Fun with #OkCupid: Coordinated drunk fights back!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Coordinated drunk might be one of my most favoritest people on #OkCupid! Looky, looky what he just sent me ... (dude, I couldnt even screen shot it because it was so long ... long like your penis!)

The following is a conversation took place between okcupid and TGumb on August 15th at 11:15pm on a Sunday. Alcohol may have been involved.

okcupid: Did you write her again yet?!?
TGumb-Quit pressuring me, last time I wrote her it was posted online for the entire nerd world to see. She isn't even on this site to meet people, just crush them publicly. Although she was flat out blown away with my ability to type while drunk.
okcupid: You are a 94% Match with a 80% Friend modifier. There is only a 3% chance of her becoming an Enemy. These numbers are off the chart, you need to man up and make it happen.
TGumb- I don't even know what that means. You are a computer program that is designed to match up peoples answers to ridiculous questions. I do not need you to call out my manhood and tell me to make it happen.
okcupid: What do you think is stopping her from messaging you?
TGumb- I'm probably not nerdy enough. It appears to be her MO.
okcupid: Have you tried typing to her in Leet?
TGumb: I have no idea what you are talking about.
okcupid: Nerd fail. Leet is a nerdy way of typing that prevents noobs like you from reading things.
TGumb: You think I am really going to learn another language just to get a smiley face response from this girl. I truly hate you okcupid.
okcupid: You struck me deep TGumb, but I am not going to give up on you. You have so much potential and your statistics match up too well to quit now.
TGumb: Don't you have thousands of other people to worry about?
okcupid: There is only one way to say this. You are the chosen one TGumb. This entire program was created to see if someone could actually get Jenfriel out on a date. Thousands have tried but none of them even made it into the 90th percentile. You are our only hope.
TGumb: What if I fail and she crushes me in public by reposting my message on her website?
okcupid: Message her and you might fail. She might post this to her website for hoards of people to mock and scorn you. Do not message her and you'll be fine. But many years from now would you be willing to trade all those dates with all of those boring woman for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and get jenfriel to go on a date because of the 94% Match rate?
TGumb: That sounded a lot like Brave Heart but with no actual consequence at the end.
okcupid: I figured it was an old enough movie to steal some lines from.
TGumb: This has been going on long enough. I am almost sober thanks to you. If I message her again will you leave me alone?
okcupid: Of course.
TGumb: okcupid being transmission.


H1 J3n,
1 th1nk y0u sh0uld g1v3 m3 4 ch4nc3 4nd g3t t0 kn0w m3. 0kcup1d sur3 th1nks w3 w0uld g3t 4l0ng gr34t.
T

Dear coordinated drunk,

Yes, I would love to go out on a date with you. Tweet me ... @JenFriel xoxo

#OkCupid: Getting the date!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's DivideByFive

After a month of online dating I’ve come to realize that there is an unspoken process to it all. How this happened or who made it up I do not know but it’s clearly in place. My sales experience has really made this easy but it is still labor intense. I’ll take you through what my experience has been like.

Creating your profile: Spend some time here. Upload at least one recent photo where you can clearly see your face. Make sure the thumbnail version is from the shoulders up. We are all visual creatures first. Fill in every category, age, sex, religion, etc, accurately. These are important for sorting. Not doing this could result in being eliminated from your dream partners search unintentionally. When writing your bio start from the beginning. My childhood was like this…My career is…I’m looking for someone…Right now I’m… This will give the other person you are emailing a lot of info about you and they should be able to generate plenty of questions in conversation.

The shotgun blast: Once a week you need to go people hunting. Scan though all the recent profiles and email anyone you are interested in. Don’t copy and paste a form letter. Read their entire profile and comment on it. Be sure to end the email with a question or two. This way they have a reason to reply. BE POSITIVE! Sarcastic is fine but make sure they clearly know you’re trying to me funny. Brush up on your email etiquette.

Following up: When you get an email returned, be sure to respond in 24 hours. Try to keep your response time consistent. If you’re the type that responds right away try to keep that up. People start getting panicked if they tried to write something witty and think you got offended. I’ve received several’ “sorry I didn’t mean” emails after they saw I read but didn’t reply to their email right away

Texting: Take the initiative and give the other person your number. Ask for theirs in return. If they wont give it to you after several emails you should probably move on. Why this is the next step, I do not know. We just wrote 20 email back and forth, why am I still typing. Regardless of my opinion this seems to be the next step in the process. I think it has something to do with the possibility of ruining the fantasy that women have about who the man on the other end is. Everyone can sound like George Clooney in an email. You’ll get to know more about their day to day stuff. And eventually schedule a date.

The phone call: I tried scheduling several dates via text and everyone flaked or postponed. Call your date the day before. Be up beat and happy. Try walking around. Motion creates emotion. This is the last drawbridge to meeting in person. If you can hold a 15-20 minute conversation with each other than you should have a successful date. That doesn’t mean it will be crazy passionate but it wont be painful.

The first date: At first I was committed to a cheap date. Now I’m committed to free. Dating cost WAAAAAAAY too much money for no reason. Find a nice, quiet, public spot to meet. Something with a view or an event at a specific time. Spend time talking to each other. Bars, restaurants, etc, all have way too much going on; too many distractions. If you can spend a solid hour with each other and feel your self getting comfortable then a second date or extension to your current date may be in order.

The rest is dating as usual.

Tip: If you have a smart phone, use it. I create a contact for every woman who is kind enough to give me their phone number or email. Set their profile picture in your caller ID. Fill out the notes sections with like and dislikes, their kids/dogs name, etc. This isn’t because I am working some kind of cruel system. It’s because I write a lot of emails to women on dating sites. I want to remember everything the old fashion way but it’s just not possible. I try to keep 10 conversations going because only 1 or 2 will result in date #2.



#OkCupid: Winner, most generic email ever!

Dude, comeeeee onnnnnnn!!! This is such a cut and paste job!!!

You're THAT desperate that you cut and paste your own phone number?!?! Please for the love of all things holy tell me that this is at least a google voice number.

I mean, COME ON!!!

Fun with #OKCupid: Coordinated Drunk

Drunken OKCupiding? I think I'm more impressed by the lack of typos!! Coordinated drunk-eness FTW!!!

Actual #email I just received ...

Screw #OkCupid ... this is an actual email I just had sent over to me at JenFriel@TalkNerdyToMeLover.com

It says and I QUOTE!

Greetings With Love,
    How are you and how is your work? i hope that all is well with you, My name is miss Joy, i know that you may be suprise how i get your email, i got your email today when i was browsing looking for honest partner, then i feel to drop this few line to you, and  i will like you to contact me through my email so that we can know each other and exchange our pictures, and we may become partners.

Remember the distance does not matter what matters is the love we share with each other.

i am waiting  to hear from you soon.

 Regards Miss Joy.

1. I'm not a lesbian. Very Jerry Seinfeld of me ... "Not that there's anything wrong with it ..." But I love me some penis, and um, yeah ... being your partner *wink wink nudge nudge*

Does nothing for me!

Sorry if that's stating the obvious but um, yeah!

2. How is work!??! This is my work ... and as you can see, doing pretty well thank you very much.

So uhhh ... yeah, come ON spammers!!!!!! Step up your game man! This is terribly disappointing!!!!! BAHHHHHHH!!!!!