<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie
When we first flipped the calendar page to March, I got worried. I knew it was coming. I didn't know how I would feel.
On Tuesday, March 20, came the anniversary of the wedding that never was. I had a lot of thoughts in my head that day about the whole event. (Seriously, no one should ever have to return a wedding dress!) But something about those thoughts really surprised me. They weren't nearly as sad as I had been anticipating.
I actually didn't sit at my desk and think about myself in The Florida Keys, I didn't picture myself in my wedding dress or think about the party afterwards. Yes, of course it was a sad day, but what I actually thought about was my friends.
I thought about my friends and how grateful I am for all of them to be in my life. How they took care of me when I needed to be cared for most. One of my co-workers, Erica, let me spend half of March on her couch, which I will be eternally grateful for. She listened to me go on and on about my ex. She helped me to feel as though I wasn't alone. She lent me Eat, Pray, Love - the quintessential what do you do after your life falls apart book.
That friend and a couple of others, two that I had just met earlier in the month and are still good friends with to this day, got in our cars and drove out to Las Vegas to help distract me from the wedding that never was.
That Vegas trip was one of the best things I did for myself. It was my first time ever in Vegas. The four of us ended up meeting up with a bunch of coworkers that also happened to be in Vegas that weekend and we had ourselves a blast. I learned how to play Black Jack. I also fell in love with playing Black Jack. We partied in the Foundation Room at House of Blues and as I stared off at the spectacular view, I was scared but excited. I flirted and danced with some random dude that night for the first time in 8 years.
When the actual day came, I was heartbroken. And when 3:15pm PT came, the actual time we were supposed to be wed, I was crying. Erica layed down on my bed next to me and put her arms around me as I cried. Both of my parents called me to check on me that day.
Her and I went to a show that night and I was so grateful to not have to be alone and to be distracted. On the way back to LA we made sure to stop at Red Lobster (so wondrously tacky!) to eat some seafood and cheddar bay biscuits. The whole trip was so much fun!
I was so busy working last Tuesday that I forgot to get sad at 3:15pm PT. I didn't realize I had missed it until 3 hours later. And even then, I didn't get sad, I just reflected on how different my life is now and how amazing all of the people in my life are.
It wasn't easy, but due to being in sink or swim mode I turned off my social anxiety in order to survive. My life is so fulfilling now because I have so many wonderful people in it. And as the months have turned into a year, it's those friends and all of the new ones I have made that make my life what it is - great!
<editorsnote>Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie
People say that it makes you a stronger person to actually admit that you need help and to ask for it. When you're that person and you're the one that has to admit that you need help, you understand this but it doesn't make it any easier to say, "Yeah, life got so hard that I had to start seeing someone".
I decided last year that I owed it to myself and to my family and friends to try everything that I could to resolve my emotions surrounding this breakup and my new life.
I'm a very private person IRL (err, I used to be!). Or rather, I don't talk about myself a lot in social situations. If you ask me a question I have no problem answering it but it's just not in my personality to go on and on about what I did last weekend or whatev. That said, when my whole life got turned upside down, I could not, would not shut up!! I was telling people about my breakup when previously I probably hadn't even talked to them about the actual relationship prior to the breakup. To the point where once I got a handle on things I was super embarrassed. Some of my co-workers just did not need to know certain details. Ugh, oh well, I'm not hard on myself for this. My life was crumbling and so was I. Other friends heard it all. Every. single. detail. They also had to counsel me through every decision and guide me through the pain. They also had to endure the way I was so hopeful that we would figure out a way to make it work.
My mom had it the worst of all. I love this woman so much. So, so, very much. From November 1, 2010 to maybe some time in June 2011? I called her every day. No really, everyday. I honestly don't think she minded because I'm sure it allows her to still feel needed and moms with empty nests love that but it couldn't of been easy for her to listen to me go on and on and on about my problems.
