#NerdsUnite: Tales of a Pick Up Artist (Stop Observing, Get A Pair and Approach)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA

Every night I go out I see the same social patterns. A group of men walk in, go to the bar, procure a drink then find a home based to observe the crowd.

A group of women walk-in run straight to the bathroom or bar, talk to their friends and park themselves at what they make home base for the evening.  

What I have discovered is that when men look at me they think "I'm weird" for going up to girls and talking to them. They think it's "weird" for me to dance with girls I barely know. THEY think it's weird to be social in general. This is why ladies see lines of men posted up on the walls of clubs and waiting for that "one" girl to pass by and grab their arm. (It doesn't work by the way, I've field tested this) In reality when you're in a social environment, it's actually weird for you NOT to be talking. 

For example, you see a guy in the bar leaning against the wall NOT speaking to anyone. The public perception will be that he is lonely and doesn't have any friends. Meanwhile, Lonely Guys sees Party Guy having the time of his life dancing, drinking and kissing girls. Party Guy may be getting rejected but Lonely Guy still think he's the shit because he has the courage to actually go after what he wants.

Men have to learn that the term "Less is more" has no relevance inside a social environment. The less you do the more of a weak impression you leave on people. Girls often associate social awkwardness with having no confidence and often brand you with the title of "The Creepy Guy." 

I went out alone for the first time in a long time last night. Initially, I went out to give a good happy birthday to my friend and to hangout for a while. While in my chill mode I took a stroll around the bar and I didn't open any sets, wasn't really motivated to talk to any females at this point, but I like to people watch on occasion.

Make my way downstairs to the first floor dance-floor, it's 12:14 (don't ask how I remember) and from the bottom of the stairs I got the perfect view to basically see everyone and observe for a second.

Now I want to describe this from right to left in detail you can understand. So in order from right to left this is what I see:

2 cute girls, 3 guys standing around, 4 beautiful women, 1 guy dancing around them trying to gain their attention, 3set mixed 2 girls and 1 guy,  5 guys screaming and fist pumping to make it look like they're having fun.

I see a few more guys staring at the dancers on the stage, a few more wallflowers, looking around. I start to think to myself, "Why do we waste so much time looking good when we come out to just stand around and observe others"?

We put on our best shirt, pants, and shoes. Brush our hair and teeth, put on Axe or cologne to smell good. Then go out, just to sit on the wall, grab at girls only too satisfied with telling our friends that, "I almost had her, dog!"

Askmen.com has an article that talks about Why do women go to nightclubs? When I read this I was amazed by how accurate the article actually was about descriptions of certain women who prance about in the nightclub.

According to 100 women polled, there are 3 main reasons why women attend nightclubs:
1-- To meet men - 64%
2-- To see what happens - 21%
3-- To have fun - 12 %
4-- Other (with boyfriend, on a date) - 3%

Take a minute to soak that all in guys.

...

Finished? Ok, good =) Because, this proves we have no business watching anything in the club. You have to be interacting with people to be seen in a nightclub. Women come in there knowing what type of guys they want to approach them and women are so slick, they'll even position themselves to be approached by YOU!

Are you unclear on the reasons why YOU want to go out to clubs? To be social? To have fun with your friends? To pick up girls? Own that decision before you walk out the door. Don't apologize for wanting to approach and leave your friends, this is why you came out, right?

When you go out long enough, you will start to see a pattern taking place. One of which is how people interact with each other, guys especially. Here's what I mean:

4 things guys do in the club to "TRY" get attention:

1. Gather in a circle and shout lewd noises to get attention.
2. Make an all guy dance circle and do the drunken pop n lock. (At least the black ones do)
3. Stay on the walls and grab women by the hands trying to get them to turn around.
4. Stare at women as they walk by them.

As men, we don't need to "try" at all to attract women. At the same time you must carry yourself in a manner of being carefree and friendly. Make a habit to smile while walking through the club, causally talk to guys and girls and build some social momentum before you start approaching women. Remember, 64% of females are out to meet a guy and 21% are just there to see what happens. Why not make it a good night for these women to remember and be "That Guy" that sweeps them off they're feet.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Anwar on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Tales of a pick up artist (the real deal)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA

**Stretches Fingers**

This week has been a long week of personal re-awakening and accountability. I pride myself on ascension. Basically, this is my way of letting go of the past to keep looking forward.

