<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
As I mentioned last week, I would be exploring my interests in the submissive area of sex. This week I flew to San Francisco to shoot device bondage for a company called kink. Ive done light flogging and such but never really explored the side of myself that I recently discovered as submissive. Well here was my chance and with professionals. The flight there and back all happens in one day so I didn't get much sleep since I has to be at the airport at 5am. So this device is basically three set up in one. The most interesting thing is that each piece is custom made to you and you can be assured you wont be able to move. It was very interesting to be locked into the device and left at the mercy of the person locking you it. Ive never been in a situation where I couldn't figure a way out of it. Oddly enough, I found it liberating. I found it relaxing being able to let go of all control. Not having to make a choice ... It was a very positive experience - and I'm curious to do more.
this is my in a gas mask in which the director could but his hand over to restrict my breathing
this is an oil drum of lube they had which i found amusing
Then wednesday was my DVD release party for Misti vs. Jessie. and guess who came out?! Miss lovely @JenFriel herself :) The party was as fun as could be for a wednesday night. Im not much of a party girl myself but it was nice to see my friends that came out to support me. I really appreciated it. Its always odd meeting fans in "porn party" situations because im super awkward and not "sexy" by any means in person. I make awful jokes, which always get a laugh but I like to think i'm easy to talk to.
The week on a whole was pretty slow. I did more needle points, which I have orders out the butt now for. Friday was the only night I really did anything. Michael and I went on a double date with a couple in porn we've met, Ash Holly wood and Xander Corvis (who played Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker in the spider man porn btw) It was a really fun time. Xander is a total nerd like me so we nerd out easily. Although I don't want to hear about the spider man porn because i'm still bitter, cant lie. After dinner we went back to Ash's place in Hollywood and became hippies and laid on the roof top over looking hollywood and discussed life and such. This is such a relief you have no idea. Often it is very hard to find porn people that talk about anything other than porn.
I like butt plugs as much as the next person but not really a good dinner conversation.
This weekend was just right. Saturday night michael and i spent the whole evening in playing video games and watching awful scary movies. we also had a good talk about something that bother me. You know when you don't want to bring up an issue because you're afraid the answer is something you don't want to hear so you'd rather not know? Yes, that kind of issue. Specifically the issue of "do you enjoy having sex with other mores, and that it does bother me when he works every day" and i heard what i needed to hear. It is hard dating in porn with out a doubt. sharing such an intamite part of yourself every day with someone new should bother you to an extent, it means sex still means something to you.
here are michael and i on the cover of the new x-biz mag
Can I get a huzzah for just how fucking AWESOME the weather is in Hollywood? Like, LA ... I love you. I kinda wanna make out now. That cool? Dudes, you guys are making my life with these comments. Thank you all so so so much for the support on these posts! They have literally taken this site hostage until I can spew them all out. Good lord, I literally cannot post anything else - like at all. Have to get this out.
(Basically, I got my heart supremely broken a year and a half ago ... it actually was one of the reasons that I started this blessed little site. It's impairing my current OkCupid social experiment ... so I decided to grab this story by the balls and take ownership of it. These are a series of posts that I am doing to hash it out and make it tangible so I can move on since I can't afford therapy. FOR REALS!! That shit is expensive!!!)
Alrite, ready? Time to be fucking fabulous.
So, the chickadee that he went to that event to had a nickname, me and the English girls called her "brownie girl." Like literally, a chick that has brownies, not like a brownie girl as in the pre-girl scout chickadees cause like that would be weird and illegal, and very weird, and very very illegal.
