Breaking down the female #orgasm while sitting in sock mokey PJs

(I feel like this one was a given, but mom and dad if you're reading - please stop. thanks! love you!)

Among my many groups of friends, I am always the sex-pert. Everyone asks me everything about sex, and all the finny ninny goings ons. I don't consider myself a seasoned expert, but I am absurdly curious, and have most likely googled a lot of obscure shit, AND I'm freakishly candid so I have no problem telling peeps what I found. That being said, one of the things that I just have to shed light upon is the female orgasm. From my guy friends, to my girlfriends there are DEFINITELY some serious misconceptions.

I can have an orgasm through intercourse, which only about 30% of women can. Not being special, just being awesome - I can pinpoint the fact that it came from emotional maturity and a general comfort within myself through and through.

I lost my virginity at 16 (I was about to move to NYC and for some god awful reason thought that people would be able to "smell" that I was a virgin, and I would end up doing something stupid. So I totally just boned my prom date, and then didn't have sex again until I was almost 19 because he was just so damn big, I was like ummmmmm no. PAINFUL!), but I didn't experience my first orgasm from sex until I was 24.

I've masturbated since my early teens, so I always knew that at least for me, I could have an orgasm. Yay! Crazy to think that people can't even experience that ... but hey, man - it happens.

I remember the day incredibly well ... I was dating the mentalist at the time, and I was just head over heels, yay life this is it for me kinda kooky crazy. I felt unbelievably comfortable with him, because he was in fact a mind reader; I felt like I couldn't hide anything from. The freedom was liberating.

We were on the couch, and I'm assuming because I was able to control the rhythm by being on top I was in fact able to reach orgasm. It was insane ... it was intense. I knew I was getting close, my arms started to tense, and I felt this incredible rush, but it's SUCH an emotional thing for a chick to have an orgasm in front of someone, I cannot stress that ENOUGH! It was in that moment, for the first time, I felt like I really could just let go with this person and have this experience in front of him.

When you masturbate as a female, you never really know "what is right?" It's very different with women since we are physically all so different down there. And when we're having sex, we're always in our heads of how our body looks in whatever crazy sexual position you are in, what we sound like ... its super lame. Right there in that moment, I did not care and I did not think - I just felt ... BAM! It was also the perfect storm for me hormonally as well. My brain was secreting endorphins from being in love, and I was nearing my period so my body was CHARGED.

I remember right after, I felt so excited literally - haha, but also so vulnerable. This was something I had done alone in my room with the doors locked. Now someone saw that? There was definitely a moment of shame, but that was immediately taken over by this surge of power. This moment of holy shit! I can totally have an orgasm from sex! Let's do it again!!!

Studies have shown in both sexes, activity in the amygdala, which processes fear and anxiety, was reduced during an orgasm. I felt SOOOOOOO comfortable with this person, that my brain was literally for the first time, able to allow this experience to occur. Nuts.

What I wasn't prepared for, was the next stage ... the release of oxytocin. See, when a woman reaches orgasm (ESPECIALLY the first time in front of another person), a bond is created because of a chemical that is released in her brain called oxytocin.

Per psych central: In humans, oxytocin is thought to be released during hugging, touching, and orgasm in both sexes. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and may be involved in the formation of trust between people and generosity.

I was screwed. Literally. HA! I was not only COMPLETELY blind by all the going ons with him and other women, my body could only respond to him sexually. When I masturbated, I thought about him (which is weird, because normally for me, there is a distinct separation between what you watch when you masturbate and the person you are in the relationship with. Fuck though, if they wanna watch some porn too, even better! But it appeases a very different desire, and I am of the strictest belief that watching porn is completely natural, and not cheating. Like at all. Even just typing that felt completely absurd.), and clearly I wasn't having sex with anyone else. I had given him this power that he was the one person that was able to make me have an orgasm. Intense.

Then when we broke up, I went through 70,000 stages of denial, and wondering wtf is going on. Again, being cheated on, or as he puts it, in a one sided open relationship is weird. Because of the chemistry that was pumping through my body I was COMPLETELY blindsided. Dude, the Easter Bunny could have been sitting behind me boning the tooth fairy, and I would have believed that more. The result was a severe severe severe sexual depression. I lost my orgasm - no joke. I quickly had rebound sex, (sans orgasm) but then was left in this weird haze of void. I couldn't masturbate because it just felt so different, and I sincerely wondered if I ever could even have an orgasm again. Worst. Time. Ever.