But somehow.... the past has a way of creeping back to you.

We all know that March was weird month, then afterwards I had to go thru a build-a-bear type sequence to get my confidence back. The process was followed by personal reflection during one of my introverted moods. Lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling I thought about Pick up, what has it done for me and ways I could improve NOT the PUA but Anwar.

But damn.. I never knew it'd become this difficult to admit.

I confess that I have had a problem connecting with girls on a emotional level for the longest. With October marking my 9th year since my last meaningful relationship, as of late I've become to like the idea of monogamy. But the process from moving from dating to exclusive courtship still eludes me. Possibly because I haven't done it in so long or there are issues from my past I have yet to resolve THAT block me from making connections. Truthfully, I don't know and I've looked through pages of Pick Up theory for answers but I have yet to find a tangible source.

I began to backwards rationalize everything I had done to this point. Approaching, Techniques and follow up but never came to a meaningful conclusion on why. But, then I thought about my teen years and how needy I was towards girls. Constantly chasing for affection, thinking. If I just show them how much I cared, they'll eventually like me. See, I grew up watching Boy Meets World, Family Matters and Save by the bell. I always rooted for Cory, Steve and Screech to get the girl, so I happily admit to falling for their underdog storylines. But after careful thought, my neediness wasn't the answer. It's just a catalyst, but part of a bigger issue I had yet to explore.

People say your past doesn't define you, but sometimes we have to reach back there and put the broken pieces back together.

In my case it was broken pieces of my childhood.

The more I think about it, the more I lock up emotionally. Giving more reason to believe my childhood is related to my problem than I EEEEVER believed. I have to open up this can of worms to find answers. Even now, I'm procrastinating on getting to the point .... Juice just fucking do it already.

Simply put I experienced only 1 form of male to female communication.

I remember at the tender age of 4, the first cock I ever seen belonged to sister's boyfriend's when he was putting the moves on her. At 5, my brother and his girlfriend dry humping in front of me inside of our room. On separate occasions she would take me for herself also. I had no idea what was going on, I just new I was naked and she was naked. From that point on, I figured out every girl I had a relationship with I'd push for intimacy. It was the only way I knew how to  connect and invest in relationships. My mother and father broke up before I turned 8. With my best resource gone. The only information I had was what I learned from experience. Because now I understand what made me look so creepy and try hard in grade school. I convinced myself I had no hidden agenda but my subcoms was telling women a whole different story. Instinctively, I think I was aware of it. Instead of addressing it I just avoided it completely.

And look, this is not a sob story in the making for the readers to feel sorry for me. I'm just a man addressing his past issues and growing from them. I've identified with problem, explored different solutions and now I've come to a conclusion.

Now the next chapter in my journey is learning to how to build a relationship from an emotional level from the basis of a friendship and getting to know them. So from here on out, no more random women. I'm making it a goal to NOT sleep with any women until I get to know them on a emotional level.

Wish me luck

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Anwar on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Tales of a Pick Up Artist (The Dark Side of Pick up, Let the force Guide me)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA

W-O-W! Are the only letters I could think of at the moment. I may have experienced my first actually backlash from a female since I joined the community back in 07'.

St. Patrick's Day 2012 will be forever burned into my memory as one of the greatest nights of my life. This is how night of social exploits, dancing, pictures, and flirting all came to this one phrase from the beauty I SNL'ed (Single Night Lay) which has to be my first legit pull from club to seduction Location! (Her place)

"I want to fuck you!!!"

Imagine that! Now think about the surprise I felt when it actually happened. 35 minutes after walking into a bar, talking to girls and flirting. There presented me an offer I couldn't refuse, when the first "I want to fuck you!!" was said, I had to double-check to see if I heard right. After confirmation, I took her hand and simply said, "Let's go." Was she drunk? Yes, clearly so. My place was 10mins away but I chose to drive 20 minutes to take her home.

