#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (My life turns into an episode of Cheaters)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie

Read my reservations about writing out this story and here's Part I, Part II and Part III of our ending.

My ex and I always thought that the show Cheaters was disgusting. It came on after something that we used to watch and we would talk about how awful and sad it was. I don't think either of us ever thought that we would experience a real life version of the show.

November 19, 2010

I got home from work on Friday and was ready for some me time. I was jamming out to music and going through my CD collection from high school. I came across a mixed CD a friend made for me. I couldn't remember what was on it so I put it into the player to find out. Literally as my finger was on the play button there was a loud knock on the door. I was surprised and couldn't imagine who it could be. I opened the door and my friend and neighbor Ellen walked in.

"When you were out of town last week (my ex) spent the night at that whore's house and fucked her."

I swear the whole world stopped right then. I started shaking.

"And right now they are both at a bar together. John (a coworker of my ex and Ellen's boyfriend and the roommate of She devil) has agreed to drive us there (neither of us had a car) so that you can confront them. But first, we should change the out the locks."

I start balling. I panic and my whole body is alive with adrenaline from anxiety and shock. I call my mom and tell her what's going on.

I tell her to call John and move forward with the plan because I'm being duped and I'm in denial about all of it. I'm just sooo very much in love with my ex at this point. I feel as though if I see this in person It will wake me up. If I see them together in person I will have no choice to accept reality.

While waiting for the locksmith I remembered something I had seen earlier in the day. See when all of this was going on, I started to seriously lose my marbles. Having the person I trust more than anyone in the world do this to me literally made me crazy. I was going through his phone and doing some serious stalking on facebook. In my attempt to find clues, I had found my way to John's facebook page and saw this:

I had a very sinking feeling that this pertained to me. Unfortunately, I was correct.

After I get off of the phone with her we call a locksmith and then wait for him to arrive. I quickly pack a bag for my ex to leave outside of the door. The locksmith arrives after what seems like forever, changes out the lock and charges me $200 to do so since it's around 8:00pm.

We got everything set up at my place and went down to Ellen's apartment. John and Danny (her boyfriend) came home from work to pick us up and take us up to Sherman Oaks where their office was located and where the bar they all frequented was located. Danny looked really sad. He told me he couldn't just not say anything anymore. He told me that when he saw me a few days earlier with a guitar on my back that I had gone out of my way to borrow from my boss for my ex's dad to use the following week when he would be in town, he couldn't take it. So, he broke Bro Code rule #1 to help me out.

Before I move forward, I should say that John's word is not bible to me. He was suuuuper in love with her. Which made him suuuper jealous and angry at my ex. This is why he was so willing to drive us to the bar. He wanted to get back at my ex. A lot of people at their job were really into her (the place was mostly dudes) and hated my ex for the fact that he got with her.

I go to my downstairs neighbor and tell her what's going on because I know when he finds himself locked out, he's going to be really, really pissed off. I remember her hugging me as I cried. Then I packed a bag so that I could sleep at Danny and Ellen's. I put the bag I had packed for him outside and we left.

The four of us got into John's car to head up to The Valley. John filled me in on what actually happened while I left our Halloween party to join the West Hollywood Carnival. I guess she got the point when I gave her a look in the kitchen. She wanted to leave the party not too long after I left. This really upset my (extremely drunk) ex. He walked down to our carport with her and John (who drove). John claims that at this point she was about to get into the passenger side and that my ex tried to make out with her right in our driveway. When I brought this up to my ex he looked genuinely confused. But who knows, he got pretty good at lying and/or he was really just that drunk that he doesn't remember. John goes on to explain that my ex yelled at him for "taking her away". I shuddered. I had seen that exact comment in a text message that night when I went through his phone. Then John offered to let me hear the angry voice message that my ex left him that night where he screams at him. My friend Danny stopped him from playing it, which I was grateful for. Didn't need to hear that.

We get near the bar and John says that he can't continue on with us because she is his roommate and no one can know he is involved in this. He tries to get me to promise to not hurt her (remember, he is in love with her). I don't recall what I told him but I sure as hell didn't promise to not hit her.