Flash forward about 7 months, over the summer I dated this guy for a bit and he was incredibly well endowed. Like, I'm not even kidding you, he should prolly have his own line of dildos. We had been spending a lot of time together, and I was totally falling for this dude ... but you add something like that into the equation? And GOOD LORD you have a recipe for awesome. We were in Vegas, and I remember so clear the first time that it was yep, this is happening. I honestly felt so grateful to this guy because of the fact that I was able to reach orgasm with someone else. I took my own power back!!! Orgasms from intercourse returned!!! BIG DEAL! BIG BIG DEAL!! Had less to do with him, and more to do with the way that our bodies were very compatible. Very compatible. It was great, but bless the dudes heart - he did a few things that weren't kosher in my book from a personal boundary standpoint, so alas! I ended it. Sucked, but at that point, I was just glad that I could have that experience with more than ONE PERSON in this world. That is way too much power to give to someone. But hey, you live, you learn.

Moving on a bit more ... I recently dated this guy that again, head over heels, what magical tree did you come from, and are there more of you - type thing ... and bam! Orgasm. This time though, it was different.

I've never been a fan of oral. Love giving, receiving was always pretty meh in my book. It tickled and got me really excited, but I never ever ever thought I would be able to orgasm from it - I needed more pressure. One night we didn't have a condom, so sex was a no go. I, however, was like literally feeling delirious from being so turned on; he started going down on me. I kid you not, I reached an orgasm in less than 5 minutes. He's very in tune. He didn't go down there thinking he knew what to do, he sort of explored and watched my reactions to various stimulants. Dude, so fucking hot. HAHA! I carry that visual with me every.single.day. RAWR!

So, what's the take away from all of this?

You need to have a conversation with your partner about things that turn you on. You HAVE to be in tune to each other's bodies and movements. You may think you know what works for someone, and come to find out - it doesn't. That doesn't make you a bad lover, it just means you two are going to have to vibe each other out, and even talk about what does work.

There's no shame in it - never apologize for pleasure. Articulate it!

You have to do you own homework as a female and figure out what turns you on, what revs those engines so you can then find a partner that you want to share that with. DO NOT EVER FAKE AN ORGASM!! You are denying yourself and your partner this chance to experience something great if you do.

You have to feel incredibly comfortable with your partner, as again, fear and anxiety are reduced during orgasm; but bottom line, you gotta OWN IT! Own your sexuality ... explore it, it's trial and error FOR SURE! The more repressed you are of your sexual desires the more you are denying yourself a fulfilled life. I know people have their own religious and blah blah blah whatever hang ups, I'm not talking to you people ... for everyone else, OWN IT!!!! Life is too short man, and the female orgasm is a very very very good thing to experience. Changed sex for me, COMPLETELY!!!! And people are oddly way more attracted to you because you have this allure and this unshakeable confidence.

So rad. Yay life!

#nerdsunite

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: El Guincho- Bombay

Oh my gatos. So much going on ... my head is spinning. Literally, I just went all Linda fucking Blair. EEEEEPPPPPPPPP!!!!

haha no for reals, we've got a lot of really cool stuff coming up that I can't wait to announce. Good stuff el nerderinos, good stuff.

Dude, totally saw Unknown tonight - AHMAZING! Great flick, the suspense killed me. Not quite as bad as The Walking Dead, cause good LOOOORRRDDDDDDD my heart pounds watching that show. Freaks me out ... a lot.

Going out on an OKC date tomorrow. Kinda glad, kinda sad. I'm just really angry at the timing of all of this. Timing is my thing, like my THINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG; why would you contact someone if you were in that kind of state. That's just the chick in me that feels a bit hurt, the logical part of me recognizes that chemistry is intangible, and he had no idea what he was getting himself into. It just pisses me off man, a lot. I don't find what I have with that dude very often. He's just not in a clear space right now. The friend in me wants to respect, the chick in me just feels really sad. I haven't seen him since it all went down either. We chat a lot, but its not the same. I'm a visual person. Ugh, it makes me sad ... soooooooo saddddddddddddddddddddddd ... I don't think I can properly articulate just how sad it makes me feel. Bah. This too shall pass. I dunno, I'm going to remind myself to not get on iChat to talk to him for a bit, and just give it all some time. We were texting that to each other last night, but well, I was under the influence of a solid sip of moonshine. HOLY FUCKING SHIT that stuff is CRAZY!!! Was hanging out with some good ol' country boys last night in downtown LA for a singles party. DUDE! And these guys there TOTALLY busted out with an OWLE bubo. I shit you not. I LOST MY MOTHER EFFIN MIND!!

I immediately popped on my phone and texted the pic to Graham and Harold. I was like STFFUUUUUU!!! This is AWESOME!! And dude, they loveeeeeeeeeeeee their OWLE. I felt so proud! I was like oh, but dude, you have no idea the work that went into that thing, and how rad the guys are behind it - blah blah blah. AHMAZING! I have serious nerd love for my OWLE buddies.

For reals, check 'em out in action over yonder!

They're such wackos. I love 'em ... RAAWWRRRRRRR!!!