That said, I realized that I couldn't put this burden on the people that I loved anymore. The stress of a break up or divorce is so great that you can't go through it without a support system, but even your support system may need a break.
I won't soon forget being at Comic Con with Jen and telling her about my decision to start therapy. I said the whole sentence at regular volume except for the word "therapy". She smiled and said, "Julie, it's okay that you're going to go to.." and then she lowered her voice, poking fun at me "...therapy". I laughed, knowing she right, that I was being silly.
Starting in August I began seeing a therapist. My initial thought? I wish I had done this sooner! I thought back to my wedding month, March and the month after he moved out, April. I was so distraught!
Still, the first couple of sessions I wasn't really sure how I felt about it. After a couple of sessions and explaining all of the back story of our relationship/breakup, I started wondering what the hell I was going to talk about each week. One particular week, nothing major had taken place that week and we ended up talking about my childhood, not that I don't think many of my issues start there, but I didn't see the point in paying money for that kind of discussion. But by 9/6, I had a 5 tissue day. Meaning I actually finally let myself cry enough to go through 5 tissues. I had stopped crying in everyday life by that point. The sadness hadn't stopped but I literally lost the ability to cry anymore. I had expelled so many tears in the past months that even when I wanted to cry, I couldn't. Except for when I was in therapy. This marked the first time I really looked forward to going.
Since then, I really enjoy going each week. I'm lucky to have a really cool therapist that I dig on a personal level, too. Recovery isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Often, just when I think I have everything figured out, something happens that makes me grateful that I have him to go talk to. He mostly just talks me through stuff, only twice has he told me I should/shouldn’t do something. The first time, back in January, he told me that it was important for me to stay single for at least 6 more months (true! But hard to hear) and the second time he encouraged me to have a conversation with someone.
Having an unbiased person to listen can be super helpful. They don't know your ex, your best friend, your parents, your anyone. They're not friends with your ex or have a personal attachment to you that would change an opinion of a situation. They're just there to be objective.
Also, if you are in a relationship where one party has cheated and you guys are trying to make things work, please, please go to couple's counseling! I feel like there's no way to work through all of the emotions without that unbiased person there to listen to you both.
Him and I also tackled another aspect of accepting help. I have suffered from depression my whole life and this breakup forced me to really get a handle on it. I didn't want to live life sad anymore. I'm very scared of prescription drugs, but also very scared of always feeling blue, so I started taking an anti-depressant and I have a prescription for Xanax, though I rarely take it. The first time I held a box cutter to my wrist I was 10. 10! I was superly socially awkward at that age and couldn't fit in with anyone. Admitting that I have to take an anti-depressant is a hard one for me, there are a lot of people who judge others for being on medication or who think if you can just figure your life out, you'll be okay. But isn't it better for me to get that shit under control than staring at the knives in my kitchen?
I think so.
If you are going through a hard time in your life or life just seems harder than it should be I seriously recommend doing something for yourself and at least giving it a shot.
<editorsnote>Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE!</editorsnote>
I think that my ex wanted to do the right thing. I know that he thought about our life together and the children we wanted to have. I've personally never witnessed someone so torn about anything before. In previous months it ate at his soul, he drank so so much. In February, it was like he had come to accept that he was an asshole. His heart was split in half and because she was in his life every day at work, it was impossible for him to move past her, for us to move past her. We both knew this but we both wanted to make sure we really gave this one last shot before giving up on over 7 years and on the rest of our lives together. While it hurt and one part of me thought I should have more respect for myself, another part of me wanted to fight for love. This girl has such a black heart, I knew she would never really love him, and that this was a game to her. But it felt like those two were against me, like I was outnumbered.
It didn't feel like he really tried. The worst part is, when you're with someone for 7 years, you can pick up on the smallest of details. This escalated to a whole new level a behavior of mine that I am beyond not proud of - going through all of his personal stuff. When someone looks you in the face and lies to you and you KNOW they are lying but you have no proof, you start to go crazy. I had already been going through his receipts for clues but then I went through everything: facebook, his email, and the worst, I hacked into his bank account. I could really see what he was up to that way.