After the mentalist went to that "networking" party, brownie girl hit him up to go to another event the following Friday. (My brain remembers the weirdest details when it comes to storytelling, I can actually tell you that they went out on a Friday. WEIRRRDDDD) This party however, he was definitely going as a plus one, and it was definitely a date. Again, we were not in an exclusive relationship by his definition. Which btw, is like the most evil thing you can do to a person that loves you. Even if you don't love them back ... you have to do them a favor and just let them be, or go away for a bit ... love can't just sort of process all out there by itself. Did he not see Jerry Maguire??? (Skip to 1:08)
He didn't call it a date to my face - he told me he was actually using her just for her contacts at this event. He's totally a charmer. I knew she was prolly bat shit crazy about him, but I dunno, my gut told me that if I slept in his bed none of it mattered. Go do your thing, it's part of your persona, it's part of what you do. Like, no literally, I get that shit. I am annoyingly a non-jealous human being when it comes to relationships - I frankly just.don't.care. He wanted the contacts this chick had, go for it man - its your karma in using people for shit like that. I feel like that's Hollywood 101, but whatevs - I'll judge you in silence with my judgey mcjudgerson eyes. JUDGEY MCJUDGERSON!!!
He leaves for the date by giving me this big kiss and yada yada yada. That night I was supposed to go somewhere. I forget where, but either way, my plans fell through. I plopped my lil fanny on his couch and started to read. hahaha it's a Friday night in Hollywood - I'm 24, of course I would be sitting on a couch reading. Dude, Outliers had just come out!!!! OMG OMG OMMMFFGGGGG love me some Gladwell!!!! I am not entirely unconvinced however that magical fairies don't live in his fro - it is pretty epic, and must include fairy dust. Duh.
Something happened with them after he left - she needed to come inside the house and do something ... or something ... I don't remember that part. But there I was reading, and a knock came at the door. It was brownie girl, with the mentalist not far in tow. I was like, you have GOT to be fucking kidding me! You're coming inside the house? Wait, are we about to meet? You the chick the dude that I love is using for the night for "contacts" - haha what does that even MEAN!!!
I open the door, and literally turn right around and sit back down. HAHAHA I was such a bitch, I didn't even introduce myself - like stone cold. I'm a very deliberate and willful person. I got a lot of love in my heart, but I can't do polite conversation - like at all. I really don't care who you are, you're being used ... and now I'm supposed to sit there and smile? WTF?!
She walks in the apartment literally like she owns the place. She goes over to the counter and places this tray of brownies down on the counter and then walks into his bedroom (the bedroom WE SHARE), to use the bathroom. There were so many things happening in this scenario, my brain hit overload. Who the fuck is this chick to stroll in like she owns the place? (See, what I'm doing there ... I'm being jealous. JEEAALLLOOOUUUSSS) It was weird, he told me she had never been here before ... swore up and down by it ... how the fuck did she know where the bathroom is, and why was she walking around so cool, calm, and collected? THIS IS WEIRD!!!
Oh yeah, wait a second too - WHO COOKS BROWNIES FOR A DATE?!?! Who even COOKS in Los Angeles!!!!!!!! Like literally, never. The only time I would ever even contemplate making brownies was when I was stoned out of my fucking mind, and dude, by cooking I mean grabbing one of those 5:00 microwaveable things from the store. These were like actual brownies, with actual ingredients, bought from an actual grocery store - not 7-11, in an ACTUAL CONTAINER WITH PINK SARAN WRAP OVER THEM!!!!!!!!!
She emerges from the bathroom super giddy to gift me with these brownies ... she goes, I heard you were here!! I am SOOOOO excited to meet his houseguests!!!!!!!! Are you guys having fun? I can't believe there are 4 of you living in this one bedroom! Super cozy! Are you all getting along?
Words were coming out of this chicks mouth, and literally, with each one a piece of me died. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!?!?!?!?! I fuck the dude that you're going out on this date with, please don't liquor him up too much ... his whiskey dick is meh.
The mentalist then walked into the apartment. He was standing by the door asking if she was ready to leave. She then goes, OH! I have a gift for you!!! Gift too? Wait what? I ... I ... I ... just wanted to read my book. Come to think of it I should have just walked into the bedroom or something and been all, sup bitch?! I sleep here ... but I didn't think of it. I very literally think she thought the 3 of us chicks slept on that queen sized air mattress - hahaha not kidding. Wow, super hot mental picture. TICKLE PARTYYYYY!!! K ... moving on ...
