#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone! (three young girls walked into a British pub ...)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

Nothing I love more than life deciding to remind me of something in the strangest of ways.  

Last week, one of my favorite people in South Florida and I planned to go get a drink. This friend, who I will call Babs, is someone I always have fun with. I really do wish she lived on the west coast because I know we would have the wildest adventures together. Whenever I’m in town, we make sure to set aside a night to catch up on each other’s lives, specifically our current boy situation. You see, Babs and I both got out of serious relationships at the same time and find we continue to have weirdly similar life experiences.

So after our usual hour of banter over beers, we ended up at a really cool spot in my hometown. One of Babs’ friends (we’ll call her Macy) decided to meet us there for what ended up being a wicked fun girl’s night.

Let me set the scene… Three young girls sitting at the corner of the bar at a British pub, being waited on by young, handsome bartenders. Due to the fact that it was pretty late on a weeknight, there wasn’t much of a crowd at the bar. Honestly, the only other people I remember seeing were two middle-ages couples gettin’ freaky on the stools next to us. As a beer noob, I ordered a beer sampler and asked the bartender to surprise me with what he thought I would like, letting him know I have a tendency to prefer Hefeweizens.  Babs was having weird food cravings and ordered a large side of celery, nothing else.

Needless to say: The lack of customers + our not so typical orders + copious amounts of giggling = LOTS of attention from the bartenders.

Halfway through our beers, and some discussion of Macy’s current romantic situation, we all realized the cutest bartender (we’ll call him Turk) was flirting it up with Macy. Logically the next step was for Babs and I to encourage Macy give Turk her number! Neither of us had ever done that, so in a weird way I think we were trying to live vicariously through their already obvious spark.

After the note was written, Turk walked back over. The series of events here is really important: He grabs the receipts (one of which is folded) and then starts to talk to us about his ex girlfriend. Yep, that happened. And when I say, “talk” I don’t mean casually reference… I mean POUR HIS HEART OUT. He told us how he was still in love with her and how girls at the bar always flirt with him but he’s not in the place to date any of them. He opened up about a death in his family, about how he fucked the relationship up, and about how badly he wanted her back. This conversation goes on and on. When it wraps up and we leave the bar, Babs and I literally erupt into laughter, even though Macy was obviously embarrassed. After flooding her with questions as to why she didn’t take the receipt back and exchange it for the other copy, both girls tell me I must go inside and tell him that she wrote it before the hour-long therapy session, and that they both would love to come back while he’s working without it being totally awkward. Being the good friend I am, and because I know it’s almost always better to acknowledge the elephant in the room, I obliged and Trey actually said he was quite flattered (duh).  

This seems like a lot of rambling about a story that might not be as funny in words as it was in person but I promise there’s a reason. It got me thinking… Sometimes going out of your comfort zone is scary. Sometimes you take a leap a faith only to fall flat on your ass. But regardless, you always end up learning something from the experience. I think Macy learned that she was ballsy enough to let a dude know she’s interested in him, rather than waiting around for him to make the first move. And ya know what? That’s rad! I mean, yeah, it’s not the biggest deal. She didn’t do anything other women haven’t done before. But it was new for her and took her stepping out of her comfort zone!

Jen talks about facing your biggest fear all the time. For her, it was skydiving. For me, my biggest fear isn’t quite as tangible. I know the idea of doing things alone has always made me shit my pants and that’s why I continue to force myself to face that fear on a weekly basis. I know I’ve always said no to situations where I thought I might feel uncomfortable or awkward, but no more. So that’s why I continue to force myself (though sometimes unsuccessfully) to say yes.   

With this in mind, and Macy as my inspiration, I’m ready to do at least five things I’ve never done before in the next two months. I already have a couple planned out that are going to be equally terrifying as they are fun. Of course, I’ll keep you all updated on my progress!

When’s the last time you did something that made your adrenaline pump and your palms sweat? Tweet me! I’d love to hear about it.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

Hello everyone! I’m writing to you from sunny South Florida. While this vacation could not have come at a better time, I’m home for a reason. My little brother (not little at all, he’s almost 6’ and I’m barely 5’) is graduating from high school. One year ago, before I moved to Cali, I promised him I’d come home for this no matter where I was…. So here I am!

One weird thing about being home is that you start to remember people, events, etc. that you haven’t thought about in years! Just right now, sitting in my old room, I see: dried roses I saved from my ex-boyfriend, a photo taken when I was in 5^th grade with two friends I still consider sisters, and a shelf of miniatures my grandma moved into this room when I went away to college. 

