Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Third Date Syndrome)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines

I really only entered the dating scene hardcore for the first time in 2009.  Life was so much simpler back then.  I was listening to 3OH!3.  Unbelievably, Community and Modern Family weren’t even shows yet, and I’m glad they are here now.  Neither was The Cleveland Show though, so you win some and you lose some.

I was late to the game, but jumped into the dating pool with both feet.  Fresh off of the first, only, and longest-lasting relationship of my life, I moved to L.A. to start fresh three years ago and I have learned a lot in that time.  Things such as:

-        Be honest when you want to end a relationship.  Don’t pussy-foot around the issue, it’s easier to just be straight-up with the person when you’re just not that interested.

-        Don’t eat a ton of food at a Super Bowl party and then go over to a girl’s house and eat dinner.

-        Sometimes girls will use you for sex, and it’s not a bad thing. 

-        Don’t get blackout drunk and then call a girl you kind of like but have only been hanging out with for two weeks.  You might never find out what you said.

-        Don’t get heavily attached emotionally to a girl that only wants to be friends unless you’re sure that you are cool with being friends.  Find out within the first couple of weeks where you really stand because she’s already made up her mind.

-        After being in a monogamous relationship for two years, you remember how much condoms really suck but I’ll be damned if they aren’t worth it as compared to the consequences of not using a condom and being unlucky just one time.

-        Match.com has zero benefits over OkCupid and yet it costs like $30 a month.

-        I have never tried PlentyOfFish, but I’ve heard the same thing about that site. 

-        The best way to a girl’s heart is by fixing YOU before you try fixing anyone else.  All the issues you’ve got in relationships or finding a significant other start from within and the more you focus on bettering yourself, the easier dating will be.

-        If a girl is on OkCupid Mobile while in your bed, take that as a sign that this is goodbye.

Yes, this is my life.  Never let it be said that I hold back on the follies of it.

Which perfectly leads me to “Third Date Syndrome,” the potential disease of my dating life currently.  I have been on many first dates in the last three years.  I’ve been on OkCupid for probably a little over a year, and most of the first dates have come during that time.  I’ve met a lot of interesting girls and some not-so-interesting girls, but with every date you should learn something.

Every person that you make a relationship with, no matter how small, should have some effect on your life. 

In a way, we are all marbles on a wobbly board, knocking each other back and forth and changing positions while not always being aware of how a marble on the other side of the board is going to eventually move us.  You might only go out on one date with “Diane” but isn’t it likely that the 30 minutes you spent with her has taught you something? 

Maybe it’s that you don’t like the name Diane.  Maybe it’s that you didn’t think that particular coffee shop was a good place for a date.  Maybe it’s that you actually want to go ahead with the operation and change your name to Diane.  It could be anything.  But most likely it’s the sex change thing.

Either way, everyone we come into contact with can teach us something.  Something about ourselves, the world, and how we interact in that world.  Over three years of dating, I’ve learned a lot but I’ve also learned that I still know very little.

I’ve gone a lot of first dates.  I’ve gone on a few second dates.  But I’ve been shit out of luck on third dates for awhile.  I got Third Date Syndrome.

There’s a lot of reasons a person can acquire this syndrome.  For one, I obviously haven’t met anyone that I’ve clicked with on that level.  Secondly, I haven’t been too pushy on any of the relationships that I have started.  The last girl that I went out with more than two times was gorgeous and in retrospect seemed like she would be an awesome companion.  Even after a few dates she was showing a lot of interest in me and doing nice things for me. 

It’s not that I didn’t like her.  It’s not that I wasn’t being nice to her too.  I was just being very passive about the whole situation.  Eventually, it got to the point where I just realized I hadn’t talked to her in like a week and then I texted her and got no response.  That was that.

To be honest, my personal heartbreaks from the past have made it hard for me to attach to anyone else.  It’s not that I wouldn’t like to, it’s more like I just forgot how.  Mentally, how do I get back to the point where I have a crush on a girl again?

As I write this, I have a second date with a girl tonight.  I really want it to go as well as the first date went or better.  I want it to go so well that tomorrow I tell myself “Damn son, I wanna see that gurl again. YOU KNOW?! NAH MEAN!!!!!” (My inner monologue is narrated by Method Man.)

But there’s no guarantee that I will think that.  There’s no guarantee that she’ll be thinking something like that.  There’s no guarantee that I’m cured of Third Date Syndrome, and even if I am, will I just find out that I now suffer from Fourth Date Syndrome?