I grab my book and pretend to not be looking over. She gives him this magic set from like the 1800s - was no doubt super expensive, and super weird to just give to someone when you are on a date with them. This was what, their like first official date? A bit much, eh? Whatever, some bitches just can't hang organically.
So, they went to that event ... apparently she got a lil drunkey drunk and tried getting all up on him. Not like all, all up on him - but she took him to this lingerie show, and apparently tried getting him on the dance floor or whatever by swaying her sexiness in his face. He apparently wasn't having it. This is of course just the shit he spewed out to me. Lordy schmickmordy knows what actually went down.
He comes home, and we bone on the couch. It was the kind of bone that you're like fucking for freedom. I was angry - really angry. Who did this chick think that she was messin wit my man!! Again, looky looky who he came home to!?! (Dude, how can I say I am not a jealous person? Look at these words that are escaping my mouth. Insane.)
Couple days go by, and he gets a call from brownie girl - she wants her dish back. That woman is either one of the dumbest people on the planet, (like literally - she even pronounces her own name wrong. HAHAHAHA totally not even kidding. It's spelled Amber, but she goes hiiiiiii - my name is UMMBBEERRRR. It's like um, your last name is Spanish, you're not French bitch) or one of the smartest. She brought the dish so she could ask for it back and see him again. That insecure that your milkshake don't naturally bring all the boys to the yard??? SUCKKAAA!!! Dude, she was diabolical. I've literally never. ever. thought about doing that to a boy. Come to think of it, I wouldn't even ask for a dish back from one of my good friends. It's just one of those things ... leave it be.
They went back and forth, and back and forth for a bit. She kept wanting to "pop" by ... I kept wanting to pop her one. Isn't love grand!
I grilled him relentlessly on this chick. It just made no sense for her to do all of those things to someone that she just met. I POINT BLANK asked him one day when he was standing in the bathroom if he had ever even kissed anyone after me - he said no. I didn't think to ask if he had boned anyone else, figured that one was common knowledge. Dude, we didn't kiss but I totally put it in. I'm a lawyers daughter, I should have known to ask.
Something about this chick rubbed me the wrong way. Like literally, I can get along with anyone. Albeit, I was WAY more uptight then, but I've always been a nerdy hippie that just kinda went with the flow of it all. The things he told me about this chick made NO SENSE to the way she was acting. Again, this chick is either the most evil person on the planet, or the smartest and like buildings should be named after her, and a holiday should be created in her honor. Oh, and a parade. She totally needs a parade.
Needless to say, I was incredibly confused.
Dude, the brownies though ... not that bad. Thanks, bitch.
Alrite, gonna take a breather here. That was an intense story ... hahahaha!! Next up, I said goodbye to the English chicks, hello to two new lodgers from Minnesota - and brownie girl? HAHAHA she's not going anywhere. I was so fucking right about her.
Seriously guys ... thanks so so much for reading these posts, and for your support in me expressing this. I had ABSOLUTELY no idea I was harboring so much of this anger. This feels utterly amazing to let it out. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
This week actually didn't have much sex in it when speaking of work, and with most of my side projects being as far as they can be at the moment, I was left with a lot of free time; All moved, sites up to as far as it can be right now. Hmmm... What to do. Take up needle pointing seemed fun and boy did I do a lot of that this week!
People started asking me if they could buy them from me. Seems funny, a pornstar needling pointing video game characters when you say it out loud. So literally i only left my house once to go to the grocery store and each day the whole 3 blocks to my gym. Michael worked all week every day. Let me keep explaining around the point over and over.... I freaking bored! So bored I stayed in on Friday night (not that I really mind it one bit) I don't like having nothing to do one bit. It is a bit awkward staying at home, cooking meals, doing laundry, being over domestic while your boyfriend is having sex with a different girl each day. Not going to lie.
