#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

In my life things tend to happen when I absolutely least expect it, in ways I could have never dreamed up, with people that I never thought possible. It is a trip. Life has a way of flying in like a whirlwind, spinning me around, throwing me off path, and then putting me back down to look around. That is where I am today. I am amazed at how quickly life can change, it is astounding. 

With 10 weeks left on my mission, it happened to me. Life came in. Life came in to ask me how important this mission is to me. Is it so important to finish out the next 10 weeks being "man-free", or should I tread headlong on the path to possibility? There have been many enticing situations along the way, but nobody has caught my attention enough to make me really consider how little or how much 10 weeks matters in the grand scheme of life....until now. Until now, the idea of possibility was just that-and idea. Here I sit today with real, true possibility and the only thing standing in the way is the 10 short weeks I have left to complete this mission. So, I ask myself? What is 10 weeks? Is it worth it? I feel like the only thing that holds any true worth in life is connection, and at this point on my mission, and in my life I can't turn my back on it. So, modifications and amendments will have to be made for the remainder of my "6 Month NO MAN mission". When something special comes along, there is no damn way I can turn my back on it just to prove a point to myself, or anyone else for that matter.

I realize that I have many people watching, and holding me accountable to my mission, but at what point do I draw the line? At what point do I take my life out of the close watch of those who are getting much more pleasure out of my mission than I am? When is time to just let it be, to not fight the natural order of life? When is it time for me to let go and let live? The time is now, because that is all any of us have. 

My name is Tiffany, and I am basking in possibility.  

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (Drinking is bad..mmmmmkay)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

I am pretty proud of myself. Since I have been virtually "Man-Free" over the past few weeks, I have had several opportunities to break my mission. I have been faced with decisions that would either keep me on my path or completely derail me.

On Saturday night, I had three choices to choose from after my "Girls Night Out". I could have met up with "Trainer", go over to another boy's house who will go unnamed for the moment, or meet up with "Dirty Bob". If I had chosen option A, or B, I probably would have ended up breaking my mission in some way. Instead I chose the safest option, which was to hang out with "Dirty Bob". "Dirty Bob" is safe because we are homies and nothing more. When I hang out with "DB" it is like I am hanging out with my best girlfriend only I get to hear the perspective from a guy's point of view. It is pretty damn invaluable. The only issue when "DB" and I hang out is that everyone thinks we are a couple. I find myself having to let people know that we are not together. I mean, I am on a "NO MAN MISSION" but it is pretty close to being over, so we can't be messing up my game or his! "DB" devised a plan to tell everyone that we are cousins. Brilliant. The point is, I was a good girl and resisted my urges. I stuck to my guns. I chose the safe option, even though I am so ready to break my mission. I didn't. Victory! Growth is happening ladies and gentlemen.

Even though major growth is happening, I need to keep myself in check. I know how I get. That is precisely the reason I choose not to drink in certain company. I am already pretty filter-less so when I drink, all bets are off. It's like the bad girl is just beneath the surface and even the slightest enticing situation mixed with alcohol unleashes the beast inside. Especially these days. I figured it out yesterday. I was baffled as to why I am okay most of the time, but there is about one week every month that I am a force to be reckoned with. During that time, I have animalistic desires and everyone knows it. It is the week of ovulation that makes  women (me) like this, we are wired to find a man to impregnate us during that magical time of month. Shit, knowing that is enough for me to abstain. The last thing I need is a baby. Wouldn't that be the ultimate Karma for breaking my mission?! Damn, if there was ever a good reason not to break it, that is it!

Last night I made the biggest leaps and bounds yet. I had a happy hour event with all of my yogi peeps and throughout the course of 7 hours, I had only one alcoholic beverage. I behaved myself, and I did not do or say anything in the dark that I would regret in the light. Shit, yeah! Don't think I wasn't enticed, because I was, oh was I ever!!! It took great will power for me to remain on the light side of myself. A couple crazy nights will do that to a good/bad girl. So, I guess I should be thankful for the crazy times during my mission, because it taught me to keep myself under control. Hey, sometimes a girl has to crash and burn before she can rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.

My name is Tiffany, and I have 10 more weeks on my "6 Month NO MAN Mission". Think I can do it?!

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (girl power)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

Today I felt down, out, and even a little lost as I wandered aimlessly around town in an effort to follow my spirit, because some days this girl just doesn't know what she wants. Everything feels scattered and fuzzy lately. I partially blame it on the planetary aspects that are going on, but on a not so "new agey" level, I think it is where I am at on my mission.

