#NerdsUnite: @ItsMeJoolie 's big dating adventure!!!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Julie. You may already know her as Confessions of an Unwed Bride, but she has finally decided to begin to venture out into the dating world and is asking for your help and support as she goes through step by step of this life altering decision. Dudes, this is a BIG deal! She's never dated before ... like ever!! Well, I'll let her tell you more ... HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

First things first: Happy Dance Time! I completed the challenge! Woot woot! Go me! Go me!

To get the whole story read up on Jen's challenge, my fears about dating,  Date #1 and Date #2.

Date #3

Before I even went on Date #2 I was talking to this guy on OKCupid and he gave me his number in the thread. I asked Jen if this meant I should continue talking to him in the thread or if I needed to text him. "Text him!" Jen said. Okay, okay, being aggressive here I guess, need that third date. So I do and we talk. It drops off and I don't hear from him for a bit. He randomly texts me while I'm getting ready for Date #2 and then again, nothing.

After date #2 a bit of anxiety kicked in. I was worried that I wouldn't actually get 3 dates in the alloted time. On Halloween, with  one week to spare, I decided it was time turn it up. This dude goes skydiving as a hobby and I really genuinely wanted to talk to him. I texted this guy and asked him if he wanted to meet up for drinks:

Way to leave a girl hanging dude! Is this what I get for being forward and being the one to ask him out? Not sad or anything but kinda confused by that. Why did he say yes? And then actually pick a day and add a smiley face? Weird. Oh well, on to the next!

Luckily, the same day I realized I had been blown off by the other guy, another OKC guy asked to meet up. I got free concert tickets for The Roxy on Friday and figured that could be a fun date. We met outside of The Roxy an hour before the show was supossed to start. Every time I meet someone from OKC I am always so pleasantly surpsied when I actually recognize them in person.

I go in for the Confident Hug and then I suggest that we go next door to the Rainbow Room. I ask him if he knows who Lemmy from Motörhead is (you better fucking know dude I think). He says he does and I say, "He's always freakin here, but I think it's kinda late for him, he's a day drinker."

Lemmy is no where in sight. But this insane Elvira looking old lady is working behind the bar. You can tell this bar has been around for a long time. This lady has probably worked there since day 1. He orders the same beer as me and we stay here for an hour and 15 minutes talking. There are a few awkward pauses, which I didn't have on date 1 or 2, but still going okay.

We head over to The Roxy and like good little hipsters, order some PBR. The first band is on and they suck. We start making fun of them, which is cool. Second band is much better than the first band. At some point, either when the second or third band is playing, I realize that I like this guy and then soon after I realize that I have had too much to drink.

I get a water. When the fourth band comes out and the lead singer has on silly eyeliner, I can't take it anymore. I have left my goth days when I was the one in silly eyeliner behind. The best part about free concert tickets is that if it sucks, you just leave and you don't have to worry about wasted money. I say let's get outta here and we leave. We head down the street to another bar. There are some more awkward pauses, the music is super loud, it's after midnight and I'm exhausted. He walks me back to my car. Confident hug!! Confident hug!! Thank you and goodnight!

I sit in my car and as I watch him walk away I start laughing. I'm sure that I actually liked this guy more than he liked me, unlike on Date #1 and #2 where I can safely say they were both more into me than I was into them. I laugh and think, "This is what dating is all about! Of course the one I like wouldn't like me as much."

I was wrong. I got the standard "I had a great time" text at 4:00pm the next day. Followed by some more texts, followed by a phone call on Sunday. What the hell ever happened to playing it cool dudes? Not one of these three guys did. I'm super emotionally unavailable so I scare easily and I understand that but, geez, give me a day to breath. I called him back a few hours later. He wanted to see me before I head down to Fort Lauderdale for a long weekend. I told him I was busy, which I am. I have another date tonight!! Haha. I'm going for extra credit y'all! But I would certainly hang out with this guy again.

I am really happy that I went through with this. Jen actually first put up the challenge 2 weeks before October 7th and I freaked out and she took it down. I had to commit to overcoming my fear first. I was beyond scared in the hours leading up to Date #1. By Date #3 I felt like a pro. It was a big help in moving on and getting some fun dating experience under my belt.

Thanks for all of the love and support!

#juliesdatingadventure

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

The Beginning of the End

It's weird to look back on a relationship coming to an end. I can now clearly see that his behavior, my behavior and certain events = breakup, but when things very slowly digress it's not easy to see. It's like suddenly realizing that 2+2=4 and then thinking to yourself, "How the hell did I not see that before?! It very obviously never equaled 5!"

