#Status: single 6 month no man mission (Prone to Shenanigans & Malarky)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

I sent this in a text to three of my girlfriends after a long day at home with my sick son who slept all day due to an illness. Days like today are good, to slow me down, to force me to relax, to reflect, meditate, do yoga on my back patio, and by then end of it go right the fuck out of my mind!

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Overview of my night. 1. My 15.5 year old is sick w/a stomach bug sleeping all day, so I don't leave the house. 2. Bored to death by 5pm after an entire day @ home basically alone. 3. Poor a glass of wine & tune into my ex-husband’s radio show in RI (Rhode Island). 3. Start to get nostalgic for him and proceed to email him once & text him 12 times. Yes, 12 times...with no response. 3. Give up and go sit on my front patio w/a glass of red & bowl of popcorn. 4. Hot neighbor whom I have lived across from for 1.5 years but barely spoke to until the other day leaves his house. 5. Talk to said hot neighbor for over an hour about life, love, relationships, sex, pot, and everything in between. 6. We exchange numbers…but he assures me that he is indeed not looking for anything in the relationship department (sigh). 7. Get text from hot neighbor saying that we talked about sex & pot for an hour (what?) (That is ALL we talked about? I think not) and now he is having a hard time focusing. 8. I consider that the hot neighbor could just want to have sex w/me and honestly that doesn't sound that bad right now if I didn't have an ugly, but unpoppable zit on my left nostril...oh the joys of being single.

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Now, let me be clear. I would not have sex with my hot neighbor. Well, never say never, but the point is, I would have definitely taken him up on his offer to hang out. Also, WTF?! I haven't texted my ex-husband in years. We have had little contact for at least 2 years. We split up 4 years ago. Why the hell did I decide that today was the day that I should text him, not once, but 12 fucking times, and an email! Yes, in this sentence FUCK needs to be used because it is that god damn ridiculous! I am not to be trusted to be left to my own device for this many monotonous hours on end. Don't get me wrong, I had a great day. It was wonderful and welcomed to relax in the capacity that I did. It felt good to be here for my son. Yes, he slept almost all day, but, to know that my only responsibility was to make sure he felt taken care of and to overall just be present for him felt really nice. But-by the end of the day I had lost my mind for sure. I always say that idle time is my enemy and it is. I was able to just chill for most of the day, but by 2pm I was going stir crazy. I started to think of all the things that I could be accomplishing, the yoga class that I was missing which means I will have to double up another day to complete the 31 day challenge, grocery shopping, seeing the sunset, and the fact that I was going to miss the yogi happy hour this evening. Ha, shit, if these are my problems then my life is pretty damn good! Nothing like writing something down to realize how good you actually have it!

Boredom overtook me as I finished an entire bag of Parmesan, basil popcorn and 1/2 of a bottle of red wine and listened to my ex-husbands radio show. I had officially switched into self-destruct mode. It's sad too, because I managed to power through 5 sets each of Sun Sal A & B, meditate, write, and lay out in my backyard throughout the day. With that momentum you would think that I wouldn't fall into that place, but I guess I am fragile right now. I should mention that all the while I still felt pretty damn happy. I felt peaceful all day. I think I just needed to get some malarky out of my system. Hey, at least I have managed to not contact "HYY". That is a victory! There I go taking one step forward and 12 steps back as I text my ex-husband instead! WTF, Tiff?!

The funniest part about all this is when I asked Tim what the hell is up with me to act so crazy and out of character tonight. He replied "I don't know, maybe it is that other broad in your head. What's her name, Autumn?". Ha ha ha. Precisely, Tim, precisely.

My name is Tiffany, or do I blame this whole evening on my alter ego Autumn?

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (Oxytocin, F-You and Your Haze!)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

I've been in a complete oxytocin haze for the past week and a half. I have been hazed in a way that I can hardly describe. After 4 long months of no sex, or basically no men in general, I knew it was absolutely time for it to be over and the Universe answered my prayers in spades. I prayed long and hard for a distraction from my heartache, from my thoughts of "Kryptonite", from my loneliness, from my lack of intimacy, from my lack of sexual interaction. The Universe answered my prayers loud and clear within hours of my begging.

"Hot, Young, Yogi" is someone that I have had a school girl crush on since I first took his class a year ago at this time. Had you told me then that I would be intimate with this man, I would have laughed at you. It would have been a total joke that I would know him at all outside of the hot, sweaty confines of the studio walls.  He is young, sexy, long haired, sensual, dominating, and I have wanted him in a physical way from the first class he ever led me through. I have fantasized about him plenty, had dreams about him, and completely kept my cool each time I was in his presence. Imagine my surprise when he showed up at the yogi happy hour a week and a half ago just hours after I prayed to the powers that be to bring me a distraction. Not only did he show up, but the moment I showed him any little bit of interest, he jumped at the chance. He came on strong, and hard from the first night. It immediately took me into the oxytocin haze that I had freed myself from by being on my "NO MAN MISSION".

