang out with her, while crying and hitting him. Complete TV moment. I remember him giving Danny and Ellen a look of disgust for their part in all of this.

I'm so embarrassed to even write this. I hate fighting in public more than anything. I hate drama. I try to avoid it as much as possible in my life. I don't even like dating because I feel as though you are signing yourself for drama (does he like me? OMG stop texting me dude! Oh man, I don't like him and he's asking me out for a second date, etc.).
    
I can't remember how we parted ways but Danny, Ellen and I started the long trek to the Metro station to get back home. He called me at least two dozen times as we walked. At first he was sad. When he realized that I changed the locks, he was livid. After we walked for what felt like forever, we get to the Metro only to find that we just missed the last run of the night. We call a taxi.

When we get home we have the taxi drop us off down the street from our apartment building. We knew he was still there. This is where I really started to get annoyed at the whole night. Danny and Ellen decide that it's best to call the cops to let them know that there could possibly be a situation. I tell them this is completely unnecessary and ridiculous. I think that's when everything that had went down that night really started to sink in. Before it had all been this weird surreal blur. I can't recall how Danny and my ex ended up on the phone together (wow, I have blocked so many of the details of this night) but then my ex left the apartment building. I stayed the night on Danny and Ellen's couch because I didn't want to be alone.

November 20, 2010

After we both calm down he comes home so that we can talk. He claims that the night prior he was on his way home to talk to me about everything that was going on and to make amends. I don't know about all of that....I guess I'll never really know, but he even if that's the case, he was still hanging out with her that very night.

When I think about this whole thing now I feel extremely manipulated. This isn't me. I don’t do things like this. I don’t yell at people in parking lots. John hated my ex with a passion and this scheme wasn't to help me but to help him fuck over my ex. I do believe that Danny and Ellen had my best interest at heart but I felt like I was in a daze and they were guided me in the wrong direction and I was too heartbroken to say anything.

November 21, 2010

His father comes into town to stay with us for a week long Thanksgiving visit. We had to act as though everything was normal when we were so far from normal.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

The Beginning of the End

It's weird to look back on a relationship coming to an end. I can now clearly see that his behavior, my behavior and certain events = breakup, but when things very slowly digress it's not easy to see. It's like suddenly realizing that 2+2=4 and then thinking to yourself, "How the hell did I not see that before?! It very obviously never equaled 5!"

April 2010
A few days after his birthday he finally gets a job that isn't waiting tables, a job that makes our dream of moving out here and succeeding a reality. We are both so happy. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders  because now I am not the only one bringing home the bacon. Life is good.

Summer 2010    
I notice a change in him. He's always been very outgoing and a bit cocky, always wanting to be the center of attention, but now that he has a job he can be confident about, he's turning into a monster. His head cannot fit through the door. Luckily, I have two friends, I'll call them Danny and Ellen (they will play a pivotal role in what is one of the most fucked up nights of my life) that we knew back in Orlando where the ex and Danny went to school together. I ask them if they have noticed a change in him as well and they both vehemently agree. I felt better that at least I wasn't just making stuff up.

He always comes home and tells me stories of what happened at work that day, the funny thing he did that made everyone crack up. He starts mentioning She Devil (she's not even worth a fake name). Any job in post production basically means you are a slave and will be working 60+ hour work weeks and you will also be working on many Saturdays. I miss him. I feel trapped, I do not have my own car, I don't have many friends. It is worth it though to see his name in the credits of a movie. I am so, so proud of my baby. I am beyond proud when he gets an IMDB page. This whole move has been validated. But L.A. is not a kind city. It is a wonderful, fun place to live. But it will lash out at you. You will get more parking tickets you can afford. Your car will get fucked up. You will pass people asking you for money everyday. It is not a relationship city. You will hate this place. Then one day, you absolutely love it and can't imagine leaving.

September 2010
My mother and aunt come out from Florida for a visit. They help me look for a car to buy. At the last minute my ex and I talk and decide that this is a bad time to get a car. He says we should just wait until after the wedding.