Then one day I remembered something. He and I were on a family phone plan! Hello! I can see everything he's doing. I took screen shots of all of their texts and phone calls as evidence. He had integrated the deletion of their texts and phone calls into his everyday routine. But here was the proof that the communication was still going on.
This leads to the core problem of what to do with the information found. How do I know that you weren't actually at a bar tonight when you said that you were? A couple of reasons:
1) When you answered my phone call there was no "bar noise" behind you 2) The way that you said, “I’m paying my tab right now". I could hear the bullshit in your voice, that you were making this up. AND you turned your head to say it to someone else to you because your voice faded a bit mid way through the sentence. 3) Checked your bank statement, no transaction that night.
FUCKING. TORTURE.
It was that night that I considered tracking his phone so I could see where he was. I was one click away from complete and total crazy. Truthfully, the only thing that stopped me was knowing that if he found out it would be over on the spot. I consider this moment a personal low (this is so embarrassing to admit that I did this shit, BTW).
February 12, 2011
I went to yoga class on Saturday morning. This yoga instructor is just amazing. She always says really inspirational stuff at the beginning of every class. I had been feeling horrible for pretty obvious reasons. Then she starts speaking about the Veil of Maya. She compared it to a smoky glass shower door, that you can't see through to yourself clearly. And that she hoped that through our practice we could clear that fog. "Maybe, by the end of class, you can just poke a hole through it and see back to your true self." Then during class, it hit me, a wonderful epiphany. I realized that a big part of the reason I felt so awful was not just because of what he was doing, but what I was doing! I wasn't being myself!! I am a horrible liar and thus 95% of the time, I just don't. My soul was being ripped apart by my snooping. I decided I would come clean Tuesday after Valentine's Day.
February 14, 2011
This whole time I was waiting for him to make some romantic gesture. Even just send a girl some flowers! But it never happened. I asked him about this once."Why aren't you even trying to win me back over?" He told me that if he did something like that, he wanted to be 100% behind it. So if it happened I would know it was legit. Well, it never happened. When Valentine's Day hit I was so sad. Now he would "have to" do something nice for me but only because of this stupid fucking holiday. (Seriously, I think VDay is the WORST thing ever! You don't need this day if you are in a relationship and it's a whole day that makes anyone that is sans partner feel like shit. WTF!) He came home from work that night and started to cook me dinner. Sigh, that boy can cook. Back when we were a happy couple, this would have been my idea of heaven. We spent so much time in the kitchen together, talking and smoking while cooking. God, I miss that. On this night, I went into my room and cried. He would never be doing this for me if it wasn't for the damn holiday. He made the best Chicken Marsala he ever made that night.
February 15, 2011
I was so nervous to sit down with him and come clean. I thought it could even possibly be the end of everything right then and there. But I knew that in order to be true to myself I had to do it. He took it pretty well. He said he was really disappointed in me but he had to know that my behavior was his fault. I felt so much better after coming clean.
February 21, 2011
It was President's Day and we had the day off. We made plans to hang out with another couple, Justin and Karen, and go to Disneyland together. It was A GREAT DAY! The four of us had so much fun together. We even got our standard compliment from them - that we were a great couple to hang out with, we weren't all clingy or secretive. We laughed so much that day and held each other while in line for rides. We ended the night back at our place talking about music and listening to Cat Stevens (one of my favs). Perfect.
February 22, 2011
I get a phone call from him while I'm at work around 4. He tells me that he wants to say goodbye to Karen before she flies back home so he is going to go to Justin's house for a bit after work. There is nothing fishy about his story. I just know that he isn't telling me something. Just a feeling. Just this amazing ability because I know him so well to be able to pick up on pauses he makes or the tone of his voice, I don't even know, his own mother wouldn’t have been able to pick up on it.