After being so painfully rejected by "Kryptonite" I am a bit more damaged than I was before. So- to have someone interested in me in such a strong way so quickly was purely intoxicating. It was like I was given my drug of choice after 4 long months of being completely sober. I was immediately hooked. All the while in the back of my mind I heard the subtle, yet consistent voice inside that kept flashing red flags in my direction. The kind of  voice that we all know very well. The one that tries to get our attention when we are caught in the oxytocin haze. The one that tells us the things that we only wish to brush away during the beginning phases of a relationship. I heard mine loud and clear. Still, I tried to ignore it. Lucky for me, even though it sucks really bad, I have some major forces watching out for me. Making things happen in exactly the way they are supposed to. Fuck, this sucks, yet I am so thankful for it. It still sucks a lot though. I can tell that I am growing a lot, because I am uncomfortable, and it even hurts a little bit on a physical and cellular level. I can't not be growing when I feel this way.

It was bound to happen though. He is 9 years my junior, still obviously in love with his goddess of an ex (whom I am also a little bit in love with, but that is another story), and to be completely truthful, my heart is just not available for it anyway. But, honestly, I just want someone to make me forget. I want someone to make me forget about the absence of the one that I truly want, but can't have. I want someone to help me pass the time until my one true love comes. I want someone who will be my place holder. I say I want that, but is it truly what I want? I don't think so, because if I did, I would have it. 

The worst part of all of this is the excitement that I felt when he was following me around like a puppy. It truly felt like a drug. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so amazingly good that I just had to have more. Even though I knew that this drug would not bring anything lasting into my life, I had to have it. It makes me feel like I haven't learned a single thing during this mission. Yet, I know I have because I have not yet fallen into my old patterns. I do start to, but then something greater than myself steps in and saves me. Fuck, it still sucks though. I just want my drug. I want to be in love and have the feelings reciprocated. I live for it. It is my ultimate addiction. "HYY" was a great distraction for the very short period of time that he was there, but in the end I am alone-still. I could be with him tonight, but I knew I couldn't. What's the point? Why bother? There is so much more to this story, but I just don't have the energy to delve into it. I don't have the energy because I have been up til all hours of the night completely entranced in the "HYY". I don't have the energy because my heart hurts a little bit. Because, while I know it is for the best, it still bums me out. I miss my drug already. Fuck.

My name is Tiffany, and I will be okay, but tonight, it sucks.

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

In my life things tend to happen when I absolutely least expect it, in ways I could have never dreamed up, with people that I never thought possible. It is a trip. Life has a way of flying in like a whirlwind, spinning me around, throwing me off path, and then putting me back down to look around. That is where I am today. I am amazed at how quickly life can change, it is astounding. 

With 10 weeks left on my mission, it happened to me. Life came in. Life came in to ask me how important this mission is to me. Is it so important to finish out the next 10 weeks being "man-free", or should I tread headlong on the path to possibility? There have been many enticing situations along the way, but nobody has caught my attention enough to make me really consider how little or how much 10 weeks matters in the grand scheme of life....until now. Until now, the idea of possibility was just that-and idea. Here I sit today with real, true possibility and the only thing standing in the way is the 10 short weeks I have left to complete this mission. So, I ask myself? What is 10 weeks? Is it worth it? I feel like the only thing that holds any true worth in life is connection, and at this point on my mission, and in my life I can't turn my back on it. So, modifications and amendments will have to be made for the remainder of my "6 Month NO MAN mission". When something special comes along, there is no damn way I can turn my back on it just to prove a point to myself, or anyone else for that matter.

I realize that I have many people watching, and holding me accountable to my mission, but at what point do I draw the line? At what point do I take my life out of the close watch of those who are getting much more pleasure out of my mission than I am? When is time to just let it be, to not fight the natural order of life? When is it time for me to let go and let live? The time is now, because that is all any of us have. 

My name is Tiffany, and I am basking in possibility.  

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (Drinking is bad..mmmmmkay)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

I am pretty proud of myself. Since I have been virtually "Man-Free" over the past few weeks, I have had several opportunities to break my mission. I have been faced with decisions that would either keep me on my path or completely derail me.

On Saturday night, I had three choices to choose from after my "Girls Night Out". I could have met up with "Trainer", go over to another boy's house who will go unnamed for the moment, or meet up with "Dirty Bob". If I had chosen option A, or B, I probably would have ended up breaking my mission in some way. Instead I chose the safest option, which was to hang out with "Dirty Bob". "Dirty Bob" is safe because we are homies and nothing more. When I hang out with "DB" it is like I am hanging out with my best girlfriend only I get to hear the perspective from a guy's point of view. It is pretty damn invaluable. The only issue when "DB" and I hang out is that everyone thinks we are a couple. I find myself having to let people know that we are not together. I mean, I am on a "NO MAN MISSION" but it is pretty close to being over, so we can't be messing up my game or his! "DB" devised a plan to tell everyone that we are cousins. Brilliant. The point is, I was a good girl and resisted my urges. I stuck to my guns. I chose the safe option, even though I am so ready to break my mission. I didn't. Victory! Growth is happening ladies and gentlemen.

