#NerdsUnite: The What If: Part 3 - Falling for the 4th time

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

Upon arriving it was cold out. A chill that captures your soul. I entered her house and viewed a girl I had not seen in ages. Time had been kind to her and I was taken back. Her hair was much shorter now, yet still she was for all intents and purposes the Ophilia I had met. Little did I know just how much about her had changed. I sat on her couch across from her Ex whom was still staying there. This was a social call mind you so I judged not. Red whom also lived in that town came over that night. We shared tales of old for a bit and then I ended up being volunteered to take her Ex to work. He was car less thanks to multiple infractions with the law. On we went to a seedy bar in Haysville, KS. This is not a place you would ever go unless it was the only bar in town. For some there, it was. We laughed and talked some more. Ophelia was hosting karaoke that night and to my surprise she had quite the singing voice. Together we brought in the New Year. Had I had it my way, I would have shared a kiss with her. I’ll tell you true when it comes to matters of the heart I rarely get my way. There was a rather large alpha male like cowboy whom had decided that was his right. I let him have it. He was overly possessive of her and always had a hand on her if he could. This is how you can tell a jealous boy. Having a hand on a girl at all times signifies his ownership. Take that into account when you are eyeing a girl with a guy near her. It is rarely wise to provoke a jealous man. They tend to freak out and punch you for no reason. I think most girls find this kind of visual assertion to be annoying as it leaves them on a short leash.  He was not happy I was there. I kept to myself though, sang a few songs, and drew at a table with a pitcher of beer.

That night after the bar had closed and we had packed up our things we rolled out together, much to the horror and dismay of the cowboy. I handed her a rose and a T-shirt as a late B-day gift and timely New Years gift. We got back to her place cuddled up and watched a movie. Then slipped into bed together. Still platonic, she found that perfect position for cuddling and like Legos fit perfectly into me. The next day we awoke and prepped for the party happening later that night. Where I got to meet the rest of her rather eclectic group of friends. I was tired from the Days before so I crashed out early. Right around 4 in the morning. Apparently the party raged on. I awoke alone. She had fallen asleep amass a mix of men on the couch and as we all rose I beckoned her back to her bedroom. Told her I must away, for I worked later that day. We cuddled up once more for a bit and I kissed her. She looked me in the eye and I asked if that was ok. She said it was, but it just complicated things. How many things I wish I had known because this part of the story has only just began. The trip home was a joy. I was on cloud nine, I had finally gotten to kiss her. I mean I kissed her, there wasn’t a full kiss back yet, still I was excited.

When I got back home I quickly plotted a good time to see her again.  I made a few return trips to Wichita, but each was on my day off and her scheduled day to host karaoke in Haysville. Seriously, grew to hate that bar. Each subsequent trip the cowboy grew more and more wary of my presence. Even though I was making friends with the locals at this point... As you may know I can be quite the social butterfly. The people at that bar... well, they just weren’t my kind of people.  I was still playing it safe though. I didn’t want to rush a girl so soon after a divorce. This came to be one of my rules. I didn’t want to be the rebound guy. So I wasn’t jealous of the other affections men would lavish upon her, nor was I worried. In the back of my mind the timing had finally been right. All I had to do was wait. She would even show me texts from the cowboy, describing his vehement hatred for me. After a few months my friends, being of sound mind and body told me I wasn’t allowed to go see her again, until she came up to see me. Seemed fair, as I was the one doing all the driving. With that in mind I looked about for a good reason for her to come back to Manhattan. That time came but a month later. We shared calls back and forth. I like to communicate and when you live 2 hours away from someone, that’s the only resource you have to deepen the relationship. She hated it. She’s the type of girl that rarely talks or texts a lot. Add to that her phone had a minimum text limit... WTF is this the early 2000’s.  Still catching her when I could, became a challenge and it was like pulling teeth to get her to agree to come up and see me. A sign I should have taken. I offered her Fake Paddy’s Day and a Flogging Molly Concert. Whom could say No to such temptation. Well she didn’t and so it was finally her turn to come to me.  

Next up, part 4 - Tangled

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

#NerdsUnite: The What If? (Part 2 - Cherry Popped)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I went through a bit of a dark time, that dark time lead me to be more creative than ever. As dark times tend to do. I discovered my style in art and have since pursued it. I discovered a world of artists willing and able to help push me to be better. Better still I discovered Journalling, thus putting me on course to becoming a writer.