Dude, it was a crazy weird thing to say to my mom today that "I'm going to the Oscars." You dream of saying something like that, but when it's actually there, it just doesn't click. So weird, all of this is still so weird to me and so completely illogical. It's just effortless. I'm doing what I'm doing anyway, and the action of it inspires people to either want to help, or just be a part of the story. It's so rad, and blows me away. Super super super grateful, and honored for this opportunity. Bat shit, fucking bat shit.

Wow, I'm going to the oscars ... still have to figure out the dress. HMMMMMMMMMMMM ... put out a bunch of feelers, but gotta see what bites. Super fucking stoked to livestream it too, dude, I'm going to be allowed to do interviews and what not as well. Epic epic epic-ness.

Great day, great night - feel partially like I'm spinning, but I'm just gonna go with it.

One love one life #namaste

#NerdLove: I carry your heart with me - E.E. Cummings

Scuse please.

Ummmm ... exxxx .... cuuusseeeeee .... plllleeaaassseeeeeeeee. 

I have a poem I would like to share with you all, my Valentines, on this wonderously lovey dovey day. For reals, this is my favorite poem ever ever ever ... and yeah, it makes me melt.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Damnit, now I'm melting.

#bastard

All you need is #love ...

Commercialization ... clearly. Shortest. Post. Ever. HAHA!

No for reals though, I've gotten to thinking a lot about this blessed little holiday as of late, since this is my thing ... I am the queen of never having a Valentine. Tonight I got to thinking that maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just looking at the scenario the wrong way.

I am never one to want to be in a relationship. Seriously, as a kid, never dated in high school ... barely dated in my early 20s ... mid 20s, pretty much the same, relationships are for other people. I've never been one to search them out, and if they happened rad, if not awesome. I'm very meh on the entire dating scenario entirely. People fall in love, and just get WEEIIIIIIRRRRRDDDDDDD! I know because I was one of 'em!

Each year however, around Valentines day, I go bat shit; I am reminded of my lifestyle choice. I don't regret it 364 days out of the year, but on that 365th, it hits me pretty hard. Pretty hard ... good lord who am I kidding; it hits me very hard.

I grew up with two madly in love parents. Seriously ... to this day when I head home, my brother and I remind them to get a room. My parents have the most incredible, beautiful, and special kind of love. Novels have been written about their kind of love, kiddies. My parents met in grade school, were each other's ones, onlys, and everything since well, grade school. I grew up with that as my example of love, peppered in with every Disney movie imaginable. Hahaha, side note, you know what was really sick growing up? In elementary and early middle school (I moved in 8th grade), EVVERRRRYYY kid's parents were divorced, or separated ... and I was literally made fun of for having parents still together. It was like, hahaha you have TWO parents that come to every recital, parent teacher conference, and award ceremony - hahaha what a losseerrrrrr with TWO parents.

My parents are complete freaks of nature with their kind of love, and its amazing. My dad celebrates every year their first kiss (Feb 2nd GO JEN GO! Bet YOUUUU don't remember that one Michael ... suckkaa), first date, when they first went steady, and of course anniversary. My dad celebrates my mom everyday, but ESPECIALLY on Valentines day; it's a big deal at Casa de Friel.

I grew up with a very intense version of love, and I've never wanted to settle for less. Well, let's face the facts on the guys that I've dated ... in the past, yes, I've settled for less. Now? Not so much. My dad is fucking Casanova, really? Like any dude had a chance?

I've decided that this year, I am going to stop trying to compare myself to the kind of love my parents have, and DEFINITELY stop feeling sorry for myself for not having a Valentine. I have a different kind of love in my life, and it is you all. I know I can be bratty at times, and stuck in my own little world ... I know our conversations can be very one sided, and go off on a tangent every other post, we might fight periodically, and threaten to go our separate ways - but at the end of the day, there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much love, it is UNDENIABLE!! Seriously, you guys make my LIFE! I can't STAND IT!

Dude, I can't even begin to count how many of you offered to be my Valentine from all over the WORLD! I mean, come ON! We have so much love goin on around these parts, it blows my effin mind!! Isn't that what Valentines day is all about, the love? Who cares if it comes from a guy you're dating or not, it's still there!!

Whether this year you are dating someone or not, know that if you're reading this, you are held deep in my heart, and you are greatly appreciated and loved. Life is lived in the moment. And in this moment, I am grateful. Thanks, nerds! Happy Valentines Day!

Everything I do, I do it for you all ... 

xoxo #nerdsunite

This is happening ...

I'm currently working on this super gnarly social media bible for the pilot (which parts of it I will be able to share with you all, just as a basic 101. I know Mashable has really really really awesome articles on it and everything, this is just a crash course for some dude that got released from a third world prison after a 10 year sentence). Keeping it simple stupid. Gotta educate the suits as much as possible.

Either way ... this just came on Pandora, and OOOMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG I'm loving it. Between this and the blueberry green tea going down into my belly, I am one content little nerdling. Enjoy!!

Take your passion, make it happen, and get 'er done! WAHOO!!

#nerdsunite