He gets home that night and I just have to know what actually happened that night. Like the sneaky bitch I had become I waited until bedtime. I stood in the doorway of the bathroom and watched him put toothpaste on his toothbrush. The moment he put the toothbrush into his mouth I went right into the bedroom, picked up his iPhone, pressed messages and went right to Justin's messages. Right there it said that my ex and She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would be over at 6. AHHHH! Not only had she been there but quite possibly they went over to Justin's house together. I immediately confronted him. He was so disgusted that the moment he turned his back I was going through his phone. I was disgusted that he could not stop hanging out with her. We got into a MASSIVE fight and he broke up with me for the last time.
February 23, 2011
He came home from work and told me that he had spoken to a friend and he was going to spend the night at his place on Thursday, which meant that tonight was it, the last night we would spend in our bed together. "I would have gone there tonight but I really wanted to be here. I hope that's okay." I shook my head yes. I wanted him here more than anything.
In that moment I saw him. The man that I loved, back after all those months. I could see him in his eyes again. It hurt to see that he was still in there somewhere and yet it felt good to know that he still loved me and that this hurt him, too.
We knew the next chapter of our lives was going to be extremely difficult, although that word doesn't really begin to describe what it takes to unravel two lives from one another. Especially when you have been together for over 7 years, lived together for 5 and had planned on living your lives out with one another. Moving out, splitting up everything you own, the financial burden of replacing the stuff the other person kept, joint custody of the cat and dog, the list goes on. On top of all that, neither one of us would be able to let the other one go for months (all documented in my writings here).
That night, I lay on my side and he cuddled up behind me, the cat on my left and the dog on his right. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I let myself be present and enjoy the moment, this moment that had happened so many, many times before was now precious. I closed my eyes, felt his arms around me and drifted off, knowing it was our last night together as a couple.
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE!</editorsnote>
After the 500 Days of Summer tour and the great couple of days that we have had it's time to have The Talk. I was on edge from the moment that we got back home from downtown. Was he going to move back in? Were we going to try and make this work?
He had moved in with a mutual female friend. Her lease was coming to an end that month and they were in talks about officially becoming roommates. This infuriated me. We were in a sensitive situation and I last thing I felt we needed was more fucking stress on making a decision concerning our relationship and the rest of our lives. I was so bitter towards her for this additional stress. It was bad enough that we were supposed to get married in two months.
That was a whole other thing. So everything that has been happening is bad enough, right? But add to all of this the pressure that we are supposed to say I Do to each other....so stressful. So we have The Talk and make two major decisions:
1) He is going to move back in and we are going to try and move forward. 2) We are going to cancel the wedding. He thinks that this is no way for us to get married and that it has been tainted.
January 20, 2011
When he moves back in I feel such relief. After living with him for 5 years (plus the two years prior we were almost always at each other's places) it just feels unbelievably weird to not have him in my daily life. With him home I feel so much relief.
I tell him if he wants to call off the wedding, he needs to be the one to contact the venue and cancel. I just can't bring myself to do it and I don't feel like I should have to given the circumstances.
January 24, 2011
Dear Julie and Xxxx,
We are so sorry that you two are having troubles. This confirms our conversation that your wedding is cancelled for Mar 20 2011. I am so very sorry for the troubles in your relationship, I will pray for your love to grow and strengthen. We look forward to your rebooking. Xxxx is hopeful for possible October this year. I would particularly cherish the opportunity of making all your dreams come true at that time.
Thank you for your kind words Xxxx and your understanding and agreement that we have to keep the non refundable wedding date lock in fee to cover all our losses on the blocked rooms and lost wedding date. With your agreement and confirmation within 24 hour we will waive any further charges and we will start refunding your guests reservations. Please confirm this agreement and email.
You better believe I cried my fucking heart out after that hit my Inbox. No one should ever have to return a wedding dress. I wouldn't even wish that on the bitch he cheated on me with.