Jen always said writing out everything you feel makes it easier to deal with. There is nothing but truth to that. So long as what’s inside of you, comes out in some fashion it stops eating you from the inside out. Something I never even thought I’d try, let alone become known for.  After the church, in so many words, excommunicated me for living with a girl, mind you still a virgin, just living with a girl is cause for talking. Even though another grant student got knocked up, moved back home and now works in my church. Makes perfect sense.

I went on a bit of a bender ate way too much, started smoking, and drinking more, gained a fair amount of weight. So around 25 I found Ophelia again and invited her to a play my brother was in. She agreed and came up. I have never been horribly tactful so when she found out the rest of my family was there, well... she was a little stunned. She got over that to my knowledge fast and we enjoyed my brother’s play. As she was heading out I stopped her and told her how I had felt about her oh so long ago. I asked on a whim and a prayer if there was any chance of trying, “we” out. She told me she only recently got engaged. That was the end of that I suppose.  Still I pushed on never really finding another girl, till I was 26. There were some here and there, but never one I really synced with. Not till a party at a friend’s house where I met Cherry and yes that’s her real name.

She was black and I had never really thought of myself as being attracted to black girls prior to that, but Cherry was a force of nature. I’ve learned since then to never limit your attraction to anyone based on any appearance. You might just miss the best thing you could ever have in your life.

She quickly swept me away.  We also dated for about a year and things didn’t go so well there. She’s asked me not to talk about it because it was a part of her life that she wasn’t happy about. I respect her wishes and her desire to maintain that privacy. It’s quite a story and if you ever meet me feel free to ask. She taught me a lot about myself, life, love, and how to really live in the moment. She also taught me just where my boundaries are, what I can deal within a relationship, what I need in a relationship, and the type of girl I need to find to make me happy. She opened me up to a new world and for that I will always be grateful to her. She more than any other girl in my life prepared me for the girl I will one day marry. Let’s just say we parted ways, having discovered we were much better as friends than lovers. Ah yes, Lovers. There you have it folks, I lost my V card to a girl named Cherry. Oh, life will you never cease to amaze me.

We parted and it took about 3 months, but we finally found our friendship again. Something, I pushed hard for and you may remember a previous article I wrote on it #FML The End of Friendship. See I made sure we fought to stay friends and because we did she is one of my closest friends now. Still a break up is a break up and my go to depression cure seems to be food. I gained more weight after that and smoked a lot more. Started smoking weed as well but that stuff makes me lethargic and unable to create, so I have never really habitually smoked weed.

A few years after Cherry, while I was 28, I tried out OKcupid for a bit and met Simone.  Hence why I wrote this article OK cupid I concede you work. OK, that didn’t work. She was cool and all, but man, were we different. She was very jealous and I had never dealt with jealousy before. I really couldn’t handle it. In my line of work being an artist and writer I seem to work with a lot of beautiful women. Obviously, I had been writing for TNTML at this point and so much of what I went through was documented. That ended near Christmas time. While dating Simone I ate so much food, possibly a side effect of a repressed depression. I gained something like 50 lbs. I mean I blimped and at my height blimping is a bad idea. Also during that time I had started talking with Ophelia again. She had gotten a divorce. So when Simone and I were over I thought what the Hell, I’ll see if she wants to meet up and talk about times of old. A relationship was at the back of my mind, but I wasn’t going to act on it unless I felt it was a tangible reality. She invited me up for her Birthday party and subsequently New Years. I took a trip to Wichita to see an old friend, a lost love, most importantly the biggest, “what if” in my life.

Part 3 - Falling For The 4th Time (Coming soon!)

#nerdsunite

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#NerdsUnite: The What If (Part 1 - Backstory)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

