#NerdsUnite: @ItsMeJoolie 's big dating adventure!!!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Julie. You may already know her as Confessions of an Unwed Bride, but she has finally decided to begin to venture out into the dating world and is asking for your help and support as she goes through step by step of this life altering decision. Dudes, this is a BIG deal! She's never dated before ... like ever!! Well, I'll let her tell you more ... HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Date #1

I did it you guys! I did it! I did it! I went out on a date! Happy dance!

I'm so relieved now but by 6pm on Sunday night, the night of date #1, I was a complete mess. To say that I freaked out in the hours leading up to my very first date in 8 years would be an understatement. I started sweating and my face and chest got red and splotchy. I am 29 and the last time I went out on a date was when I was 20. 20!! I was in college at the time and it's different in college. You meet a lot of people organically in class, work, dorms, bars or house parties. I was about to embark on my first "adult date" and I wasn't handling it very well. Plus, this would be the first time I would meet up with someone I met through an online dating site.

I was going to be meeting him at 8pm at a restaurant/bar downtown for drinks. Earlier in the week I axed dinner as my single friends informed me that dinner is too much of an investment for a first date.

My mom calls me to check in on me. I am so flustered trying to get ready that I can't even talk to her. She tries to calm me down but I tell her I have to start getting ready. I grab Jen and have her help me with what I should wear for the evening. I freaked over that. A dress? Pants? Heels? Boots? My converse? Is that too casual? She did her best to console the inconsolable and headed out.

I texted the dude to confirm the address and we texted back and forth for a bit which was kind of a cool lead in to the date. I then called two friends to help me calm down."Do you remember that time that you called me before a date and you were freaking and wanted me to help you calm down. WELL, I NEED YOU TO RETURN THE FAVOR RIGHT NOW!" Another friend called me on my drive to check in on me. I left an hour early to get there in plenty of time and to leave me a few minutes to sit in the car and chill.

I find the place with no problem. I send out a tweet right before I go inside:

I head inside and walk over to the bar. I find a spot with two seats and I sit down. "OMG, Am I going to recognize this person that I have only seen in pictures on OKC?" I don't even have time to continue freaking out because he then walked through the door. Yay! I recognize him! And boom, just like that, the freaking out portion of the evening is over. I click on the socializing function in my brain and I'm all set. He walks my way and Jen's voice echoes in my brain, "Go in for the confident hug to avoid the awkward handshake/kiss" (This is the most practical dating advice I have ever heard btw).

This place has a really interesting drink menu, def not your run of the mill selections. I really just wanted a Newcastle but I can hang, no worries. He orders us two drinks and tells me to try both and take the one I like. One of the drinks has a ‘salt’ rim. While I'm in mid sip he says, "I'll tell you what that rim is made of now. Crickets." Wow, I think to myself, well, if I get nothing else out of this date I can now say I have ingested crickets. He laughs at the face I make as I look at the menu. He says, "It's right on there - but it's in Spanish" (which he speaks. btw - you get points for that because I grew up in South Florida and can't even help my love for Latin men).

Through the course of the evening I realize that he frequents this place, a lot. He knows one of the bartenders well and I start wondering about how many chicks he brings here on dates. The date goes fine, no awkward pauses as we both seem pretty good at polite conversation. But I never have even one moment with this guy where I go, "You like that too?! That's so awesome!" And we talk about music, TV, movies, books. I'm a nerd; you have to be into something in these categories that I'm into. I want to freak out with you over something. Can we argue over DC vs. Marvel or Star Trek vs. Star Wars? He said Weird Science didn't really hold up when he watched it recently. Darn, because that's one of my ALLTIME FAVORITE MOVIES!

We close the place down and he walks me to my car. Again, I go in for the confident hug to avoid awkwardness. He tells me he'd love to see me again, I nervously nod or something, I don't even remember. I do remember walking back to my car so excited that I met my fear head on. I was so scared to date. For so many reasons. I thought I would instantly fall in love if I went on a single date. I didn't.

Overall, I would say this was a success!

The only problem now is this guy will not stop texting me! Soooooo how do you turn down a second date?   

Thank you so much TNTML community for your love and support!

#juliesdatingadventure

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

This is What My Breakup Sounds Like

As I've said before, music is everything to me. As time has gone on, I've acquired a new soundtrack to the heart ache and my current life experiences.