April 2010
A few days after his birthday he finally gets a job that isn't waiting tables, a job that makes our dream of moving out here and succeeding a reality. We are both so happy. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders  because now I am not the only one bringing home the bacon. Life is good.

Summer 2010    
I notice a change in him. He's always been very outgoing and a bit cocky, always wanting to be the center of attention, but now that he has a job he can be confident about, he's turning into a monster. His head cannot fit through the door. Luckily, I have two friends, I'll call them Danny and Ellen (they will play a pivotal role in what is one of the most fucked up nights of my life) that we knew back in Orlando where the ex and Danny went to school together. I ask them if they have noticed a change in him as well and they both vehemently agree. I felt better that at least I wasn't just making stuff up.

He always comes home and tells me stories of what happened at work that day, the funny thing he did that made everyone crack up. He starts mentioning She Devil (she's not even worth a fake name). Any job in post production basically means you are a slave and will be working 60+ hour work weeks and you will also be working on many Saturdays. I miss him. I feel trapped, I do not have my own car, I don't have many friends. It is worth it though to see his name in the credits of a movie. I am so, so proud of my baby. I am beyond proud when he gets an IMDB page. This whole move has been validated. But L.A. is not a kind city. It is a wonderful, fun place to live. But it will lash out at you. You will get more parking tickets you can afford. Your car will get fucked up. You will pass people asking you for money everyday. It is not a relationship city. You will hate this place. Then one day, you absolutely love it and can't imagine leaving.

September 2010
My mother and aunt come out from Florida for a visit. They help me look for a car to buy. At the last minute my ex and I talk and decide that this is a bad time to get a car. He says we should just wait until after the wedding.

It's 11:00 pm on a weekday. We are sitting on the couch watching TV. She Devil texts him. I think to myself, "I don't text my male coworkers this late at night." I think that after a certain time it's inappropriate. I am not her. I work in a corporate environment, their office is like the opposite, and there isn't even an HR department. I don't like this; I don't get a good vibe from her.

It's a Friday night. I am home alone. He is out with coworkers. I don't have a car and it's kinda tricky to get to the valley without one, especially the area they are in. Me now without a car would have just called a cab. But the me then didn't. It's "understood" that I can always join him, but he never actually asks me to and I just don't really feel welcome. He comes home at 2 in the morning. I am sleeping on the couch, he tries to kiss me, but I am angry and I can taste the cigarettes and alcohol.

Random Sunday, he starts to do the laundry. I yell at him for using the roll of quarters that are wrapped in paper instead of the one wrapped in plastic because thanks a lot, now the quarters are going to go everywhere in my purse and I put the other roll of quarters out for you (needed them to take the bus). Totally ridiculous on my part. Huge to him. He doesn't forget this.

I have to pull teeth to get him to sit down and create our Save The Date. He complains that he sits in front of a computer all day and doesn't want to do it now. We do eventually finish it and I couldn't have asked for it to come out better. I am so freakin excited.

Our wedding was going to be in the Florida Keys. This is an image of the 7 mile bridge.

Early October 2010
He looks right through me. What does that mean? What does that look like? I had read this term before in many books but hadn't experienced it until him and this time period. We would be sitting right in front of each other and I felt that I wasn't even in the room. Like I could start dancing in front of him and he still wouldn't care, not even enough to think I was nuts. This is what denial feels like. I know that I knew that things weren't going so well, but I just never in a million billion years thought we would break up. That simply wasn't an actual possibility in my mind. We were getting married.

I do something that in 7 years I have never done before. I pick up his iPhone and read his text messages. I don't go very far back into his and She Devil's messages before I am bothered. Had I gone back further I probably would have something that spelled out that he was cheating on me. I ask him about what I read, he snatches the phone away and plays it off. This is the beginning of nasty habits on both of our parts; I am going through his stuff and he is lying to me.