About 12 years ago when I first came to Manhattan, KS I was on the path to become a Minister. Enrolled at the local Christian College, MCC. I was ready to spread the word of God’s love across the world. Needless to say finding God’s love in that college was difficult. It was cliquier than high school. The jocks were now all in soccer, the preps were the hot virgins, the nerds were versed in the bible better than anyone, the rejects were kids whose parents forced them to go there, the punks were straight edge, and the hippies were now acoustic learning worship leaders . So here I was once again trying to find a place to fit in. I won’t say everyone there was bad, but once you got in a group you were stolen away for prayer, devotions, dinner, and random things like tag in the dark. Not the college experience most of you are probably used to. So I managed to find a place with the open minded Christian group. Those that were shunned for having sex before marriage, smoke, drank, weren’t anti-gay, watched R-rated movies and went to bars. Yeah! They do exist. Still even there, I just never felt super accepted. Don’t get me wrong I loved them, but my target group wasn’t at that college. If college was a place to find out who you are, I still needed to look. Keep in mind in a horribly wise decision this college is parked right next to Aggieville, a 3 by 3 block of bars. I think it holds some world record for most bars per square foot (unverified). So even if you didn’t go out to the bars, they were a street away and every night at 2 in the morning, the sounds of the migrating drunks were audible through our thin window panes. You learned really quickly, if you lived on the basement level to always keep your windows closed for fear of pee. So I ventured away from the Christian bubble.

At that time I was only 18 and didn’t frequent bars. So there were about five places I could go. Two coffee shops at the time, one pool hall, and two 18 and over bars. Trust me these are not bars you want to go in ever. People get fucking stabbed there. Stuck to the coffee shops and one in particular called Espressos. Later to be nicknamed Depressos by my friends and I. This is where I ran into a crowd of Goth kids. I was intrigued. Here were a group of people all dressed in black with piercings and tattoos. So I sat down and threw myself into conversation with them. As the night drew on they found out I was Christian and thanked me for not trying to convert them as so many others had before. I was hooked. Here was a group of people that instantly accepted me. I will say this now, I never tried to go goth. That just wasn’t me. Still I hung out with them all the time. I even had other new Christian kids from MCC try and talk to me about Jesus. I would riddle them with questions Christians fear and rarely have answers for. The foremost of those, why do you believe in God? Seriously, that’s one of the hardest questions for them to answer without using the stock dialogue.  I created fast friendships with them that are still strong today. My determination to stay in that group without ever going goth became a matter of pride with me. They did their absolute best to corrupt me and I held fast. Personally, looking back I really wish I had let them. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Still you can’t hang your life on, “I should haves” You’ll never move forward. So there I was the Christian goth virgin kid. Immersed in the very heart of Paganism.

I was attracted to a few of them, three in particular, We’ll call them Doll, Red, and Ophelia. Doll was just that, perfection incarnate. Sadly, she had been swept up already. So my affection for her was tempered and I made a very clear effort to befriend her. She was shy in her own way and making new friends was hard for her, she later told me. She has since thanked me repeatedly for making sure I was her friend even if she was cold in the beginning. Out of all three of these girls she is the one that I now treasure and still have a very close relationship with now. Red was a shorter girl, who always seemed to have different colors of hair very big into Anime. At that time I was pretty big into anime too, so I gravitated towards her. You know, play to the commonality. Her best friend Ophelia was the last. She was a tall brunette, with long hair. All legs this one. I fell hard for her. She and I clicked like I had never clicked with anyone prior. We just seemed to instantly know each other. So bad was this crush that I told my best friend at the time. Who I later found out had it pretty bad for her as well. When he found out I was aiming to date her, he made his move early and landed the girl I liked. Dick move! We weren’t nearly as close after that. So there was the girl I wanted with my less than best friend now. I blamed myself for a lot of this mainly, because I was really nervous around girls I liked. I still am. Never girls that I didn’t think I had a chance with. The great weirdness of me. I can talk to 10’s without a care in the world, but give me a 5 -7 that I fancy and I get all flummoxed.  So I just existed after that. Just cruising through this crazy crowd and finding my affections with other girls in the group, as they showed theirs to me. Until one in particular took a very special shine to me. We’ll call her Toy. Toy had it bad for me, but there was another girl in the group with the same name. So when I was told she liked me, I asked the wrong girl out and got shot down hard. It took a while for me to realize it was the other and when I did... well enter my first real girlfriend.