The three of us walk over to the bar which is in a strip mall. I have to sit down on a bus stop bench. My heart is racing; I don't know what we're going to find when we approach the bar. Who's going to be hanging outside of the bar? Will they just call/text my ex and let him know we're there? What do I do when I see the two of them together? After 10 minutes we finally start to continue to the bar. As we near the bar I freak out again and hide behind a pole. I ask Danny if he recognizes anyone standing outside and he says he doesn't so we continue on.

We walk in. The scene of the crimes. We sneak through the place. The couple we went to the beach with a few weeks prior are there. The girl looks up and sees me. We realize they are not there and shrink back and head outside. Danny finds out that they were there but the two of them left together to go and pick up another coworker.

We walked out into the parking lot and sat down on the sidewalk. And we waited for them to return. As we sat there it started to lightly rain. It was fitting. Danny got up and went to talk to the dude of the couple from the beach day. He asks him to please not inform my ex that we are here. He returns from this interaction and we wait some more. . I ask Danny about how far away their work is from this bar. I wonder why it's taking so long.

Finally I can hear his car. We stand up. As the car gets closer I can see her sitting in the passenger seat. My seat!! The other coworker is in the backseat. He drives past us, parks, the three of them go inside and then he comes right back out and gets into his car.

What the fuck?! I didn't go through all of this shit to not confront him! Did someone tell him we were here? I call him and tell him he should turn around. "Are you here?" he asks and the way he asked throws me off. He sounded a bit like he was happy about it. He turns around and parks the car. I run over to him as he gets out of the car, catching him completely off guard. I start yelling at him for continuing to hang out with her, while crying and hitting him. Complete TV moment. I remember him giving Danny and Ellen a look of disgust for their part in all of this.

I'm so embarrassed to even write this. I hate fighting in public more than anything. I hate drama. I try to avoid it as much as possible in my life. I don't even like dating because I feel as though you are signing yourself for drama (does he like me? OMG stop texting me dude! Oh man, I don't like him and he's asking me out for a second date, etc.).
    
I can't remember how we parted ways but Danny, Ellen and I started the long trek to the Metro station to get back home. He called me at least two dozen times as we walked. At first he was sad. When he realized that I changed the locks, he was livid. After we walked for what felt like forever, we get to the Metro only to find that we just missed the last run of the night. We call a taxi.

When we get home we have the taxi drop us off down the street from our apartment building. We knew he was still there. This is where I really started to get annoyed at the whole night. Danny and Ellen decide that it's best to call the cops to let them know that there could possibly be a situation. I tell them this is completely unnecessary and ridiculous. I think that's when everything that had went down that night really started to sink in. Before it had all been this weird surreal blur. I can't recall how Danny and my ex ended up on the phone together (wow, I have blocked so many of the details of this night) but then my ex left the apartment building. I stayed the night on Danny and Ellen's couch because I didn't want to be alone.

November 20, 2010

After we both calm down he comes home so that we can talk. He claims that the night prior he was on his way home to talk to me about everything that was going on and to make amends. I don't know about all of that....I guess I'll never really know, but he even if that's the case, he was still hanging out with her that very night.

When I think about this whole thing now I feel extremely manipulated. This isn't me. I don’t do things like this. I don’t yell at people in parking lots. John hated my ex with a passion and this scheme wasn't to help me but to help him fuck over my ex. I do believe that Danny and Ellen had my best interest at heart but I felt like I was in a daze and they were guided me in the wrong direction and I was too heartbroken to say anything.

November 21, 2010

His father comes into town to stay with us for a week long Thanksgiving visit. We had to act as though everything was normal when we were so far from normal.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

You miss your ex? Yeah, so do I.

There are tons of books, articles and people out there who will tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing at this time in your life. They are probably right. However, you can only do what is right for you, even if you make a mistake or two, or three.

I love making mistakes. They’re fun. Knowing it’s so wrong, but feels so right! And I’ve been making a whole hell of a lot of them lately.

Ya, I know I shouldn’t text my ex while I’m at work. Anything that leads to me crying at my desk is a huge no-no!