The worst part of all of this? I am starting to send out Save The Dates. I send them out as I collect the addresses. I leave these piles on the end table by the door so that I can drop them off at the post office before work. He has to see these. What was going through his mind each day as he left for work?  I hate him for this. It is not easy to tell someone that you have been with for over 7 years that you have feelings for someone else, that you don't know how you feel about them, that you may not want to get married. But when you see Save The Date cards on the table that should scream at you that now is the time to have that awful talk that you do not want to have. That doesn't happen. He lets me find out.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Telling The Story of Our Ending

Ein and II've wanted to tell the story of our breakup since I started writing back in May. I've been scared to. Really scared. The way our relationship ended was bullshit. My ex was horrible to me, he really was. But I still can't forget that for 7 entire years he was my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my partner in crime, the guy that helped me in any way that I asked him to, the person who taught me about comics, anime and showed me so many movies that I had somehow not yet seen. He helped me come out of my shell, become social. He made me dinner all the time. We got a cat and then got a dog together. We went from not having any money to finally being able to the things we wanted. We moved from Tallahassee to Orlando to Los Angeles together. He called my mother Mom and she got him cards that said Son. We picked out our children's names. I thought I could actually do the whole parenting thing if it was with him by my side. I told him I couldn't wait until the day when I would wake up and see him and our son watching Spiderman cartoons together. We planned to always be in each other's lives.

Not only did we not get that but I got the most fucked up break up from him. I know that there are no easy break ups, that no matter what they suck. But I deserved better from this person. I deserved some fucking respect. So I feel like in telling this story it makes his assholeness public. That there is no going back. I can never get back together with him if I tell all of you what he did to me. I guess that's a good thing but I can still see a whole 7 years of awesomeness in my mind. What do you do with that? 7 years of great marred by 6 months of suck. Does it negate everything else? Do people not fuck up? Everyone makes mistakes. Jesus knew it, you know it, I know it. But people get pissed at Rihanna when she makes contact with Chris Brown.

I was hoping I would make it through this awful anniversary without too much heartache. I'm in a much better place than I was even a month ago. I got the most disturbing phone call Sunday morning from an acquaintance. "Are (my ex) and (mutual friend) dating now? I saw them together at a party last night..." Great, just great. They probably aren't but I'm done with this awkward situation. I do not need this. Also, I will NOT be going to the West Hollywood Carnival (flamboyant term simply meaning "closing down Santa Monica Boulevard") this year as I did last year and the year before that. I need to make this year different.

I just saw him for the first time in almost two months to give him papers from the filing cabinet and for him to drop off our dog. We had an awkward hug. He looked at me and asked, "Are you going to cry?" "I already am", I responded. He put the bag he was holding down and gave me a real hug. We stood there like that for a bit. We talked about his family. He mentioned there is a new Miyazaki film. I don't know if he was hoping I would say that we have to watch it together. I'll just take my sweet time getting to it. I still haven't even watched How I Met Your Mother without him. I asked him what his costume is this year. He said, "I'm just being me" and held up his phone to show me a picture. It was a picture of him dressed normally, but with devil horns. Very emo, but it shows how this person knows they have made some epic mistakes in the last year, he's incredibly guilt ridden. Ah, I miss him. But I like not hurting anymore more.

At least I have my doggie Einstein now! Oh, I've missed my little boy Ein so much!

I honestly can't believe it has been a whole year since my life got completely turned upside down and everything I thought I had, I didn't. I want to write everything out to help me and to help anyone out there who feels like they are the only one who has had something awful like this happen to them. I spoke to him a few months back about how guilty I felt about putting our lives out there for people to read. He actually gave me his blessing to write it all out. So, to mark this occasion, I'll put it all out there.

Just go easy on me if I can't say no to him in the future. I was 100% ready to say "for better or worse...I do". He is the love of my life after all.

Stay tuned nerds.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: @ItsMeJoolie 's big dating adventure!!!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Julie. You may already know her as Confessions of an Unwed Bride, but she has finally decided to begin to venture out into the dating world and is asking for your help and support as she goes through step by step of this life altering decision. Dudes, this is a BIG deal! She's never dated before ... like ever!! Well, I'll let her tell you more ... HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Date #2

Me getting ready for Date #2I was worried there for a week. After I came down from the high of going on my first date in 8 years I realized I didn't have anyone lined up for date #2. There were some emails coming in, but none that I really wanted to follow up on. I knew it was again time to step outside of my comfort zone and try harder. This equals not just sitting back and waiting for the emails to roll in but actually taking the time to look at people's profiles and add people to my favorites. I still haven't initiated a conversation on there (girls have it so easy with online dating). It paid off; I got date #2 because we "chose" each other.

I was hoping that I would have some more music, TV and movies in common with this dude than date #1, who was really nice and I had a good time with on our date, but I kept waiting for him to be in to any of the things I am into. From this guy's profile, I was hopeful that this would be the case.

Earlier in the week, we had talked about meeting up on Thursday but he wasn't sure if he would be able to. We didn't even solidify our plans until the day of. Which was cool because it didn't give me time to stress over it.