So what does it take to move forward after one party fucks the other party over so monumentally? Well, both people have to really want it. You can't try just because you think it's the right thing to do. I really tried. I made some serious fucking changes. Things he had complained about for years. But I probably should have actually done those things years prior. Too little, too late. He on the other hand, was still so torn. We had so much history together and I do believe that he wanted the life with me but you can't control your heart. He had very strong feelings for her. I don’t believe he tried. At all.
Here's a confession for you: I am a horrible cuddler. I have been told this not only by not just this ex but the one before him. My lack of cuddling skills was a HUGE issue for my ex. Huge. (This is just the worst because it's hard to control something you do when sleeping. I cannot help it if I roll over in the middle of the night. Or if I get hot from someone's body heat. Or if my neck cramps and it wakes me up.) A switch was made in my brain though. I was so GRATEFUL to have him back in my bed that I actually liked him holding me while we slept. It was nice to know he was there. So that was fixed.
Our sex life: I don't think there was ever a week where there wasn't some form of sexual activity at least 4 out of the 7 days of the week but it had gotten routine. However, ever since back in November when we realized things were falling apart our sex life had become amazing. Extremely passionate. Fixed.
Next up. Our social lives. We had spent a lot of our time in Los Angeles not going out a lot. At first we didn't have a lot of money. Then after he got the job, we were in different cities for happy hour and I didn't have a car. He had somehow gotten it into his head that I liked staying in every night (while it is true that I am naturally a homebody, this was and is not true). Part of the reason that things with him and her had been able to escalate as they did was because we weren't hanging out together anymore. Everyone in his office knew what was going on and what he had done. I was super, super embarrassed by this. I originally didn't want to hang out with any of them. But in my desperation, I conceded and started hanging out with his coworkers. I actually ended up really liking some of them and having a good time. Also, around this time his friend Mark started hanging out with us a lot. He and his girlfriend had just broken up and he was NOT handling it well. It was a relief for me to not be the one going on and on about my break up. He thought it was amazing that we were trying to make it work, not giving up. He crashed at our house a lot. I thought of us as the heartbreak club. The three of us would do our damn best to deal with the pain. We played a lot of Mario Kart. I had never realized how cathartic video games could be. Everything happens so quickly, giving you zero opportunity to think about your problems. Fixed.
She and he worked together so she was still in his life. Every day. At this point I couldn't even ask him to leave his job because I didn't know if we would be together next week. Which made it impossible for me to move on.
I could still tell that he was a million miles away from me though. That things had changed. That his heart did not belong exclusively to me anymore.
<editorsnote>Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE!</editorsnote>
I do not want to write this. Every piece of my soul does not want to revisit this right now. There are so many details that I've left out of this story. Heartbreaking details, little shitty things that he did to me or even good moments, like when I got home from Florida he came by the apartment unannounced, listening to the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack because he just had to see me. Some of these things I've pushed down and haven't thought about in some time. But uuuuuuuuuugh, here we go.
Mid January 2011
With my brother gone it was such an adjustment, being alone in my apartment. I can't even remember this time period, like at all. I do know that no matter how fucked up things were, the dude and I missed each other. How could we not? We'd been together for 7 years and lived together for most of those years.
We decided to go out on a date.
My ex had totally succumbed to Los Angeles btw. This was evident months and months ago but he was still very seduced by it. The money, the excitement, the fancy and the idea that he could finally afford a bit of it. That said, he took me out to a fancy pants place for dinner. He picked me up and I'm almost positive he didn't really care for my outfit. Poo, and I had tried, but winter dressing was still super hard for this Florida girl. I couldn't figure out how to look sexy in the winter time. Now, I get it, you just have to suffer and be cold. Anyhow, we go out to dinner and it's a fucking disaster. This was totally my fault. I couldn't NOT talk about our situation the whole entire time. I don't know what else I was supposed to discuss, I was a wreck.