The Seatbelts "Adieu"
"I stand alone, and watch you fade away like clouds
High up and in the sky
I'm strong and so cold
As I stand alone
Goodbye, So long, Adieu."
Cowboy Bebop has a big place in my heart and the soundtrack does as well. Saying good-bye sounds so final, it's easier to say in another language.

Lady Gaga "Bad Romance"
I'm super late to the game with Gaga. I don't usually take pop stars seriously. But this is one bad-ass bitch. There's nothing more gratifying that singing along when she says, "Cause I'm a free bitch baby!"

Cults "Abducted"
"He tore me apart because I really loved him
He took my heart away and left me to bleed out, bleed out
He broke my heart because I really loved him
He took it all away and left me to bleed out, bleed out"

Lissie "When I'm Alone With You"
"Remind me of home when you're around me. The next time you leave don't go without me. No, don't go. No. Yeah! Cuz you make me feel, you make me feel, that you are the one, you are the one. And when I'm alone with you, you make me feel and you make me feel. Yeah when I'm alone with you you are the one and you are the one."
For the part in us that screams, "Please don't go!!"

Delta Spirit "Bushwack Blues"
While I love, love DS this isn't really my soundtrack. It's his. For him it's all in the line "Because my love is strong And my heart is weak after all". For me I like to think he also identifies with the line "Because I think of you In every girl I meet It's no relief"

Belle and Sebastian "Get Me Away From here I'm Dying"
I just want to escape from life sometimes. This song nails that feeling for me perfectly. It even plays in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when he's crying over her.

Sara Bareilles "Gravity"
"Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity"
She's not one of my favs... in fact if I hear "Love Song" one more time I'll explode but this song is amazing.

Dolorean "Country Clutter"
"If you find anything I left behind, well, you can have it"
The price of a break up can vary for each person, each couple. Sometimes you just don't care what got left in the other person's possession, as long as you are free.

Ahn Trio and Susie Suh "All I Want"
"Too many times, I have wondered
What all the tryin' is for.
You come around, I feel so down
I'm gonna drown
'Cause I know that you've fallen short
But do you know
it doesn't change
The way I feel 'bout you, at the end of the day?
'cause I know, that I all I want is what you got.
All I want, is what you got."
I recently went to an AHmazing vaudville burlesque show here in Hollywood with the awesome @christinadeleon and there was a beautiful heart wrenching performance to this song. The kind where you hold your breath until it's over. The dancers did such a good job acting that it made me believe they were going through a break up.

Britney Spears "Stronger"
Because you have to have something to dance to. =)

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: @ItsMeJoolie 's big dating adventure!!!

My actual OKC profile pic

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Julie. You may already know her as Confessions of an Unwed Bride, but she has finally decided to begin to venture out into the dating world and is asking for your help and support as she goes through step by step of this life altering decision. Dudes, this is a BIG deal! She's never dated before ... like ever!! Well, I'll let her tell you more ... HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Last week Jen challenged me to go on 3 dates in 30 days. Not a big deal you say? To me it is! Ah! I'm so nervous about this whole thing! As Jen said in the initial post, I literally have no dating experience. I have relationship experience that far surpasses most people my age, but someone a decade younger than me could school me on casual dating. I've never just gone on a date or two with a person and that was it.

So after the accepting the challenge I asked Jen for some help on updating my OKC profile. Jen and I sat down together and made some edits. I changed my profile pic to one of me that shows off my boobs, lol, this is no time to be shy. While I was still on the site making updates I got a ton of views, but no conversions.

Then emails started to roll in. My nerves went up but I started with the simple act of writing back. Even if I wasn't sure that I actually wanted to go on a date. That alone was a challenge at first, but one that I quickly got past.

As the next couple of days went by I got some emails from some dudes that I actually found interesting and attractive - yeeeeeeeeeeees!

And yesterday a dude asked me to meet up this weekend! I can't because I am going to San Diego, buuut I'll work it out for next week. Score!

I'm nervous, and anxious but excited to share! Stay tuned! <3

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

 I feel like I should give a bit of insight as to why I actually miss this person so much. The story of our engagement is a good one.

It was 2007 and my ex and I were home for the holidays and we decided to spend Christmas at his grandparent's house in Key Largo along with his father.