I most certainly know I shouldn’t talk to and see my ex. But I do. I can’t help it. I’ve known him for 8 years and sometimes I am just done with being sad and missing him. So I drive over to his house and for a few hours it’s like nothing has changed.

But of course, so very much has.

I’m aware I’m doing a lot of wrong. And that’s why I take victories where I can and I set some boundaries. When he couldn’t stop hanging out with the girl he cheated on me with while we were trying to see if we could make it work (it was in group settings, but uuuhhhh, same difference), I put my foot down and ended things. I give myself kudos for then making what I consider to be a great effort in rebuilding a life for myself. I really set out to start over and I’m proud of how I put myself out there. I’ve made a lot of friends and had a lot of fun. Enough to make my ex very jealous lol. I have done some things right. He moved out. I got a roommate. We unfriended each other on Facebook so we could have our privacy (more on that later). I WILL NOT break previously made plans to hang out with him.

Okay, one time I kinda did, but it was his birthday!

But I still see him about once a week. And sometimes we talk about getting back together.

And everyone (except one friend who has totally been there) in my life gives me shit for it, which just wigs me the fuck out. I’m not used to having people give me their opinion on my life and my actions as much as people have lately. OF COURSE, of course, of course, I understand that they are not really “giving me shit for it” they care about me and just want me to be happy and whole again!!

I just feel so lost. Without a road map. So yeah, sometimes I get turned around and have to circle back the way I came before I can figure out where it is that I am supposed to be going.

Thankfully, there are other types of mistakes to be made.

Over lunch a few weeks back one of my male friends told me, “Do you how many guys out there are just waiting to be your mistake?”

My response was simple - I can’t wait to find out.

#kthxbye

This is a story about #love, but it's not a love story (Part 3)

Welcome to the next level ... HIZZUAH!!! For realsy, reals, reals ... thank you guys for the support with these posts. I cannot believe the emotions that are just coming up that I am able to let go of. It's weird to be over someone in that traditional sense, but still feel wounded. You ABSOLUTELY have to heal the wound. It's bat shit how good this feels. I kinda wanna bottle it up, and sell it ... and then market it ... and like buy a company car ... and like put blow up dolls in the passenger seat of it so I can ride in the carpool lane ... and like no one will notice. Am I still talking? Shut up Jen.

K ... so if you're not caught up on what's goin down ... here's part one ... and here's part one point five ... and here's part two.

(Basically, I got my heart supremely broken a year and a half ago ... it actually was one of the reasons that I started this blessed little site. It's impairing my current OkCupid social experiment ... so I decided to grab this story by the balls and take ownership of it. These are a series of posts that I am doing to hash it out and make it tangible so I can move on since I can't afford therapy. FOR REALS!! That shit is expensive!!!)

HIT IT TONIC!  

Before I moved in with the mentalist, I flew out to LA a couple times to kick it with him. On one of the trips he got this call from this chick saying she was in San Diego, and asked if he wanted to hang out. I was all, fuck yah! I love the San Dizzle! Got in the car, and 2 hours later - BAM there we be. Get there, meet the chickies - and omg ... bless their hearts - no seriously, these girls are super super super sweet ... but holy fuck, dumb. Honestly though, I feel like this was a geographic educational system thing. I grew up in Connecticut - we are bred to piss excellence, they're from Minnesota. It is just a very. very. very. different way of life. Personality wise, these girls though are just the nicest people on the planet. I would just say things to them, and one of the girls kept saying - I have no idea what you just said. It was one of those.

Needless to say, we got off on kind of a weird foot. But again, I just love people in general, so I can tone down a bit of my geek speak age, and just roll. It came up at one point when I was down there that these chicks had wanted to move to LA. The mentalist said, hey, why don't you guys live in my apartment while I'm on tour? The girls said FUCK YES!!!! Got really excited ... went home ... and got their affairs together to move out a few months later.

It is now a few months later.

I was really really really nervous about living with these girls. Like really nervous. I just didn't think I would be able to click with them - frankly, I was supposed to be gone at that point, the fact that I was still there was courtesy of some arm twisting ... isn't this fun, dear? I make life so easy for you - you don't want me to leave. OOHHHH the people pleaser! They are never pleased.