It's 11:00 pm on a weekday. We are sitting on the couch watching TV. She Devil texts him. I think to myself, "I don't text my male coworkers this late at night." I think that after a certain time it's inappropriate. I am not her. I work in a corporate environment, their office is like the opposite, and there isn't even an HR department. I don't like this; I don't get a good vibe from her.

It's a Friday night. I am home alone. He is out with coworkers. I don't have a car and it's kinda tricky to get to the valley without one, especially the area they are in. Me now without a car would have just called a cab. But the me then didn't. It's "understood" that I can always join him, but he never actually asks me to and I just don't really feel welcome. He comes home at 2 in the morning. I am sleeping on the couch, he tries to kiss me, but I am angry and I can taste the cigarettes and alcohol.

Random Sunday, he starts to do the laundry. I yell at him for using the roll of quarters that are wrapped in paper instead of the one wrapped in plastic because thanks a lot, now the quarters are going to go everywhere in my purse and I put the other roll of quarters out for you (needed them to take the bus). Totally ridiculous on my part. Huge to him. He doesn't forget this.

I have to pull teeth to get him to sit down and create our Save The Date. He complains that he sits in front of a computer all day and doesn't want to do it now. We do eventually finish it and I couldn't have asked for it to come out better. I am so freakin excited.

Our wedding was going to be in the Florida Keys. This is an image of the 7 mile bridge.

Early October 2010
He looks right through me. What does that mean? What does that look like? I had read this term before in many books but hadn't experienced it until him and this time period. We would be sitting right in front of each other and I felt that I wasn't even in the room. Like I could start dancing in front of him and he still wouldn't care, not even enough to think I was nuts. This is what denial feels like. I know that I knew that things weren't going so well, but I just never in a million billion years thought we would break up. That simply wasn't an actual possibility in my mind. We were getting married.

I do something that in 7 years I have never done before. I pick up his iPhone and read his text messages. I don't go very far back into his and She Devil's messages before I am bothered. Had I gone back further I probably would have something that spelled out that he was cheating on me. I ask him about what I read, he snatches the phone away and plays it off. This is the beginning of nasty habits on both of our parts; I am going through his stuff and he is lying to me.

The worst part of all of this? I am starting to send out Save The Dates. I send them out as I collect the addresses. I leave these piles on the end table by the door so that I can drop them off at the post office before work. He has to see these. What was going through his mind each day as he left for work?  I hate him for this. It is not easy to tell someone that you have been with for over 7 years that you have feelings for someone else, that you don't know how you feel about them, that you may not want to get married. But when you see Save The Date cards on the table that should scream at you that now is the time to have that awful talk that you do not want to have. That doesn't happen. He lets me find out.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

The Price Of Being A Loner

He was my everything.

It's saying to the person you are with, "No pressure or anything, hun, but you're my whole life."

I've realized that's a big reason why this breakup has hit me so hard. I let so very few people in. Now that I don't have a lover or a best friend, I'm really lonely.

My ex was a social crutch for me. He was so many things that I wanted to be. Charismatic, independent, funny and very social. I watched the way he interacted with people and took notes. When I first met him, my new social life was exciting. All of a sudden I had a whole new group of friends! Around the same time I met him I started to wait tables. There's nothing like walking up to a table of strangers and pretending to be their best friend to make you learn to open up.

I never fit in as a kid. Other kids just never got me. Summer day camp is a perfect childhood example of my social awkwardness. School was hard but I could usually find one or two people that liked me. Summer camp though? Not so much. (Thank goodness for the existence of books. They hid my face when no one wanted to play with me . They allowed me friends when I had none.) The summer day camp I went to was housed in a local middle school. We would often go over to the gym area and play racquetball . Some of us, either the girly or not so athletic types would hang out in the hallway and make lanyards. One day one of the counselors put his foot down and declared that all of us had to participate, that none of us could sit out making lanyards today. I was really bummed, but I went up to this one group that contained a friend and asked if I could join. The leader girl looked me right in the face and told me no, all with a smirk on her face. I asked around and couldn't find a group to join. I ended up hanging out with the female counselors doing guess what? Making lanyards. I remember being really surprised that they let me, but I also knew that they understood that I was the outcast.