I dated Toy for a while and in that time came to find out she used to date Ophelia's ex-boyfriend. Not only that she harbored a deep seated resentment towards her, for getting the man after her and had cheated with him while they were dating. Small world, they were all from Wichita. She was less excited when I was honest with her once and told her I had had a crush on Ophelia at one time. Still we put that behind us and sped through a pretty decent relationship. Well it lasted a year and had its ups and downs like any relationship does. Still I was sure it was going well even though I had yet to have sex with her. Still a virgin and was actually waiting for marriage. The first Christmas we had together I asked her parents if I could marry her. I’m an old romantic like that. They said yes. They liked me a lot. So I planned out my proposal. I have always been a romantic, so it had to be amazing. She already had a ring from her grandmother, she had always wanted to use as the wedding ring. I found a necklace with the same type of stone as her ring and went to get it. On the way out the door she caught me. She could read me like a book and must have known my intention. She stopped me cold and broke up with me on the spot. I was devastated. Never had I felt like that, I called and she talked me down. Still I couldn’t sleep well and the night to follow just got weirder. See her roommate threatened to kill her, so in her flight for safety she asked to stay/ move in with me. She told me we could get back together and see where things went. After only having recently broken, I felt this might be what we needed to mend our wounds. I was young and dumb. She moved into a two person house and the troubles were palpable. We actually ended up living together for 3 years. She would leave and stay with a friend of hers often, a fellow I had met on occasion, who was dating another girl. Turns out those two were engaged in more than friendship. Later I found out she had been cheating on me for quite a while. Having her live with me also caused me to lose my grant from the church I was at and that started the war my family had with that church thereafter. Still a virgin, mind you. I actually tried having sex with her once; to see if that would fix our relationship. Young and dumb, remember? She stopped me and told me I would regret it. Boy was she right. From here there were other girls that came and went. None too amazing to be notable. That was until I ran into Ophelia again. We stole ourselves away to Warped tour and had a grand time. The feelings I had rose to the surface again. She was single and so was I, but she disappeared into time again. I never got to act on those feelings at that time. Still I held this hope that she was the one, just bad timing. Bad timing indeed. Bad timing is and always has been the biggest Bane in my life.

Part 2- Get ready I’m about to lose my cherry!

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

#NerdsUnite: Nerdy Neutrons (Cats vs. Dogs)

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ashleighmayes and @saintpepsi

@saintpepsi
That's right you crazy kids the Nerdy Neutrons are back. Been too long and I know you all have been jonesing for a fix. So this time we launch into Cats VS Dogs. See I know Ashley has a puppy that she adores. Well We have Frank the coolest cat sense people started using the phrase cool cat. So I'll start on why I am so much more a cat person than a Dog person. Starting with Dogs bark! I know it's a sign of warning and they are trying to protect their owners... Blah Blah Blah! Cat's don't bark and meowing is cute. I feel like I end up telling a dog to shut up way more often than I ever would a cat. When I come home to Frank it's a nuzzle and with his super soft long fur it's the most amazing feeling in the world. You just surrender to his desire to be petted. When I come home to my Roommates Girlfriends DOG! BARK! BARK! BARK! Before I ever even enter the house. No matter how long we have known each other. That dog will bark at anyone even its owners before they see it. It’s a mind numbing awful loud noise. Ashleigh your dog’s defense.

@ashleighmayes
My dog's defense? Easy one, Jordan! Otis is amazing. Simply put. Otis might bark, but I feel a MILLION times safer living alone with a dog, who can warn me when something's up outside in my ghetto neighborhood! On top of that, dogs are awesome because they wait for you to come home. They think about you all day. You're their one and only. With a cat it's like "Oh hey! There's my can opener. Now do your job!" Not only that, but my kitten is ALWAYS breaking things. She's ALWAYS trying to get to my bird. You may say it's instinct, but in that case, my dog should be trying to hurt cats, right? Nope! Otis is gentle and would NEVER chase a cat!

@saintpepsi
You want protection. Frank is all about protection. He left a dead baby bunny on my doorstep the other day when I was bringing a date home. You can imagine her assumed feeling of safety knowing we had a ferocious killer who guarded our house from cute woodland creatures. Actually, that girl didn't see it that way at all. That date didn't end so well. No girl wants to kiss a guy, that just handled an adorable dead bunny... Pretty sure that happened on Easter Sunday too. Also he killed the stray cat that lives on our block, as there was fur all over the road and frank looked like he had bathed in blood just sleeping all cute like near the fireplace. I just don't think I'd feel as safe with a dog. Not when we have a Ninja Death Machine. He makes a fantastic purring keyboard rest, a lap warmer, kitty paw alarm clock, and most importantly Frank doesn't smell like a wet dog. Just saying. Ok, not my most convincing paragraph.

@ashleighmayes
Well it's funny you mention smells....my dog knows how to go outside. Have you ever got a whiff of a full litterbox?? I have cats and love 'em, but why can't they use the toilet or clean their own box?? Cat litter is expensive for the good stuff and the cheap kind is terrible!! My Otis just needs a good tree or patch of grass!