Well, life and dating aren’t about guarantees.  If you spend your life putting stock into guarantees, you’ll find out that life is sorely lacking.  It’s about taking a leap of faith. 

I just need to learn how to do that again.  Just like I learned to turn my phone off and hide the battery before I start to drink heavily. 

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

(For parts 2 and 3 on my story of losing 150 lbs, please check out my blog!)

Fun with #OkCupid: 3 different emails ... 3 different responses

First up, if you haven't read my OKC profile - you can check it out over yonder. Might make some sense to the things guys reply to, haha. But for reals, these are all actual emails I've received recently, and my actual responses back to them. It is through this transparent experience that I hope you all can take away some knowledge on what works and what doesn't in the hopes of making your online dating experiences that much more fanschmastically awesome. YAYYYY ONLINE DATING YAYYY!!! K ... cool ... here we go ...

Wait, hold the phone - the VERY first thing the dude starts out with is, "I'm sure you're not going to get the time to read this ..." Of COURSE I read everything - I'm actually looking to date, so why wouldn't I be reading everything? This shows me a strong lack of confidence on his end and is totes no bueno. 

Actual Response: None

This is a GREAT email. He's being complimentary without kissing my ass ... he's confident, but not cocky and seemed genuinely interested in what I'm doing which of course peaks my interest. (At the end of the day the first email always always always has to be about the female.) I could tell this guy actually read my profile since he pulled a few details from it, and his personality jumps off the page! 

Actual Response: ello Tom! 

well thanks for reaching out! greatly appreciated ... best part about couch surfing was the ability to work a solid hustle morning noon and night. you can't sleep in when you're on a couch - gotta get up and get moving!! =)

This one confuses me a bit. He's about to check out the page, but he thinks it's genius. How does one know that if you haven't actually checked it out? All based off the idea? okay ... I kinda get it. 

You then want to help me build off of it with something you have, but again - you haven't checked anything out, so where is the value add in this for me? 

You've been meaning to message me, but you're swamped? What is it that you're doing now? Not messaging me? 

I can tell this guy is going 100 mph and is more likely than not about to crash into a wall. He seems too all over the place for me, and while I am glad he sees the value in what I'm doing I'm absolutely absolutely absolutely not interested in dating or working with him. 

Actual response: None

There ya go nerderinos. Best of luck out there!!!

#love

#FML: OkCupid Sex Slave is back

SO! Here I am on OKC, minding my own business ... and who do I see pop up in my "visitors" section??

The OKCupid Sex Slave guy!!

AKA this dude ...

Now, as you can see from the video - me backing down was clearly not an option ... but how deluded is this individual? Have you never heard of a piece of legislation called the Communications Decency Act? I am within my right to publish all yo' shit, which I have made you aware of MULTIPLE times and you blatantly and willfully ignore.

If you wanted some of the nerd-ness you should have just played nicer with others. ::tisk tisk:: I was totes game for some naughty time - but this is now just getting annoying. You're the IRL equivalent of the Facebook poke - irrelevant, inconsequential, and completely ignored by 800 million people.

I blocked his other account, so the fact that he created another one speaks volume. Oh, did I mention that I'm still on OKC? You did get me suspended for a few days, but it's cool, when I posted on it I got right back up and was able to provide a tutorial for the community. Me thanks you for that.

Back off dude. Final warning.

#pwned

Note to nerds: if you legit are going to stalk someone on OKC (not that I would recommend doing it, but whatevs) pay to upgrade to be an A-list member. You can anonymously browse profiles, and I think they're running a special now where it is only $5 a month. Not too shabby!! k ... bye ...

Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (The Honest Story of How I Lost 150 lbs)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines

The story of my dating life as I tell it on TNTML would be somewhat incomplete if I didn’t explain how I got here.  How did I find myself as a single, 29-year-old male in Los Angeles? 

This isn’t my life story, but it is the story of my life.  I’d like to think I’m not defined by any one thing, but my struggles with weight are a major part of who I am.  On my blog, I’ll be chronicling how I gained weight (more than once) and how I ultimately lost 150 pounds to become nearly the man I am today.  This is part one… Growing Up Fat.  Because this is a long story, I’ll detail the other parts on kennethauthor.com and then get back to my dating stories next week.  (Lots happening there too!)

The most personal of all my personal stories is about being fat.  I don’t want to use words like “obese” or “overweight” or “tubber tubber belly rubber” because that’s not what my affliction is called.  It’s called being fat, and growing up I was one of the fattest kids in school.