Afterwards, it was so freaking weird. We went back to our friend's house where he was staying (her roommate had just moved out). He was sleeping on a blow up mattress. I spent the night there and it felt so good to have sex and to sleep next to him.
But then, I just couldn't help myself. Of course I couldn't. I was full on pycho at this point in the game, having been dicked around and lied to so much. He left the room to use the bathroom and without even the slightest hesitation, I picked up his phone. Oddly, I didn't go to the text messages between him and her but to the ones between him and a dear, mutual friend from college. BAM. On December 22 he texted him:
Sealed the deal.
That was the day after he had been at the SLS. So there it is. They finally did have sex. He actually hadn't been lying about that time when he accidentally got so drunk that he crashed at her house back in November. He waited until we were technically broken up. Uh, thanks? I guess. But it super hurt because the 21st was just two days after I left for Florida, when we'd had that great weekend together, when he had held my face in his hands and told me, "I think we are going to be okay."
He walked back into the room and I confronted him. I honestly do not remember whatever bullshit he said to me. But instead let's flash forward to when he finally admits what happened between them. We're in our living room and he's on the couch. He looks beyond uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that I know he is about to break my heart. I can tell he doesn't want to anymore, but he will. I grill him about that night. He tells me that she picked him up and she came inside. I flipped out here, "how can you even let her into our apartment?!". He said they split the dinner bill and that their intention for gong to dinner was to talk about how they could continue to work together and just be friends. "Bullshit! Who goes to The Bazaar at the fucking SLS hotel to talk about friendship?!?!"
Side note: I'm super pissed that the SLS is where all of this went down. They worked up in the Valley and they usually hung out there. But for this epic occasion they came down to my ex and I's hood. I yelled at him for the fact that I have to drive by that hotel all the fucking time (like every time I pick someone up from the airport). I used to cry when I would drive past it. Now I just look at it and think about how far I have come.
We get to the meat of the conversation. What happened afterwards. He claims they came back here and parked her car in our carport -and that in her car they went down on each other. He looked so upset. I stopped crying. Now I knew he was full of shit. Sure, that can happen. Two people could just go down on each other, buuuuut no. I look at him and tell him that. Finally, the truth comes out. I go back to balling. He swears up and down that they had sex in her car. To this fucking day he will NOT tell me where they had sex, really. Because we allllll fucking know that it was in my bed. ::shudders:: And we allllll fucking know that that hairclip was hers. Hence, my letter to her and all women.
Okay, so for a lot of you, the story would end here. You would be done, right? Fuck that guy, fuck this shit, kick him to the curb. But goddamnit, I was not about to let this stupid bitch steal my man from me, ruin my life and all that we had together. People will fuck up. You will fuck up. If you really love someone, fucking fight for them. Remind them that you love them. Now of course, there is a point when you do have to recognize if it's a losing battle, if they do not care, you have to weigh if it's worth saving. I was going to say I do and I don't take that lightly. Even with how torn his heart was, he didn't want to throw in the towel and have regrets either.
We both feel like we have to try and make it work. Try before we let go. 7 years together is a long time. Longer than most of you reading this can understand. It's not something you toss away, because relationships take work. And until you've been in one over 5 years you don't even know what that really means.
January 14-17
We decide that he will stay the weekend since we have Martin Luther King, Jr. day off. Some time together to see if we want to get back together and try to make it work. I was so nervous about this weekend and sooo looking forward to it. Haha, and of course, he got sick, so it wasn't as great as it could have been. One of his favorites movies off all time is 500 Days of Summer and he was watching it very often during this period. I thought that going on the 500 Days of Summer downtown LA tour would be a great way to spend some time together. Oh, it was. It was so nice. We had a really good time.
That was Monday. On Thursday, he moves back in.
Up next: I fight for my fiance, my life; go crazy fighting and lose anyways.
Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 5:30PM
When we first flipped the calendar page to March, I got worried. I knew it was coming. I didn't know how I would feel.