So these chickadees move in, again on the air mattress ... in the living room ... the sucky part about that living arrangement though was that the bathroom was in the bedroom. Anytime anyone had to go to the bathroom, they had to walk through the bedroom. That got weird a couple of times.

HAHAHA!! Dude, plus this one time, I was going down on him in the kitchen and one of the girls walked in and then stormed right out. They were so pissed. Sorry, man! We had a lot of sex. It's a beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful thing.

So, now these chicks are in the living room ... and the mentalist had asked everyone at one point if they wouldn't mind helping him with his career. He wanted to reach out to some magazines etc. for press. One of the girls was TOTALLY on board! So she started putzin away ... I then said that I can help make some videos for him. GREAT! He said!!! I sat down grabbed some of his files and such, and just went to town. He had wanted to book more gigs as a motivational speaker (yeah, fucking irony at its finest) - so I said I could take some footage from one of his shows and turn it into a sizzle.

I literally spent all day on that thing. The footage was shotty at best - it was BADDDDD!! BUT! I am proud to say, it came out pretty well.

At one point though during the tough day of editing - his phone rang, it was brownie girl. He said that he was going to talk to her, and end things since she clearly wasn't getting a hint. He grabbed the dish of hers from the top of the fridge, and said he would brb. He didn't have a desk in his house, so I had to edit at the kitchen counter ... on a bar stool. Most painful thing EVER!!! The way the apartment was set up however, my back was to the door. I am a phenomenally driven individual - if I am writing a post, or editing a video ... don't fuck with me. I'm in my zone, most likely in a hoodie - it's one of those things, no noise, no bothering ... leave me be, this is my art.

I can't describe it, but I had the WORST feeling ever about not only her, but in the pit of my stomach at that very moment. Something didn't feel right ... at all. Like no, I cannot stress this enough - SOMETHING DID NOT FEEL RIGHT. I got up from editing (again, something I would NEVER do when I am working), grabbed my car keys, went into the parking garage, and just got in my car. I didn't really know where I was going to go, or what I was going to do when I got there ... I just needed to not be there when he got back.

I wound up going down the street to a Starbucks, and I just sat there in this weird haze. I literally have no idea how to articulate this feeling that something did not make sense. He kept telling me this was just a fan, a girl with a silly crush - but the way this chick was acting didn't make sense. She had to be receiving some sort of validation from him in some regard to keep it up. He's a charming dude and all, but girls would absolutely give up at this point. This chick was RELENTLESS - I kept asking why?

1 and 1 were not equalling 2. I'm a nerd, this shit will bother me until I can come to a logical conclusion - I don't ever stop trying to figure things out.

I get a text "LOL where are you?" I literally remember that exact text. Anytime he knew he did something either wrong, or wasn't being genuine - he would put a LOL in front of it. (Of course obviously this was only in text, or online - he didn't actually say LOL IRL cause WTF I'd start ROFLMAO.) I said I was down the street and would be back soon. I stayed gone for only about 15 more minutes, and headed back to the house. He was leaving that night to go back on tour, and I went in to lay on his bed and help him pack. It was weird, I felt like shit, but the second I walked into the bedroom it was this moment of - oh look what I have over here, videos of some of my old performances ... let's watch! Misdirection much?

We started watching the videos, and this stuff always intrigued me. I loved looking at baby pics of him, movies, anything - I was in love ... chicks dig that shit. He knew that would get me to shut up and stop asking questions.

The next morning, he went off on his tour - and all was pretty bueno. Put it out of my mind ... and just went back to doin what I was doin. One morning, one of the girls stopped me in the living room and asked how did I know the mentalist was being faithful? I was like, what do you mean? He'd tell me if he had sex with someone else! It's part of his job - he has to be available. She looked at me, with those big doe eyes, and asked are you sure? OF COURSE! I said! See that, that was me thinking I was smarter than her ... and me thinking what could you know about the awesomeness that is our relationship?