The Surly Goat is mentioned by him as a place to go. Sometimes the music is really loud there, but I'm okay with that choice. I respond saying that's cool or we can go to Barney's Beanery, Jen and I's local hangout. He responds with "8:30 at Barney's". I regret this immediately. I think about the fact that there are a bunch of people that go there that I kinda know. Like the dude that I gave my number to 2 months ago before I was actually ready to date. Oh well, I think, no worries, it'll be okay.

I get home after work and immediately notice that Jen is dressed up. Before I even ask her what she's doing I already know the answer.

"Hey, what are you getting into tonight?"

"I have a date tonight."

"Cool, so where are you going?" I know what she's about to say.

"Barney's." Yep, there it is.

"I too have a date tonight."

"Rad!"

"And I too will be at Barney's tonight"

We both start laughing.

Her eyes get big as though she is a kid being offered candy. "Can I be a fly on the wall for your date?" She would die to be able to spy on someone's first date in order to write about it. (Anyone brave enough to let her do this? Write to her. This would be like a Christmas present to her. Seriously.)

"No! Number One: You have your own date to deal with. And two: I'm already nervous, there's no way I could act normal if I know you are listening."

She leaves and I have an hour and a half before my date. I try to eat, am too nervous and abandon my burrito, dance around to music, get dressed, hair and makeup, more dancing and then I call my mom. While I am on the phone with my mom, I get a text. "Hey Mom, I gotta respond to this, it's my date." I hang up and read the text and realize that it is not my date but another guy I met through OKCupid. Amazing! Is this really my life?

I get to Barney's and find a place at the bar and order my favorite, Newcastle. I scan the place for Jen, don’t see her, although I’m sure she’ll see me. The bar is pretty busy because the Rangers/Cardinals game is on. He shows up a minute after I get my beer. Confident Hug! Confident Hug Julie!

We snag a table and start talking about music and concerts. We're into the same kind of music and he's gone to some pretty awesome concerts. 15 minutes into this date and this guy and I have more in common than I did with date #1.

At some point it gets even louder than it already was. To the point where we can no longer ignore it. We look around and realize that the baseball game is in the ninth inning. There are Rangers fans to my left and Cardinals fans to my right. We start doing sports commentary on the game. He's actually really good at it and I find out that he has a podcast he does with some friends. Cool. Then he looks at me and asks, "Should we choose a team to root for?" I laughed, "Yes, we totally need to choose a side!" "Well, The Rangers are winning right now." "No! Let's go with the underdogs! Plus, I'm wearing red!" We start cheering for the Cardinals, who end up winning. Now we are high fiving the Cardinals fans because they think we are one of them. It was hilarious!

We close our tabs and decide to walk down to The Surly Goat. As we are walking he puts his hand on my back, like half putting his arm around me. Umm, no. Not a deal breaker but I just met you!

We stay at The Goat for about an hour, he tells me about his job as a TV producer, which includes some funny stories. It is now 12:30 and I'm tired. He has to be on set at 7:30 (the time I wake up!) so we call it a night. When it's time to part ways I go in for the Confident Hug. We actually talk for another 30 seconds. I go in for another hug and he kisses me on the cheek. Whoa. Eek.

The next day I got a I had a good time, would like to see you again text. I told him yes. And thankfully, I have not received more texts (date #1 did not know how to play it cool and just kept.on.texting.me).

Overall: good conversation, had common interests, not very physically attracted to him but we had a lot of fun. I was very proud of how less nervous I was this time around.

Time to get back on OKC as I only have a week left to get a third date!

#juliesdatingadventure

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Challenge: 36 hours alone

If you're thinking that this doesn't seem to be much of a challenge, well, maybe you are lucky enough to have never gotten so attached to someone that when they exited your life you felt completely lost. It's overwhelming to then have that person infect every second of your thoughts. Then, try and sit still. I haven't really sat still in almost a year. Some weeks I have gone out every night of the week. Before that, when I was in a relationship, I stayed in almost every night of the week. Jen is out of town this weekend for her date with @StevenBWard, so I have the place to myself. Perfect time to present myself with another challenge (the 1st being that I went on my first date in 8 years on Sunday!). Sitting still now drives me completely crazy, I always feel that I need to keep movin', keep shakin'!

Friday night after work I found myself feeling exhausted. Yes, Jen and I did go out the night before, but didn't even party hard. I think I'm gonna stay in and conk out before midnight. Here's where I start my challenge: stay in, don't hang out with anyone, slow down and take some time to relax and be with myself.