We started in Ft. Lauderdale at a holiday function that his mom's side of the family was throwing. These people just about ruined the surprise that had yet to come, but luckily my ex is a good actor and I'm gullible. One of the first people we spoke to at this party was his cousin who told us "Congratulations!". I was so confused, I remember going up to his mom and being like, "Do these people think I'm pregnant or something? What's going on?" I was so clueless, I had no idea, we were so poor I never even imagined he would get the money to buy the ring in order to propose. But his grandparents used to own a jewelry store and they had helped out with the ring. I'll never forget speaking with his grandmother and seeing her eyes ever so slightly watering as she smiled at me.

Then on December 23, we went out on the boat fishing with his amazing grandfather (The man is about 80 years old and can catch a lobster on the ocean floor in 15 feet of water). When we got back it was clear that a lot of people had done the exact same thing that day. After everyone cleans their day's catch they throw the unwanteds over the edge of the dock. Then the stingrays swim by to feast. I walked over to the edge of the dock, laid down and watched the stingrays (and a nurse shark!) in delight. Then I helped clean the fish and we brought everything back to give to his grandmother to be made into a tropical holiday dinner the next night.

On Christmas Eve, after cocktails and dinner we were all just hanging out. It was around 6:00pm and I was on his grandmother's computer putzing around when my ex announced that he was going for a walk. Of course I chimed in with, "I'll go with you!" which is exactly what he was counting on.

As we often did when visiting we took a stroll down to the dock. We walked to the end where there is a single lamp. It's really beautiful there at night. I knew that since it was night there wouldn't be any stingrays still hanging out but I looked over the edge anyways. I turned around and there he was directly behind me crouched down. I couldn't see well as it was really dark. I walked over and kneeled down.

"What are you doing?"

"Julie, stand up" (we would laugh about this afterwards).

Then I saw the jewelry box and realized that he was not crouching, but was on one knee.

"OH! I stood up.

I remember how shocked and surprised I felt in that moment. And of course, how overwhelmingly happy I was as I said yes.

Neither of us even knew which hand the ring was supposed to go on (there's really no right or wrong with this, different cultures follow different rules). So he just put it on my right ring finger.

We walked back to his grandparent’s house. I remember laughing and asking, "What would you have done if I hadn't come out with you?" He said, "I was never worried, I knew that you would". When we got back his grandmother actually thought I said no because she didn't see the ring on my left hand. After she realized that we were in fact engaged she explained to both of us that the fourth finger of the left hand is considered to be the veina amoris or the "vein of love", which means that the veins are directly connected to the heart. His family had champagne and an engagement present waiting for us. I later wrote on myspace on December 30, 2007 that "it was the best Christmas present!"
 
It didn't last obviously. But, at least for that night, there was another person in this big world who thought that he wanted no one else in it but me.

I'll always have that.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: @ItsMeJoolie 's big dating adventure!!!

Nerds, I need your help. @ItsMeJoolie, my roomie and writer of the series of posts Confessions of an Unwed Bride is in a funk. 

A baaaaaadddd funk. 

So, as you all know, she and her duderino broke off their engagement last year - but after talking to Julie, she revealed to me that she's never even done the "dating" thing. She was with her guy for almost 8 years, and prior to that another duderino for a few years - the girl hasn't ever dated someone without it turning into a relationship!! Como say WHHAA???!! 

Seriously! 

So, it's not even that she can't date anyone new (she has yet to go out on a date with someone other than her ex), she doesn't know how. 

This is where she needs our help. 

I have given Julie a task. She has 30 days to go out on at least 3 dates with duderinos from the site OkCupid. We sat down the other week and helped revamp her profile - all that jazz - so she's set there, but what she needs now is our support and love in kicking her in the butt to get her to respond to dudes and actually arrange a meet up. 

This is one thing I learned with my night of being a wing girl with Neil Strauss' students - it wasn't actually about "getting the girl" it was about understanding social dynamics. Julie doesn't know the social dynamics to dating. She has no idea that it's totes awesome sauce to go out on one date and not have to call the guy back. It's DATING!!! Easy peasy. But again, I say this after going out on 103 dates in 9 months. It's easy for me to think this way because I do it - for her, this is a hurdle. 

Whattya say we help her break through this nerds??? What do you say Julie?? Are you game?? Are you brave enough to document 3 dates in the next 30 days to better help you understand the social dynamics in dating?? 

#thisisyourmissionshouldyouchoosetoaccept