I have had many ups and downs during the past 13 weeks. Freedom, loss, independence, loneliness, happiness, sadness, clarity, and confusion. Lately I have vacillated between the idea of cutting my mission short or modifying it, to being the strong girl I know I am and completing what I set out to do. Really, what is 3 months? I have my whole life to date, navigate love, and ultimately be in a relationship. Three months feels like a long time, but oddly enough, 11 weeks doesn't.

After my experience of cutting the chord with "Someone", to my learning lesson with "Trainer", to the craziness of "Autumn" I am in a strange spot. I know that all of these experiences were an integral part of my mission and growing process. I am thankful for them, but now that the dust has settled, I feel like the true process has begun. There are no distractions, so I find myself looking for one. It is easy for me to find something attractive about guys I would never think twice about in the past. It's very interesting to me because I see what I am doing. The real test is for me to not act on my weakness, because that is why I set out to do this mission in the first place. Not to have some superficial crap that won't lead to anything.

All of this awareness came today after a long day of wandering. Eventually, I wandered to a power sculpt class at the studio and that was the point where my day completely turned around. I am amazed by and so lucky to have these beautiful people in my life. Being in the presence of those women made me feel completely loved and helped me to realize so many things in the short time I was there. I learned that I can get through anything with the support of loving people who are true and genuine. I realized that I have been spending way too much time alone. I was reminded that having strong, inspiring women in my life on a regular basis is absolutely necessary, and I got some really great insight on where I am at on my mission.

When I told the girls how I was feeling about my mission, they snapped into immediate sister action. The best analogy I got about my plight is this- Where I am at on my mission is like being on day 5 of a cleanse. The very scent of any food smells amazing, even if you never liked that food before, you want it, crave it, salivate over it. Then when you cave and eat the prune (which you would never touch regularly) you realize, shit, I don't like prunes, why did it seem so enticing?

I am willing to bet that if I broke my mission I would feel like I just ate a prune. Shitty. I know that a lot of what I write about sounds very painful, and it is to a degree, but only because I am growing. Some would argue that I am going against the natural order of things by being so strict with myself, and I would agree on certain days-but knowing myself the way I do, and having the awareness that I have been looking for a distraction so that it would be easier to complete my "no man mission"-I know that I have finally come to the place on my mission where the true, exponential growth opportunity is. So, I am changing my focus, since I get to decide what I focus on. Instead of looking at every guy and wondering if he is my next distraction, I am turning to my ladies. I am going to reach out and let my distraction be beautiful friendships, with women. I would rather have that then the quick fix that a man offers. Now that I think of it, my longest relationships have been my friendships with women, and ya know what, they have been the most enriching and rewarding relationships too.

My name is Tiffany, and I feel like I have taken a breath of amazingly fresh air. I am so thankful for you beautiful ladies, every single last one of you.

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (growing pains)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

This weekend was the first time during my entire "6 Month NO MAN mission" that I was truly "man free".

Friday night was wonderful. I had a near perfect day on Saturday, and I attribute it to the fact that I didn't make any plans, rather I just went wherever my spirit called. I couldn't have predicted just how awesome my day would be on Saturday. I knew inside that I should just go home at the end of it, but I didn't listen to my spirit. Instead I agreed to join my beautiful "Blue" for drinks at the premier date spot in Encinitas. I made two mistakes simultaneously. First of all, choosing to go out when I knew that a peaceful night at home was what my spirit called for. Second, thinking it would be a good idea to go to a date spot to have drinks when I am single, alone, with no prospects of new love, and totally missing life in relationship-town.

I arrived first and as I looked around, the high that I was riding from my amazing day quickly went on a steady decline. Everywhere I looked were couples, people on first dates, people on third dates, groups of couples having a nice dinner together, and there I was alone. By the time "Blue" arrived I was so anxious that I could hardly hold a conversation with her. I was so preoccupied with people watching and wondering if the love of my life was going to walk through the door, (all the while knowing that he wouldn't) that I couldn't just be present with her. After the first glass of wine, I was feeling better so I ordered us another round as well as a ridiculously gluttonous dessert-which I ate every last bite of, alone. Half way through the second drink, "Blue" was texting her new man, making plans for him to pick her up. I started to panic, knowing that I could not drive home because I am tiny and definitely over the legal limit, knowing that she was going to get swooped up by her man and I was painfully alone. It didn't help that within the past 24 hours I had began texting with my ex again for the first time in a month because it was his birthday. I could feel my shoulders tensing up, and my heart falling into my stomach. I felt trapped. Trapped in the cold reality of truly being "man free". I have to be honest, I really don't like being "man free".