I don’t think anybody can know how something like that starts if it’s all you’ve ever known.  From my earliest memories (of which there are few, and mostly spotty at best because apparently I was a stoner from the time I was three?) I have always been a big kid.  Not just in width, but also in height.

To put it in perspective, because I have no damn clue how tall I was at any age, I am 6’6″ now and I haven’t grown much since early in high school.  This height advantage proved to be somewhat of a disadvantage in terms of any efforts to trim up before I started hitting those critical puberty stages.  (Crossing my fingers that I hit puberty any day now.)

People would tell me, “You’ll thin out” or “It’s just baby fat.”

Nope, this is real fucking fat and the taller I get the more I expand.  I felt like I was some machine that needed to feed itself more food in order to survive.  I have more than once in my life been called a “bear” and not in the much more appealing homosexual way.

At least bears in the gay community are desired.  I was just a big ass dude.

So, there I sat (always sitting.  Fat, get it?) as a kid in elementary school – middle school – high school, as the big kid.  As the “huge” kid.  Not just fat.  Not just tall.  But a whole lot of both.

How does one cope with that?  Who the hell would my heroes be to look up to?  Baloo the Bear from TaleSpin?  Chunk from Goonies?  (A special “Fuck you” to anyone that told me to do the “Truffle Shuffle.”)  More importantly, how does a kid that’s 10 or 12 or 14 independently lose weight on his own accord?

It’s not as easy as it seems.  Kids need guidance for shit like that.  And it was fucking killing me that I was not skinny.  Seriously, it’s some depressing shit to grow up and have crushes, or see your friends get girlfriends, or want to be respected in sports and then have none of that.

I would have done anything to be skinny.

I can remember going over several ways to lose weight, one of which was inspired by Theodore in Alvin and the Chipmunks when he decided to steam up the bathroom and sweat it all out.

That didn’t work.  Damn you for being a cartoon.

I remember being inspired by the most random shit on television like a story about Hulk Hogan on Nickelodeon, or an episode of Head of the Class when the fat kid Dennis comes back from summer break looking even bigger and then reveals that he was hiding pillows in his clothes and had actually lost weight.

Fuckkkk… I want to pull pillows out of my clothes after summer break too.

But up until the time I was eighteen, I did not lose any weight.  I just packed and packed and stored more for the winter.  I played some football and some basketball, but those aren’t real workouts if you are supplementing them with McDonald’s.

I had small bits of “Okay, I’m going to go running!” but they never lasted very long.  I would starve myself for a day or two because I didn’t know any better.  None of it really mattered because I was too naive, too lazy, too hungry to stop the cycle.

I mean, have you had a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese?  That shit’s bomb and it’s half-a-pound.

When I was a senior in high school, I weighed myself and found that I was finally checking in at 300 lbs.  That’s a big number.  It’s a “milestone number.”  It’s the kind of number that no fat kid wants to see and it was an eye-opener.

I knew I had to do something about it and that I was no longer young enough to make excuses.  This is when I lost weight… for the first time.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

Fun with #OkCupid: 3 different emails ... 3 different responses

First up, if you haven't read my OKC profile - you can check it out over yonder. Might make some sense to the things guys reply to, haha. But for reals, these are all actual emails I've received recently, and my actual responses back to them. It is through this transparent experience that I hope you all can take away some knowledge on what works and what doesn't in the hopes of making your online dating experiences that much more fanschmastically awesome. YAYYYY ONLINE DATING YAYYY!!! K ... cool ... here we go ...

Eeh, this comes off as superly duperly cocky. "I don't think you could handle a date with me?" I would DIE before I ever sent that to a guy. Given, I have had my own douchey moments, but this one does nothing for me. 

Had he opened with, wow! Look at our compatibility (which to be honest wasn't even that high)! I'm moving back to LA in August, want to grab a drink? 

That would have worked. 

But also, why the fuck are you making plans in January for August? This is making my head hurt. I want to leave now. 

Actual Response: None

This is cool - he's complimentary, but outside of that does nothing for me. "If interested love to hear from you"? Fuck that shit man - grow a pair and say, I'm free this week - what's your schedule like, let's grab a drink!! None of this tip toeing around things ... it's OKC!!! Clearly I am on here because I am looking for a date, so go for it! 

Actual Response: None

Eh? What is this? ::facepalm::

Actual Response: None

Not a good week for me on OKC dudes. Not a good week ::sigh:: 

#thatisall