All of this reminiscing is making me think of my own high school graduation and about the changes I’ve made in the last 4 years (almost to the day). But in order to process and actually learn from it, I need to write it out… so here I go!

Friends: My senior year of high school, I had a big falling out with the group of friends I spent most of my time with. Lucky for me, I’ve always had a core group of friends who are there no matter what, including my three best friends. These people are the ones who were there at my door the day after my mom died, the ones who I’ve gone months without speaking to only to hang out and feel like no time had passed, the ones who I know I will keep in touch with for the rest of my life. This other group of friends changed multiple times growing up, and were always considered temporary. Today I find myself still close with that core group of friends, more confident in our relationships than ever before. But I’ve also made some new, incredible friends who don’t feel as temporary as those in the past. In fact, I don’t feel I have any friends I’d be able to lose touch with and just move on without truly missing. Realizing that feels great… it means I’ve weeded out those who don’t matter and am only surrounding myself with people who add to my life. Score for you, 22-year-old Chelsea!

Family: As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always been really close with my family. After years of struggles with my dad, by senior year of high school we had a great relationship. I went away to college and my relationships with my dad and brother just seemed to get stronger. As someone whose mom was sick for four years, only to pass away just before I turned 16, I’ve always understood the importance of family. The only big changes that happened in my family life over the past four years are that I’ve lost two of my grandparents, my dad now has a girlfriend, and I no longer fight with my brother about dumb shit. Oh, I also live on the opposite side of the country and therefore am constantly reminded of how much I love them.  

Romance: I imagine this to be pretty normal, but my 18-year-old romantic life is incredibly different than that of my 22-year-old self.  This time four years ago, I was head over heals in love with my high school sweetheart, who I’d been dating for over two years. The plan was to go away to college, do long distance, and then one-day end up together in the same city. What ended up happening was I went away to college and we “broke up” within a week, only to really break up eight months later. Today’s Chelsea is 100% single, and definitely ready to mingle. I’ve gone through some highs and lows in the last four years, and though single might not seem like progress from having been in a relationship four years ago, TRUST ME it is. Even though I would have told you I was independent then, I wasn’t. I was a girl whose emotions were so easily manipulated by a dude. I’d given so much of myself away; I often forgot exactly what I wanted. Or what I deserved, as a matter of fact. So while I would love to be in a relationship, or even see one of the horizon, I truly appreciate being single in this season of my life. And as tired as I am of online dating and asshole guys, I’m learning more about myself from each and every one!

Personal: Yes, I’m much happier with the person I am today than the person who walked across the stage four years ago. One of the most valuable things I’ve learned is what I want from life. Of course, this is always changing but as of right now I know I am exactly where I’m meant to be. I have a job I totally love. I know I am pushing myself out of my comfort zones as often as possible. I realize the importance of embracing different sides of myself. I no longer let the people I surround myself dictate what I do with my life. Of course, there are areas of my life that have not changed nearly as much as I’d like to. For example, my health. I’ve always wanted to lose weight but thanks to these last four years it’s no long motivated by an extrinsic desire. I now am focused on this because I want to get healthy and not be limited in what I can do with my life. But as far as confidence goes? I own my body and if people don’t like it, that’s their loss.

Writing this out has been cathartic for me. I hope you nerds take some time and look back at the one-week-ago, one-year-ago, and one-decade-ago “you.” I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

Just remember: Change is inevitable, so we can either learn to embrace it or be left behind!

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

Dating is a totally new thing for me. But before I dive right in to my current situation, let me give you some background…

Growing up, I was always the girl dudes wanted to be “just friends” with. Time and time again, I helped boys I was hopelessly smitten with figure out the right things to say to the girls they liked, who were usually my friends. As much as it totally sucked at the time, it helped me develop a thick skin, and learn to deal with rejection. So I’m thankful for it!

When I was 16 though, I got into a pretty serious relationship that consumed me for the next 3+ years. After that, not knowing how to deal with the fact that my ex had already moved on, I rebounded with a dude who was NOT the right fit for me. Once I managed to escape that situation, and trust me, it felt more like an escape than a break-up, I entered what I like to call the “Perfectly Lonely” phase. (Anyone get the reference?)

For the next two years, I was totally content being single. I went through college without even having a crush on someone. It was a period of focusing on myself, and trying to get over all the relationship baggage from my past. First loves aren’t easy to let go of….as we ALL know.

So, when I moved to California, I hadn’t even thought about dating. It wasn’t until some of my friends proposed the idea of online dating that I realized… Hmm, I might actually enjoy spending time with a male in non-platonic setting! So, I set off into the OkCupid universe, with my best photo forward and the wittiest description of myself I could muster up.