The moment I stopped giving people that much power over me at 14, I was cool being a loner and made a bunch of friends. The moment you don't care, people want to be around you. But back to college. I had just ended my first year at Florida State and it didn't go so swell in that I barely made any friends my first year there. It was a complete social failure. And then I met him. It was like a way out of social rejection. He already had friends to hang out with. So, I let him make the friends and then I got to hang out with them with the added bonus that I didn't have to be the one to maintain the friendship. Perfect for someone who never seemed to get it right. Now, I'm not incapable of making friends and I definitely had my own circle from my restaurant job, but over the years it was just easier to hang with his friends. My ex is really funny and tells it like it is. Which is awesome because it filtered out the riff raff; the assholes and the high maintenance girls, buuuuut if that girl happens to be someone you work with and she is capable of making your life at work miserable because she's besties with the manager, having a boyfriend with no filter might just suck at times. Like I said, just easier to hang out with people who obviously liked his colorful personality, his friends.
 
Compound all of that with the fact that we moved a couple of times. After I finished up college at Florida State, he realized typical college wasn't for him and he wanted to go to an art/tech college in Orlando. Not my ideal city to live in, but I didn't have any sort of plan so I was cool with the move. So we started over, made all new friends. And then left them all and moved to Los Angeles so he could get into animation (again, I was more than down to move to LA. I looked at it as an adventure). The move to Los Angeles crippled me. We were so broke and thousands of miles away from all of our family and friends. I grew up in a very nice suburb outside of Fort Lauderdale. Everything was brand new. And clean. LA is not clean. It's smoggy and local businesses aren’t even allowed to hose off the area outside of their stores because it wastes water, just sweep it (some do anyways of course). It was a lot for me to take in. One of my first days there I saw a bum piss on the back of a bus stop bench. I freaked. My ex laughed and said, "Welcome to LA!" as I turned pale. So at this point I have no close friends because I keep moving away from them. The city intimidates me. Plus, I sold my car and we are now down to one car, a stick shift that I couldn't drive. Now I physically relied on him as well. 9 months after moving to Los Angeles, I got my current job. I just didn't feel like any of my coworkers liked me or were interested in hanging out with me. Plus, massive sized company and I had only ever worked at companies where there were about 50 employees total, so I felt invisible. My social anxiety kicked in at this point. Hard. I was convinced everyone hated me and I made myself miserable. More clinging to my ex. He very literally at this point became my everything.

When we were breaking up, I realized that I really didn't have anyone out here on this coast. There was work to be done. On ME and MY LIFE.

I've had no choice in recent months but to go outside of my comfort zone, drop the social anxiety that had been plaguing me for two years and make friends. And I have. I am very pleased with the way that once I really made an effort to meet new people I did. Once you open yourself to something and your energy reflects that change people recognize it.

Although, there's nothing like having tons of people around you to make you feel alone, like no one really knows you. No one out here really does know me. Except for him, the person who knows me better than anyone else on this entire planet. But I will continue to forge ahead and keep trying.  There is no other option. Sink or swim.

I can't stress enough how important it is in a long term relationship to keep your own identity! It is so easy to just melt together into one person. I've seen so many couples just slowly give up little pieces of themselves for the other person until they don't have their own identity. The tricky part about this is that in a way it feels so good to do this for another person. And who wants to think about the breakup when you're waist deep in love? Well, think of it this way: you are not only protecting yourself in case you and your other half break up but you are actually preserving the relationship by maintaining a level of mystique and thus keeping yourself interesting to the other party.

I was talking to one of my best friends the other week about this. She also just got out of a long term relationship (7 years). We are each other's sponsors, lol, for moral support.

Her: I can't believe how much I just gave up for her.

Me: Yeah, I know, like how do you forget about the most important person in your life? YOU!

Her: Seriously. I would have never gone to that awesome lecture if I was still with her. I would have rushed home instead. But ya know what? I know this is fucked up, but I would do it all over again if we got back together.

Me: Yeah, so would I. And that's what I'm afraid of.

#nerdsunite

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