A couple weeks go by, the girls landed a casting for this music video being shot at this club. HAHA! This is so LA, btw - it's a prerequisite that within your first year of moving here, you will ABSOLUTELY be in a music video. It's a thing, we own it. One of the girls comes back from the music video session COMPLETELY freaking out - OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! You're NEVER going to believe who was there at that shoot? Who I said?

BROWNIE GIRL!!!!

Wha, wha, what??? See, the girls had never met brownie girl face to face, but they had heard ALL about her - and seen a picture. Brownie girl, however, must have known that these two girls were staying with the mentalist because she completely made a bee line for them. I am dead serious when I say that this chick was a fucking psycho bitch. I would not at ALL be surprised if she peeked in the windows and shit. It was super easy to do, and totally freaked me out.

So, brownie girl starts talking to the girls ... telling them that she's in love! Dating this mind reader (she was playing coy at first, and then said wait, you're staying with that same mentalist? weirdo) ... they've been serious since the spring (it was now early fall). She's in love. love. love. love. The girls were shocked. What is this chick ON?! She cannot be for real. Bitches be crazy, don't get me wrong ... but again, girls will move on if they receive no validation of their emotions in that regard. No one gets THAT hung up unless we're talking restraining order territory.

The girls didn't tell me at first all of the details of their interaction. They had made a pact to each other to not say anything to me about it. Remember, they were friends with the mentalist first and foremost. I know girl code, I know ... I know ... but also, these chicks tried telling me on NUMEROUS occasions that he was seeing other people. Love is blind - you choose to see what you want to see.

HAHAHAAHAH!! Connect and share is RIGHT! A few days later though, a Facebook message comes in to one of the girls - yep, it was brownie girl. She sends this LOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG email with clips of texts he sent her, that she doesn't know why he's pulling back after he said that she loved him ... and wait for it, wait for it, that she's also pregnant with his child (THIS IS JERRY SPRINGER SHIT!!!! CANT MAKE THIS UP!!!!).

The girls freak out, and show me the email.

I remember vividly sitting on the couch reading all of it - and it just absolutely did not sink in. I started crying. Like crying crying.

I ran out of the apartment, and sat over by the pool. I started hyperventilating. I calmed myself down, and walked back into the apartment. I said, wait, she's GOT to be crazy! He needs to get a restraining order!!!! The girls looked at me, stunned. Yes - I really was that thick headed. Even in that moment, reading all of that on the screen - in black and white ... er, it's Facebook, so white and blue ... I still thought this was some big lie. (Hilarious too since I thought I was the smart one in general in this scenario.)

One of the girls piped up and said Jen ... remember the day you were editing that video and he gave her the dish? I said yeah. She goes, what do you think they were doing? I said, what do you mean what do I think they were doing? Talking. He was basically telling her to fuck off. They looked at each other, then looked back at me - what I said? What do you know? One of the girls got up and left the apartment saying, I cannot be a part of this. I can't do this. I can't!!!

SPIT IT OUT I SCREAMED!!!!! She grabbed my hands and said, well, when you had your back to the door - he came back in a few minutes after leaving and grabbed his car keys. He motioned to me with his finger to his mouth to not say anything to you. He later told me that she gave him head in the car.

I said, wait! WHAT!!!!! How is that possible??? No! No! NOOO!!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!

Then, logic took over, and I thought ... omg, FUCK! I WALKED RIGHT PAST HIS CAR WHEN I WAS GOING TO THE GARAGE!!!!

Yep, like 10 feet away from my car as I was pulling away, he was puttin it in. Charming, right?

Alrite - gonna take a breather. Wow. Putting this all on paper is just the most liberating thing imaginable.

Next up, I'll tell you all how I confronted him, about the pregnancy, and oh yeah - did I mention that this story only gets more intense from here? FUCKING CRAZY.

I ask as a favor to the community for comments, tweets, whatever to be INCREDIBLY gentle. These are very raw wounds I am exposing, and I am incredibly embarrassed by how fucking stupid I was regarding this individual ... but its a part of life, and this is my next doable action.

Thanks so so so much for reading. You have no idea how good it feels to just let these feelings out.

xoxo #nerdsunite

Click here to read the next installment