Dating has proven to be a more growing experience than I ever anticipated. What I expected to happen was: Go out with dudes, not really like any of them, make out at the end of the night, then delete their numbers and move on. But in reality what happened was: I went with really awesome guys, who seemed totally into me, and for the first time in my life I was dating multiple dudes at once, flirting (something I totally suck at), and having no idea how to handle a problem I kept running in to… My “problem without a name.” (Another reference, anyone get this one?)

For the record, I’ve spent the last few months trying to figure out why this keeps happening to me but I have no idea. So nerds, please help! I’d love to hear your insight!

I’m getting ahead of myself. Before you can understand my problem, you have to understand what led up to it. And what is that, you ask? Oh, it was GOOD DATES. Yeah, I know, how crazy is that? All of my first dates were awesome. Many ended in a goodnight kiss, even! Guess what the next step leading to this problem is? A GREAT SECOND DATE. Yep, you read that right. I found myself going out multiple times with really great dudes, who definitely seemed to be picking up what I was putting down, and who made the effort to contact me each time after our rendezvous.

Now this is where the trouble hits. Two out of three times this has happened after the second date, the third time it happened after nearly a month of seeing each other. The guy will call or text to make plans. Not passive, trying to drop the hint that I’m not into you plans…like…very specific plans! For example, “Let’s go to a movie Thursday night, I’ll call you later this week to confirm it.” But then I never hear back! They never give me a reason why we didn’t go out. I just straight up don’t hear back from them.

I’ve come to attribute this to LA guys being flakey, but c’mon, that’s not a good enough reason. This has happened with three guys who are not originally from LA, but from totally different parts of the country! And while I’d love more than anything to blame it on them all being assholes, who don’t know what they want; the reality of it is that I need to look inside and figure out what this means about me

Why am I attracting these guys? What about me makes me equally as appealing as I am disposable? What can I do to change this pattern? What keeps leading me to this weird place?

Guess it’s time for more reflection. And more dating. Ya know what they say, when you fall of the horse it’s best to get right back on!

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

My whole life I’ve been an extrovert, someone who gets energized by spending time with others. I grew up in a family who spends most of their time hanging out together in common spaces. Even when I was going through my way too emo phase, I didn’t lock myself up in my room. When I needed to listen to Dashboard and comb my bangs in front of my left eye, I would sit in the living room while my mom, dad, and brother bantered behind me. Of course I rolled my eyes and fought back constantly but regardless, I thrive on the energy of other human beings.

That being said, spending time alone has never been one of my strengths. I remember when I was younger, my mom wanted to show me how mature she felt I was by letting me stay home alone while she ran errands. Little did she know, I freaked out. Remember how I said I was hyper-paranoid last week? Well, that’s not a new thing. But after I checked all the closets and triple checked that the doors were locked, I realized I didn’t even know what I was supposed to do with myself. I think I ended up sitting near the front window waiting for my mom to come home. I might have even called her cell phone to talk because I was bored. 

Growing up in the burbs means everyone you know is pretty near-by. Because of that, I’ve always been able to fill my nights and weekends with other people. Moving to LA served as a reality check, after some of my good friends out here moved away for new, wonderful adventures (selfish!). I found myself with entire Saturday’s free of plans and nobody around to make them with. This isn’t to say I’m not part of a great community out here, surrounded by rad individuals. But guess what? Sometimes they have their own plans that don’t include me! Shocking, I know.

Because I’d never been in this situation before I found myself spending my days in bed, wasting nearly all of my time. As Monday mornings rolled around, I wasn’t nearly as refreshed as one would think but more exhausted from doing nothing. Weird how that works, huh? When we’re expected to run around non-stop, we want time to relax. When we’re free to be lazy, we’re hoping for a full day of plans.

Anyway, this past January I think I finally realized I needed to take ownership of my time! Before that, the only thing I'd been doing on my own was going on dates. And while that is obviously fun in its own way, and nobody hates a free beer or meeting someone new, I realized until you’re totally cool with yourself and happy having fun alone (insert masturbation joke here), you can’t be happy with someone else. But I digress…

As most things in my life, this is still a work in progress and there are still some weekends I don’t get out of bed, sucked in by Netflix or the latest book I’m reading. But the difference is that when this happens now, it is because I made a choice to not get out of my pajamas for 36 hours and eat cereal in my bed. That makes it okay, right? 