Inside the Car

Foreplay. Foreplay. Foreplay. She was unlike anything I've dealt with before. She oozed of a slutty sexual demeanor with every lick of my fingers, she close her eyes with every moan transmitting a slight vibration through my fingers. Part of me was overwhelmed by the degree of freaky I was dealing with, the other side was thinking... "I'm going to fuck the shit out of her."

We're about 2 blocks away from her apartment pulling up to stop light. She gazes at me with the doggy dinner bowl look and rushes herself down to my pants. I grab a lock of her hair, pull back from the base and from there I went full-on Clash of the Titans Zeus voice, "Not so fast my dear... sooon, you will meet Perseus." (Yep, that's what I named it) she replies, "By the Gods." - Roleplay has been activated!!!

In the apartment

After a slight delay with getting into the gate. We finally get inside the apartment. I slide my shoes off near the door upon entry. She tosses her keys to the couch and motions to me to follow her to the bedroom. I walk in and her shorts and shirt are already off, I lean on the door to observe her for a moment. She turns to me, asking "Are you going to stand there staring or come fuck me?" I look down, laugh and smile, "You already know", as we start kissing.

The more we kissed the more my inner caveman began to take control. My hand slid up her back to the base of her neck. I wrapped fistful of hair and pulled down. Her body went limp and he arms dropped to her sides. I moved to her neck bit down and start sucking, like clockwork her legs wrapped my mine and I picked her up and threw her to the bed.

Maaan, this is so embarrassing but I have to tell you guys this. As I went to unhook my belt, my Zeus voice broke his silence, "Now, by the council of the Greek Gods... (INSERT GIRLS NAME HERE) I bestow to you, PERSEUS!!" underwear off. (I did actually say that) Since I don't want to be too crude with what happened, I'll summarize them with 3 songs.

Hit it Keith!!!

Round 2 !!!!!

Round 3 !!!

Snoooozzzzzing......

I was the first to wake up in the morning. --- Rise and Shine --- I had an idea she'd wake to my "After Sex Pancakes" but upon looking into the refrigerator I saw nothing but a gallon of water and yogurt. She wakes up about 15mins later, as I was putting on my shoes. At this point everything was cool, we were laughing and doing some mild wrestling but I realized I didn't want to wear out my welcome. I tell her to send me a FR on facebook, and I punch in my number into her phone. And ask her to join me for breakfast... She declines, we kiss and I'm out the door.

The Backlash

We texted for a couple hours afterwards. Then the communication went kinda dead... days afterwards I would text her what's up with any response. So,  this past Sunday evening before I was ready to send Jen my post I received this message in my fb inbox from her.

 "Listen, the reason I haven't gotten back with you is because I feel like you took advantage of me the night we met. Yes, I'm sure I was making out with you and leading you on, and I may have invited you inside, but I do not remember much of the night.
If you had enough sense to drive, then you should have had enough sense to recognize how fucked up I was. A decent guy would have gotten my number, and maybe tried to pursue something another day when I was sober, not had sex with me the first night we met. I cannot be mad at you... I am not naive, and I know there are guys out there who prey on drunk girls, and obviously you are one of those. I would appreciate, however, if you would stop contacting me. Each time you text, call, or message, I have to think about hooking up with a stranger who I really did not want to sleep with. Thanks.

- St.Patty's One night Stand

P.S. The main reason I am writing this is to let you know that what you (we) did was not okay. We obviously cannot reverse the past, but I hope you will learn from this and not do it again with another woman."

Jesus! I guess this was a bitter sweet ending to a good night. I realized that they're girls who like to blame the alcohol or the guy and not let themselves be accountable for their actions. Yes, I did realize she was drunk. I rolled the dice and got snake eyes, how unlucky of me.

The right decision for myself was to sleep with her. I learned a few lessons in the process. How to lead and take advantage of opportunities when presented to you. Thought the consequences could be steep, I valued the great experience. It just sucks that she viewed me that way and I even offered her breakfast a predator wouldn't do that. I'm not going to elaborate on this too long, I'll just chalk it up to the game.

If any men or women have had a similar experience feel free to voice your opinion to me and tweet me.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Anwar on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Tales of a Pick Up Artist (Escaping Alcatraz: The Friend Zone)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA

This is dedicated to the guys who dare to escape the perilous Alcatraz of relationships "The Friend Zone."

The reason TFZ has so much power over you because the word "friend" has such a powerful anchor in the context which it was used. When she says, "I only SEE YOU as a FRIEND." You will begin to adopt the frame she sees you as. For example, I approach a girl and say, "Saw you guys from across the bar, you looked friendly so I came to say hello." At that point the will begin to adopt more friendlier vibe. 

Haven't we all been there fellas? We'll hop, skip and leap bounds for this girl when she needs help. And for what exactly? The kiss on the cheek where the lips don't even touch? Hell NAW SON!!  Let's fix it?

I thought this post by a buddy of mine of fb a would be a killer topic. And it reads: 

Attention to all those that are "Friend Zoned": 

All is not lost. But it does call for extreme measures... Drop her. Cold turkey. Make yourself suddenly unavailable. Don't text her. Don't call her. Don't hangout in the same places as her. When she texts you (and she will) don't reply right away. Sometimes just don't reply. Don't be a dick either. Just be busy doing other things. You see this is what the dude she's hung up on is doing to her. If there was ever a possibility of being "anything" then she will come back around to you. That's your second chance to TAKE CONTROL and MOVE PAST the friend zone. Don't eff it up like the last time. And your welcome. 

Lurk your eyes over the bold letting once or twice. And if there is a female in the room, tell her to leave. This is dedicated to the guys who dare to escape the perilous  Alcatraz of relationships. Now go away!!!

These are three reasons why your in the friend zone:

1. You're too available
2. Too Needy
3. Obsessing over her

Like my friend said, extreme measure will have to be taken, but less cold turkey more of a luke warm approach. Yes, you do become less available but not calling or texting her won't make a difference. From her point of view it validates her own assumptions about men that we're "all the same, and we only want one thing."  So, let's breakdown the root of this travesty shall we...

Step One - Stop being the "nice guy"

Most guys in the friend zone are "Yes men, anything you want type men." This is the result of poor communication within the man. He doesn't take chances, he doesn't lead, and MOST of all he's not honest with himself. Women are most attracted to Confidence in a man and having low self worth is counter-intuitive.

Instead when she text you, don't be too eager to respond. Only when it warrants a response. Have an opinion and be honest. Agreeing with her isn't the way to her heart. Never put her needs ahead of your own. 

Step  two - Kick the neediness junkie out

Neediness stems from putting TOO MUCH emotion to the relationship. Coming off as desperate and showing signals too often at the start of the relationship. Too stuck on the idea of having a relationship with her. And if you think for one second that she is "Perfect", "The ONE", or "A soulmate," kill yourself.

The problem is you're not paying attention to yourself. The stems back to number one. Remember, they're 3 billion more women in the sea, this is not your last approach or last conversation with a woman. Take it slow and simmer down.

Step 3 - The difference between Friend Zone and Relationships  

One of the major pitfalls of the friend zone is that the value from one person to another is often misunderstood. While the guy may have romantic intentions, he'll wait to long and after a period of time the relationship evolves to a specific type of relationship. 

I define relationships as two be people sharing value and experiences together. A connection overtime that builds to an affinity for each other. 

If the girl has problems in her personal life and the issues become to overwhelming to endure. Cut your losses, you don't want her venting to you everyday talking you ear off. I spent the latter part of 18/23 years giving a girl my best advice, looking for the awkward "Ah ha" moment where she falls in love with me. When I began to analyze how she conducted herself in her relationships and grown. I shook myself out the daze and began pursuing women who wanted a healthy and fruitful relations. 

Step 4 - Kino Escalation (Touch Barrier)

45% of the reason why you're in the friend zone is because you didn't touch her. You may have approached and had a conversation, but you never introduced your touch to her. The more you wait, the more awkward it becomes when you  try. Attempt to throw an arm behind the back, hands, small of the back,  and shoulders. 

This is all part of seduction and building a physical connection. From the time you meet her til the end of the night, she should be getting more comfortable with the idea of your touch. Dancing, Hi - 5s,  back rubbing, playful pinching all communicate that you find her attractive. Women usually associate this with sexual confidence also. 