But Saturday rolled around and I finally made the effort to be social and release my cabin fever. First off Michael and I rode the carousel at the mall while eat corn dogs, they place actually had veggie corn dogs!!!! Sometimes it feels with we are kids dating with our large amount of toys and video games, then going and flying around the mall on a giant plastic horse. I love it. I also made biscuits from scratch for the first time. I was very proud of this fact.
Then we went to Bar Sinister. I really enjoy goth clubs, and i don't care that im not goth, but i love dancing to depeche mode and she wants revenge all night. Sue me. I really like this place because not only do they play great music but upstairs they do S&M shows and you can try it out. Since moving to LA, i've come to acquire a true fetish for the first time. I really enjoy being dominated. Now, I just started dabbling in this art. I'm not much for the heavy pain but i really enjoy the verbal domination. Being told what to do and when specifically. I, to, wondered how after all the sex i've had something as common as S&M as a fetish for my self seems mundane. I've been debating on why I have recently becoming so fascinated by it, is it because i always have to dictate my own life some having a situation where i'm out of control, i truly relax? I'll research this theory and get back with you.
Michael and I on the carousel ... clearly ...
Today I did film one scene for the Tosh.Oh Porn Parody, yes a porn about a clip show. It's hilarious actually, and Michael is playing Tosh. My scene was a blow job that was making fun of the worlds best blow job.
So it was slap happy and light hearted yet still had sex. One of the other scenes filmed was my friend pretended to be the "Star Wars Boy" but instead of a light saber being thrown around its a giant double sided dildo then of course a girl shows up and sex, just like real life.
Now its back to Monday and I go to San Francisco tomorrow to shoot for Kink as a submissive performer. Lets see what I learn this week....
This week was a rather uneventful week i think at first then I look back and see, wow i was actually really busy.
Here is me and the oh so classy Sean Michaels.I had sex twice this week for work, dozens of times for free. This week I finally got to shoot with Sean Michaels again. He's a personal favorite of mine. In between all the sex I started some new hobbies. I took up needle pointing. Mind you i've never done this before and I thought going with 8-bit characters would be the easiest thing to start with since its all a grid. Here ya have it, my almost done Super Mario! I'm pretty stoked on this. (see pic below) Its actually a lot of fun and very time consuming. I actually found myself not wanting to go to work so I could finish my picture.
Also, this week was St Pattys day, also know as I lose my phone for the first time ever day. Before I was even drunk. Weak. Luckily I was amiable for an upgrade anywho so it wasn't that torturous. I was more sadden by the loss of my G4 sticker on my old phone than anything. I was able to get most of my contacts back thus not losing most of my booty calls. (aka. xbl friends and by booty call i mean people that will play LIVE with me on Xbox)
Then, Saturday night, Jen and I actually go to hang out and Michael and I introduced her to Paz and Dr Susan Block! It was a lot of fun even though last minute Michael and I had to play king and queen in their play because they leads bailed last minute. Basically we got picked because we always have sex there too ha! And i don't even know if Jen knows this, I secretly banged michael in the middle of the room in front of everyone while looking like I was sitting in his lap! Not that we haven't banged in a room full of people before but it was fun hiding it. Then the evening was over and everyone went home. Boo.
So lessons I learned this week:
1. an enema does not take the place of a douche when prepping for anal scenes.
2. Beware of St Pattys day even with out drinking.
3. Even if a dude never speaks of a girlfriend or brings her around, ask him before trying to play matchmaker and feeling like a turd.
Also, got my Mega Man wall stickers from Think Geek finally up!
Michael and I walking the red carpet for St Pattys Porn Party, yes thats a hand up my dress.
Totally not even kidding either. Like, at all. I am going to try to explain how unbelievably BAT SHIT this night was, and it's not at all going to register. I present to you ladies and germs, my best attempt ... HIT IT LL!!!
OMG, I cannot believe I am even typing this ... Mom and Dad ... go away. Love you, so so much but leave. Like now.
