#HotMama Coming Soon!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Okay, it's time to get my swell on.  Here's the thing - having 3 kids in 4 years fucks you up.  For reals.  Between the three I gained 150.  I've lost most of that, but each pregnancy retained like 12 pounds, which means I've got like 35 pounds to wiggle out of.  Cue FourSquare checkin: 

It's on like Donkey Kong!  I'm certainly not fat, and it shouldn't be too hard.  And I finally know I'm not going to be pregnant again in a few months, so it won't all be pointless.  So yeah - I've got my Girl Talk loaded, and I'm gonna go kick the crap out of the gym.  Today.  As soon as Brian gets home.  And I'm gonna get my body back!

#HellsYa!

Come and Tweet all over my Facebook.  You know you like it dirty.

#FAIL #FAIL #FAIL

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

I made a boo boo.  I stuck my SD card right into the cd drive on my new Mac.  It's a SuperDrive, so you just pop the disc in.  And now it's disappeared into the abyss.  I have a desktop Mac, and the SuperDrive is located on the side, like 1/2 an inch from the SD drive.

Honestly, this was bound to happen eventually.  I'm a pro photographer so I'm inserting and ejecting (that's what she said) cards all the time.  Should have been paying attention, but that isn't always possible in my crazy house.  

I have tried a butter knife.  I have tried tape.  I have tried a credit card.  I have tried turning it on it's side and gently shaking.  I would like to try sticking a stack of post-its in there...but no gots no post-its.  I have tried combinations of all of these things.  I don't know what it looks like in there and what I'm supposed to be feeling, and nothing is working.  And now I'm screwed on so many levels. 

So, nerds, help help help me please.  I'll take any suggestions as long as they aren't things like "don't let go before you know it's the right slot next time."  Already on it. 

Direct your advice to @JenSquard

or www.facebook.com/jenswedhinphotography

 UPDATE: My hubby, Brian, is a flippin genius!  He turned the entire contraption on it's side, jiggled it around, gave it a bonk, stuck a credit card in, did some more jiggling and flipping, and out it came!  YESSSS!  Apparently his big ol dinosaur brains are bigger than mine!  Someone's getting some nookie nooks!

It's time for a #change. Like now.

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

I’m normally a super happy person.  Positivity is something I always try to maintain, but lately I’ve been feeling really...shit-head-y.  I’m not sure what it is......actually, I know exactly what it is.  2010 sorta sucked.  Not just a little ween, either, like a fat stinky ingrown hair-riddle scrote.  Okay, that’s a little harsh, we did get a gorgeous baby this year.  Mostly everything else blew fat ones.  Up until this last week I have felt like my face is getting pounded in the dirt around every corner.  

See, to start, my hubby was “on call” all year, which basically means he got to work about 40% of the time.  We live very simply, but mortgage companies gots to get their dough.  Kids apparently get hungry and need food.  All silly things, I know, but we’re pretty insistent on having a place for our kids to sleep and yummies for their tummies.  The stress of not knowing if we would be getting a paycheck from week to week is not only hard on us as individuals, but because it is hard on the individuals it is hard on the couple.  

I also had an incredibly difficult pregnancy.  I had gestational diabetes, which means a whole bunch of things - the baby could be huge or tiny (my son-pregnancy #2-was 10 1/2 pounds at birth), could be stillborn, could die shortly after birth...all sorts of crazy complications.  Which means that I was on a crazy strict low carb high protein diet.  Two things that should never go together: pregnancy + diet.  Or pregnancy + low carb.  Or pregnancy + high protein.  So hard, it made me feel like total shit all the time, on top of the stresses of being pregnant.  I constantly felt guilty for needing to be on medicine, and the fear of harming my daughter if I ate too many crackers was hardcore.  Recovery from the c-section was awful, like super awful, and to top it all off, one of my hubby’s parents treated me poorly in the hospital, and even got upset that I asked my husband to help me take a shower one day when he was supposed to be home working on our remodel.  Apparently that’s a nurse’s job and it’s 1950.  

All of these things have hardened me a bit.  I find myself getting angry easily, staying annoyed with people over little things, and not giving new people much of a chance.  That is sooooooooo not me.  What the hark?  I no likey.  I no likey one bit.  I’ve been judgemental and intolerant.  And it’s time for a change.
No more of that bullshit.  I want to be positive again.  I want to be funloving again.  I want my fuse to be loooooooooooooooooooooong.  And I’m starting today.  It’s all starting from within, and it’s time to re-evaluate EVERYTHING.  So buckle up kids, it’s going to get bumpy. 

The transformation begins today.

See for yourself on Twitter or Facebook.

My Grandma = #Insane in the membrane

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Oh, man, this takes me right back to my youth!  My grandma tends to be a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs.  When my sister and I were kids she used to send sweatsuits that she decorated for us.  The elaborate designs were some kind of strange cloth picture that she would outline and "paint" with that super thick fabric paint, and usually the kind with sparkles.  We got tigers, big flowers, Disney characters, pretty much everything you could think of.  We thought they were terrible, but it's your grandma, what can you do?

Now that I have kids of my own, grandma sends all kinds of stuff.  She likes to send things with the price tag on it - so like a dollarstore necklace with a tag that has a suggested retail price of $20.  And lookey lookey what she sent this time!  A reprisal of an old classic!  Hahaha!  SOOOOOO good.  So so good.  Thanks for the goodies, Grandma!  You crack me up!

Want more jewels of randomness?  Follow me and friend me!

#Randombling: @JenSquard

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Still Dirrty - Christina Aguilera

Wow, rough picture.  Eh, rough face, that's sorta what happens when you get your behinderooskies handed to you at beer pong.  I played for the first time ever last night!  FUN!  And I lost bad.  And got soooooo drunk that I could barely walk.  It was AWAWAWAWAWAWsome.  I was totally still a little wobbly when I woke up, so this giant bowl of hot chocolate is doing a great job of soaking that biznez up.  

It was sooooo good to get out and be with friends.  This has been a super rough year on me and the hubbard, so every chance we get to go out and let it all hang out is great with us!  I really think things are starting to turn around, though - which is great great great.  He has an awesome new job that he will get to use his big dinosaur brains in, I have this amazing outlet for my brain jibbles (Thanks TNTML!), our kids are healthy and out of their minds, and and and and and...and everything.  Life is amazing.

I totally totally think that if you just put yourself out into the universe it will all come back to you.  I found TNTML just by having a great friend in @TGumb.  The hubbard found a new job at exactly the right time.  We don't need some dude in the sky to feel like things are going to work out, we just do good things and eventually good things come back.  Lovin me some life right now!  Now off to clear the fluffy head.....

Wanna be my friend?  I wanna be yours! Twitter me...ta ta ta today, junior!