@saintpepsi
My cat does a decent amount of his business outside. I will agree with you that a cat box and the not so subtle smell of ammonia is nothing good to walk past. Aside from the cuteness of cats. I gotta say I feel like you kicked my ass in this one. I suppose this is why dogs are man's best friend and cats are small assumed gods. I won't be changing my tiger stripes to a spot over one eye and a wagging tale just yet but I concede this battle to you dearest Ashleigh. Your dog seems to fall in the realm of a pretty powerful companion. Still I think you'll have to meet Frank, before making your final assessment. Until then I give this battle to you. All hail Ashleigh the canine capitalizer. Man, I really thought I had this one in the bag and you threw my bag in the river.

@ashleighmayes
I see where you're coming from. To argue against myself, cats are far less needy than dogs. When I leave, my Otis barks and barks and barks. My neighbors have complained before! With my cats, I'm just a can opener! This is a bad thing AND a good thing! They don't care if I leave!! But they greet me just as my dog does when I get home. In this instance, I think we can agree to disagree and call it a tie. There's a reason that man domesticated each, and to each their own. Good battle, my friend. Good battle.

#nerdsunite

Click here to follow Ashleigh on twitter ... and don't miss her blog over yonder!

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#NerdsUnite: The Ladies Line

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I have a drastic proposal for bars and clubs across the country. What if we created a three room system. I know what you are thinking? This is some kind of transgender conspiracy to accommodate that awkward third sex! Not so much. If you have ever been to a bar or club in a high traffic time, it is no doubt assumed you will see this scenario played out. Two bathrooms one with the stout standing man watching mournfully as he assumes the room he guards to be laid waste by the miss aim of drunken slobs. Men whom are at that very moment feverishly tweeting about the bombshell they just bumped into at their favorite haunt.  All while handling their projectile pouring product of genetics. A lesson in multitasking that leaves them in and out in less than a few minutes.

With but a step away the Ladies lavatory. With the sworn protector of their realm clad in a knee knocking dress. Holding fast the door from a line of ladies dancing about determined to hold their consumption until allowed access to this sacred room. Each having just watched 3 girls run in prior to them. They know it will be at least 15 minutes before they are allowed access. Having to brave the chemical warfare of three sets of perfumes all sprayed in an attempt to mask the smells associated with gratuitous grinding and sweat flowing forth from any portion of a girl that was lucky enough not to be trapped beneath altogether too tight clothing. Fearing the ramifications of what lies behind that door after three girls had their way with that private sanctum.

Thus goes the night and as it draws nearer to the pentacle of purging, the danger rises. The urges are harder to repress and the seal once guarded, long sense broken demands attention. Sending many a wary and less bashful lady to the terrifying boys room. Carefully placing sheets of toilet paper around the lower bowl, the safety barrier lid having been removed for god knows what reason. They can only imagine it must have been tossed aside in haste to rid the privy of its only obstacle. They precariously hang over its dark depths, loathing the inability to use their own commode. While two girls stand guard in front turning men away with a look. She falters not in her resolve and beams knowing she beat the system.

A practice she need not have feared, had we only had a three room system. You see in catering to a ladies assumed group mentality; you could create a room with nothing more than a few sinks, and a mirror. Allowing for the group gab session over whom ever has most recently been hit on. Currying favor and the determined acceptance of their peers, to allow this man to pursue her further into the night or turn him away with a flip of their hair and seek new indulgences. Leaving the restroom for its soul duty. One's and Two's could be taken in haste with not a mirror in site. A room small enough that only one person could fit inside and thus making any talking session remain in the larger refreshing room. Now of course the girls may have a line to that room, but it is one based on a choice to wait and talk in secret.  The bathroom would be freed for what it was meant for. If that was not enough I would take it one step further and post a sign on the opposing wall reminding girls that this is a room for dropping waste, not a room for wasting time. No tears to be shed in here, if you were turned down, no mirrors to adjust your running mascara. Just the determined decision to subside that flowing tide till you refilled the bladder depository.

Say good bye to the lines, to the waiting, to the insistent knock and scream of angered patrons demanding access. This would return some glimpse of sanity to the dark depths of the restroom. Why it may even bring about a utopia of urination for late nights. I tell you my friends this should not be overlooked as an option. Rise up bar owners and remodel.

#nerdsunite

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