Alrite, so @meowmistidawn is totes mcgotes one of the gnarliest human beings on the planet. Like for reals, I adore her ... cause this all went down because of her. She's BFFs with @drsuzy and @drsuzy hosts this radio sex show every Saturday night from this warehouse in downtown LA. She tweeted me saying she'd love to have me on the show, but apparently wanted to meet me or something first. Totally understand - she has a very specific clientele. I get it. She then invited me to come down tonight with Misti and her boyfriend Michael to get acquainted.
Dude, I had no idea how acquainted we were all going to get.
Cue 4sq checkin:
HAHAHA, I was wearing a blazer - albeit with a skin tight micro mini ...
... I thought I was going to a radio show interview - TOTALLY DID NOT ANTICIPATE THE MASSIVE ORGY IN THE ROOM!!!
Dr. Suzy was celebrating the Purim, and was reinacting a live action role play of the story. No joke ... look at this!
Per Wiki
Purim Story: The Book of Esther begins with a six month (180 day) drinking feast given by King Ahasuerus, for the army of Persia and Media, for the civil servants and princes in the 127 provinces of his kingdom, at the conclusion of which a seven day drinking feast for the inhabitants of Shushan, rich and poor with a separate drinking feast for the women organised by the Queen Vashti in the pavilion of the Royal courtyard.
At this feast Ahasuerus gets thoroughly drunk and orders his wife Vashti to display her beauty before the people and nobles wearing her royal crown. She refuses, and Ahasuerus decides to remove her from her post. He then orders all young women to be presented to him, so he can choose a new queen to replace Vashti. One of these is Esther, who was orphaned at a young age and was being fostered by her cousin Mordecai. She finds favor in the king's eyes, and is made his new wife. Esther does not reveal that she is Jewish.
Shortly afterwards, Mordecai discovers a plot by courtiers Bigthan and Teresh to kill Ahasuerus. They are apprehended and hanged, and Mordecai's service to the king is recorded.
Ahasuerus appoints Haman as his prime minister. Mordecai, who sits at the palace gates, falls into Haman's disfavor as he refuses to bow down to him. Having found out that Mordecai is Jewish, Haman plans to kill not just Mordecai but the entire Jewish minority in the empire. He obtains Ahasuerus' permission to execute this plan, and he casts lots to choose the date on which to do this - the thirteenth of the month of Adar. When Mordecai finds out about the plans he orders widespread penitence and fasting. Esther discovers what has transpired; she requests that all Jews of Shushan fast and pray for three days together with her, and on the third day she seeks an audience with Ahasuerus, during which she invites him to a feast in the company of Haman. During the feast, she asks them to attend a further feast the next evening. Meanwhile, Haman is again offended by Mordecai and builds a gallows for him.
That night, Ahasuerus suffers from insomnia, and when the court's records are read to him to help him sleep, he learns of the services rendered by Mordecai in the previous plot against his life. Ahasuerus is told that Mordecai had not received any recognition for saving the king's life. Just then, Haman appears, and King Ahasuerus asks Haman what should be done for the man that the King wishes to honor. Thinking that the King is referring to Haman himself, Haman says that the honoree should be dressed in the king's royal robes and led around on the king's royal horse. To Haman's horror, the king instructs Haman to do so to Mordecai.
Later that evening, Ahasuerus and Haman attend Esther's second banquet, at which she reveals that she is Jewish and that Haman is planning to exterminate her people, which includes her. Ahasuerus instead orders Haman hanged on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai. The previous decree against the Jews could not be annulled, so the King allows Mordecai and Esther to write another decree as they wish. They write one that allows the Jews to defend themselves during attacks. As a result, on 13 Adar, five hundred attackers and Haman's ten sons are killed in Shushan. Throughout the empire 75,000 of the Jews' enemies are killed (Esther 9:16). On the 14th, another 300 are killed in Shushan. No spoils are taken.