So, here I am half way through my "6 Month NO MAN mission" and I feel like for the first time I am actually doing what I planned to do on this mission-and I don't like it. I'm sure it is just a transitional thing, I will settle into this place and get used to it, but for now, I am bummed out. I am clearly aware of the lessons that I am learning right now and I know it is all part of a very transformational process for me, but growing hurts. That's why the term "growing pains" exists. I am having growing pains. I think what did me in last night is the fact that for the first time I didn't have a distraction. I have always had a guy that could distract me from the lonely feelings, so I never truly felt alone. Last night, I felt alone, and it is a good thing. As much as it sucked, I am glad that "Trainer" didn't answer me, or that "Someone" was at a concert, and that "Spiritual Gangster" was up to his own shenanigans. I needed to have a night like last night, to learn and grow.

The positive spin on this whole thing? There are lots of positives, but the biggest is that I'm not really alone. I have my homie Tim (baby daddy) and my beautiful son. Instead of taking a cab home, I called Tim and he came and picked me up, and brought my car home so that I could get to work in the morning. So, you see, I am not alone-but Tim and I have already had our time together, we are simply the best of friends...so I am still waiting, and longing for my one true love to appear in my life. I know that as long as I am hoping for him, he won't show up. I realize this, but I am nothing if not blatantly honest, so I have no problem admitting that truly all I want in my life is- LOVE- real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other, love.

My name is Tiffany and I am having growing pains.

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (this girl is cray cray)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

Today is one of those days when I realized how often I use the word "crazy". It makes me think that I might indeed be "crazy"! Ha, ha, I think we have all established that already! Today, spontaneously at work I started to use the term "Cray Cray" instead of crazy. Wtf? Honestly, I was getting on my own nerves by the end of the day, but at the time it was funny and it served a very valuable purpose. Stay with me...

They say that thoughts attract things, what you say will be, and what you think about, you bring about, etc etc. So, if I am saying crazy as much as I said "Cray Cray" today then I must be attracting a whole lotta crazy into my life. Now that I think of it, shit, I am. Ahh, the joys of realizations I have after spending most of my waking hours alone for the past 4 days, and a nice bottle of Pinot on a rainy Friday night. Gotta freakin' love it.

This week, I spent most of my time on the couch watching movies because I was sick for the first time in a year. I have never valued my health more than I do today. Funny how that happens. Anyway, today was the first day that I felt normal in exactly a week. After I unleashed "Autumn" my body was in revolt. I didn't feel semi-normal until Monday, and by then I could feel that I was succumbing to a sickness I didn't want to admit I had. Damn it! By Tuesday, I was glued to my couch with my down comforter, pillow, and way too many chick flicks. It was "Cray Cray", yo! Wednesday, I decided it would be a good idea to take a hot yoga class, I am here to tell you folks, it is NOT a good idea to do that when you are fiercely fighting off the cold demons. The hot yoga class knocked me on my ass, enter, another long date with my couch and romantic comedies. The worst part about this whole thing is that I had writers block the whole time. So, here I am stuck at home, with just enough energy to be awake, but not enough energy to do anything else. I was officially in hell. Going "crazy" if you will. Yep, that's what happened, I went crazy because I was stuck at home for 2 days straight with little to no human contact other than the Hollywood blockbusters I became very intimate with. Damn You, Hollywood! Watching chick flicks for two days straight is enough to make any sane woman turn Cray Cray! Shit, yo! The craziest thing about my week being so "Cray Cray" is that it was totally f'n crazy and you don't even know it!

By Thursday, I had enough. I was kicking this bitches ass out. I got up, taught a yoga class and went on with my life. My writer's block was lifted and I was back in action. By the time I went to bed late night Thursday night, I had taken a kick ass Power Sculpt class, went for a long walk with Maggie (my new dog), did normal "Mom" stuff,  written about "The Return of Autumn",  and made a playlist for the first time in two months. I was on a serious roll. It was "Cray Cray"! OMG, Shut up, Tiff! The cool thing about being home, single, and keeping company with my blog, red wine, and my new playlist on a Friday night is that nothing can bring me down. I am able to get really f'n honest and not give a shit. I love it. It is my "crazy" outlet, and I am psyched that this is what I ended up doing with my Friday night.

My name is Tiffany, and this f'n life is Cray Cray!

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!