Even though major growth is happening, I need to keep myself in check. I know how I get. That is precisely the reason I choose not to drink in certain company. I am already pretty filter-less so when I drink, all bets are off. It's like the bad girl is just beneath the surface and even the slightest enticing situation mixed with alcohol unleashes the beast inside. Especially these days. I figured it out yesterday. I was baffled as to why I am okay most of the time, but there is about one week every month that I am a force to be reckoned with. During that time, I have animalistic desires and everyone knows it. It is the week of ovulation that makes  women (me) like this, we are wired to find a man to impregnate us during that magical time of month. Shit, knowing that is enough for me to abstain. The last thing I need is a baby. Wouldn't that be the ultimate Karma for breaking my mission?! Damn, if there was ever a good reason not to break it, that is it!

Last night I made the biggest leaps and bounds yet. I had a happy hour event with all of my yogi peeps and throughout the course of 7 hours, I had only one alcoholic beverage. I behaved myself, and I did not do or say anything in the dark that I would regret in the light. Shit, yeah! Don't think I wasn't enticed, because I was, oh was I ever!!! It took great will power for me to remain on the light side of myself. A couple crazy nights will do that to a good/bad girl. So, I guess I should be thankful for the crazy times during my mission, because it taught me to keep myself under control. Hey, sometimes a girl has to crash and burn before she can rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.

My name is Tiffany, and I have 10 more weeks on my "6 Month NO MAN Mission". Think I can do it?!

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!

#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission

Since the age of 14 I have been in one long term relationship or another. During my most recent break up after 3 1/2 years I decided it is time to take myself off the market for the next 6 months. This will not be an easy task for a boy crazy girl like myself. I am absolutely in love with being in love. I am a HUGE flirt. I love the feelings of butterflies in my stomach, the euphoric feelings when navigating a new love, the excitement, the newness of falling in love. These are the reasons I always end up in a relationship. I have never been the kind of girl that likes to date multiple guys, I won't jump in bed with just anybody. I love LOVE. I crave it, I live for it.

Because I am such a hopeless romantic I jump in head first when I get those feelings and think that they will last forever. They never do from my past experiences and scientifically it has been proven that after a couple years those feelings fade. All sparks fade out. When those initial feelings go away I am left bored, lonely, unfulfilled and looking for that next euphoric feeling. It's like a drug for me, it is my addiction. Yep, I am like the song Addicted to Love. My name is Tiffany and I am addicted to love.

So, this is my outlet to chronicle my "6 month NO MAN mission". What is this mission exactly? Well as much as I would like to have a gray area, there isn't one. It means for 6 months starting on December 15, 2011 I will not date. Does it mean no making out, no sex, nothing, I lament? The answer is yes, much to my dismay because I can't imagine no intimate contact with another human for 6 months, but this is my mission, my growing time. Even as I type this I get a tightness in my chest because to be quite honest, I don't know how I will do it for 6 long months. No dating, no making out, no sex...only friends..EEEEEK..

I realize that in order to be good for a relationship one must be content with being alone. One must know what it is like to endure long lonely nights, to be okay with ALONE. So far I have not had any experience in that department. Even if I wasn't in a long term relationship and "single" I had a guy in tow. 2011 was an incredibly transforming year for me so why not take that transformation a step further and overcome my addiction to being in love? Shit this sucks. There should be a support group like AA for this sort of disease!

In this blog I intend to share my experiences, the good bad and the ugly moments. Will I be honest if I fall off the wagon? Yes, as much as it will suck to admit my defeats, I will. I have several people holding me accountable to this "6 month NO MAN mission" because just like any other addict, I am weak when it comes to my addiction. I am not completely closing myself off to possibilities because if Mr. Right comes along I won't shun him, but he will have to hang around and be my friend for the next 6 months. The bigger challenge will be for me to resist if Mr. Right comes along. 6 months Tiff, be strong!

Men, I will be available to date on June 15, 2012. Too bad Mars will be leaving my sign a few weeks later. Of course I would choose the one time that Mars stays in my sign for 8 months rather than the usual 7 weeks making me irresistible to do a "6 month no man mission". Why can't I ever just take the easy road in life? Not my style, never has been.

I special thanks to JK for giving me the idea to do this. Right now I curse you for it, but I'm sure someday I will thank you!

#thatisall

click here to follow Tiffany on twitter!