Mordecai assumes the position of second in rank to Ahasuerus, and institutes an annual commemoration of the delivery of the Jewish people from annihilation.
Yeah, all that plus dildo scepters ... LOOK!
Dr. Suzy is Dr. Suzy Block circa the mid 90s on HBO. Dude, when I was 14, she definitely taught me how to give a BJ. Not like I actually acted upon it until later in life since I was a prude Jude, but the educational component of it was fascinating. For reals, this lady knows her stuff!!!
It was insane. Literally, I get there, and 5 minutes later I hear this chick who was supposed to play the Queen backed out at the last minute, and they asked me if I would play her part. The requirements were that I would have to be naked, but sex was totally optional.
5 minutes ... this was asked of me in the FIRST FIVE MINUTES!!!!
I apologized and declined the offer to seduce the king, and be stripped while hanging from this massive X on stage. Hot, I know ... like normally totally game for some kinky ass shit, but live on a web cam - I totally wussed out. I was honestly just trying to absorb as much of the environment as I could, it was SUCH an interesting place - there was clearly a sexual undertone, but it wasn't energy based; it was just sort of there, in the background. You kinda forgot about it since the people there just didn't obsess over it, they just let it organically happen.
And then ... the inevitable occurred ...
Only in LA would you be invited to a 50 person orgy and just so happen to bump into someone you know! Like really?!?! Is this happening?!?!
Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
I'm not gonna lie though, it was INCREDIBLY awkward for me at first. Every time I was standing somewhere alone someone would come up to me. Of course, in a totally loving and accepting way - this place was seriously a house of looovvvvveeeeeeee ... but I like being a fly on the wall. I like to watch and observe, then come up with a plan of attack. I was out of my element, DEFINITELY out of my comfort zone, and dude, people were totally boning and like on fire!
This chick was wrapped in saran wrap and then whipped with a cat and nine tails. I'm not even kidding you when I say that was one of the hottest things I have ever seen.
It was a really really really interesting performance. Again, everyone there was so free spirited and so tapped into their feeding their animalist and carnal desires in the rawest form that I have ever seen. I don't know how else to say it, but until you experience something like this you can't understand how this wasn't sexual it was just art and expression. Hey, I consider search engine optimization and social media marketing an art, to each their own baby!
The orgy did not turn me on ... like at all. I felt like I was watching animals play around with each other, and I was the curmudgeon zoo keeper with a habit for picking noses and wedgies. It was really fucking weird. Well, weird isn't a good word - more like a very new life experience that I did not expect to have.
Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
ANNNNDDDD you guys aren't going to believe it, but I totally bumped into @pazpaz there as well! In the smallest world ever category, he's besties with Misti's bf Michael. Dude, I got SO many emails and tweets when he stole Paris' birthday cake last month from you all that we should totally meet. How friggen random was that? Yep, city of 8 million ... clearly that was bound to happen.
Really nice dude, btw. Like crazy, retarded smart. Like crazy crazy retarded smart, but very unassuming about it which of course makes it all that much hotter. Very intriguing individual, and very open minded - clearly.
He gave me a ride home as we don't live far from each other, but picking up his gf from a club on the way back was just weird. Dude, how do you explain to your gf that heyyyyyyyyyy, we were just at this orgy - totally didn't bone, but yeah ... wasn't sexual at all ... was just looking around.
HAHAHA!! omg I was dying. That chick did not like me. At all. I was watching her facial reactions to things I was saying, and her face had anger and disgust written all over it. Sweet girl, I'm sure ... like I ain't mad at anyone ... but the poor dear had a bad night, needed to be picked up from a club and then hears all about this orgy from this random chick that's sitting in the front seat next to her boyfriend.
Hall of fame for awkwardness - forrrrrrrr sure!!!
Amazing. What a night. I was laughing when we were driving over there - I just kept saying I had no idea what to expect but was at least hoping I could get a post from whatever experience I was going to have.
Monday, April 4, 2011 at 1:34PM