October 21, 2011, 10:30pm - Start texting with a friend from high school, my closest male friend Pablo. He just got out of a 5 year relationship. He wants to start dating but since there is actually hope of them getting back together, doesn't want to hurt her feelings by dating a friend or anyone where it will get back to her. I suggest OKCupid to him and open it up on my phone.

11:05pm - For whatever stupid reason, I search for my ex on okc, knowing that he uses the same username for everything. And I find him. FML!

11:12pm - Well, I'm awake now so I call Pablo.

3:00am - Hang up with Pablo (which for him is 6 in the morning!).

October 22,2011, 11:00am - Wake up, instantly start stalking on facebook, trying to figure out if my ex did in fact travel to Florida for a wedding or not (I'm suspicious he doesn't want to let my see our dog anymore and if he is in Florida and didn't let me watch the dog I'm going to be very upset). Results are inconclusive. I start to feel like I am going to be very depressed today and then decide that I do not want to go down that path. I let myself feel these sad feeling and then push them away. This is like what you learn in meditating, you will never not have thoughts, you have to acknowledge them and move on.

11:30am - Spend time on OKC trying to land a 2nd date for my 30 day challenge. Get frustrated.

12:15pm - Go to yoga, which kicks off my Saturday ritual. Good chance to recenter for the week.

2:00pm - Stop by Subway after yoga and get my usual. I decide this is most definitely a day to get a chocolate chip cookie.

2:10pm -call another high school friend, who also just got out of a long term relationship, Beth, and talk to her about finding ex on OKC.

2:27pm - Begin my post yoga tradition: eat sub, jam out (James Morrison "Wonderful World"), smoke pot, and watch Parenthood.

3:45pm - Hear a song that is now my theme song: Laura Jensen "Single Girls". I can't even believe how much this one song encapsulates my life in the past 7 months.

4:00pm - I think about going to visit my neighbor and then remember what I am trying to accomplish today.

4:05pm - Smoke more pot. Eat my subway chocolate chip cookie.

4:08pm - Back on OKC. Have to write someone back. Don't want to. Augustana's "I Still Ain't Over You" plays in the background as a write this dude back who's profile I looked at earlier today.

4:35pm - Doing some yoga arm balances. Remember I was totes in the middle of writing this post. Whoops.

4:53pm - Go get the mail. Something for Jen and something for my ex. Poo.

5:03pm - Dance around house. Practice ballroom dance steps. Relive days when part of a swing dance troupe.

5:05pm - Watch The Secret Circle.

6:03pm - Call yet another friend from high school and catch up, discuss her upcoming wedding. Watch sun set from my kitchen window.

7:31pm - Call Mom back, talk about ex.

7:47pm - Realize how late it is and that I need to procure some food before it gets even later.

8:22pm - Look up and see that I've spent a half hour on OKC. I'm really trying here, but I just don't really dig this whole online dating thing.

8:45pm - Pick up food, come home and watch Jersey Shore while eating.

9:20pm - Pause show and start thinking about my ex. I have a lot of day dreams that start with "I wish I could go back to a year ago today". There are literally only days left where I can even think that. I found out about everything on Halloween night. I don't even care that things weren't even that amazing a year ago. I just wish I could go back in time and give my ex the biggest squeeze and just hold him tight. Not even to try and change anything, just because at the time I could do that and it wouldn't be all weird like it would be now.

9:50pm - Decide I can't do this to myself and that I need a greater distraction than TV to keep my mind off of him.

10:00pm - Wander around the house for a bit, end up back on the couch, and close the night with 2 hours of TV.

October 23, 2011, 11:11am - Holy crap, I slept this late? Sunday mornings have yet to get easier for me. You never get used to waking up alone it seems.

11:30am - Make coffee, finally put away the dishes that Jen washed.

12:00pm - TV, internet, and coffee....yeah for Sunday mornings...err afternoons.

1:10pm - Eat lunch followed by a tangerine. Check out Nothing Rhymes with Orange on facebook. Giggle.

1:30pm - 10 minute meditation. Need help so I burn incense, put on some music and light a candle to look at in case I want to open my eyes.

1:45pm - Shower.

2:30pm - Get dressed because in three hours I will be going to a concert!!!

3:30pm - Start Phase II of getting my room in order (phase I was me building a bookshelf and putting all of my books out of boxes and onto the shelves), which involves going through a large box of clothes that I haven't even looked at in over a year. This project should take me right up to 5:30 when @christinadeleon gets here to go to the concert with me.

I did it! I think it was important for me to take some me time, slow down, get a lot of sleep and just have fun doing nothing. I feel relaxed and I got the DVR down from 89%.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter