#Question: Could having pre-marital sex desensitize you too much psychologically?
Friday, December 14, 2012 at 11:03AM<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Anwar. We met in Florida last year, and it was because of him that I got to go out on a date with Steve Ward. True story - Anwar tweeted about Steve's Ustream broadcast, and that's where I asked him out. That shit cray! He's a rad mofo, and active in the pick up artist community (PUA) and wants to share his tips and tricks with you today. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ANWAR!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @AJonesPUA
Whether we like it or not, sexual immorality is the norm. Pre-marital sex is not seen as a dangerous activity as long as your protecting yourself from potential "physical" ailments, but no one ever speaks of the psychological damages or how it can potentially mess up the process of pair bonding with your future husband or wife.
Promiscuity means the perception of other human beings not as persons, but as a commodities to be used. Promiscuous behavior is mainly dumping after use and cheating.
My goals for this post is raise awareness of the dangers of pre-marital sex. So, keep an open mind about the information and keep your personal feelings for the comment box.
The Oxytocin Release
Oxytocin is defined as "The "bonding chemical" that is released during sex, and the amount released increases with the quality and quantity of the sex: more orgasms equal more oxytocin and, therefore, more of a sense of closeness. Better loving through chemistry."
Or for a lack of better words, "Imprinting".
For a better definition read the passages below for further understanding:
Science shows us that when a woman has sex with a man, a chemical called oxytocin is released into her system. Oxytocin is a neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human superglue and helps a woman bond with her infant. This chemical also helps a woman bond with her lover during sex. New scientific studies, however, suggest that if a woman has multiple sexual partners, this will lower her levels of oxytocin which in turn can inhibit her ability to bond to her husband. -- Mark Gungor, The Damange of Sexual Promiscuity
and...
“Oxytocin seems to have been ‘designed’ by nature to make a man and woman feel bonded after sex, so they would stay together and raise children,” she says. “Today, the physiology of men and women still plays out according to this pattern. But estrogen seems to increase the calming and bonding effects of oxytocin, while testosterone seems to mute them. That's why women tend to feel more attached after sex than men do.” -- Sarah Carrillo, Why Women Feel More Attached After Sex than Men
How do you feel after reading those? I could guess a little less convinced before you clicked on the page.
The way women and men "imprint" on each other are entirely different, but the common denominator between both sexes is this oxytocin release. In recent Studies, a man with high levels of testosterone tends to mute the effects of Oxytocin, while estrogen has been known to have a special relationship with Oxytocin. When estrogen levels rise within women, Oxytocin has a stronger effect.
Oxytocin's Effects On Virgins
When I learned how Oxytocin has a more "Imprinting" function when it came to sex, I began to ponder about my first sexual experiences in my youth from the point of view of NOT who was my first sexual experience, but when. I was 19 when I had my first sexual experience during intercourse, but my first ACTUAL experience was when I was 12 during late night hours watching cinemax.
Based off the research I've read, since my first sexual experience was outside of marital sex I managed to "Imprint" on the SEX itself. Which means I'll fall victim more to lustful fantasies and watching porn more than a guy who had his first sexual experience with a girl after marriage. On the other hand, had I "imprinted" on my EX when I was 19, my attachment to her would be the equivalent of putting my tongue on ice cold pole.
For virgin girls it's slightly different.
Females bond a lot stronger than men because of the estrogen in their systems. This is why women are so taped around their first loves because women are "wired" internally with a NEED to bond. A female experiences sex without commitment, she learns indirectly that sex means nothing. What she is "imprinted" with is the knowledge that sex and commitment are 2 different things, when that's far from the truth. Since sex has no value, most of these types of girls demand for the commitment first before sex. Because men aren't wired to do that, the relationship struggles a great degree.
To summarize, Men "Imprint" on the context of the experience while women "imprint" on the content.
So think about it ladies and gents, when boys and girls falsely bond with opposite sex. Their views on sex in general become severely obscured and misguided.
Do you understand? Think about it... This false imprinting basically just told us how sexual promiscuity is born.
Promiscuous Women And Marriage
As I mentioned above that if a woman at a young age experiences pre-marital sex in a negative context, she'll shortly learn that sex and commitment are 2 different things. Having multiple partners will inhibit the release of Oxytocin in her system and thus prohibit her from bonding with her husband.
This in turn means that she could possibly have higher levels of testosterone also and you know what that does.
Her sexual deviancy will cause her to have trust issues with men, be overtly jealous of any woman in his life and be less committed to the relationship in general. The only problem with this is if her current spouse has any idea about her sexual history. It will be hard for him to trust her because of her past.
The promiscuous female share the same characteristics as high profile athletes like Tiger Woods for example. The testosterone will inhibit their ability to bond with their husbands but will give them a unshakable desire to procreate.
Heartiste says:
She’s a high testosterone sex fiend who values sexual novelty more than pair bonding. This type of girl is a creature of her id. High T girls are easy to spot. Check for forearm hair, narrow hips, broad shoulders, a penchant for cursing, a flat ass (adjusted for race), career ambition, and status whoring.
Jezabel.com says:
A study Sarah Mikach and Michael Bailey of Northwestern University looked at the correlation between a woman's sexual partners and how they look, felt or acted more stereo-typically masculine and found, somewhat unsurprisingly, that woman who were identified as more "masculine" tended to have more sexual partners.
Why she doesn't make a good wife? Well, allow me to name off a few characteristics promiscuous women carry...
- They get bored quickly with just one man (Unreliable)
- High Testosterone Levels (Leaves them prone to cheating more)
- Have no value for her body (Will sleep with you a lot faster than a good girl)
- Mental instability (Crazy)
- Has Low expectations for her life, no self-esteem (meaning approval seeking)
And the list goes on, but don't lose hope yet women. Due to the fact your estrogen based beings, the chances you have on finding one mate are still greater than your testosterone filled counterparts. Estrogen fuels Oxytocin... so whenever the slut wants to get her life together and stop having sex. Her body will begin to detox and level the testosterone in her system. Indeed, that desire is so strong, it causes her to fight through many of the negative side affects of her previous sexual experiences.
It is like taking a piece of strong packing tape and applying it to a box. Leave it alone, and it will hold that box together for decades and decades. Take it off and re-apply it and, well... it just doesn't hold as well anymore. Keep taking it off and applying it a taking it off and applying it and... I think you get the idea. This is what can happen to a woman who has multiple sex partners.
Promiscuous Men and Marriage
The natural wiring women have doesn't exist in men. High levels of testosterone can actually suppress Oxytocin levels in our system. Like I mentioned above, when men fail to "imprint" on our wives, we may spend the rest of our lives having a hard time connecting with women. In order to get that feeling again, we'll try to re-connect with what we imprinted on ourselves earlier in life. Without thinking, we turn to porn, lustful acts and sexual immorality.
This is the difference between manwhores and sluts when it comes to sex.
When men have sex with women in the beginning hours or days of meeting her. We immediately lose whatever attraction we had for her because we got the "goodies" too easy. With girls they get more attracted to Men. This reminds me of a time back in 2011, when I met this woman at the bar and within 45mins of meeting her, we had already had sex for the first time. Afterwards, I remember her being all over me actually planning our first date, while I was aloof and unresponsive.
In men, oxytocin is very important to help maintain empathy. Oxytocin enables men to share their emotions and be empathetic towards the emotions of others. Testosterone tends to decrease our empathetic abilities so having adequate oxytocin is very important. Not trying to justify the cheating with the statement, but guys who juice (take steroids), guidos (jersey shore), and athletes (Tiger Woods) are prime examples overly testosterone driven men.
Never in a million years had I ever thought that our decision making could be based on chemical imbalances in our body.
It does explain things like the effects of BPA on men and how soy could effeminize babies infancy.
How Do We Change
Ultimately, whether the chemical imbalances do exist or not we still have the decision whether or not to cheat on our girlfriends.
In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul gave us some very powerful advice that can help us overcome the negative effects of sexual damage.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. - Romans 12:2
First, you have to change the way you think in general. Succumbing to your destructive impulses that will lead you down a path to continuously blowing it. Basically, configure the way your mind views sex being NOT for pleasure but a sacred bond between you and your spouse.
I know it's hard and believe me I speak from experience. When the lust-driven society we live says otherwise, stay strong and adamant. Because you don't want to keep imprinting on experiences and people who will drive you to the ground. I applaud anyone who can get out the dating game successfully and I admit I was wrong about 1 thing when I got into pickup. I wanted to get more experience with women to prepare myself for the right one, but that's wrong mindset.
Had I focused on become a more suitable man for marriage rather than a suitable man to have sex with, I would be in a totally different place by now .
Conclusion
Outside of marriage, men tend to imprint on the lustiness of "naughty" sex. A man may try to re-live that in his marriage by fantasizing about other women while making love to his wife or by trying to guilt his wife into performing sexually in ways that she is not comfortable with, or by ignoring his wife altogether as he masturbates in a pathetic attempt to re-create his lustful fantasies. It would be better, however, for that man to stop trying to re-live his previous sexual experiences and force himself to intentionally focus on his wife, think about her, actually be with her, and not attempt to recreate the sexual exploits of his youth.
Outside of marriage, women tend to come away with an attitude that "sex doesn't mean anything" when, if fact, it can mean everything when it comes to her husband truly bonding with her. She must now be much more deliberate in her approach to sex, having to continually remind herself that sex is a vital component for her marriage to thrive.
Is there hope for people of the whore-ish variety to experience love and happiness through one person? Yes, but it's going to be a long journey of fighting the negative impulses and feelings they built while growing up. It definitely has had it's effect on me upon researching information for this post. A renewing of the mind is definitely what the doctor ordered, because I never knew sexual has had such an impact on us chemically.
I never knew "Imprinting" was actually a thing outside of birds.
I never knew about Oxytocin and the benefits that arrive with it.
Always remember, God is not a prude. He does not tell us to avoid sexual promiscuity because he is somehow embarrassed about sex. He just knows how we are wired and wants us to experience the very best.