So what do I do with my weekends, you ask? The Torrance Farmer’s Market occupies many of my Saturday mornings. C’mon… Who doesn’t love watermelon lemonade, fresh produce, and precious children running around?  I’ve made a habit of spending a couple hours at the beach most weekends, alternating between people watching and journaling. Sometimes journaling about my people watching. Thrift stores make my heart happy and there’s no need for another person to watch me try on red sequins dresses and cardigans last worn by 90-year-old women... And these baby steps have led to me getting much ballsier about going out alone. Recently I even went to a restaurant completely by myself! It might seem silly but just getting in the habit of being proactive about my time rather than bitching about nobody being around, I’ve been able to learn so much about myself. How great is that?!

To be totally honest, always having your “people” around is awesome. Who wouldn't want to be surrounded by people who get your jokes, know your story, and are always down to go out with you? But there is something to be said about challenging yourself to be alone sometimes. My most recent goals are: 1) To find a coffee shop or bar, where I can be a “regular.” 2) To go to events, hang-outs, etc. where I can meet super cool, like-minded people to kick it with. We’ll see how it goes and of course, I’ll keep you all updated. Hopefully some of you even end up being those people! 

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

So here I am, writing for Talk Nerdy to Me Lover after over 8 months of following the site. In the most fitting fashion, I stumbled upon Jen, and her crazy yet wonderful life just days after my friends convinced (read: pressured) me to create an OkCupid account. You see, I'd been living in the LA area for a few months and wasn't having the best of luck meeting people organically.

A quick rewind might be helpful here. In the summer of 2010 I got an internship out here working for a human rights non-profit and absolutely fell in love – with the weather, the views, the city, the food, the people and most importantly, the work I was doing. So after my internship, I rushed back home to Florida, busted my ass, and finished college a year early. 20+ credit hours, anyone? Yeah, it totally sucked but, when I was hired on staff for the same organization, I knew it was all worth it. So a couple weeks after my last final exam, I packed up my stuff and drove across the country.

As I was saying, I signed up for OkCupid and was ready to go on my first date. Nervous can’t even begin to explain how I was feeling. Solution to that? A Google search of course. What young, single lady wouldn't want to make sure she wasn’t meeting a known serial killer for dinner? I'm extremely paranoid, if that didn't give it away.

I’m sure by this point you’ve forgotten that this is the story of how I stumbled upon TNTML but I’m getting there, promise. You see, what I found was his Twitter account and his most recent tweet happened to be sent to Jen, saying how much he loved the "103 #OkCupid Dates in 9 Months" post. Of course, this piqued my curiosity and I ended up spending the night reading pages and pages of posts, totally forgetting about the snooping I still needed to do! Luckily for me he didn't end up being a modern-day Manson.

Now it has been almost a year since I moved to California, and I know this exactly where I am meant to be. Though, moving to a city where you only know only your co-workers is proving to be quite a challenge, I'm loving every minute. With my year anniversary of living in the Golden State quickly approaching, I am beginning to realize the biggest roadblock in my way is myself. 

Maybe naively, I assumed leaving my comfort zone (I went to college with my three best friends) would force me to do things that made me uncomfortable; therefore, I’d find myself living out adventure after adventure, making tons of friends and living a life you’d see in a movie. Or at least a reality TV show. Instead what I’ve found is that human beings can very quickly create a comfort zone, falling into a routine they might not even realize they're stuck in until it's too late.

So this is my step one. Writing has always been something I love to do. In high school I wrote for my school’s newspaper, but after that I stopped sharing my writing with others. I still spend countless hours pouring my thoughts into journals. But after finding TNTML, I decided this is a community of people I’d love to write alongside. 

Just to give you a little glimpse into who I am: My name is Chelsea, I am 22 years old, I was born and raised in South Florida. I’m known for over-sharing, being sassy and rolling my eyes far too often. I’m overly sentimental yet totally bitter, a complete romantic yet insanely pessimistic about relationships. I feel like people need to know that my mom died just before I was 16 to even have a chance at understanding me. Cooking for one totally bums me out, which might be why I prefer baking. Sweets are meant for sharing! My heart can’t help but love almost everyone, unless of course I can’t stand you. But don't worry, you’ll be able to tell. Everything I think is written all over my face, all of the time. And yes, that does get my in trouble, but I quite literally have no control over it. I can be pretty awkward when meeting new people but ya know, it’s a work in progress. Plus if I’m awkward, at least you have a funny story to tell your friends later.

Overall, I’m forcing myself out of my comfort zone, meeting new people, and finding my niche in this big ol’ city. Pumped to share with you the next year of my life on the west coast.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!