5. Don't waste your time

You have a life right?!? You have a job and dreams to pursue. Of course, if you follow all the steps above and she "still" feeding you TFZ bullshit. I quote my friend, "It does call for extreme measures... Drop her."

Truthfully, she may not be attract to you. But, if you anything like me the feelings still linger. I'd even get jealous and secretly encourage the breakup. Let's be real. Those emotions just don't deteriorate in a moments notice, you need time to sort the feelings out. 

You mentally and physically downgrade her. Unsubscribe to her facebook post, become less interested in her life. She'll begin to notice the withdraw and mention it. If she ask, then just tell the truth and be open about it. Create space in your heart for the girl that deserve the right to occupy. Before that, make sure those old feelings doesn't crutch the progress of you next relationship. 

Until then ladies.. Keep denying us in the clubs and men.. STOP being Pussies...

Happy Hunting, 

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Anwar on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Tales of a Pick Up Artist (The Social Proof Complex)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA

Last year in October I went out 6 days in a row without realizing it. At the end of the 6th day, I was accompanied home by a 5'11 blonde who seemed to have a taste for chocolate chip cookies. 

After our private party, I asked her directly "When did you know you were attracted to me?" From what I knew of her already I expected some superficial response like "Because you could douggie." But I was surprised when she said,  "I don't know, but the way you dance and how you spoke to everyone around you and kept smiling. I found that to be so attractive." 

Take note to the bold lettering in the quote. 

That's the focus of today's lesson gents. How to build Social Proof with only brand you need...YOU!!

What is Social Proof? The short term would be... "Any consecutive event that gives evidence of value." For example, the guy at the arcade who won 30 consecutive matches in Tekken. People will continue to gather around to watch him. Same goes for attraction, females will  observe you the more they perceive you to be a value source. (Preselection)

<Pause> I'm explaining from the view your out alone.</pause>

It's starts when you walk in. Do NOT and I repeat Do NOT head straight to the bar without at least talking to 3-5 people first.  Why you ask? Just think about it, perception is reality. This goes for women and guys alike, people will make assumptions of your value based on how you socialize. From the get go, you come in and start talking, dancing and shooting a few hi-5s to random people. The women will see evidence of your value by the reaction of others. 

3 things I do when I walk in: 

• Get to the club early around 10pm. It's not packed and it's prime for starting conversations with people you don't know. 
• Talk to a bouncer, beertub girl or bartender. Remember, don't talk for a long time because they are working. Keep it short 30-90 seconds. 
• Open a few strangers to get myself in the rhythm of talking to people. 

After I procure a drink. I always like to open whomever is standing next to me and start a light conversation about the night. Afterwards I'd move to a more traffic area of the club like the dancefloor, near the entrance, exit or the stairs if they have one. From there, you should be seen smiling and having fun. 

The How To...

Now, you've set up a home base. Begin to engage the people around you. Befriend everyone within 5-10ft range of where your standing. The home base's purpose is just a spot where you can come back to a re-group. It's true  purpose is to create a web of Social Proof, which means your the source of the value in that specific spot of the club.  

Spider webs are built from the center then outwards. Imagine that your at the center and  in your mind you expend your web out 5-10ft. Picture yourself making people laugh, posing for pictures, dancing and just overall.. being the source of fun in the whole venue.   Naturally, you become the observed in your way of being. 

In this process, people will notice the source of good emotions is coming from you. While men will normally come and engage you, women approach you indirectly. We call this proximity. This is when girls move closer to the PUA , usually with most interested one not facing us.

Now you've become preselected. To her, you're the shit and nothing else matters. In her mind your value just broke the roof and she wants you to be her personal pogo stick. To understand preselection is as Adam Lyons explains: 

So, think about it. The next time your at the bar sitting on the wall with your drink held high. Ask yourself, are you the observer or the observed. You can't make women attracted to you by chilling on the wall putting on your you ate ass face. 

Remember to engage and give value to people. Be the flame that lights up the room not the wind who blows it out. 

I've ran my mouth long enough today. Thank you for reading everyone, I really appreciate the opportunity to write for TNTML. I'm damn sure bringing the Funk on the next post. Until then ladies.. Keep denying us in the clubs and men.. STOP being Pussies... 

Happy Hunting

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Anwar on twitter!